My self expression.

I work at a college, and sometimes think "WTF are you wearing?!". And then I realize that I'm old, and simply don't understand the new fashion of kids these days.

I have always loved being nude, even when I was very young, but have not had much opportunity to indulge this tendency.  Now that I am older, and am more a maker of my own destiny (or at least schedule) I have begun to create these moments for myself.

Recently, I made an occasion for myself to visit a local Nude beach for the first time, and what a marvelous time it was.  Such was my enthusiasm that I had barely crossed the 'boundary' between clothed and un-clothed before I stripped down to my bare self.  For whatever reason, this particular spot tends to be one of the more crowded parts of the beach but I didn't let that slow me down.  Nope... in fact, it might have even encouraged me.  Funnily enough though, I had the courage to become naked there, but not to sit.  I had to walk my now wonderfully nude butt up the beach to a less populated place before laying out my towel to settle in.

I could then close my eyes and lay back to feel the sun on every part of me, and it was quite simply awesome.  I felt as though I'd been searching for that sensation for a very very long time.  Then I sit up, and open my eyes and the battle in my mind begins...

Remember, I'm uber-new at this, so maybe this all just passes with repetition and de-sensitization... but when I open my eyes and see all the lovely naked people around me... I can't help think sexual thoughts.  I don't act on them, mind you, but they are there... distracting me from what I feel is true Nudism/Naturism of social-non-sexual-nudity.  It kind of paralyzes me... not so much that I can't move, but in that I can't talk to anybody around me.  I mean... I can't strike up a normal conversation with someone when the only things in my head are inane adolescent thoughts like "I can see your penis!" or "You have nice boobs".

In a nudist context, it's completely wrong to have one's head filled with such thoughts.  After all, being naked is natural and unremarkable.  But sex isn't bad, and it does require at least some level of nudity.  And her boobs were _really_ nice... and I become conflicted again.

I suppose when we're dressed, we use our clothes as a kind of gateway to our sexuality.  Clothes on and buttoned up means don't touch me.  The removal of our clothes can then be used as a signal for invitation of intimacy.  When we're all already naked however, these cues are removed...

I guess I've achieved being comfortable with my own nakedness, and now need to learn how to become comfortable with everyone else's nakedness, and relearn those sexual cues that I've only been taught with the language of clothes.