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being an artist and revisiting media you liked when you were 11 is like. oh ok. this shaped my sense of humor and the way I write characters and the way I pace narratives and the tropes I'm drawn to. and I vastly underestimated how much of an impact it had on me because I literally have not thought about it for 15 years. but it was there inside me the whole time. ok. ok cool! c ool
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warnings: sickness, swearing, vince dunn is an asshole,
summary: 4+1. the four times everyone else knew you and jamie liked each other and the one time you both figured it out yourselves
word count: 2.8k
a/n: 1. shoutout to my bestfriend for the title (i was shook). 2. this was written for @antoineroussel winter fic exchange. My giftee is @jxmieoleksiaks it was an honor to get to write for you! I hope you enjoy the fic!
[1.]
Your best friend pointed it out first.
Jamie was going home for Christmas. You were bummed when he first told you he’d be back in Canada for the break, but you knew not all of your friends could stick around for the holidays. Not everyone in your life was born and raised in Seattle, unfortunately.
“You’ll be at the game on the 22nd right?” he asked.
“Don’t I come to all the home games?” You teased. You were a season ticket holder after all.
When Seattle got a hockey team, you were quick to snatch up season tickets thankful to finally have a professional team in your hometown. You never thought you’d end up friends with one of the players–actually multiple players thanks to Jamie dragging you to just about every Kraken function in the last three years. At the beginning of this season, Jamie insisted he give you one of his free tickets to the home games so that you wouldn’t have to pay for tickets, but you declined.
“Do you think you could take me to the airport after?”
A frown tugged at the corners of your lips. Because, no you really didn’t want to take him to the airport. You wanted your best friend to stay in Seattle with you for the holidays.
“Sure Jame,” you answered.
“You’re the best,” Jamie sighed. “Do you wanna hang out tomorrow?”
The team had just gotten back from a roadie. You were settling into bed when Jamie called, him doing the same. You hadn’t seen him for a week. You did text every day, and you facetimed once after a rough game. He also called you twice, once because he was bored on his day off and the other one because you got off work late and wanted to be on the phone with someone while you walked from your office to your car.
“Yes! I work in the morning, but my evening is free.”
“We’ve got optional morning practice so I’ll probably go to that tomorrow. Come over after work?”
Not that anyone could see, but you had the biggest grin on your face. “Sounds like a plan.”
Almost immediately after hanging up with Jamie, one of your girlfriends called. You’d been promising to hang out with her for the last two weeks but neither of your schedules had lined up.
“Ok we need to do something before Christmas. Give me the days you’re free.”
“Tonight and the 23rd,” you answered her.
“Dammit!” She swore. “I’m free tomorrow and the 22nd.”
“Jamie and I just planned to hang out tomorrow. And by just planned I mean literally I got off the phone with him not even a minute before you called.”
“Ugh,” she grunted. “Fuck him. Oh wait… you’re trying to right?”
You giggled nervously. “Shut up.”
“You’re probably hanging out with him on the 22nd too huh?”
“There’s a game that night and then I’m taking him to the airport after.”
“Oooh taking him to the airport… that’s a big step Y/N.”
Even though she couldn’t see you, you rolled your eyes at her. “I’ve taken him to the airport multiple times.”
“Yeah you suckered yourself into being his ride. It starts with just one quick offer and then pretty soon it’s just a given that you’ll be taking them.”
“And then they leave you two years later for their intern?” It was a low blow but you didn’t mean it in a hurtful manner, nor did she take it that way. She’d gone through the grieving process of her last boyfriend dumping her and immediately getting with his intern and now you were able to joke about what an asshole he was.
“Exactly!”
“Good thing me and Jamie aren’t dating then,” you added.
“You could be though. It’s pretty obvious you two like each other as more than just friends.”
You decided to change the subject. “What are you doing on the 24th?”
[2.]
Penny pointed it out next.
