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Gender Neutral!Tsundere!Reader

(Why are there no Barret x reader fics on Tumblr? TTwTT I LOVE THIS IDIOT MAN!)

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♡How could Reader not fall for Barret? He's big, strong, and passionate; kind to animals, children, and the planet alike. A giant teddy bear with a machine gun for an arm.

♡This man has such a big, pure heart and good intentions, but he's constantly shooting himself in the foot with his loud mouth. He needs someone a little sharper, smarter, to help him keep it together; especially during missions.

♡Reader genuinely cares about Barret...but they are stubborn, proud, and prefer to show rather than tell. Thus, they show their care by giving his missions their utmost focus. If the mission succeeds, then Barret will be happy; thus they must succeed!!

♡Reader is sharp and alert in the field. And if they see Barret's focus slipping, they are quick to realign his attention; a harsh glare, a sharp word, an annoyed slap against the thick muscles of his upper arm, or even stomping on his foot when he's about speak out of turn and blow his cover.

♡Reader drags him by the literal ear when he's shouting at a bunch of Shinra employees on the train. "Will you PLEASE get it together? This is supposed to be a COVERT operation that YOU planned! And you're blowing it by being OBVIOUS" Reader would hiss while they drag him to a seat far away from everyone else.

♡Reader secretly loves Barret's impassioned speeches about the environment. While the others show their support, Reader usually respond cooly to it; folding their arms and rolling their eyes. "Everyone in Avalanche already agrees with you, Barret. You're preaching to the choir."

♡When they find out Barret scammed poor Cloud, Reader gives him an earful for playing about other peoples' money. "You got a lotta nerve giving Cloud such a hard time when you couldn't even pay him!!"

♡If Reader drinks, they're always a touch sweeter to Barret after a drink or two, maybe they even flirt a lil, totally catching Barret off guard.

♡"Y'know I give you a hard time, but you're really not such a bad guy *hic* you're kinda cute, to be honest..." Reader slurrs, stroking Barret's face. Their own face is flushed red with alcohol. Before Barret can reply, Reader playfully smacks his cheek. "Just kidding~"

♡If they smoke, Reader likes to blow their smoke right in Barret's face, just to annoy him a little.

♡Reader is always softer with Barret when Marlene is watching, they don't want to scare the little girl. Plus, Barret is at his best in front of Marlene, which makes Reader soften naturally. Reader is reminded why they like him so much in the first place.

♡All of his passion and fury shifts into something warm and protective and it makes Reader smile, heart fluttering as he swings Marlene around in his arm, a huge grin on his face.

♡Barret shows his trust in Reader by asking them to look after Marlene. She is his most precious treasure, so the fact that Barret trusts her in Reader's care without question; it speaks volumes.

♡For as loud and big as Barret's personality is, his displays of intimacy with Reader are more subtle than one would expect: Silently placing himself between Reader and danger, helping them with small tasks around the slums, or playing their favorite song on the jukebox after a particularly rough day.

♡If Reader isn't too grumpy, Barret will sing along, try to get them to dance with him. "Tsk...idiot. I'm not in the mood." Reader says dismissively on instinct. They sip their drink sourly as Barret starts to walts around behind them.

♡But then Marlene pops up from behind the counter and asks "You don't wanna dance with Daddy?" with a sad lil pout.

♡Reader can say no to Barret, but never to Marlene. So they surrender to being whisked around the Seventh Heaven bar, with Barret grinning ear-to-ear, and Marlene giggling happily. Inevitably, Reader ends up cracking a smile too, their stubborn surface melting away as Barret sways with them.

♡Reader is very protective of Barret. Very "he may be an idiot but he's MY idiot, you don't get to call him that" energy. Basically no one gets to pick on him but Reader.

♡Barret and Reader don't propose in the traditional sense. Its way more likely that they were chatting at the bar one night and Reader challenged Barret to pop the question. "Hurry up and marry me, ya coward!"