dear diary,

Asexuality has such a wide variety on how someone experiences their asexuality. I, for example, am rather sex repulsed but I do crave hugs and kisses. Some might enjoy sex and engage in it and some might want to never have to do something with this topic.

When I talked to my friend that i am ace they did not really know much about it. They thought it was just like "eww sex" but that is not it. Sometimes I meet people (mostly man) who replay on me being ace "oh I can fix you" - no Brad there is nothing that needs to be fixed. Not experiencing sexual attraction does not make you broken or any less valuable.

I found my little ace community and I am so thankful for it ! But sometimes it's hard to be so positive about my sexuality all the time. I too struggle with thoughts like: "they wouldn't want to date / be with me because what would I have to offer ?" Stuff like this makes it very hard to stay positive in this hookup culture. nevertheless you should not define yourself after what people want you to be or how you should act.

I crave being close to somebody - physically. I crave holding hands, cuddling ...

But I get so angry when I think of men my age and how they sexualize women... - I am more angry with myself for thinking only bad about men but each new day just makes it harder and harder for me to believe there are actually men out there who would accept me as I am and me not wanting to have sex. I am tired of men telling me they could 'fix' me...

At some point I even told myself to accept that I probably should just get another cat and try to live my life without having a partner(like ever).