Okay, so imagine they're a wizard, right...

Trina, Falsettos

I'm tired of all the happy men who rule the world

They grow—of that I'm sure

They grow—but don't mature

I'd like the chance to hide in that world

Do all put-upon housewives go in Hufflepuff? Helen Bechdel,  Eliza Schuyler-Hamilton, Trina....something.

I was supposed to make the dinner

Make it pretty on his place

Every wife should pull her weight

Have it ready, make it tasty

And love him

Well, it is the House of toil, and Trina works her ass off. For most of her life, her duty was being a consummate homemaker: cleaning the house, cooking the meals, raising the child. This, by itself, is a feat, but it’s especially challenging with a demanding, short-tempered husband like Marvin. Still, Trina stays with him...for better or worse.

Chop chop chop chop chop

I chopped it

It’s a gourmet version of chicken marengo

Took me all day

I’ll say t’was worth the time

I lie

If “caretaking” were a super-power, it would be Trina’s. When her family’s psychiatrist makes house visits, she cooks for him. She continues to cook for Marvin even after he leaves her for a man.  She’s even kind to Marvin’s lover and supports him through his illness. But helping others is also Trina’s main defense mechanism. She avoids confronting her own problems by pretending everything is OK until it all breaks down.

I hold to the ground

As the ground keeps shifting

I hold to the ground As the ground keeps shifting Keeping my balance square Trying not to care about this man who Marvin loves But that's my life He shared my life Yes, that's my life

Trina has an incredible sense of loyalty and empathy which often translates putting her needs behind the needs of others. It’s not always a good thing, but it’s a core part of her character. She also shows tremendous inner strength to support needy people who are often incapable of supporting her in turn.

*This sorting brought to you by godlessondheimite

Elder Cunningham, The Book of Mormon

With Elder Cunningham’s unwavering support and positive energy, I imagine it’s tempting to put him in Hufflepuff. However, Elder Cunningham is a specific type of Ravenclaw: a Luna Lovegood Ravenclaw. They’re both quirky and eccentric with peculiar ways of looking at the world. As a result, they do not have many friends but when they forge a connection, they’re utterly devoted.

Elder Cunningham might not show a lot of book smarts--for example, he doesn’t know where Uganda is and he couldn’t get through the Book of Mormon because it’s “so boring” (it is; I’ve tried, and I’m also Ravenclaw).  But Elder Cunningham is a good old-fashioned nerd. He knows Star Wars, Star Trek, and Lord of the Rings like gospel...even if he doesn’t know the actual Gospel.

Cunningham conceptualizes the world through these interests. Instead of dreading his Mission in Uganda, he compares it to Lord of the Rings: “I can see how this is a lot like The Lord of the Rings. You’re Frodo and I’m Samwise and we’re fighting against impossible odds.” When circumstances change, he shifts his narrative and positions himself as the hero. It’s unconventional, but it works.

Cunningham is also quick-witted and inventive. When the Ugandans resist learning about the Book of Mormon, he doesn’t adhere to rigid Scripture like Elder Price did. He adapts. He uses his vast nerdlore to create a new religion that actually appeals to his new audience.

*This sorting brought to you by godlessondheimite

Kei Kimura: Slyhterin

Kei was a bit of a hatstall for me, I was stuck trying to decide between Gryffindor and Slytherin and when I reached out for help, everyone told me Hufflepuff. Well, I’ve settled on Slytherin and so let’s see if I can’t defend that view. Let’s go.

The people who say that she’s a Hufflepuff say that’s because she’s taking care of Sammy and putting her own dreams on a back burner for her family. I can’t deny that she does that, however I would say that she’s doing that because it’s what expected of her, not because it’s truly what she wants to be doing. Look at Wishes On The Wind:

I wish that I didn’t have to play the mother,

Though it would tear Papa apart,

I’ve got to make a brand new start!

So let’s look at why she might be a Slytherin, instead!

Cunning: having or showing skill in achieving one’s ends by deceit or evasion

For this we need look no further than the reprise of Resist, when she realizes that in order to save Frankie, they need to tell his story- but how do to do that when there’s sensors checking their mail?

So here is the plan, smuggle out what we can-

Or go out in a blaze of glory!

Does anyone have any friends who can help?

We can bribe a guard or two!

