声変わり

you don’t believe in love at first sight.

the concept of a total stranger, someone you knew nothing about—name, preferences, childhood, nothing—suddenly becoming the person that consumed your thoughts sounded ridiculous. your friends would come to you with stories of attractive strangers in bars, in coffee shops that ask for their number and then proclaim how madly in love they were only to turn around and disappoint them, ghost them, or both.

“hi, i think we’re walking together.”

a voice cuts through your thoughts as you angrily scroll through the last of your dating app matches when you look up and your breath is caught in your throat and you nearly choke. a pair of feline eyes stare back at you, sunlight pouring through the windows reflecting in them and painting them a shade of brown you swear you’d never seen before. the guy standing before you, clad in one of the groomsmen’s suits, nods his head in a slight bow when you meet his gaze.

“huh?” you feel the heat rush to your cheeks in a shade similar to the blush the makeup artist had applied not more than an hour ago. suddenly, your emerald bridesmaid dress feels too tight and your hands itch at your sides to adjust the satin fabric. he blinks at you expectantly, a sheepish smile tugging at the corner of his full lips. “yeah, i think so.” you offer your name to him and he repeats it in a tone that makes your heart thunder against your ribcage.

“i’m nicholas.” he shifts his weight, lowering a hand into his pocket as he leans against one of the decorative tables beside the dressing rooms. “i think yudai’s mentioned you before.”

“yeah, we went all went to the same college,” you answer with a soft smile and an immodest shrug. “i set them up together, actually.”

“oh, so you’re a master matchmaker?” nicholas asks in a teasing tone. “you got a good track record?”

“they’re getting married!” you counter, crossing your arms over your torso as a chuckle slips past his lips. “i think that’s pretty solid evidence of my success.”

“might need to recruit your services then,” he replies, a mischievous glint flickering across his eyes as his smile grows wider. your mind goes blank at the sight, the only thing saving you from becoming a sputting, nervous wreck the sound of euijoo calling nicholas back into the groom’s suite to finish getting ready.

“i’ll see you downstairs,” nicholas calls out, leaving with a trace of his cologne kissing your skin. you swallow once, staring after him even when he’s long gone. you shake your head to free yourself from the trance and glance back down at your phone for a moment before deleting each and every dating app. 

maybe love at first sight wasn’t the craziest idea out there.

the string quartet positioned beside the ceremony arches begin to play, the music drawing everyone’s attention to the back of the pathway where the wedding party was entering from. yudai leads the charge, handsome as ever with his brunet hair swept back from his face and his suit perfectly tailored to his frame. you shuffle behind the first two pairs of groomsmen and bridesmaids with one hand clutched around the stems of a small bouquet of jasmines and your other holding onto nicholas’ bicep.

even through the thick suit jacket, you can feel the way his muscles flex and your mind becomes flooded with images of what his arms might look like when they’re not covered in layers of fabric. nicholas glances at you from the corner of his eye with a smile that quells the inevitable nerves you feel before joining him to walk down the aisle.

the guests beam at the pair of you, despite the fact that you weren’t the couple they’d come out to see. your friends seated near the front silently cheer you on with mouthed praises of how good you looked, while a handful of guys you faintly recognize from yudai’s friend group grin at him until you come to a halt before the altar. nicholas offers his hand to you and guides you to your spot before assuming his own behind yudai.

your chest tightens as you watch your best friend walk down the aisle, the train of her dress lending to her entrance as tears well in her eyes at the sight of everyone. yudai presses a palm to his chest dramatically, as if he’d been shot in the heart. you laugh under your breath at his theatrics, catching nicholas’ eye as he does the same.

as the ceremony comes to a close after tearful vows and a kiss that earns a resounding cheer from the guests, you follow the rest of the wedding party out to the gardens for photos with the newly wedded couple. the familiar scent of cologne trails behind you with nicholas at your heel. you try to remain unfazed by it—after all, you’d known him for all but a few hours—and focus on the photographer’s instructions.

after what felt like an eternity of poses and not-so-candid laughter, you turn your head to find nicholas approaching you with identical drinks you assume he swiped from the cocktail bar. he hands you one and you accept it graciously, taking a sip with a blissful sigh.

“i can’t tell you how much i needed that,” you mutter under your breath at him. “if i hear ‘pop that right leg out’ one more time, i’m rolling down this hill and straight into that river.” nicholas nearly chokes on his drink, dissolving into a stifled laugh.

