beanlover

anyone up for coaching me??

Guys sugar free slushies are a thing 😋 HOW DID I NOT KNOW THAT THEY EXISTED SRSLY

Oop this is from like two months back srry dude, I am now 🤷‍♀️

Cats tend to be unintelligent, mine eats a bunch of random stuff and occasionally runs into walls still luv him tho

I’ve been maintaining my weight for a while now and idk if i srsly want to relapse bc i don’t feel motivated ya know? I mean yeah im ugly and i hate myself but if i do this im gonna be back in inpatient in a couple of months and gain it all back so. I started restricting to under 1000 cals (might seem like a lot to yall who have been doing this for a while) a few days ago and it’s just so fucking easy why the hell is it so easy to just starve yourself? I don’t feel sick enough to be anorexic, when im in inpatient i can just eat all the food i never have to take the supplement drink things and i feel like shit for being able to do that. I could 10000% recover if i wanted to i mean hell I’ve been eating 1800 cals for like 2 months now and I’ve maintained aand not purged. I think I want to relapse i mean i have already relapsed but im not really feeli it rn, im not that same person from a lil less than a year ago who looked at herself in the mirror and saw a fat teenager instead of the girl in front of her who weighed 41,7 kg and had a bmi of 14,7. ik that I’m not fat rn and that a normal weight for me would be 52,5 kg and im 51,3 kg. I just don’t feel like a fucking person without ana. I feel horrible for not hating my body like tf is wrong with me?!? I know that if i stop controlling my eating im gonna go back to cutting and that’s not good either and it fucking hurts so uh yeahhhhhh.

I don’t even wanna know the cals tbh guessing somewhere around 2000-3000👁️👅👁️😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