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I am sorry for being a terrible friend to you.

I am sorry for always putting you at the receiving end.

I am sorry for doubting you.

I am sorry for troubling you

I am sorry for taking so much of your energy away

I am sorry for failing, each time I tried to be better.

I am sorry I thought I could rely on you and together we could make it work.

I am sorry for failing, because it is extra difficult if you have to work on things on your own. It’s easy to fall as you are solely relying on yourself to feel better and get back up.

I am not somebody who sits down and calculates how much I am giving in a relationship and how much I am getting in return. Mind you, by giving, I am not referring to gifts, it’s more about your emotional investment and commitment. So for me to even mention it means there is a great imbalance at the moment.

It is very easy for an emotional person to agree to do as much as he can in order to maintain a friendship. You take more responsibility and keep trying different ways to make it work. Now there is nothing wrong with that. The problem comes when you realise you are the only one who is mostly working on your friendship/relationship. You notice a great imbalance.

Even worse, when you suggest meeting up, your friend feels it’s not needed. You make most of the plans and if you don’t, your friend might not initiate much as well. You want to talk more, it might be considered as talking too much.

Maybe this is the anxious me that is talking, but these days I feel I am being taken for granted. In front of me, you can read other people’s messages and even respond right away, but when I message, you don’t even look at it till it’s convenient for you or when you decide to check. 

You think that the amount of time we spend is a lot so if I ask for more, I won’t get it. It’s about you. You think it’s fine so it’s fine.

You can message and stop messaging when YOU want to and it’s not a problem at all.

That’s fine, my friend, because you are only teaching me to step away and respect myself. If my presence is too much and you don’t treasure it, I will give you a gift of my absence, because that’s what you deserve now. Maybe it won’t even make any difference to you, but that’s okay, as it will only teach me to respect myself more and step back.

People can be very selfish. When they want to talk to you you, they will be willing to message you 24/7 and it will never be a problem. Then when they suddenly realise that it’s becoming inconvenient or too much, they reduce the amount, without even thinking about you. When you react, you are the bad person, or you will get that typical response, ‘Oh I am so busy. I have X and X to do.’ It only makes you feel worse at the end and you start thinking if you are doing the wrong thing by expressing. Then you end up believing that it might just be your fault for ‘complaining’ because they make you think that it’s about your expectations.

That’s just bull crap because you cannot use that same excuse all the time. Fine, once in a while it may be true, but if it’s becoming a regular thing, then it’s just bull crap, because YOU MAKE TIME FOR WHAT YOU WANT TO DO.

If you are being treated like an option or somebody people can talk to when they have time, respect yourself and walk away. Why should to put in more effort and reach out more? Why should to use more time to contact? Your time is precious too. Stop giving it away just like that. Respect yourself and step back.

Is there anyone who has this fear of commitment? You want to be in a relationship but as soon as someone shows interest, you run away or sabotage your relationship with that person? Even if you try and take a step further, you create all these walls that would stop the other person from getting in. Has anyone ever felt that way? How many times have you told yourself that next time it will be better, maybe this person was not ‘the one’ and only to see yourself in that same vicious cycle again?