“well, good thing i came to the rescue, then,” he chides, swallowing down the rest of his drink when he’s summoned to his series of duo pictures with yudai. you watch as the two men nag at one another with broad smiles while the photographer adjusts them beneath the setting sun. the girls mingle with the rest of the groomsmen, awaiting the grand entrance into the reception when euijoo stands beside you.

“how you doing?” he asks. aside from yudai, euijoo was one of the few people you remained close to after college.

“i think i’m in love.”

“you’re—you’re what now?” euijoo’s eyes widen slightly in surprise. “since when?” you don’t answer, your eyes still fixated on nicholas as he flashes a broad smile for the camera. euijoo follows your gaze and arches a brow when he realizes what you were focused on.

“you’re into nico?”

“no, no,” you correct him, a finger lifted in the air to emphasize the correction. “i said love.”

“well, love is a strong word—”

“i said what i said,” you reply defiantly, the hint of a laugh in your voice as you finally shift your eyes away from nicholas. “can’t you help a girl out?” euijoo looks down at you, amused as ever before he sighs and rolls his eyes playfully.

“i’ll see what i can do.”

hours have passed since then, the reception in full swing with a crowded dance floor and slurred lyrics shouted over the music. the wedding party was at the center with drinks in hand and shoes tossed under tables around the room. for the first time all night, you’re pulled from your thoughts and focus on having a good time, swaying to the rhythm with long sips of your tequila-and-sprite concoction in between.

at least, you were until nicholas rejoined the group. he was back with a fresh drink in hand, his hair fallen from its styling in loose, messy strands over his eyes. his cheeks were flushed from the liquor, his suit jacket long gone in exchange for two undone buttons on his dress shirt. you try your best not to stare at his exposed skin and down the rest of your drink as if that would help silence your thoughts.

you become all too aware of the way your hair cascades over your shoulders, of the way you hike your skirt up just slightly to have an easier time dancing. the girls cheer as you move lower and lower to the the ground in time with the reggaeton song that blasts through the speakers, the bass resounding against the walls.

you barely have time to straighten when you feel a hand in yours to guide you a few steps away as the song carries on. nicholas’ half-lidded eyes meet your own in a drunken stare, his smile giddy as he drapes an arm around your waist to pull you closer.

fuck. oh, fuck.

you’re unable to think straight beyond a combination of nerves and the influence of the liquor coursing through your system. you’d been staring at this man for what felt like the entire night, from the moment he approached you before the ceremony to now when you were both borderline drunk, inches from one another.

just as you’re about to lean into his touch to follow his lead in the dance, the volume of the song lowers enough for an older woman to drape a hand over nicholas’ arm to steer him away. the pair of you blink as if you’d been yanked from a hallucination and stare back at the woman expectantly.

“nicholas, i haven’t seen you since you were a little boy!” she coos, pinching his cheek affectionately. he flinches from the touch with an embarrassed smile, trying his best to not seem taken aback by her sudden greeting.

“hello, aunty,” he replies, bowing his head and shifting the drink in his hand behind his back. “are you enjoying yourself?”

“of course!” she chirps as her bangles tumble against her wrists. “tell me, honey, are you seeing anyone?”

“no, aunty, but i—”

“you have to meet my niece! you’d be great together.” she glances around the room in an attempt to find the girl in question. “let me go find her.”

without thinking, you reach for nicholas’ hand and tug him to the bar for a much-needed refill. he heaves a sigh of relief when you’re out of the older woman’s line of sight and orders two more drinks for the pair of you. with a scoff, you accept the cup from the bartender with a smile in his direction before taking a sip and looking back to nicholas.

“thank you,” he says, “i don’t even remember who that was.”

“i might need to up my game if i want to compete with these aunties when it comes to matchmaking,” you laugh, following as nicholas walks towards one of the lounge areas just outside of the reception. the cool night air welcomes you, kissing your skin glistening with sweat from hours of dancing. you settle against one of the balcony railings, nicholas beside you as he looks out into the dimly lit gardens.

“i’m surprised none of them have tried to come after you tonight,” he points out, the rim of his glass at his lips as he peers over at you. silence stretches between you for a moment as you shrug, stirring your drink absentmindedly.

“they have in the past. i think i’m just striking out tonight.”

“i don’t think so.”

