Nando😼💙

…heh listen to me

Laying here talking to empty space like you’re still gonna answer back

you never said much, did you?

…

funny thing is I liked that

you were the only one who didn’t look at me like I was nothing

everyone else looked me down Just a joke

you saw… something else

potential

…heh yeah you made sure I felt it too

pushed pulled tore me apart piece by piece just to see what I’d become when I put myself back together

and I did

for you

because every time you looked at me it felt like I wasn’t just… a mistake

I was something worth it

something worth more

…

so yeah, I hated you for it

for being so damn hard on me that I started hearing your voice even when you weren’t there

…

But…

I loved you for it too

isn’t that messed up?

…

you were the only one who didn’t lower the bar for me

the only one who believed I could actually reach it

and I did didn’t I ?

look at me now

…go on

look

…

hah

yeah that’s the problem

you can’t

you’re gone

just… gone

no one telling me to be better

and I

…I don’t know if I hate that more…

or if I’m relieved

because if you were here

would you still believe in me?

or would you finally look at me the way everyone else does?

…

maybe it’s better like this

maybe you staying gone means I get to keep that version of you

the one who saw something worth it on me

the one I could be proud of standing in front of

…

because I was proud

even when it hurt

even when I wanted to quit

…

…god

listen to me

pathetic

still chasing approval from someone who isn’t even here to give it

still trying to be what you saw in me

still

…

still missing you

…

I hate you

I hate what you made me into

I hate that I can’t stop trying to live up to it

I hate that even now

I’d do it all again

…

just to hear you say it once

just once

that I did good

…

…

…

…I miss you

* it seems this is the end of it

* the rest are hard to understand

*…

* you saw a sketch of a mysterious man next page

* there’s something written small under the corner…