Crazy Has Interstate Highways

"Have you ever heard of Twitch?" We were sitting in the dark just talking.  This was December 2014, and while it was still early, the sun had already gone down.  The room was starting to get cold.  And we were talking yet again about Star Citizen. It seemed like he'd been talking about Star Citizen for as long as I'd known him.  We were both fellow gamers and writers, and he was just as excited about the lore as the gameplay.  I'd heard about the game before because of it's unique funding efforts, but I was more concerned about playing games that were already out than prospective ones that may never come to fruition. But he was passionate about the game.  I'd read the fanfiction he wrote, and it was good.  Really good.  Enough to pique my interest.  I explored the website, I read the lore, I pledged to the game to get a starter package. And then I found that my computer couldn't run it.  But everyone said, if you put money into the game, you're not buying a game, you're funding a venture.  I'd supported a good share of Kickstarters, I would be able to play the game someday, that was enough. I'd heard of Twitch before, but it sounded boring to me.  Watching my friends play games while hanging out was one thing, but why would I want to watch a stranger on the internet play a game? But this was different.  This was a friend, playing a game that I wanted to play but couldn't, and who needed my support.  I watched his stream and became immersed in the Star Citizen community.  His passion is infectious, he shares his knowledge, he's good at the game, and I become addicted to watching him play.  I learn who the top players are, and I talk to more and more people who are also passionate about this ambitious game. Come April, I buy a desktop computer, my first one in years, so I can play.  I join a large organization and find people to play with.  I watch their streams, I play along with them.  I make friends.  In June, I'm playing regularly with another streamer that's on a similar schedule. I play along with him so much that in July, he puts me on the stream with him.  I become his cohost.  I am a streamer.  It shows me even more of the Star Citizen community, and I am now firmly a part of it. With this new perspective, I start getting ideas.  The whole reason I got into this was to support my friend who introduced me into this world.  He's an ace pilot, a loremaster, an excellent teacher... there was no reason his stream shouldn't be more popular.  More people just needed to know about it. I can do that, I thought.  While I was spreading the word, my mind was still searching as to how I could help him more.  And then he needed help with a graphic design project. It's hard when your hobby becomes your job.  People say to do what you love, but when working for someone else, your passion becomes condensed into other people's wants and needs.  I still get some projects that I like at work, but most of the time, I don't get to stretch my creative legs. Yet here I could help.  He needed an overlay for his stream, but he didn't know how to go about it, and it seemed like a lot of work.  I had a ton of fun working on it and was disappointed when it was done so quickly.  I tweaked it to his needs, enough to likely be annoying.  And I sat waiting for more projects to do. Whenever he needed a button or a graphic, I was on it.  I came up with ideas of things he needed just because I wanted to make them.  I started doing projects for the new friend I was streaming with. I was enjoying designing again, that mix of creativity and technical prowess.  That's what drew me to graphic design in the first place.  I know many designers who are really illustrators or painters, but me, I'm a graphic designer first.  Graphic design is logic and beauty melded together, it's practical art.  I am fulfilled by sharing my creativity, by using beauty to help others in some regard. I love designing again.  To the point where, after working at it all day, I come home and work on projects for myself and other Star Citizen streamers, not because I feel obligated to, but because I want to.  I look forward to it again.  To the point where, I now let other people watch.  Every Tuesday night, I turn on that webcam, I turn on my screen capture, and I let other people watch over my shoulder as I design.  And somehow, I have an audience.  And that makes me happy. Follow Baior of Red, my favorite Twitch streamer, with all my graphics, Friday-Tuesday from 10am-1pm EST; join me with Admiral Nolan from 9-11pm EST Wednesday-Sunday; or watch my graphic design projects on Tuesdays from 9-10:30pm EST. http://dlvr.it/Kskbll

(I said that my writing has been more risque lately.  Here is one of the tamer examples.) What is sex if not sensation? I realize that a lot of things that I enjoy about sex have nothing to do with touching genitals at all. I shaved my legs and bikini area this morning. As I walk around the office, the fabric of my clothes runs over my smooth skin, teasing me, tempting me, making me want more touch. On a warm spring day, the wind blows over the tiny hairs on my arms, like my lover's fingers gently trailing over my skin. I take a bite from a peach and before my lips leave the fruit, I suck in gently to taste all of the juices and prevent them from dripping down my chin. In the shower, I lather my body with slippery soap not unlike the cum that sprayed my stomach hours earlier. I dance and I become flushed in my cheeks and over my breasts, just like the blush on my skin after making love. I eat a spoonful of creamy soup, and the warm, thick liquid goes down my throat. Although I say I hate the cold, when I get goosebumps, I can't help but think of being warm and that shiver of erotic excitement runs through my body, prickling my skin. Sometimes I wear my boots without socks just to feel the fun on my bare flesh. The guitar in that song, the horn in that one, they sound so close to the sounds my lover makes. The rhythm of the drums is like the sound of two hearts beating, the bass line like the speed our bodies rocked together. Haven't you ever gotten that rush from the hairdresser washing your hair? Or from the skin to skin contact of a handshake? Or found a bird feather on the ground and stroked it? Take a moment and pay attention to the sensations all around you. Be seduced by your environment. Like making love through the night and being surprised by the morning sun when you emerge, take a moment to squint, then open your eyes. Fuck the world, and let the world fuck you. http://dlvr.it/KpBg0K

