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Most people think of me as a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls, capable of solving complex math problems and crushing ice with my bare hands. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. It is no problem for me to translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, and I have written award-winning operas. Yet, somehow still, I manage time efficiently. and I sometimes find the time to tread water for three days in a row. It is very easy for me to woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, and I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed. When cooking- I can make Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in stacking marbles, and an outlaw in Peru. Once, using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. There is noted originality and talent in my ability to play bluegrass cello and I was scouted by the Mets. It is more than likely that I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge. Some see me as an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured the Pacific Northwest with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration, and I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket and I have performed several covert operations with the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair with my eyes open. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery and walked away with 13 free muffins. Generally, I am know to balance, weave, dodge, and frolic freely. Oh, and my bills are all paid- usually on time even. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a yeast culture and a toaster oven. I breed prize-winning clams. I’ve won the bullfights in San Juan, lead cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and won spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, performed open-heart surgery, and spoken with Elvis from beyond the grave. In closing, I know this world is ruled by infinite intelligence. Everything that surrounds us- everything that exists - proves that there are infinite laws behind it. There can be no denying this fact. It is mathematical in its precision. Despite all of that mathematical precision, I have not yet found true love.