early in its life, the doll suffered a collapse of its self. betrayal had bereft it of any understanding of itself. it thought it did everything right. it thought it could be loved.
yet, for whatever reason, its closest companions had left it alone. its attempt to feel human was met with resent.
after wading through the ichor of self-hatred, it found scraps of itself floating. little bits of pieces of personality. faceless, it sought to, perhaps, try again. it would create a mask that it fit, it loved, and would be loved by everyone else.
her demeanor would be cute, loving, kind, and even mischievous. bright-eyed and cheery, she would be the life of the party. everyone would love her. everyone had to love her. if they didn't, then what would be the point?
but, it lived a double life. it couldn't face others as the girl, for it doubted that anyone in front of it would accept this different, lovable mask. it wore the mask of a fractured boy, scared and distrustful. his demeanor was snarky, quippy, and though gentle towards most, he had a tendency to snap.
for so long, it wore both masks on and off, only showcasing the girl to those who couldn't see it past the lights and protecting itself with the boy. the divide worsened with time, and its personalities were beginning to collapse once again.
why? after everything, why is it happening again?
it had to decide. should it become a man--
no, its stomach would rather gouge and shred itself than bear the thought of going back to the mask.
the girl became the mask it wore, exclusively. though more vulnerable, it was happier. it felt right. this new mask it wore, it could finally be happy with itself.
and, for many years, it was all okay. masculinity became a distant memory...
...in a perfect world. constantly at odds with its perception of itself, it felt like there was a piece missing. there was a gap that it couldn't quite fill. what belongs? what should be there?
and, so, it looked back at the mask of the boy. he was beaten, tattered, broken. for so long, he had been neglected, shown no sympathy. but the boy deserved so much better. he wanted to be human too. was he wrong for this? was it so wrong to be a boy?
the doll picked up the mask once again. it couldn't bear the thought of being a man, but... perhaps a different relationship could be explored. a man who wasn't quite a man. if it wanted, the boy could become something a little different.
so, it became luna. it gave the masks names: mura and topaz. and it loved them. and its friends loved them, too. both of them.
its world became a little bit more colorful
2087
tangentwithtanner
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