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Hello, how have you been? Me? I’ve been trying to work through my insanity. This depression has kicked my butt and I am trying to get through it. Today is the first day since my last post that I have felt like doing anything. Every single day since my last post has been spent on my keester. I have set a goal for myself to do at least one productive thing a day for the whole month of November. Baby steps right?

So yesterday started with changing my business name. It is no longer “My Whimsical Fancy” and is now “Touched With Insanity.” I think that title better suits me and my business endeavors. It may not sound grammatically correct but all the other variations I tried were taken so I was left with this. It’s okay, I like it and am happy with it. I think it fits.

On the agenda for today? Clean my craft room. I managed to get my main work desk cleaned but still have a lot to do.

Since I have lost my motivation to finish it I told myself, “Okay then, you have to make a blog post and get your crap together and respond to at least one letter!” Well, I am getting the blog post done. So far, so good right? I am trying not to be so hard on myself since I actually managed to do something other than binge watch Stranger Things or Supernatural on Netflix.

Okay so let’s talk depression for a minute. 

This time around my depression is not feeling hopeless and worthless, but I do feel a bit useless and like I do not do enough. Well duh Rose! If you got off the couch stuff would get done and your house would be clean! Yes, but it takes so much work to get off that couch!

I argue with myself quite a bit, both in my head and out loud. I really am crazy. Anyway, I have not been able to find joy in anything. My daughter and husband both had birthdays last month and so was my 21st anniversary. Yes I bought my daughter lots of gifts and my husband a couple for his birthday from the kids and when it came to our anniversary I got him a card. A STINKIN’ CARD! You know what he got me with his card? Dinner and two tickets to see the Trans Siberian Orchestra on Dec 3 for their awesome Christmas show.

How awesome is that?! I’m excited to go and nervous as all hell because there will be so many people and in the 22 years my hubby and I have known each other we have never been to a performance of any kind together. Oh, and the last concert I went to was to see Aerosmith in 1994! I’m mostly nervous because there will be so many people. I do not do well in crowds. I’m praying all goes well.

But how messed up is that? All I did was get my hubby a crummy card! I have a business making cards and I could not even bring myself to make my hubby one for our anniversary. I barely made it to the store to even do that. It was sheer willpower to drive to the store and buy the card. I thank God that I have been blessed with an understanding husband. I know he was hurt by it but he keeps telling me it’s okay and he understands. It drives me nuts sometimes! I love him to pieces but sometimes he drives me insane by being so understanding. Does that even make sense?

Yeah, this round of depression is annoying. Every depression is different. Every time I go into a depressive episode I don’t know what will come with it. Will I feel hopeless and worthless? Will I be angry all the time? Will I want to be self destructive? I do have to say one thing though. I had a near death experience as a teenager and since then I never again thought of suicide. Thank God for that. But that’s a whole other story.

Anyway, I am trying to get back on the horse and get out of this depression. I think I am finally coming out of it. I have not made a single thing since September 7th of this year. That is bad, especially since I have a craft show on Sunday! I haven’t even thought of building my inventory. Baby steps Rose!

If anyone reading this is dealing with depression, I hope this post helps in some way. Baby steps. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I am taking it a day at a time. If I just make it out of bed it is a good day. I am taking this bout with depression inch by inch. My psych meds are still being adjusted and I am hopeful that the right cocktail will be found soon. I have trying to get out of this depression for months. I psyched myself up for weeks to get off the couch by November 1st. Don’t give up hope. You can get through this! I know it’s hard and God knows I fight with myself every single day, but somehow I make it through to see another day. You can too.

Do I Try?… Should I Try?

Recently I have trying to make some decisions in an attempt to grow my small business. Oh my Goodness there are just so many decisions to make! As I try to make those decisions new questions come up that require new decisions to be made. It’s all so nerve wracking. I know it takes a lot of work and dedication and well, maybe I am just at that wall people when it is time to sink or swim. I am so…

Since my last post, I have celebrated my son’s 13th birthday, bought a new journal, had another go at a craft fair, and read some wonderful letters from pen pals. I even got a new pal, by the name of Spock. Yes, I am a Spock lover, as well as a lover of Leonard Nimoy.

