currently experiencing horrors (affectionate)

accidentally running over a vampire with my car because they didnt show up on the backup camera

Incidentally, if someone forced me to teach a college course of my choice, it would be about the art of parody. Everyone would have to bring in a work of parody and then we'd discuss what that work captures (or doesn't) about the thing it's riffing on, and whether or not it succeeds. This is partly because I find this topic fascinating, and partly because I am fucking enchanted with the concept that coursework could include "please reflect on this Weird Al song."

one of my biggest problems with "i transmigrated into medieval fantasy and started the industrial revolution" stories is that they always act like it's possible for one guy to do that just by Knowing Things Intelligently With Their Big Brain, meanwhile i'm always screaming about "the material conditions!!!!" internally. knowing things intelligently won't help you if you don't have the necessary infrastructure, or access to enough raw materials.

Okay I must confess: I do not actually find Count Binface very funny. I think as a comedian he is truly, terribly middling. Every one of his joke proposals or platforms seems designed to amuse my father, and that is not high praise. However. His presence is hilarious. There is nothing funnier to me than a room or stage full of politicians in suits and ties, and Count Binface. Now that Binface for the Commons is, if still a pipe dream, a slightly more plausible pipe dream, we have to face the reality of the bit becoming stale. I think that if he gets into parliament he has to drop the jokes - keep the outfit and voice though - and just stand there in the Commons doing normal MP stuff while everyone around him either tries to ignore him or to take him seriously. This is the only way a Binface tenure can be funny.

I have been in multiple situations where a friend group I'm not so familiar with starts making jokes about being into weirdo pervert stuff and there is a slight edge of competition to who is The Most Freakish I know for a goddamn fact that I have everyone beat in the pervert department but I can't say anything because they're probably just talking about light BDSM at most and I like things that are complete social suicide in 90% of spaces

like oh when you like puppyplay and choking its subversive and edgy but when I talk about getting my sexual awakening at 8 years old from the really fucking weird plant vore sequence in the third ice age movie it's WEIRD and EMBARRASSING i see how it is,

oh so this post stops getting notes when I make that addition, i see how it is,

It’s wild how pan bundles can get away with calling something a “5-piece set” when two of the “pieces” are lids. Motherfucker that’s a three piece set. Stop lying.

I’m not saying it was a good idea but every society has tried to solve the problem of “society needs organization to function but power tends to corrupt people” and I like how ancient Rome’s answer was the position of the tribune, where you get to have unchecked power with no accountability for one (1) year but after that you’re just a guy and everyone you pissed off can beat you to death with hammers.

it’s so fucked up when you see something you KNOW is a portal to somewhere but you can’t figure out how to activate it. this is the most frustrating feeling that plagues modern man.

I’ve seen this post easily 12 times now and EVERY TIME it’s just a different cat looking at a different door. 

The most interesting thing about watching all the Bond movies in order hasn’t actually been anything to do with the series itself, but watching the world slowly change. Bond is kind of unique in this because it’s one of the only media franchises that’s been running uninterrupted for 60+ years, while always being set in the “present day,” primarily taking place in somewhat realistic settings and places, and not being 100% sci fi to an extent that divorces it from the overall look of it’s contemporary reality. James Bond, unlike any other series, really, allows you to watch the real world slowly change from the early 60s to 2021, in increments so brief it feels as if nothing changes from film to film, and yet by the time you get to the end everything is different

He got the shark equivalent of the 2am zoomies.