Long Live Stupid PCs

*Context- Two of our adopted Tabaxi children had been kidnapped by some of the bad guys that got away last time we fought. But the party is on a timer as the main red dragon got an upgrade and is starting to attack the city*

BBEG “If you fight us now, you’ll just be wasting your time” 

Bard *to party members* “Ok, does anyone here want to not fight them right now?”

Literally no one opposes 

*Context- Our ranger was talking about his past character, Drakkar, we started then talking about how little we had known about that character.*

Ranger OOC “Yeah Drakkar was left as a baby at a monastery. The only thing with him was a letter”

Bard “What letter was it? A, B?”

*Context- Our party has now discovered that the rogue, fighter, and sorcerer kidnapped and gave the NPC that our ranger was in love with, to the bad guys. The same bad guys that are trying to end the world.*

Bard *speaking to rogue* “Explain to me how you aren’t evil!”

Rogue “I have kids.”

Bard “That doesn’t make you not evil.”

*context- our party was fighting a punch of bad guys and one character recited a mystery spell which ended up encasing almost everything in magic crystal. This of course got us in trouble with the local authorities, who we just helped a lot so in attempt to not get arrested the bard tried to level with said authority*

*Context- Our party needed to try and find a bad guy named Desier, one way we thought to locate him is by standing in the street and loudly saying that he “is a punk ass bitch”. We kept making up different insults but this one stuck. Later one of the PCs got surprised attacked by said bad guy and the rest of the party had to run to catch up with her. While running we kept making up insults and decided that our characters were actively writing down roasts while running which was even funnier to us because nothing would be legible* 

Runechild trying to read our roasts

*Context- our party was talking out of game. One of the players helps make a lot of NPCs and we were discussing how many he actually made. One of them being our Ranger’s mother*

Ranger- “Aaaawww you made my mommy Igva. You’re like my grandpa...”

*context- Our party was fighting some gang members in a town named Turnstead. It’s safe to say that they destroyed the town and we did some hefty damage as well*

*context- Our party got ambushed and it’s lookin bad. One of our characters is at 0 hp another is down to 16 hp after being down twice. One of the PCs just did 7 damage to one of the attackers.*

*Context- One of our party members wants to propose to a NPC, he decides to ask one of the other characters if they have a ring. Our female runechild has a ring*

Runechild- “Ok, I’ll give you this ring on one condition; I get to be your best man.”

Ranger- “Deal! Oh man this is gonna be great! I’m planning on asking [Triton Bard] to officiate the wedding”

Runechild- “Cool I-”

*context- Our rogue was getting some interesting items from a shop*

Rogue- “Wait this can turn me into liquid?”

Dm- “Kinda bu-

Iman- “So you can drink me??? :))))”

*Context- This was from when our party was planning the epic party. Our runechild was raised in nobility so she was very confused by how different our party was compared to the high society's galas*

Rogue- “No no no you can’t go to da club on a Monday”

Bard- “But you can go on a Tuesday; that’s when it’s going up!” 

*context- Our party learned the location of two magical tattoo shops, one of the shops was right by a volcano and is run by monks. The other one is in a port in the next continent over*

Bard- “But I don’t wanna go to a volcano! I want to go the ocean and be on the beach!”

*Context- Our party ended up with a huge trash bag full of weed, so the only logical solution was to throw a rockin party!*

DM- “So (PC who bought the huge bag) is passing out all the joints, you probably have them in between your fingers like wolverine right?”

Player 2 *drinking out of his cup using redvines as a straw*

Player 3 *telling him to make a redvines flute*

*Context- Our party was trying to invade a tower. 3 players went inside, the cult saw through our disguises and poisoned/parallelized 2 of the players. Our fighter dragged both players onto the balcony with him.*

DM- “So, what are you [fighter] going to do?”