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@my-thoughts-caved-in
Red Flag:
When you find yourself explaining the basic elements of human respect to a full-grown man/woman, something is wrong. Normal people understand the fundamental concepts of honesty and kindness. No adult should need to be told how they are making other people feel.
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Anxiety is difficult to ignore some days. It tells you that you’re doing everything wrong, that your friends find you annoying and not worth their time, that you are actually a terrible friend and not worth ANYONE’S time, that you’re taking advantage of your loved ones every time you ask for help, that the work you do is overshadowed by every mistake and that is all anyone can see.
It assumes the absolute worst of every situation, and no matter how much you KNOW it isn’t true, anxiety overrides your emotions and reactions, leaving you a terrible mess, and sometimes convincing you that the lies ARE true. Convincing you that to try anymore is just a worthless effort.
Thankfully, it passes.
Eventually, it will return - maybe not as bad as before, maybe worse. It’s a challenge, but it’s one that can be managed. Meditation, medicine, therapy, all of those can help, carrying you from one bad spell to the next.
And as long as you keep trying, no matter what anxiety screams at you, then your efforts will pay off.
All it takes is time.
Depersonalization:
“I know that I technically exist but I don’t feel like a real person and it seems like my memories are fake”
Does anybody else worry about faking their own symptoms?
Sometimes I worry that I’m making up my own mental illness - usually the symptoms that I don’t fully understand or that are slightly less common (ex: derealization, hallucinations, delusional thoughts, etc.). And I’m not sure why exactly, because many of them I don’t verbalized or call any attention too, and I still worry that I’m faking it or it’s all in my head and invalid and not a -real- symptom.
I told my therapist today that I worry that I’m “faking it” sometimes and she got confused and didn’t understand why I felt that way. So I’m wondering if anybody else shares this experience?
Fun Little Depression Things That Piss Everyone Else Off
- Forgetting literally everything from phone calls to visits to where you put your wallet(I just had it I swear )
- Needing 12 hours of sleep everyday but only in the middle of the day
- Void days
- “I’ll clean my room tomorrow” everyday
- eating everything or nothing
- being bitter about other ppl having fun and being happy
- feeling guilty/like a failure when u cant be happy for other ppl
- TERRIBLE, ALL-CONSUMING JEALOUSY
- being angry at other ppl when you just dont have the energy to be angry at urself anymore
- whining allllll the time
- talking abt how u wanna die but knowing its annoying everyone and making everyone upset but u cant stop talking abt it
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Growing up in an abusive house you either learn how to fight back or how to give up
or a confusing place inbetween where you have unnecessary outbursts/fights but also let people walk all over you when you should be fighting back
“I’m remembering how this works. How life doesn’t have to be only anxiety about what’s gone wrong or could go worng, and complaints about the world around you. How a person you’re excited about can remind you there’s stuff going on beyond… routine oil changes and homework. Stuff that matters. Stuff to look forward to.”
— Sara zarr, how to save a life
Nighttime has always gave me a sense of peace. I can look up and see nothing I can walk and walk and still be no were because the dark night sky covers everything in a black haze so no matter what, I’m no were and their is nothing. I like that nothing. Because all my life theirs always something either going wrong or going right for once but then I’m scared that good will go away… it always does. The dark hides me away from everyone else in the world including myself. It’s like the sky reaches its dark arms around me and nestles me in a hug that completely consumes me and I’m suddenly invisible to the people this world inhabits and the terrible things that go on. I’m safe and I’m at peace because at night underneath the sky of black and in the crisp cool air that fills my lungs with life and hope with each breath I’m suddenly nothing. I never want anything more then simply nullity
“Sometimes you’re 23 and standing in the kitchen of your house making breakfast and brewing coffee and listening to music that for some reason is really getting to your heart. You’re just standing there thinking about going to work and picking up your dry cleaning. And also more exciting things like books you’re reading and trips you plan on taking and relationships that are springing into existence. Or fading from your memory, which is far less exciting. And suddenly you just don’t feel at home in your skin or in your house and you just want home but “Mom’s” probably wouldn’t feel like home anymore either. There used to be the comfort of a number in your phone and ears that listened everyday and arms that were never for anyone else. But just to calm you down when you started feeling trapped in a five-minute period where nostalgia is too much and thoughts of this person you are feel foreign. When you realize that you’ll never be this young again but this is the first time you’ve ever been this old. When you can’t remember how you got from sixteen to here and all the same feel like sixteen is just as much of a stranger to you now. The song is over. The coffee’s done. You’re going to breathe in and out. You’re going to be fine in about five minutes.”
— The Winter of the Air (via alunit)
“Instead of saying ‘I’m damaged, I’m broken, I have trust issues’ say ‘I’m healing, I’m rediscovering myself, I’m starting over.’”
— Horatio Jones
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One of the most challenging things I’ve had to learn is that healing must be intentional. There is no one golden day that comes and saves you from all your misery. Healing is a practice. You have to decide that it’s what you want to do and actively do it. You have to make a habit out of it. Once I learned that, I only looked back to see how far I came.
it doesn’t matter how good you’re doing, those sad nights will creep up on you from time to time and that’s ok. doesn’t mean all your progress is gone
“The most surprising thing about heartbreak is how it taught me to love myself, and that means being responsible for my own healing, being responsible for my own happiness and being responsible for my own suffering.”
— Juansen Dizon, Heartbreak
“You’re going to have a hard time in life if you let every little mistake bother you.. Life is good. Enjoy it.”
— M.O. Walsh, My Sunshine Away
But I must admit I miss you quite terribly. The world is too quiet without you nearby. I go to bed early and rise late and feel as if I have hardly slept.
Lemony Snicket, The Beatrice Letters (via books-n-quotes)
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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I fucking hate it when you’re in such a fantastically giddy mood and then you see one simple little thing that makes you think, “oh” and then you just get this empty feeling in your chest and you get nauseous and the world just crumbles and you want to just lay under a blanket and close your eyes and fall asleep and never wake up.
I’m constantly torn between wanting to recover and wanting to be self-destructive in any way possible.
