my mentality mummified

I want her to tell me she’s proud of the job offer I just got.

Instead the first thing she says to me is “why isn’t the salad made?”

Like I didn’t just get home 15 minutes before her.

I want her to understand that this leaves me frustrated and makes me feel like she doesn’t care.

Why does she then get mad at me for being sad?

Why can’t I just feel loved?

Am I unworthy?

Do I need to change?

But all I feel is the crushing weight of potentially failing math and the disappointment of my grandparents. Why can't I forget about my worries and party like everyone else.

When you blame everything on me I start to get more and more defensive.

Just leave me alone.

My boss asked me to phone her 20 minutes ago, she told me the news.

I couldn't breath.

It took me a second to respond.

And all I could get out was a broken "oh my god."

I often went to this person's shop to find adorable knick knacks, and tiny treasures. But now they have new meaning and memories because I bought them from him.