Unsettled

I took this picture of the sunset for @submissive-seeking, in honor of the anniversary of the day she had chosen to leave this world. In the end, that bastard Death took her a few days early and deprived her of the end she wanted.

I had the distinct honor of getting to know her and calling her a friend. She was @instructor144's resident medical expert, Barbie badass, and probably about the closest thing to a mother figure this ragtag bunch of miscreants and hooligans had here in these parts. She was there with her extensive medical knowledge and guidance when I was battling my blood pressure. She offered her wise counsel when I had questions about supporting Nora when she had to deal with some troubling calls as an EMT. She gave us the benefit of her experience when I was worried about keeping Nora safe from would-be attackers.

S-S was a lot of things to a lot of people. Her stories about her life and her relationship with her husband warmed my heart and made me believe in love. The stories about her parents never failed to make me cry from the incredible beauty of their bond. The love that she poured into this community and gave freely to anyone who needed it (sometimes whether or not they wanted it) was one of the things that drew me in and told me that I had found my people.

She is deeply and terribly missed. Those of us who knew her will forever be better people for the experience. Her life and her story will echo through this community for as long as we can keep her memory alive and continue the legacy of love and care she left behind.

I couldn't post yesterday because of issues with my phone company, but I took a pic of the sunrise for @submissive-seeking

Well, @billfix and I have birthdays coming up. He’ll be 46 and I will be 48.

The sex is outstanding. The romance is top notch. The laughter is wonderful. The love is just flat out amazing.

Age doesn’t matter. Not really. I mean… I have to kneel on a pillow and list toward my good knee, but… it’s still awesome. We get winded and sometimes need to switch it up while fucking because one position can get uncomfortable after a while… But then again, we take our time and it’s anything but boring. Compared to the “2 minute frenzy and then flatline” lovemaking of my youth, I will take our (hot as fuck) actual hours of fooling around.

Also, it’s important to remember that falling in love feels just as amazing no matter how old you get. Also, one benefit of being older is that older folks tend to know themselves better. If we are lucky, life experience has taught us a lot. Bill and I joked the other day about wishing we had met 25 years ago, but at the same time kinda liking that we made a bunch of mistakes with other folks and not each other. It was funny. It was also true serious. We are human and neither one of us is perfect. We are both way more together now than we were when we were in our 20’s figuring ourselves out and fucking up until we got it right. So, there’s that…

Anyway, getting old sucks because your body starts to be like an old car. But, that’s a lot to do with how you take care of it too. Getting old is awesome because you have perspective and a lot life’s drama is out of the way.

I was way too shy and insecure to have a healthy D/s relationship in my youth. Right now is the perfect time for me. I love right now. Right now, on the edge of 48, I am blissfully satisfied with my kinky life.

I’m okay

I love you

Thank you

It’s alright

I’m not hurt

I’m not hurt too badly

You’re lovely/wonderful/kind

I enjoyed it

It was worth it

Take your time

Do you need anything?

Do you want a cuddle?

Do you want me to get dressed/take the collar off/put the crop away?

Do you want to talk about it?

I’m here

You’re not a bad person

Top drop/dom drop usually comes from shock, guilt or insecurity about the way you have just treated someone whose well-being you care about very much. Like sub drop, it is usually accompanied by a fall in endorphins and general energy levels. Especially for aces (who I find have a greater need to be in the right mindset/’zone’ for play and intimacy), a ‘snap’ moment where you break out of play mode can throw you emotionally, and the end of play causes a similar reassessment or double-take at what happened during the scene.