Ambition: a strong desire to do or to achieve something, typically requiring determination and hard work

This can be shown in almost everything Kei does, particularly in Higher:

Soaring higher up than anything

Higher, I want something more

I dreamed I’d reach for greater things,

My eyes upon those golden rings, I’ll take what chance the future brings

And soar!

How is that not ambitious?

Determination: firmness of purpose; resoluteness

See, This Is Not Over:

If I had to do it all again, I would.

Or Stronger Than Before:

We are women who move mountains in the middle of a war!

Abigail Adams: Gryffindor

Abigail is a very minor character, never appearing in person, only in letters with John, but from what little we see of her, it’s clear that she’s a Gryffindor.

She clearly stands up for what she believes, refusing to make the saltpeter for her husband until he agrees to get all of the ladies their straightpins. However, even though they fight and he is so far away, in Yours, Yours, Yours she makes it abundantly clear that she is honoring the commitment she made to him.

In the end, John Adams’ reminder of what he’s fighting for and what reenergizes him is when Abigail sends the saltpeter, coming through for him when he needs her, like a Gryffindor tends to do.

Ali Goodman: Hufflepuff

Happy Friday, everyone! Who’s ready to party?

As I explained when I sorted Steven, I’ve only seen In Transit twice, and the first time I saw it I hadn’t slept in 32 hours, so this sorting is on shaky ground, to the say the least.

Ali is shown to be an extremely loyal person- the reason she’s in New York in the first place is because she followed her boyfriend, even though they hadn’t been together very long. She left her home, her education, her parents- all for the sake of a boy.

As for hard work, Ali ran a marathon! The amount of effort it would take to train for that, as well as all the hard work she’s willing to put in when at the end of the show she decides to go back to school to get her degree.

Sonny: Ravenclaw

Like a lot of Ravenclaws, Sonny is more of a feeling than actual proveable evidence, and you could point him into almost any other house, but when watching In The Heights, I always feel like he’s more of a Ravenclaw.

You can see this in 96,000-

With ninety-six thousand, I’d finally fix housin’

Give the barrio computers with wireless web browsin’

Your kids are livin’ without a good edjumication

Change the station, teach 'em about gentrification

The rent is escalatin’

The rich are penetratin’

We pay our corporations when we should be demonstratin’

What about immigration?

Politicians be hatin’

Racism in this nation’s gone from latent to blatant

I’ll cash my ticket and picket, invest in protest

Never lose my focus 'til the city takes notice

And you know this man! I'll never sleep

Because the ghetto has a million promises for me to keep!

Sonny seems to be the only one in the group that has a clear idea of ways he could actually cause change- though changing the world is a pricey endeavor and 96,000 certainly wouldn’t cover the whole bill, as a Ravenclaw would, Sonny clearly has put a lot of thought into this.

This is also evident in Carnaval del Barrio, when everyone else is celebrating and throwing caution to the wind and Sonny is the only one who’s remaining with sensibility about what all of this actually means:

Listen up, is that what y’all want?

We close this bodega, the neighborhood is gone!

They selling the dispatch and they closing the salon

And they’ll never turn the lights back on, ‘cause we are powerless, we are powerless

And y’all keep dancin’ and singin’ and celebratin’

And it’s gettin’ late and this place disintegratin’

Though for me, one of the most Ravenclaw lines I’ve ever seen is in the Finale, after Usnavi sees the grate.

“He hates it.”

“Shhh. He’s forming an artistic opinion.”

That just seems to fit Ravenclaw so much better than any other house.

Chris Hargensen: Slytherin

This week’s Slytherin is Carrie the musical’s HBIC, Chris Hargensen! I briefly mentioned her on this blog once before, when I sorted the Heathers into Slytherin, stating that she also sorted there, and I still stand by it.

For starters, let’s look at The World According To Chris:

My daddy taught me you get nowhere being nice,

So now I’m sharing his advice:

The world according to Chris is better to strike than get struck

Better to screw then get screwed,

You’d probably think it’s bizarre

But that’s the way things are!

Chris comes out on the offensive before anyone else has even attacked. It’s a decisive way to keep and sustain power, which is a rather Slytherin trait. Another thing that Slytherins are known for is their problem solving, they’re the type to come up with solutions that other people would never think of, which I believe Chris demonstrates and we can see from the way Billy speaks to her. Two examples.