“oh?” you turn to face him. “and what makes you say that?”

“well, i’m here with you right now, aren’t i?” nicholas gestures to himself with wide arms and an even wider grin that earns an eye roll from you.

“i guess,” you tease, catching his eye as he arches a brow at you.

something stirs within you, suddenly feeling exposed beneath his gaze as it flickers to your lips for the faintest of a second. the sound of the reception raging on inside becomes increasingly muffled as he closes the distance between you, inching forward until his lips ghost over yours and his hand is about to pull you in by the small of you back, when—

“guys, let’s go take some fucking shots!” maki shouts at the top of his lungs from the archway leading back into the ballroom. he barely registers the fact that you were close—so, so close—to kissing nicholas and sways against the doorframe before waving his hand for you to follow.

nicholas laughs at the interruption, backing away from you while you mentally prepare yourself to murder maki in his sleep. he offers his arm to you, matching your step to return to the bar as he makes small talk with questions about you outside of your role in the wedding.

another three shots later and you were absolutely done for the night. the reception was beginning to thin, yudai and his bride ready to leave for the honeymoon suite while the rest of the wedding party chattered around empty tables. you remain for as long as you can withstand until the sleep threatening to overcome you brings you to your feet. with your heels in hand and a yawn slipping past your lips, you wave goodbye to everyone and promise to find them in the morning for your planned farewell brunch.

the marble floors of the hotel lobby soothe your aching feet as you head towards the elevators. you hear footsteps behind you and look up as nicholas trails along to join you in heading upstairs to his own room.

“sure you can’t handle another round of shots with maki?” he jokes, earning a gentle shove from you as you shake your head.

“the only thing i want to handle right now is the hot tub in my room.”

“oh, i forgot about the hot tub,” he groans, stretching theatrically with excitement. you grin as you both step into the elevator and you reach for your key in the clutch you’d brought along.

or lack thereof.

“oh, fuck me,” you mutter under your breath, triple-checking as you sift through your bag. lip gloss, wallet, a photo strip from the booth that was at the reception. yet, not a single room key.

“you okay?” nicholas peers over your shoulder in question.

“i think i left my key in my room,” you groan, ready to step out into the lobby again to request a copy at the front desk when he catches your wrist. you glance back at him, at the way he swallows as he looks at you quietly. his mouth opens and closes several times, as if he can’t find the right words to say before he finally huffs a sigh and offers you another smile.

“you’re welcome to crash in my room,” he offers. “i’ll just take the sofa. and the hot tub’s all yours.”

you stare back at him before you ask, “what floor?”

“fifteenth.”

“i’m on the ninth, so you definitely have the better room,” you reply with a grin. “let’s go.”

nicholas’ room is impeccably clean, even with the whirlwind of getting ready for the wedding. his luggage is shoved neatly into the closet, nothing on his bathroom counter except for a small bag and the cologne you quickly recognize. he shuts the door behind you, following you in to where you stood at his windows.

“oh, your view is so much better than mine,” you huff, the full moon hanging over the ocean in the distance.

“i doubt that,” he replies, his voice lower than you’d heard from him for the first time that night. you look at him over your shoulder and arch a brow expectantly. it dawns on you that you’re in his room, away from anyone else. no photographers, no prying aunties, no getting pulled away for random conversations and excess tequila.

just you and him.

his eyes trail over you shamelessly this time, from head to toe, drinking in every last bit of you as your heartbeat thunders against your ribcage. he takes a tentative step towards you, the heat of his body mingling with yours. it becomes harder for your hands to remain at your sides and to not drag him down by the collar of his shirt.

you thank your lucky stars the second his lips find yours in a heated, messy kiss and grab at the loose fabric where his buttons were undone. his skin brushes against yours, warm to the touch as you melt beneath him. his fingers trace gentle strokes along your spine, settling on your waist when he comes up for air.

“i have been wanting to do that,” he breathes through a grin, “all fucking day.”

you mirror his expression and reclaim his lips, coaxing a whimper out of him that sends a shiver across your skin. your mind was reeling from a myriad of things—the intoxication, the fact that you were kissing nicholas, the feeling of his hands roaming across your body. he backs you against the window until the cool glass presses against your skin while his hands fish for the zipper at the back of your dress. the satin falls to the floor, exposing the matching set you’d intentionally worn in hopes of getting lucky tonight.

