lay me gently in the cold dark earth

In the Soul Mate/ソウルメイト episode 7 “break up” scene, how did you guys interpret that?

The first time I watched it I thought Johan was telling Ryu he loved him, knowing that Ryu wasn’t interested in him romantically (I see a lot of people saying that Ryu may be ace/aro, but either way we know Ryu is “scared of being liked”/loved).

However, based on some other things I’ve seen, I think some people maybe interpreted it that Johan was telling Ryu that he loved someone else, thus ending their relationship/friendship/qpr.

Guess who's back again for more yapping about how queer this series actually is! It's me, you're favourite yapper <3

Episode 3 : Deep in the heart's mirror

✩ Hwang Johan is back in Korea and his queerness is properly introduced for the first time as we see him in his openly gay friend's GAY bar. We witness their interaction and his friend immediately catches something going on...Johan semed to have finally made a "friend" from the smile he has plastered on his face and Johan is being teased about it! The interaction ends with the bar owner asking Johan to bring his friend next time in his GAY bar....like how more explicit you want this to be?

✩ Your typical romantic trope. Calling your crush while you're drunk. Hwang Johan, you're so messy and obvious but i love you for that! Obviously, it seems that since we left Berlin, Ryu and Hwang Johan maintained contact and here we have Johan sharing that he has to enlist for two years.

- I'm starting my military service.

- Hey, for how long?

- About two years.

- Two years?

- Is that short? Or long?

- Jeez, that's long.

This whole interaction was wholesome and so intimate, especially as Johan ends the conversation by telling Ryu that he can use those two years to figure out what he wants to do, to further learn about himself. And he does, he finally finds what he wants to do.

✩ Johan is enlisting in three days and what does he do? He abruptely book a flight to spend his last two free days with Ryu in Japan. That man is so in love and we are seeing it again and again. The queerness, the love, are not subtext, they are IN the text, it is there, shamelessly.

They go on a lots of dates throughout the day and we see them flirt, we see them learn more about e/o, wee see them giggle and it is beautiful! It is domestic, it is romantic, it is a depiction of a love story, of two souls connected in ways that are hard to explain.

The connection is even more enhanced as we realise that Ryu is even bringing Hwang Johan to meet his parents in his hometown.

✩ The entire painting scene furthermore deepends their relationship and to me, it finally explicitly express what Hwang Johan represents for Ryu.

Ryu finally understands. He finally sees someone in the scenery. Hwang Johan. And with that, he finally understands what his deceased uncle meant. That just like his uncle said,, whenever he looks at a scenery, if he finds it pretty, if it brings joyful memories, then that means he will never feel lonely and right after this epiphany we have the shot above, that speaks for itself.

I would go further and say that this episode not only emphasises how important they are for each other but how they act as mirrors of one another and now it is all very clear. They are Soul Mates. They are each other's companions, a reflection that beats loneliness and all Ryu sees in the sceneries is Hwang Johan and vice versa.

Episode 4 : Our Sandcastle

✩ They still are at Ryu's chidhood home, they still go on dates, they still spend times with Ryu's parents who totally embrace Hwang Johan and are delighted to know Ryu has someone like him in his life.

They are a family.

✩ Again, Hwang Johan making his affection obvious by sharing a drawing of Ryu he made the night before as he gazed at him sleeping. Ryu is touched and teases him back.

They make plans for Ryu to visit Korea next time. They are making promises to each other. This is a romantic relationship.

✩ We move forward, Johan is in the army, he struggles, under the rain during training and there is a scene where he tells one of his comrade that in hard time, he just has to look at the scenery and think of the good times and it cuts to Ryu at a bar with his friend. Can't make it more obvious than that.

Anyways, Ryu has a job and Sumiko is back. Again, she makes sure to tell Seichi that there is nothing between her and Ryu (third time she does so) almost as if this was a way to insist that maybe Ryu is not interested in women yk...almost as if this was a way to express that yeah, they should maybe be together according to society norms but yet they're not :)

BIG UP for Sumiko, my queen, clocking Ryu and Johan's ass with the drawing, again, ppl need to understand that Sumiko knows Ryu is queer, she probaly knows Johan is too and she connects the dots with the drawing.

Also Johan, depsite being in the army, knows Sumiko is back in town, another small details exposing how close Ryu and Johan actually are.

✩ Hwang Johan is out of the army and first person he contacts is ofc Ryu, first place he visist is his gay friend bar. QUEER!

But then....something horrendous happens. Johan and his friend get attacked in the bar for being gay. A hate crime, quite literally. It was awful to see how Johan canon seuxality was being used against them, as a way to destroy his life.