Example one:

“Who are you calling stupid shit? This whole thing was your idea!”

“Damn straight it was. And it’s going to be good.”

Example two:

You always amaze me with the way that you think,

If I was your daddy, I would buy you a shrink.

Chris is also shown as being very determined- throughout the show, multiple people tell her to just let it go, to forget about it, and yet she stays steady and stable throughout the entire show, her eyes set on getting Carrie back for the humiliation she experienced.

Jason: Gryffindor

Hi, guys! Sorry for the hiatus, working full time and running two blogs that update regularly is pretty difficult, but we are back at it, so let’s go!

This week our Gryffindor is the very overdue Jason. As I said when I sorted my first Ordinary Days character, every house is represented in those characters. Since then, we’ve done all the others, leaving only our Gryffindor, Jason.

In my experience, Gryffindors are the type to see things as black and white. They don’t have really spend the time to think about the intricacies, or to consider many alternate viewpoints. You see this in Jason’s reaction at the Met:

I’m unimpressed by Clint and Dali,

It takes a sharper eye

To paint things like they’re supposed to be!

Give me a portrait where a face is a face,

Don’t give me theories about “negative space”

Why would I care about what isn’t there?

There is also a certain impatience that often comes with Gryffindors- they want to go and do and get things done, not to sit and wait. You see this impatience in the same song, a little earlier.

Hey, come on let’s go! We’ve got a whole museum to visit, we should probably pick up on the pace!

You can also see this in The Space Between, when he describes the decision to move in together with Claire after only a year together in a way that implies perhaps he didn’t quite thing the decision all the way through:

The best thing I ever did might be saying “Screw it!” and getting rid of the space between!

We also see this same thing in Fine, when they’re fighting and he blurts out a marriage proposal, clearly unplanned.

I must go on a hiatus for at least this week. My job interview went so well they offered me the position on the spot and I start training tomorrow, and since none of you heckers have ever volunteered to help me with this, I need to focus on adjusting to my new schedule as I haven’t worked full time in over a year.

Princess Mary: Hufflepuff

Happy Friday, everyone! We made it through another week! Give yourself a solid pat on the back.

This Friday we have my homegirl, Princess Mary, who is pretty much the poster child for Hufflepuffs anywhere.

In The Private And Intimate Life Of The House, we see that she is almost solely responsible for caring for her father, which we know is not an easy task, not just because of the physical burden, but also the toll of his constant emotional abuse against her. Despite that, however, she remains loyal to him. See the ending of the song:

He is old and feeble, and I dare to judge him. I disgust myself.

Or how upset she is at how badly she got off on the wrong foot with the woman that her brother, who she adores, loves:

Dear Natasha, I am in deep despair at the misunderstanding there is between us. Whatever my father's feelings might be, I beg you to believe that I cannot help loving you. He's a tired old man and must be forgiven. Please, come see us again.

Mary is extremely loyal to her family, even when they vastly mistreat her.

Alfie Byrne: Ravenclaw

Good news everyone, other than a small bruise, my wrist is feeling a lot better! And I have a job interview today, so wish me luck!

Today we have Alfie Byrne, from A Man Of No Importance as a Ravenclaw, so let’s go!

Wisdom:

the quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgment; the quality of being wise.

By the end, Alfie is much more wise than when he started, illustrated by the conversation he has with Adele at the beginning of the reprise of Love Who You Love.

“I’ve learned a horrible lesson.”

“About me?”

“About myself.”

He also displays wisdom in his big eleven o’clock number, Welcome To The World:

For life is clearly something that I can’t rehearse,

It’s dangerous and beautiful and free as verse

And rather than avoid it, high time I stood in it’s way!

Welcome to the world!

I am in the world!

That should be enough.

And that’s all I have to say.

Wit:

1 mental sharpness and inventiveness; keen intelligence:

2 a natural aptitude for using words and ideas in a quick and inventive way to create humor:

Okay, this one is almost too easy. See, Man In The Mirror:

Alfie, you have a biting wit.

That’s literally in the script! And when Oscar Wilde is calling you witty, you know you’re onto something.

Learning:

1 the acquisition of knowledge or skills through experience, study, or by being taught.