“god, you’re so pretty,” nicholas groans against your mouth, his fingers tracing the lace hem of your underwear and the boning on your corset. something feral awakens inside of him as he threads the same hand through your hair, tugging your head back so that he could press a string of kisses along your neck until he nips at your collarbone. your hands cling to his shoulders to keep yourself steady until he hoists you up by the back of your thighs to carry you to the bed.

the moment your back hits the sheets, you press your heel into the small of his back to draw him closer. nicholas finds your hands and pins them above your head, holding you hostage while his mouth finds its way lower and lower until he reaches the hem of your panties. you instinctively try to draw your legs together until he lifts one of them onto his shoulder with his free hand, leaving you fully exposed before him.

he looks up at you through his lashes, his eyes piercing yours from beneath the curtain of his tousled bangs. just the way his eyes met yours was enough to have you undone. he keeps his gaze focused on yours as he flattens his tongue against your clothed entrance, the friction drawing a moan out of you as your wrists twitch in an attempt to break free from his restraints. you can see faintly the way the corners of his mouth upturn as he smiles against your core, dragging the fabric to the side with his teeth before sliding his tongue into you.

you whimper through a string of curses and drop your head back onto the sheets, your eyes fluttering shut from the way his tongue glides between your folds and draws circles around your clit. he groans against you and the vibration stirs the pleasure gnawing at your core. you’re desperate to cling to him, to sink your nails into his shoulders and hold his face against you as he ate you out. the fact that his grip only tightened around your wrists was driving you insane.

“fuck, nicholas,” you mumble, your back arching off of the sheets when he flicks the tip of his tongue repeatedly against your clit. his eyes never leave yours, his pupils blown wide as he pushes your leg back further against his shoulder to spread you open for him. it’s when he glides his tongue past your entrance to taste every last bit of you that you feel your orgasm threatening to spill over. “oh fuck, that feels so good—”

he hums approvingly against you and you whimper again, your breathing growing more and more shallow until you feel yourself clench around nothing in anticipation of your climax. nicholas senses this and picks up his pace, moving instead to suck on your clit with increased pressure until you were writhing beneath him. a cry breaks free from your lips and your chest heaves as you shudder from his touch, relishing the last few moments of his mouth latched onto you before he lifts himself to meet you in another kiss. you groan at the taste of yourself and bite down on his bottom lip in retaliation.

“ngh,” he moans before squeezing your waist. his hand finally releases yours so that you’re able to unbutton the remainder of his dress shirt and slide it off, your manicured nails sinking into the skin between his shoulder blades. he hisses at the sting, burying his face in your neck as he lowers his hips to meet yours with slow, languid thrusts.

“you’re—ah!—so hot,” you whimper beneath him, taking in the way his own eyes roll back in his head from the friction. your praise only spurs him on, encouraging him to increase his pressure against your core before he bites down on your earlobe to stifle his groan.

“think you could be a good girl and take more?” he breathes. you drag your nails across the surface of his back in response as he huffs through a lazy, crooked grin.

the faint sound of his belt buckle coming undone resounds against your ears and you look up to find him moving your panties to the side just enough so that he could position himself at your entrance. you both let out a blissful sigh at the way his tip brushes against your entrance before he slides in, inch by inch until he bottoms out inside of you. he stretches you out more than you’d expected, your stomach in knots from the pleasure as you throw your head back with another curse. he begins to move and your hands settle on his shoulders, grounding yourself until you feel a hand at your throat with a gentle squeeze.

“look at me,” nicholas says through shallow breath, his hips snapping against yours as they fall into a steady rhythm. “let me see how good it feels.”

you can’t help but moan obediently, your eyes barely open as you struggle to hold his gaze. the feeling of him gliding against your inner walls nearly has you seeing stars as the bed trembles beneath you. he grabs your ankles and lifts them enough until they’re nearly on either side of your head, allowing him to go even deeper than before. the stretch draws a string of filthy sounds from you as you claw at his back, his shoulders, his arms. you finally settle your hands on his waist, feeling as he thrusts against your touch with a groan against the crook of your neck.

nicholas slows to a stop and you’re ready to snap at him until he guides you to flip over, on your hands and knees before him so that you were facing the mirror positioned at the corner of the room. he meets your eyes in the mirror, a nasty grin stretching across his features as he shoves himself back into you in one swift motion. you nearly scream at the sudden fullness and ball the sheets into tight fists as you buck forward.

