in that moment there was nothing more i wanted than to be swallowed whole i am as i am always, one tonic clonic away from a head injury, one episode away from a suicide, one rape away from a murder. i don’t know why, i keep walking. hungry for something this world might not have. thirsty for water so sweet it would make my spit curdle to taste it. i stand by myself, feet together. fiery death looms on all sides. i stay in my little corner. sometimes i stick my pinky toe out and test the temperature. the water is fine. but before i can dive some devil always pulls me back. it tells me, some girls are flesh and blood. i am only cake and handprints. i am built up to be built back down. i bring my red little lips close to the moonlight. i kiss the silver shine; i kiss the blade. wouldst thou like to live deliciously? verily, sir. though ‘t could be asked first: wouldst thou like to live?
