Late at night, driving home tonight, I was being careful and stuff and at one point a what me and a brother of mine call "vroomy car" came up behind me. you know, gorgeous engine, tuned, powerful, all that... and I just kept taking the corners like a freakin grandma... (not technically quite that bad, but man, I'm shxt). It was a windy stretch of the road. Freaky corners and twists. I used to take those corners semi-carefully because it's really a trecherous stretch, but I would be zipping through there, leaving any car trailing me behind. Twist the wheel, Step on the gas, Stay alive. I was pretty great. But tonight... I was the thing I hated. I was that car in front that would be going unnecessarily slow. I was a lack of adrenaline and daring. I was dull, stupid, boring.
I had reasons though. Firstly, and the most weighty of the reasons, was I need to change my two rear tyres and the way my car has been driving lately, I simply don't trust it. If you're going to be driving at your own max ability, you have to trust your vehicle. It has to be willing and able to do exactly what you tell it to. I don't trust my car to keep grip or slow down perfectly at the moment. Therefore, I wasn't going to test it and find out that my normal driving was actually suicidal because I've got partly-bald tyres.
And that leads me on to my second reason. This one is also pretty considerable although I am starting to slightly and perversely hate it... The second reason is my recent spin out. I said it's taken the edge off my driving, and that "edge" is me seeking the thrill of cutting it close, testing the limits and driving my car at the max. It's like when you have something you really, really love eating. And then you eat way too much of it one day and it makes you feel sick and you're immediately turned off it. The next time you go back for a taste, you're not interested. It doesn't tempt you anymore. That's kind of how I feel with the state of my driving now. Sure, I do sometimes get a little whiff of the delightful scent of adrenaline, pride, and thrill, but with the combining force of not fully trusting my car at the moment, it's not appealing enough to me. I know how easily it can make me sick, so to speak.
My third reason is a based one as well and it's just that I was feeling tired tonight. The sort of 'worn out from a day, brain keeps making mistakes' tired that isn't overtired and doesn't leave you with a new life and the mistaken sense that you can do anything perfectly.
So in summary, as a TL;DR, I have become the thing I used to despise: a slow, cautious driver that doesn't "enjoy" the hills drive like it can be "enjoyed" and is way too "normal," euck.
That said, if there's one thing I'd say to the bxstxrds running around in their glorious monsters of modified cars and doing the shxt so I don't have to, it'd be... I hecking admire it.
For now, I'll have to settle with not coming home and ending the drive in a cathartic, ecstatic thrill born from the experience of racing my beloved car around a winding, hilly road some time late in the night, and defying drop-offs and native animals to drive at the maximum speed I was capable of, often far above the "recomended speed for xyz turn" signs. >.<
Last night I got home pretty late, about 11:40pm or something, then I watched some TV and stuff before going to bed a bit later. I can't remember what time it was that I went to sleep, but it might have ended up been around 3:30 am. I was thinking about how I've 'matured' in certain areas and one of those being the way I have been keeping a fairly decent sleep schedule this time housesitting. I mean, I have pretty much been sticking to being awake in the day and asleep in the night like most people are, unlike last time I was here when I would love having the chance to stay away until five or six or later in the morning. Anyhow, I go to sleep and if I slept for the normal eight or nine hours, I would have woken up around midday. Instead... I come too, and open my eyes thinking I had woken up during the night for some reason because it's dark. I lay there for a bit, still waking up and clearing my head, and then I have the thought... This has happened before. Did I somehow sleep far too long and then wake up in the next evening? I grab my phone and check and sure enough... 6:45 pm. It's completely dark outside and I've slept for about 14 hours straight! I don't know what this means. I do believe in the 'sleep debt' thing, but that's usually only for recent sleep deficiencies. As I said, I've been getting pretty much enough sleep lately. Is it just because I'm a sound sleeper and nothing happened that could wake me up? I've slept through the gardener coming and mowing the lawns before. But that means that my body clock is broken, because even if nothing happens to wake me up, I should really be woken up at a decent time by my body clock, right? And it usually works out that way. I'll usually wake up after I get the normal eight/nine hrs of sleep. Not this time though. Or perhaps it's because it's getting colder and I'm going into hibernation. LOL.
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