Jamie’s family was at the game. You recognized Penny almost instantly, it’s not every day a multiple Olympic medalist goes to a Seattle Kraken game– that and you’d been with Jamie on a few occasions when he’d FaceTimed her. It took you a minute to recognize his parents, but you’d seen photos of them at Jamie’s place and on his phone and figured the two people walking with Penny had to be them.
You didn’t hesitate to introduce yourself when Penny joined you at the glass, likely waiting for the team to come out for warmups.
“You’re Jamie’s sister right?” You asked. You held your hand out, giving her a big smile. “I’m Y/N. Jamie’s best friend.”
“I thought you looked familiar,” she said and shook your hand. “Nice jersey. I’m sure it gives Jame an ego boost to see you in it,” she teased.
“He won’t let me wear anyone else’s number. Says it goes against the best friend code.”
Penny rolled her eyes with a laugh.
“So, what are you doing here? Jamie said he was going home for Christmas.”
“We wanted to surprise him. He comes home every year. It’s about time we go to him.”
“Hey Pen.” Jamie’s mom had met you both at the glass, smiling at you the whole time.
“Hey mom. This is Y/N,” Penny introduced for you.
You swore his mom’s smile got bigger. “We’ve heard a lot about you. Jamie’s so grateful for your friendship. I’m Allison.” She stuck her hand out and you shook it.
“Jamie’s gonna be so excited to see you guys.”
And he was. When Jamie saw the four of you at the glass during warmups, his smile grew ten times its original size.
“Hey, come find us after the game, ok? We’re gonna hang out and wait for Jame and you should stay and hang out too.” Penny asked, just as they were all about to make their way back to their seats as the game was about to start.
“I will. I’m technically his ride anyway,” You laughed. “I was supposed to take him to the airport tonight.”
When you’d met up with everyone after the game, Jamie insisted you come back to his place with him and hang out even longer. And you couldn’t tell him no when he practically begged you to come over.
After their parents went to bed, Jamie suggested a movie night with you and Penny. Except thirty minutes into the movie he laid his head down on you like he did during most movie nights and it wasn’t long before he had fallen asleep.
“You can’t tell him I told you this but he totally has a thing for you,” Penny spilled suddenly.
You couldn’t help but smile. “You think so?” you asked, glancing down at the man in question asleep with his head on your lap.
“I don’t just think, I know so. You should give it a shot.”
Your cheeks felt warm at her words. Jamie was your best friend, but of course you always wondered if there was something more there. There was for you, but you never wanted to put your friendship in jeopardy by admitting it.
“I know you like him too,” Penny added.
And maybe she was right.
[3.]
Schultzy nagged Jamie about it for weeks.
“Come on man,” Schultz groaned, eyeing you across the room. “You mean to tell me you haven’t hit that once?”
They were all at the new years team party. You were busy chatting with a few of the girlfriends that had come tonight. Jamie figured you must’ve just been complimented on your outfit tonight as you had glanced down at yourself and turned side to side just slightly, showing off more of the attire.
Jamie shook his head. “And don’t say it like that. Have some respect, man,” Jamie scolded.
Justin put his hands up. “Sorry.”
“So can I hit that?” Vince teased.
Jamie glared at him. “No. And not because I like her, but because she deserves better than some horny hockey guy.”
“It was a joke,” he defended.
“It wasn’t funny.”
Vince nodded his head. “Sorry. You’re right.”
“And you’re positive you don’t like her?” Justin asked.
“We’re just friends,” Jamie swore. He couldn’t take his eyes off of you though, and the guys he was sitting with caught on.
— —
It was the same during warmups when Jamie had caught your eye. You hardly ever missed warmies during home games and it had now become part of Jamie’s routine to skate by you and place his hand on the glass, you doing the same. It started as a high five, but your hands began lingering longer and longer each time.
“If you don’t like her, why do you always look at her with those lovey dovey eyes?” Schultz chirped, giving Jamie a slight check when he had skated away from you.
“I don’t,” Jamie defended.
Schultz rolled his eyes.
“I don’t!” Jamie yelled after Justin as he skated off.
— —
“Hey, drinks at my place tonight.” Brandon caught Jamie just as he was leaving the rink.
