Mystic Scorpia

She looked at my files and said “So…what are your plans?”

“My plans?” I asked.

“Yes. You’re a dishwasher. You don’t want to do that forever, do you?”

“Maybe not, but I’m happy with it right now. It pays surprisingly well, I never have to work weekends or overtime, and it’s the sort of job I don’t have to bring with me home mentally. It frees up a lot of time to do the things I like”

“Like what?”

“Hobbies, my family, friends, my pets. I don’t want to hate my job but I don’t want it to be my whole life either, eating away at the things that give my life meaning”

She looked at me for a few seconds then said “You know…the older I get I understand that mindset more and more”

And then she went into a very long, very personal rant about how she has started feeling like she wasted her life on high demand jobs and how taxing and mentally draining her current job is because she has to make huge decisions that can ruin people’s lives and how do you not take that home with you? She loved drawing too but she hadn’t picked up a pen in years and-

So the conversation went from “Your life must be a bit shit with a job like that” to “Oh my god my job is shit and I’ve wasted my life on it!”

For me today, those circumstances were: Several days of being underslept. Over-stressed. Forgot to take my ADHD meds this morning. Already dealing with the harried mental state of day-before-travel stress. A personal panic trigger of missing appointments because I forgot about them.

We all know by now that the IRS will not call you on the phone. The jury duty people also will not call you on the phone, and this was the crucial piece of information that I did not have cold hard confirmation of today. Here is what happened, so that you can be equipped in case these fuckers call you:

Man with an American accent tells me he's from my city's courthouse. He tells me I missed jury duty summons yesterday and that now I'm in Trouble for contempt of court and failure to appear for jury duty. I protested that I hadn't gotten a notification for jury duty, he talked over me and said scary things about getting law enforcement involved unless I went to pay some fines and talk to the judge Right Now Today. He told me that I legally wasn't allowed to hang up the phone or put it on mute. He told me that I was under a "gag order" and I couldn't tell anyone about this except law enforcement or immediate family members. He already knew my address. He had official-sounding case numbers which he made me write down and repeat back to him. He had official addresses of where I needed to go and what I needed to do: Take the cash for my "fines" to a kiosk where I would pay them and receive a "voucher" that i would then take to the courthouse where I would supposedly speak to a judge. He told me again that if I hung up the phone before I got to the courthouse, it would be taken as obstruction or failure to comply or intent to flee and he would notify the police. He told me that if I went to sort it out with the judge, it might be waived and my money would be refunded.

I have not gotten jury duty summons for a WHILE -- since before the pandemic -- and I had been idly thinking recently that maybe I was due for one. So I heard all this and my panic button about Forgetting/Missing An Appointment got hit dead-on.

I panicked, I was upset and frantic, I was not thinking clearly. This is how they fucking get you.

Honestly, thank god he wanted me to take cash to a different location instead of giving him any financial information over the phone. Thank GOD for that, because it gave my nervous system 30 minutes or so to calm down and my higher brain functions to come back online so that I could notice that there were simply too many red flags in one interaction. I did go to my bank, I did withdraw quite a lot of money in cash.

The address he gave me to go to next was for a gas station. When I expressed confusion, the scammer had smooth explanations, and before I'd even parked, he'd texted me some glossy "official" looking infographics on how to use the kiosk and why the """government""" had started doing payments this way (supposedly a COVID measure, and because the funds were 'safer' or something). The kiosk, these infographic images said, was run by a company called BTC Tech, which they claimed was "Bailing Institute & Technologies". You will notice that that does not match the acronym. The infographic was full of grammatical errors, and thank god he had me sit there in my car and read the whole thing out loud "to make sure i understood it" so that I could hear myself vocally trip over every single one of those grammatical errors and think "Wow, this is weird, it wasn't proofread?"

He sent me a QR code for the ""kiosk"" which had a familiar logo on it. He had persistently asked me for my ETA to the next location, and he was pressuring me to get out of the car and go inside to the kiosk, and it was at this point that I started lying and said, "Sure, hang on one second, i have a pebble in my shoe or something I need to fix first" while I was googling "Bitcoin logo" to verify.

Didn't really need to verify because when I went inside, the only "kiosk" looking thing was an ATM looking thing that had "BITCOIN" written on it in very loud letters. Which brings us to one of two admittedly hilarious interactions, wherein i was standing there in front of the fucking bitcoin machine with my eyes narrowed going, "This is for Bitcoin" several times while he said "No no no no it's not, it's not bitcoin, it's BTC tech" and I kept saying "Well but it says Bitcoin on it in big letters." "No no, it's just a multi-currency system, it's for the courthouse, you have to get the voucher." "Ok but it's fucking BITCOIN, this feels like a scam, I don't think the government uses BITCOIN."

I walked out. I went back to my car. I told him that I wasn't comfortable, and that I needed to call the courthouse to verify with them what the charges were, or I needed to go in person to the courthouse to check what was up. He told me if I hung up, I'd be arrested, and if I stepped foot on government property, I'd be arrested.