It is one of the reasons I feel like it is a disgrace for people to say this show is a bromance when literally the entirety of episode 3 and 4 was a portofolio of queer love and experiences, the joy, the tragic, the horrendous, the domesticity, the happiness, the fragility of identity and life, the acceptance...

When you feel lonely, try looking at the scenery somewhere. [...] The scenery mirrors your heart. If you look at it for awhile and think, "It's pretty," or "It brings back memories," that's because you once saw that scenery with someone you treasured. And you can find that treasured person in any scenery.

I'll move out. I enjoyed the time we spent together. But I can't stay with you anymore.

Arata, I'm sorry.

I like this show. I like how it is written. I like how Queer it is regardless of how some ppl might think, and here's why :

Episode 1 : The gravity of Fate

❀ I feel like the confession of Ryu's best friend, Arata, is not only the opening of the show but also what instantly establish the queer aspect of the series.

❀ The first scene of Berlin is a dispute between a father and a gay son. It seems like the son ran away from his home to be with his lover and his father is trying to bring him back bcs this is wrong, bcs they won't be able to go to the church anymore, bcs God will not forgive him and we see the young man actually fighting back, not caring about it. Ryu, the ML, is watching all of this with intention.

❀ Sumiko, Ryu's childhood best friend, for the first time explains to someone that there is nothing between her and Ryu.

❀ We learn that Arata's love declaration was a real surprise to Ryu and I believe it was for him the ultimate reckoning of his queerness. It was stated so explicitly, someone, his best friend, a man, likes him and tells him and Ryu did not show any disgust, any repulsion, simply surprise and shock and reckoning, that ultimately threw him into an identity crisis, Berlin, and the church. He goes to the church, for a supposed art exhibit, but Ryu immediately goes to the confessionnal where he unknowingly meets and speak to his Soul Mate, Johan about his struggles.

Ryu did not leave because he was disgusted by his male best friend being in love with him. No, he left because he was scared.

I am...the worst. I was scared. I was scared of being liked.

We learn that Ryu was scared, petrified of being liked. Just liked, just loved bcs maybe he feels like he is worthless and not deserving of love like that. The fact that it is a man is not really the issue here imho, the issue is that Ryu did not think he deserved that care and it threw him off.

We have an absolute beautiful scene between Ryu and Sumiko where he comes clean with the situation and although it is not a traditional coming out as in the western sense, to me, it is absolutely one.

❀ Johan and Ryu meet at the church without even seeing e/o and yet, they instantly feel connected. It is a soul connection, a fated meeting of two people at the same spot in life, drastically different but somehow overly understanding of each other.

Episode 2 : Can we save our Souls?

❀ The fight. The Don't run Johan and finally Johan falling as he gazes at Ryu. Do I even have to say more?

❀ The scenes with Johan's sister use so many romantically charged tropes that it is quite undeniable to not notice them. Again, Sumiko explains that her and Ryu are NOT together and she insists on properly explaining their relationship which i found interesting. It was the second time she did so.

❀ The conversation in the balcony just shows how Ryu respects and admires Johan, and that makes Johan shy? confused? embarassed? It's very cute!

❀ Johan and Ryu saving their souls. Johan is the one to initiate this sudden quest but Ryu particpates in it and ends up helping Johan save his soul and gain something he had long lost : his freedom.

And so they go on a cute little date bcs it IS a date, Johan is free and he wants to read mangas while laying down under a tree with Ryu there and they learn about e/o and the connection deepens, the attraction becomes even more palpable and you can't read it but you see it, that it is simply, imho, impossible to ignore.

At the end, Ryu, inspired by Johan, wants too save his soul too. He does not want to run away anymore. He wants his freedom and I love how they both become, for each other, some sort of catharisis and the initiator of them envolving and growing and accepting themselves furthermore.

- I was lying to myself. But...I'm not anymore. How about you? can you win?

- I will give it a try.

❀ The exchanging numbers while one of them on the train and being so giggly and happy about it! How can people not see how romantically charged it is, how sweet and cute that scene was...right after their date, like are we kidding!!!!!!!!!!

Besides, we end the episode with a beaming Hwang Johan and Ryu, both staring down at their phones as they exchange their first text with each other.

Also, Johan sending that specific emoji 😏 aka the smirk/flirtaous as a first text, i know what you Hwang Johan!

Yup. they are queer! Yup, this is romantic! Nope, it is not bromance and yeah they did not even kiss :)

ENOUGH TO MAKE A GROWN MAN CRY 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

No, wait. What? Wait a minute. What are you saying? No way. I can't believe you're doing this. I know. Sorry. I don't want "sorry". Sorry. I said stop apologizing!

I... I cast away his feelings. I'm... I'm the worst. I was scared. Scared of being liked. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Your feelings. And your life. I ruined all of it. Arata, I'm sorry.