“Sorry man. I can’t tonight. Y/N’s got car troubles.”
Jamie was on his way to pick you up. You’d had a bad day at work, but the icing on the cake was that your car wouldn’t start so you were stranded there. You called him in a fit just shortly after he’d gotten to the locker room.
“Ditching us for Y/N again?” Schultz asked, throwing his arm around Jamie’s shoulder. “You’re sure you don’t like her?”
Jamie rolled his eyes. “Let it go.”
“Dude, you’re ditching out on guys night for her. It’s pretty obvious you like her as more than just a friend.”
“She had a bad day, man. I’d do the same for you if you had a bad day. If you were having car troubles, I’d come jump ya, or pick you up.”
Schultz snorted. “Yeah ok. Even if that was true, you gotta admit that it’s different with her.”
And Jamie didn’t want to admit it, but he knew that was true.
[4.]
It was Jamie’s mom who actually got him thinking about it though. Of course it had crossed his mind multiple times and he always felt some pang of guilt when he told his friends he didn’t like you like that. He felt jealous when guys would flirt with you, extra jealous if it was guys on his team.
Whenever you two were alone, he sometimes wondered if there was something more there than just friends. He tried not to let the thought overwhelm him though.
“So, why do you want my soup recipe again?” Allison asked.
“Y/N is sick. I was gonna make it for her and bring it over.”
“Are you two dating yet?”
“No,” Jamie laughed. “No, Ma. Just friends.”
“Your dad says you look at her the way he looks at me.”
Jamie smiled to himself. “She’s my best friend though. What if I go for it and it doesn’t work out? I don’t want to risk our friendship.”
“What if you go for it, and it works out better than you ever expected?” she countered.
“So that soup recipe?” Jamie changed the subject.
Allison wouldn’t let him. “How many of your friends would make you homemade chicken soup when you’re not feeling well?”
“Y/N would,” Jamie answered quickly. “Oh.” He realized then what his mom was hinting at. Maybe there was something there. Something more.
“It’s obvious to everyone else, but oblivious to you two,” Allison laughed. “Alright. You got a pen ready to write this down?”
When his mom has finished repeating the recipe, Jamie brought up something he never thought he’d ask, or at least didn’t think he’d ask so soon. “Hey Ma… when did you know that you were falling for dad?”
— —
[+1.]
The knock startled you. Even though you weren’t expecting anyone, you knew who it was before you even opened the door.
“Hey,” you rasped.
“Hey,” Jamie greeted with a smile. “Brought ya somethin’” he said, holding out the large container. “Made it this afternoon. It’s my mom’s recipe.”
You tried to get out a thank you, but started coughing before you could. You turned away from Jamie, coughing into your elbow. Your chest hurt, your head ached, being sick was absolutely the worst.
“You don’t have to stay,” you said when Jamie closed the door behind him and toed his shoes off.
“I want to.”
“I don’t want to get you sick.”
“I’m not worried about that.”
You laid down on the couch, pulling your blanket over you. You’d spent most of your day in the same position you were currently in, that was after you had slept until almost 2pm.
“Are you hungry? I can warm up some soup for you,” Jamie asked. He frowned at you in your miserable state. His heart ached.
“Ok,” you said. “But only if you eat some too.”
“Deal,” Jamie chuckled. “I’ll be in the kitchen.”
“I’ll be here.” You tried to smile at him, but couldn’t muster up much. Damn flu.
Five minutes later he was back with two bowls of warmed soup.
You groaned as you sat up. Your whole body ached and from nothing in particular, just the flu bug you’d caught that had run rampant through you. You wrapped the blanket around your shoulders, but still shivered. You’d had a hard time staying warm all day, although the fever would beg to differ.
Jamie placed both bowls on the coffee table and then sat down beside you.
“Seriously, Jame. As much as I want you here, the team will kill me if you get sick.”
Jamie chuckled. “Nah. They’ll kill me for being careless and irresponsible.”
“Exactly! And I like you alive. I don’t know how I’d function with you dead.”