What I've been up to.... My Twitter description says this: Graphic Designer. Writer. Gamer. Crafter. Drinker. Belly Dancer. Flamenco Dancer. Poi Spinner. Independent Burlesque Performer. Star Citizen. Streamer. Dreamer. Yup, that's a lot of stuff.  I've been busy.  Let's break this down a little. Gamer. Star Citizen. Streamer. Graphic Designer. Actual in-game screenshot There's this game called Star Citizen.  It's not out yet.  Crowd funded, it's an ambitious project to create a first person universe, a science fiction open world MMO game.  Right now it's still in development, with only modules to play, including spaceship racing, dogfighting, and a mini persistent universe to explore. It's a beautiful game so far, and the lore is rich, but even moreso is the community behind it.  The people playing it are backers, people who have invested anywhere from $20 to tens of thousands of dollars because they believe in the vision of it's creator. This makes the players have a vested interest in the game. Me and some fellow streamers at CIG, the developers of Star Citizen. A lot of these players also stream, and I have been kidnapped by that world.  I'm often found on Admiral Nolan's stream, playing along and making dirty jokes to entertain those who watch us.  I also fully support Baior of Red's stream by helping out with moderation and graphics and playing along when I can.  Baior is a scientist and has an intellectual investment in this game as well, and does a perfect job of sharing his knowledge with his viewers.  He's also a very close friend of mine and the one who got me into Star Citizen. So I've caught the streaming bug.  In addition to games, the streaming service also features Creators, people who show their process creating things of all sorts.  On Tuesday evenings, I've been streaming as I work on graphic design projects.  I don't have much of an audience yet, that's not my goal, but I like sharing what I do all day with the world. Writer. Drinker.  Yes, I'm still a writer, even if I haven't released anything new lately.  I've been writing things for me, and things that are a little edgier than what I've previously put out there.  I'm going to follow this blog post up with an essay I wrote with no purpose in mind, just something that came into my head.  It feels a bit risky to put it out there, but speaking of risky... Independent Burlesque Performer. Crafter.  Let me introduce you to Marcia Melons. Marcia Melons as Mary Poppins I debuted as a burlesque performer in a show dedicated to musical theater.  I got a great response to it, and although it didn't go as smoothly as I would've liked, it was fun.  I am excited to do it again! Check out my calendar over to the right to keep track of my upcoming performances.  And speaking of performances... Belly Dancer. Flamenco Dancer. Poi Spinner.  My poi solo.  Photo by Paula Stapley Bloomington Belly Dances was on March 4th, and it was excellent!  As always, I am honored to perform among such talented dancers.  I did two songs with Different Drummer Belly Dancers, one with ¡Baila! ¡Baila! Flamenco, one with Caravanserai Belly Dancers, and a solo poi number.  My dance schedule for the year is already filling up, and I love it!  (Again, see the calendar.) Dreamer. Always. http://dlvr.it/KpBVYH

Mini wheats & wine for supper in a bubblebath. Thanks to bellydance and Baior's science stream for making this day seem slightly less crappy, and Admiral Nolan for car advice. #thatkindofday #cartroubles

That is some bright red lipstick. #ipsy #makeup @ipsy

Bloomington Belly Dances, serious business #backstage #selfie #shenanigans

Bloomington Belly Dances is tonight at the Waldron at 7:30! #bellydance #flamenco #poi #allthedancing

Me and my sister circa 1996? #tbt #throwbackthursday

I have the best fans! (With Vernastalker in the background)

Look, not-pink sunglasses! Also, it's cold, I miss TX. #paxsouth #paxwithdrawal

Photo by Levi Thomas I'm fat.  I hear you my friends, telling me, "You're not fat, you're perfect the way you are," and I know you mean well.  But fat is merely an adjective, and one that describes me. I know which foods are good for me and which aren't.  I've done Weight Watchers, I've counted calories, I know.  I still eat ones that aren't.  Am I trying to eat less of the bad ones and more of the good ones?  Yes.  Am I cutting out the bad ones completely?  No.  Am I dieting?  Oh hell no.  Because when I worry about what I should and shouldn't eat, it makes me feel bad about myself.  When I focus instead on giving myself the nutrition to function at my best, it makes me happier.  When eating ice cream is my choice, it's a lot easier for me to say, "Nah, I'm not in the mood."  When I think of ice cream as something I can't have, it's all I want. I don't exercise.  Wait, before you start telling me that the things I do are exercise, hear me out.  Exercising is a chore, a thing to cross off a list.  On the other side, I'm finding that being active makes me happy.  When I dance, I get lost in the music, and all meaning of time floats away.  Learning choreography gives me a mental challenge.  Hiking gets me outside and gives me peace of mind.  Trying new things, like the aerial silks class I just took, satisfies my desire to explore, and when I find myself becoming stronger because of it, I am proud.   Photo by Michael P Hoover Photography I am proud of my body.  I find joy in it.  Where I used to be critical of every picture taken of me, now I find that I'm looking forward to seeing pics of me in action.  When I see these pictures, I think, "Look at this thing I can do.  Not everyone can do that." My body is not an achievement or failure, my efforts are.  I'm a dancer and an artist, and I want to get better.  So I push my body to its limits so I can build up the tools I need to improve. So what if I'm fat, I can still move in amazing ways.  I challenge those who call me unhealthy because of my body, for them to do the things I do, and to improve in the ways I strive to.  Because I'm not done yet.  I will never be done.  But on the way, I'm not focused on the way I look, I'm focused on what I can achieve. Fat or not, I'm going to keep rocking. http://dlvr.it/D7jRSW

Christmas Butch! #christmas #dogsofinstagram

Yesterday was aerial silks, today flamenco and belly dance, tomorrow rest. #doallthethings

Circa 1988 I think. #tbt #throwbackthursday #she-ra

I found this on my desk this morning. #weirdhusband #whyimarriedhim

It's a good day for a tea called Comfort and Joy #tea #comfort

#nanowrimo #nanowinner2015