Dungeons and Drag Stars @murder-quotes - Tumblr Blog

Dog: I'm a sleeve hater with very high standards, alright? If I'm gonna be displaying these deadly weapons I wanna do it in a nice case, y'know?

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Dog: did you let ursa have a gun?

Shade: no

Dog: then why does she have one?

Shade: listen, you can try to take a gun from a bear if you want, tell me how it goes. I'm not touching that.

#murder quotes~#dog #shade #shade softstep

Dog: Give us more time to catch the murderer.

Head of the Usterix: No, but you can play with this kaleidoscope.

Dog: What? A kaleidoscope? I'm not 5 - shapes and colors.

Dog: Candy, the worst thing you can do in these situations is take things into your own hands.

Candy: Got it.

Candy: *hangs up*

Candy: We’re gonna have to take matters into our own hands.

#Dog #Candy #Candy Cain #Murder Quotes~

Candy: Must be hard not being able to laugh.

Ziazan: I do have a sense of humor you know.

Candy: I’ve never heard you laugh before.

Ziazan: I’ve never heard you say anything funny.

#Candy #Candy Cain #Ziazan #Ziazan Ederiss #Murder Quotes~

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Dog: What does it mean when you have a bunch of crows hanging out in your backyard? Asking for a friend.

Coal: It means you have new friends!

Dog: Are these good new friends or “death is coming” sort of new friends?

Coal: Yes!

#Dog #Coal #Murder Quotes~

Ali: here’s my dossier on all of alastor’s moves and strategies to beat him.

Dog: why are some of the pages written in crayon?

Ali: i started compiling it when we were kids.

#Ali #Dog #NPCs #Murder Quotes~

Ali: Your kids are doing excellent.

Dog: W-what? They're not my kids.

Ali: Surely they must be?

Dog, to the area at large: Okay, whoever thought these four were my kids, raise your hands.

Everyone in the room: [raises hand.]

Dog:...

Dog: Sabell, Ziazan, Candy, and Ursa - put your hands down.

#NPCs #Dog #Sabell #Ziazan #Ziazan Ederiss #Candy #Candy Cain #Ursa #Ursa Major #Murder Quotes~

Ziazan: I despise being touched. The only physical contact I tolerate is the feeling of my fist colliding with my opponent's jugular.

Dog: Sabell is literally hugging you right now.

Ziazan, hugging Sabell tighter: That is COMPLETELY different-

#Ziazan #Ziazan Ederiss #Dog #Sabell #Murder Quotes~

Waiter: And what will you be having?

Candy: The Unborn!

Dog, exhausted: Eggs. She wants eggs.

#Candy #Candy Cain #Dog #Murder Quotes~

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Sabell: This tree is completely hollow inside but still totally alive. Wow!

Shade: Me too bitch you ain’t special

#Sabell #Shade #Shade Softstep #Murder Quotes~

Coal: Who's turn is it to give the pep-talk?

Dog: [sighing] Ziazan's.

Ziazan: Fuck shit up out there, but don't die.

Sabell: [claps]

Candy: [wiping away a tear] Inspirational.

#Coal #Dog #Ziazan #Ziazan Ederiss #Sabell #Murder Quotes~

Shade: Alcohol may not solve your problems but neither will water or milk.

#shade #shade softstep #murder quotes~#tw alcohol #alcohol #drinking

Sabell: I just leveled up, what should I put in my spellbook?

Candy: Put spaghetti in it

Sabell: I’m taking suggestions from literally anyone but you

Ursa: Put spaghetti in it

Sabell: I’m taking suggestions from anyone but you two

Caius: Put spaghetti in it

Sabell: I’m no longer taking suggestions

#Sabell #Candy #Candy Cain #Ursa #Ursa Major #Caius #Murder Quotes~

Dog: How do I beat up a demon?

Dog: Just as an FYI, I WILL figure out a way to beat this demon up, that's not a question. I'm just asking if someone has already experimented with this, or if I'm gonna have to 1800's pioneer that shit.

Dog: I'm sorry if this isn't exactly coherent, I'm just real fucking mad right now.

#Dog #Murder Quotes~

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Caius: Apparently, it was Rude™ of me to pitch in my two cents on a conversation I happened to overhear, despite agreeing with them. On an unrelated note, I am no longer allowed in the ceiling vents.

#Caius #Murder Quotes~

Candy: I'm an adult! I do grown-up things! Independence!

Candy, 5 minutes later: ...hey Coal, what are taxes...

#Candy #Candy Cain #Murder Quotes~

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