My son had a wonderful 13th birthday and I had a house full of people and I am so proud of myself for not flipping out during the party. My house was packed with people and yes, the adults were vastly outnumbered by the kids. My wonderful neighbor was nice enough to make my son’s birthday cake just how my son wanted it. 

Can you guess the theme of  the party? Yep! Video games and XBox. He had a great time and I survived without a freak out or melt down so it was a good day. The days leading up to the party were filled with anxiety and stress and yelling at my doctor to get my meds straight after a snafu with my insurance, but it was still a great day for my son and a victory for me. Does that sound silly? Any day without a meltdown feels like a victory to me.

I bought a new bullet journal and it is a fun one. I have not dove into it yet as I am still playing with bullet journaling. But this journal was just too cool to pass up. What does it look like? Let me show you…

IT’S GROOT!!! Isn’t it awesome?! I love it. Right now I am using a Girl Scout cookie journal that my daughter received for her cookie sales last year.

It’s cute and I think is a good beginner bullet journal. My cousin gave me the idea to make a journal for my kids so I am giving it a go. I am having fun with it and playing with my colorful gel pens. Although, I do not know if the bright ones, like the florescent pink will last as it is already hard to see. But I thought it was a good idea to help me journal. I was journaling daily as something for myself but have been slacking on it lately, so I was given the idea to do it for them. That idea has given me a little extra push to write, so whatever works, right?

I have also received some wonderful letters in the mail. The last one I received was from the wonderful Julia from Julia’s creative year. She sent a fabulous bookmark with one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite books, “Alice in Wonderland.” She also sent a cute peacock, card and sticker. I have received other pen pal mail, but did not take photos. I love, Love, Love my pen pals. They are truly wonderful people and  I always seem to get a letter when I am down and blue. Thank you wonderful pen pals!

Since I home school my children, I thought I would give UniversalYums a try.  It was so much fun. Our first box was from Pakistan. I am trying to get my kids to have a more worldly view and since we can’t afford to travel I thought we would give this a try. Each month you get snacks from different countries with a book about the food and people and a hint as to the next box. Next would have been Belgium but I had to cancel it, being on a tight budget. I will pick it up again though as I think it’s a great idea and my kids had so much fun with it. The boxes aren’t very expensive, they are actually cheaper than I thought it would be. But right now, it’s not in the budget.

It’s a  pretty cool program though. Look at all the goodies! You can even choose the size box you get with different amounts of goodies to fit you budget. I highly recommend this to anyone wanting to try foods from different countries, you don’t even have to have kids. (And no, they did not sponsor me or pay me them. I just really like it.)

Okay, well that’s pretty much what I’ve been up to over the past month. Oh! I also gave a craft show another try, but didn’t do so well. I have been rather down in the dumps about my crafting and questioning whether or not to continue to make stuff. have not made a single thing in over a month. True, I’ve been a little busy but I’ve also spent a lot of time on my rump binge watching Hulu and Netflix. I haven’t watched so much TV in years! I hope I get over the blahs soon. I miss crafting but just can’t seem to get myself off my butt and do it. Hopefully I will just suck it, put my big girl pants on and get to work. Right now I am my own worst enemy. I gotta work on that. Okay, this is long enough. Until next time, have fun and enjoy life’s sweet moments.

This past weekend I got a last minute opportunity to participate in a local marketplace event with lots of other crafters and I jumped on it. Although it was Labor Day weekend, it was far more successful than my last attempt at a craft show. This time I actually had sales and people liked my stuff which was the best part! I loved that people liked my things and that they at least took the time to…

Working Through the Static

Hello out there! So I have been trying to keep busy and work through the Static in my head. I made these covered notepads for my Etsy sore that is will have for sale in sets of 3. Aren’t they cute? So anyway, yeah there has been lots of noise and chatter in my head lately and I have been trying to find something to keep me busy and/or at least semi focused to drown out the noise. There has been…