It was at this point that I utilized a weapon which in many cases is very dangerous and unethical to use but hey, it's perfect for situations like this: White Lady* Tears. This is exactly the situation they're MEANT for -- buying yourself time to think when a man is strongarming you into meek obedience and fear. (* I am nonbinary but he didn't need to know that.)

Anyway I pretended to cry and told him i felt nauseous and that i was going to be sick and i was just uwu so fwightened and upset and uwu uwu uwu sob sob i felt like he was getting mad at me and it was so scawy oh woe oh no -- while this happened he texted me an arrest warrant that had one of my old roommates' names on it instead of mine, but that EPIC FUMBLE didn't even matter because the whole time I am frantically googling on my phone "jury duty scam" and finding a Reddit page from a guy who posted about the exact same thing happening to him.

I hung up. I called the courthouse, got patched through to the jury pool department, and as soon as the guy picked up, I said, "Hi, my name is Alex, I just got a call saying that I missed jury duty--" and before I could even finish the sentence, the guy said, "That was a scam, we will NEVER call you." I said thank god thank god oh fuck thank god, which brings me to the second hilarious moment of this escapade, where the jury duty guy cheerfully said, "But if you have a couple thousand dollars on you, you can come over and give them to me if you want!" which did make me burst out laughing. Thank you, jury duty guy, for that much-needed moment of levity. I hope you're having a good day.

You are not immune to social engineering. I am 36 years old, highly intelligent, educated, and VERY tech-savvy, and those fuckers STILL caught me at just the right moment and with just the right hook that it triggered panic and desperation and shame and guilt and overrode my critical thinking skills for a solid 30 minutes. If it happened to me, it could happen to you. BE FUCKING VIGILANT. THE IRS WILL NEVER CALL YOU, AND JURY DUTY WILL NEVER CALL YOU.

In hindsight, I'm actually glad that it played out the way it did. For one thing, as a life lesson, that was a pretty cheap one -- all that it cost me was about an hour of my life (including the time it took to go back to the bank and deposit the money I'd withdrawn, gossip extensively to the bank teller about what happened, and get home) and some grey hairs.

For another thing, that fucker spent all that time on the phone with me and didn't get my money. I snatched his smug asshole victory right out of his mouth at the last second and wasted his time -- time that he otherwise ould have spent scamming someone who might not have gotten over their panic in time.

I actually wish that I'd kept him on the phone longer, tbh. If I'd been less rattled, I bet I could have strung him along for another hour or two. Better he spend it with me than with someone else.

I've seen "autism isn't an excuse to be a picky eater," "autism isn't an excuse to struggle with tone/misread sarcasm in a post," "autism isn't an excuse to be bad at social cues" (with the comment of "literally just go out and learn by talking to people, it's not that hard," as if autistic people don't already do that), "autism isn't an excuse to not make eye contact, that's so rude," "autism isn't an excuse to wear headphones in class or work, nobody else gets to do that," and "autism isn't an excuse to be unemployed/live with your parents/not leave the house enough" (wondering if this person has any idea HSN autistic people exist?). Some people here are like half a drink away from saying having flat affect is "literally weaponized incompetence!!!" or something. I'm starting to wonder what you people think autism even is. Because if you've found a way for autistic people to turn off the most basic symptoms (like sensory sensitivity or difficulty with social settings), that's news and you need to share your incredible findings with the world immediately.

it's really easy to play

I'll go first!

JAR (Joel Arthur Rosenthal) sheep head hair clip

Types of Magical Healing!! (a guide for your magic system)

⤷ herbal remedy 𓆙 mundane-adjacent, slow but low-risk. requires actual preparation, gathering the right plants, brewing it correctly, timing it right. This is the "grandmother's kitchen" magic, unglamorous but reliable, and a character using this well signals patience and real knowledge, NOT raw power.

⤷ blood healing 𓆙 fast and powerful, but it ties the healer's own vitality directly to the patient's recovery. The faster and more dramatic the healing, the more it costs the healer personally, sometimes literally draining years off their own life. Great for a desperate, last-resort scene where a healer has to decide how much of themselves they're willing to give away.

⤷ restorative rite 𓆙 ceremonial, structured, and usually requires several practitioners working in sync. This one's less about individual skill and more about coordination, timing, and trust between the people performing it, which makes it perfect for group scenes where something can go wrong if even one person breaks focus.

⤷ song healing 𓆙 uses voice or music to mend, and it's genuinely effective, but it demands sustained focus the entire time. The moment the song breaks, the healing stops, so this creates great tension in any scene where something might interrupt the healer mid-note.

⤷ touch healing 𓆙 a direct transfer of energy through physical contact, and it visibly drains the healer while it's happening. This one's intimate by nature, bc it requires actual proximity and contact, so it's great for building tension between two characters who otherwise wouldn't be touching.

⤷ ancestral healing 𓆙 calls on family spirits or bloodline magic, and it only works within that specific lineage. This is a great limiter for plot purposes, bc it means a character can't just heal anyone, only their own blood, which raises the stakes the second an outsider needs help.

⤷ elemental healing 𓆙 channels natural forces like water or earth, and it's location-dependent, meaning a healer's power shifts depending on where they are. A water healer stranded in a desert is suddenly almost powerless, which is a great source of tension in any journey-based plot.