Maknae

I feel terrible......still.....

So...the thing is.. i cheated on my gf and now i have a bf.... i feel so fucking sick of myself and i though that i would be happy....and i was....i dunno what changed, but something really did...... i just want to have my happiness back. Thats it

My life....it's just don't feel real.... i have a girlfriend because i'm bored. She doesn't even like me ig. We're like friends but we're not just feiends. She doesn't texts me until i do. Anyways, it's kinda weird

I'm fucking numb.....

I just want my life to look like the RUN mv....but i don't want it alone....I just need friends like tha

I'm numb....again

I feel like crying but my tears are just wont come out anymore. And this is the most annoying thing in the world. I hate it here

So thing is....i can't understand my emotions or idk. Because i always feel like i fake what i feel.And this makes me sick. I just really need a therapist to talk to but i'm too afraid to tell my mom cause she would feel like i'm just joking. But i'm serious....and i started to freek the fuck out. It's not a joke anymore....i dont know what happened to me but i always felt like this. I just can't understand......i just can't.... I always analyze others and it just sucks. I can't make friennd, i don't really talk, i'm just listening and analyze the shit out of everything. I'm really tired of this. I can understand my feeling through music and thats it....

I don't feel well and i told my mom about it and she thinks i'm joking cause "i don't want to go to school"...thx... I appreciate it... She knows i can't do that (staying home) cause i would fail my classes...what is she even thinking?

I feel so alone even tho a got "friends" i guess. I have a "loving" family they said...but then where's the love that everyone talks about?

I didn't do anything wrong but a lots of people hate me... I don't understand, why?

I just want to be loved... It's to much to ask or.....?

At the moment, nothing feels real