“I’m not gonna get sick. Eat your soup.”
“You’re so demanding,” you teased, rolling your eyes at him.
Jamie handed you the bowl when you were all situated. You hummed around the first bite; the hot broth soothed your sore throat and warmed you right up. And the taste was delicious. You could tell it was his mom’s recipe as it felt like home with every bite you took.
“Wanna watch a movie?” You suggested. Jamie wasn’t going to leave—you didn’t exactly want him to anyway— so you might as well make the most of him being there.
“Sure. Is it still my turn to pick or do you get to this time since you’re sick?” You could never come to an agreement on who picked the movie whenever you’d hung out so you made a deal to just switch off every time. It worked a lot better than anything else you’d tried—which included everything from rock paper scissors to whoever’s house you were at.
“Rules are rules. You pick.”
You grabbed another blanket from your bedroom as Jamie found a movie to watch. You laid down with your head on the armrest and Jamie sat roughly in the middle, letting you rest your legs across his lap. You had one blanket to yourself but shared the second one you’d brought out and you both settled in for the show.
You were nearly asleep when Jamie cleared his throat. You turned to look at him just as he asked, “Hey, do you ever think of us as more than just friends?”
He hoped you couldn’t feel the way he was physically shaking as he asked the question. Little did you know that he’d tried to ask it about a million times since coming over. He’d played it over and over in his head, what words he was going to use, how to phrase it, when the perfect moment to ask it would be, how you would respond, if you felt the same way, and if this would change everything for you both. So yeah, he was shaking and terrified.
But to his surprise, you seemed totally calm as you responded. “Often, yeah. Do you?”
“Yeah,” he nodded. “You know other people think of us that way too? Like they think we should be a couple ya know.”
You laughed softly. “Yeah, I know.”
“How come you’ve never brought it up?”
You sat up from the couch, your legs still thrown across Jamie’s lap. “Truthfully, I didn’t think you liked me as more than a friend. Well, until Penny brought it up when she was here for Christmas, that you did like me more than that. Since then I’ve wanted to ask but just been too nervous to I guess,” you shrugged.
Jamie nodded, taking a few seconds to process your words. “So do you like me more than just a friend?”
He was suddenly so shy. You couldn’t help but smile.
“Yes, Jame. I have for a while.”
Jamie smiled too. “Y/N, when you’re feeling better, will you go on a date with me?”
“I would love to.”
His smile only got bigger. “You have no idea how bad I wanna kiss you right now. But I’m not going to because I know you won’t let me, because you’re sick.”
You laughed. “You’re exactly right. That too is just going to have to wait until I’m feeling better.”
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for two years, this account was my home. here i am, checking in on this account again. like i do monthly bc i wasn’t truly ready to let it go.
i’ve now realized that just because i let it go doesn’t mean i love it any less.
a part of me keeps checking this account because maybe internally i’m still in so much pain that i can write the fics that made you guys understand how i felt inside. that same one that broke your heart or gave you comfort but i can’t. i was in so much pain that i wanted someone. just one person to see me. to hear the cries behind my works.
the problem is that you can’t keep writing the same style when the reason you started was an escape. the truth is, i want to keep writing. i’ve never felt more alive. i want to keep posting the things i wrote bc other people deserve the same joy i get from it. but i’m so scared to fail because i’ve failed you guys here first.
i gave up on you guys first because of my own inadequacy i felt in my writing.
I release my thoughts onto this page. the heaviness of my heart in hopes for a better future than the one i thought i deserved. i can’t be free until i let you know how i feel. though, i know most of you aren’t read this lol. it feels nice to say it.
i am always and forever grateful for the happiness i have given you and that you have brought to me.
Omg i don't know if you'll read this but i used to read your stuff a while ago and then today i was looking through my following and found myself rereading your stuff, let me just say, i love your work, it has inspired me, and it's so beautiful. Your blog in general has had a huge imoact on my life, so thank you. Reading your last posts made me so emotional, even though i get that you're moving on and won't run the blog anymore,, this has been so beautiful, good luck ahead! 💜⚡
hi! thank you so much 🥺 it really means a lot to me. i’m glad to know it helped you through some tough times as it did for me ❤️❤️ thanks you for the love and the luck!! much love to you as always
Sorry for disappearing again, life is hectic now, lots of things are changing. I will adapt, soon, I hope, and will come back to all of you and all of my stories.
