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This isn’t a nice post for anyone hoping for that. No. This is not the one for you. Writing from a living room in my little hole, in my little village. Surrounded by a shadow that is invisible to the naked eye. A shadow of course is a tired cliche for what I actually mean, but an easy one to understand. I could describe it differently, sure. I could describe it as an amorphous blob, squid ink…

Hi there The last few days have had me thinking about the festive season, as I’m sure most of you have been thinking about it too. Every year Christmas is much like the one before it, especially as I get older. The magic has all but gone now, which I always find particularly sad. In fact, Christmas is a rather tumultuous time for me. I try to keep in the spirit of things as much as I can, but…

Hi Although I haven’t really got much to talk about on this dull and damp evening in the Midlands, UK. I am trying to write at least a little something when I can to develop a habit, after a long hiatus. I am currently sitting in my little flat watching re-runs of Midsomer Murders, while my oil burner is making little bubbling sounds on the mantel. It’s a comfortable evening with a comfortable…

Every Wednesday I head to a quiet pub. I go to meet friends who arrive at eight pm, but I get there for three pm. I listen to music as loud as my ear buds will go. I know, I know, it’s bad for my ears but I also know that music is at its best when absorbed completely. It has to go directly to where it is needed without distraction. I need to drown out the infernal din of real life, mute the…

Hello again guys, Today I wanted to talk to myself about ‘Wellness’ Over the last couple of years, especially during and after the height of the pandemic the world has gone crazy for self care. I have written about the benefits of taking care of yourself before and those benefits haven’t changed, however recently I have been thinking about the potential pitfalls. To put it simply, self care is…

I’m struggling with Nigel’s death today. It has been a year and a half since he was sent into my world. I remember every second of the time I spent with him. Holding him close at the end of his life, reminding him that I was there with him, through everything that fateful night when strangers at once became the closest we could ever be. I meant what I said at the time, everything would be ok.…

Hi folks It’s been quite a while since I’ve posted anything and to be honest I don’t have a reason for you guys, except that I have been plodding along with my life and concentrating on being a normal human being (which is honestly as difficult as is it dull) Life has a weird way of getting away from you if you don’t keep yourself on a tight leash. So what has possessed me to write today? Well…

Hi all In the Midlands UK we are currently experiencing a heatwave. For some of you our heatwave will seem ridiculous; we are hitting 30 degrees Celsius and although warmer countries think we are all a little bit silly, we are very much incompatible with this heat. Anyway, it got me thinking about comfort in general for the neurodiverse among us. When thinking about the hot weather, I refuse…

Hey guys I’m sorry I’ve been AWOL for a while. Over the last few months, although my head has been full, I’ve not been able to write. For those of you familiar with Borderline, it is common for us to hold everything inside when thoughts become overbearing. It’s like attempting to wade through soup. In the wonderful Harry Potter movies, Dumbledore deals with his full head, by taking…

Hi folks, me again. Something came to mind today that I wanted to talk to you about. For the last week or so I have been under a cloud. A big, fat, stinking, black cloud. This is of course pretty regular for me and my brain but this one has been particularly brutal. There are a few things going on in my world that are proving difficult to compute, and I have been very outwardly emotional. This…

Hi all I am writing this post from a rainy Cumbria. In fact since being here, from the 22nd of December, the rain hasn’t really stopped. It’s a strange thing for mental health isn’t it rain? Or at least it is for me. On the one hand, if you are feeling poorly mentally then rain seems to reflect that situation and can be quite comforting. You don’t feel alone with your misery somehow. On the…

Panic Attacks That Don’t Look Like Panic Attacks And Why It’s Important

Hi everyone I hope this post finds you one of your good days and if not, please accept a virtual hug. This post came to mind fairly recently, after noting that in the many, many articles I have read about panic attacks, the consensus is that during one of these events a person may feel these things: Difficulty breathing Chest tightness or pain Wanting to avoid places or people Phobic…

Am I Bored Or Am I Lonely

Hey folks I want to talk about something that has been on my mind recently so I hope you oblige me. I am a lucky person in that I have a great group of friends and a wonderful family, but lately I have felt what certainly feels like loneliness. At this time of year people are busy doing stuff so I am not seeing the people I love as often as I would like; add to that living alone now and I have…

Hi folks.My regular readers will have noticed that content from me has been sparse of late. I want to just put this one out for you all because it is so very important. You can’t help but notice that awareness of mental illness is out there fairly commonly these days. There is always a post somewhere about checking in on your friends and loved ones; about asking ‘How are you?’ and listening to…

Hello…

Hi guys, just popping my head around the door. The reason why I’ve been so absent is because there are things I just can’t discuss. Not here, not anywhere. I will try and describe my emotions if I can. I can only describe it as a dull, thudding ache that doesn’t go away. A nagging, unpleasant, relentless series of distraction and realisation over and over again. I am never free of it. I feel it’s…

Today I visited my psychiatrist. He asked how I had been since our last meeting, and I told him. I told him that my life is suffering interspersed with joy. I told him that I live for those I love. I told him that my heart always feels broken, I think that is why I no longer cry for myself anymore. He said what he always does. I am maxed out on my meds, I will never be cured, we need to work on…

I’m so sorry I haven’t been around guys. I’m working through some stuff and it’s taking all of my brain time. Things are hard. I haven’t forgotten about you all, I’m still here in spirit I guess? I wish I could talk about what’s going on, because I’m sure I’m not alone in my thoughts and feelings. I just haven’t had to deal with this stuff before and it’s really screwing me up.Also on my mind is…