faewarn‌:
there were easy days. days that came with time, days that couldn’t hold a candle to when sanghee first started the shop. to where all the time he’d spent observing and learning did nothing for social interactions, for how alive and complex humans could be. to how textbook responses were just that, textbook and not able to capture or do anything substantial.Â
not that he needed them to, or he expected anything spectacular from them. he just needed to get along, inconspicuously and without stress. which was pretty had to do considering back then the one thing he had little to no practice in was his glamour. a handy but a troublesome thing, that required concentration and focus and things he hadn’t had to worry about back home. when he’d first arrived it was a daily task, much like learning to bake had been, but with more effort. much more effort. days back then drew along by the second and by the breaths with sweat and stress of what would happen if his concentration broke.
now he’s become better at it, three years gives him a solid repertoire of practice and confidence in his ability but they aren’t without faults. so the days that he only realizes his fatigue when his body hits the bed, are nothing compared to the days when he’s just a little low on everything. stamina, focus, intent. the intent’s the most important because if he has no intent he can’t focus on what he needs done. the longer days like this go on, the harder it is to really concentrate without making it apparent. so it comes in the form of his eyes either flitting back or forth or zeroing in on something. something that’s usually nothing, just a space while his vision go in and out, realms merging and dissolving all at once.
for humans it must look strange, accusatory even. but sanghee doesn’t quite notice it, or remember that it’s such an unfortunate aftereffect until she’s marched her way in front of him. she does effectively snap him out the daze and whatever little creatures flit by when he’s caught trying to focus between the two worlds. color him confused because two seconds ago she’d been in the gentle haze that consuming his deserts brings. and it’d looked quite peaceful, reminded him why this is something he’s come to enjoy and it’s worth the separation.Â
now there’s a disconnect.
“i forget some of you are more bearable until you open your mouths.”
and his head hurts and he might be forgetting his manners as a result. but luckily the words are a bitten whisper and the smile he puts on after is just as hard to manage but easier to play against.
“i wasn’t trying to challenge you. my contacts tend to get irritable, it might’ve seemed off-putting.”
sanghee’s never had trouble keeping the truth from humans. he’s never been stressed about keeping the little flutter of creatures a secret. butterflies with eyes on their wings, babies the size of bees floating about. sometimes the wrong realm gets pushed in and sanghee has to ignore them with as much patience as a saint. he can’t quite tell her of the things that float around in space that human eyes aren’t trained to see. he can’t quite disrupt her view of the world the way she disrupts his space, misunderstands it even.Â
“seems i’ve ruined your dessert, may i suggest another? a more calming one?”
there were bad days. the kind where the universe let you know how little and insignificant the space that you occupied was. to say that she had issues with self-esteem wouldn't be right, because she didn't. not in the way that everyone else experienced it. their facial features looking asymmetrical on picture compared to the mirror, their thighs seeming bigger when they don't squeeze one under the other, their polished art gaining less online traction compared to someone who draws stick comics, or their romantic partner receiving attention from people outside the relationship. she held a sort of moral high ground when it came to these things. she thought it was petty and immature to wonder these things. it was all controversial. she had been called all sorts of names over such opinions. and conveniently, that was the only reason she had stopped expressing them. she hasn't growth in that aspect, too set in her ways. in fact, her activism, the marches and seminars, it was her way of validating the high horse she was on.
that said, events of the day hadn't been letting her easy. just hours ago, she had yet another big argument with one of her closest girls. matters of the heart. her fatal flaw was how much of a coward she was in such. it wasn't easy to break down her amour propre, but it had definitely taken a blow. all it took was a few words from someone important.
this was her way of reposing; drinking tea and eating desserts. she was too cruel to herself to give in to therapy like the uninhibited person that she liked to claim. as it happens to be, an e-mail from therapist had laid dormant in her inbox for days, waiting for a reply from her. she had considered it. she knew it would help. she has heard of it helping. but thinking about it made her feel like throwing up. oh, the absolute desperation. i'm not that crazy. she would think to herself, tucked into the public eyes' judgment of her character despite acting as if she didn't care for such abominable dogma.
the encounter couldn't have happened at the worst possible time, at the worst possible day, at the worst possible state that she was in. eunbi appreciated honesty but the slip of it jolted every angry bone she had in her body. "excuse me?" she exclaimed, wondering if he meant to say that out loud. the irrational part of her brain wanted to say that's not any way you talk to your customer. but alas, it was a public setting and that facet of the situation left her conflicted, then speechless. it was almost unlike her, but sometimes the little voice in her head comes to the rescue. this just happened to be one of those moments, thankfully.
his justification sounded like dogshit. she would know. she wasn't even about to comment on it. the amount of holding back that she had been doing was worthy of applause. she cleared her throat to tauntingly say, "yes. actually, whatever this is tasted weird. i'd appreciate if you could replace it." in probably the most condescending way, and with a raise of an eyebrow.