But today I came to talk not about that and not even about me.
Today I came here to ask you for help. Please, read this post. It’s super important.
I’ve never asked much from you, I believe. Besides asking to send me some stupid questions or read something I’ve written.
So, I hope it gives me the right to ask you today. I’m asking not for much. Just, please, guys, help me save a life.
This is Sofia Darbinyan. She’s four months old. She’s from my city, from a very good family I know, the youngest of three wonderful girls. She’s only started her life, but, unfortunately, she’s in a big trouble already. Sofia has Spinal muscular atrophy (SMA), it’s a neuromuscular disorder that results in the loss of motor neurons and progressive muscle wasting. Babies with this awful genetic disease usually die at about six months old, as they stop breathing and suffocate.
Several years ago, there was absolutely no treatment and kids were basically left to die. Last year the genetic medicine was produced, tested and licensed. There’s a cure. It’s called Zolgensma. The only problem, it’s the most expensive medicine in the world.
Sofia needs just one shot to keep living almost absolutely normal life. But this shot costs $ 2,125 million.
This is enormous money for one family. In my country some people (a lot of people, to be honest) won’t earn even 10% of this sum in their entire life. It’s almost impossible to get this medicine through our governmental programs, as it’s not licensed officially on the territory of our country. And most of charity funds refused to help due to the high cost of the medicine.
Sofia’s parents are doing everything to get at least some official help and support, but unfortunately, for now, we, usual people, are the only hope they have. The thing that makes it all even worse is that we have less than two months left, Sofia has to get the shot till she’s six months old for it to help her. We’ve collected about $ 140 thousand already, but it’s not enough, of course.
So, today, I’m asking you, please, guys, help me save this little angel.
$ 2 million is an extreme amount of money for one person. But if 1 million people donate $ 2 and 20 cents, it’ll do the trick. In my country it’s a price of a coffee cup. Not that much for one person, right? But more than enough for Sofia to stay alive.
You can get more info on this instagram page https://www.instagram.com/helpsofiadarbinyan (tho it’s all in Russian, but I think instagram can translate it)
The PayPal for donations is paypal.me/vladarbinyan
If you need, I can help you see all the official documents and proof you need.
If you can’t donate money (I do understand that lots of people have lost their jobs and are experiencing hardship rn), please help us with reblogs. It’s extremely important for as many people as possible to find out about Sofia, it’s more important than any fic reblogs, guys.
I see a lot of action happening every day, here on tumblr and outside, in the world. I see people standing by each other during all the madness with COVID-19, I see people protecting each other against discrimination, racism, violence and injustice. People hasn’t invented diseases, but it’s also a problem we have to fight. I believe in people. I believe in 5sos fam. I have seen how powerful we and our small actions are. I’ve seen you guys doing incredible things, like having all this disabledsos marathon or helping clean Michaels name. So, please, help me do one more good thing.
I do believe that kids like that come to this world to help us be better and kinder. And I’m gonna try my hardest to try save this little angel’s life.
Please, guys, I’m begging you, help! Any, even the smallest help matters. Every cent, every reblog, every prayer. Please, please, please. She deserves to live.
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i started this blog (and writing) as an outlet for my anger and sadness. I hyperfixate on things to forget my problems, but my problems aren’t as big anymore.
I made other things my entire personality and had fun doing it for a while, but it started becoming monotonous for me. Everything started to feel forced and not genuine for me anymore, so i wasn’t publishing content that i actually liked.
I knew writing was never going to be my lifetime career. I’m just at a point where writing no longer satisfies me and my hyper fixation is more of a hinderance than a help 😕
idk what my blog or my fics meant to you but i am so sorry. you’re always in my heart❤️
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