“that’s it, baby,” he drawls, his words slurred between breathless thrusts, “you’re so fucking pretty.”

“fuck, nico,” you whine, already prepared for how sore your limbs were going to be in the morning. every nerve ending in your body is on fire and you lower your gaze until nicholas threads a hand back through your hair to hold you firmly in place for him. your mouth falls open with short, desperate gasps as he continues to ram into you at a relentless pace. you watch as his eyes drink in your reflection and you only hope you can commit the way he looks at you to memory.

“i’m—you’re gonna make me—ah—” you can barely form a coherent sentence through the pleasure rocking against your core, your body growing limp as your mind grows hazy with lust. you let out a final cry and collapse onto the sheets, writhing as nicholas’ pace begins to stagger from his own high. he fucks you through it, the feeling of his cum filling you until it’s dripping down the back of your thighs. he slows to a stop and pulls himself out of you, quick to hurry to the bathroom to grab washcloths and a bottle of water.

“looks like we definitely need the hot tub now,” he jests, earning a breathy laugh from you as you graciously accept the towels from him. the pair of you fall into silence for a moment before you move to reclaim your discarded dress when nicholas comes behind you and slips his arms around your waist.

you’re back to where you were standing not long before, peering through his tall windows out at the full moon that hung above the dark sea. only this time, you were both sweaty and breathless, with nicholas pressing another line of kisses along your neck as he hums against your skin.

“mm, i don’t think you’re gonna need that dress again just yet,” he murmurs, flicking his tongue against the shell of your ear. you can already feel the way his cock grows hard against the restraints of his boxers and shiver from pleasure at the thought.

“oh?” you ask, feigning ignorance. “why’s that?”

there’s not a day on campus that goes by that you don’t hear the name koga yudai.

sometimes it’s that he’s the top of the dean’s list at the end of the semester, the picture of academic excellence. other times it’s that him and the alpha delta tau fraternity were able to successfully fundraise and surpass the rest of greek row in their philanthropy efforts. not to mention that he was regularly a champion in regional track and field. he was good at everything and everything seemed to come to him easily, no matter the difficulty.

there was something about him that got under your skin. maybe it was the fact that he rarely had to really try to get anything he wanted, to be everyone’s favorite. or, maybe it was the fact that he knew he was good at just about everything and wasn’t particularly shy about accepting widespread praise.

yudai knew how you felt about him. as biology majors, you were regularly in overlapping classes. not to mention, you’d grown close to a handful of the adt boys and had seen him in passing more times than you needed to. he’d found a game in pushing your buttons, teasing and prodding at you until you’d snap at him and he’d giggle in your face.

“question,” your bioethics professor says during a friday afternoon class, staring back at the near-thirty of you sat before him, “is genetic enhancement morally sound? or, should we leave outcomes for traits like intelligence, physical abilities, appearance to natural variation?”

yudai doesn’t hesitate to share his thoughts first—then again, when does he—with long legs stretched into the aisle beside him. a strand of hair falls over his face as he leans back into his desk chair. “how different is genetic enhancement than anything else we’ve already done? tutors, physical training, cosmetic procedures. it’s the same, if not just earlier intervention.”

you gawk at him in disbelief as he continues, the professor’s eyes locked on his. “banning genetic mutation doesn’t necessarily stop it from happening. it just makes it more inaccessible than it could have been. natural selection clearly doesn’t benefit some more than others, wouldn’t this even the playing field?”

“oh, you’ve got to be kidding me,” you grumble, drawing long, angry strokes across your notebook with your pen absentmindedly. yudai picks up on your disapproval, cocking a brow as he cranes his head towards you.

“care to counter?” he asks, a slight grin lifting the corner of his mouth. you scoff and set your pen down.

“here they go,” jo mutters behind you, his voice soft but still carrying.

“how is it improving humanity if it becomes a pressure to enhance a person rather than allowing their variation to be accepted? who’s deciding who gets access? won’t it be left up to the elite? not everything needs to be optimized.”

“and where’s the issue in being genetically advantaged?” he asks, his smile growing wider and stirring rage deep within your chest. “enhancement is just logical.”

you nearly throw your pen at his head in retaliation. yudai was one of several descendants of an ancestral line of werewolves. as generations passed, their bloodline evolved from the traditional definition of wolves to something more human, just … superior. their instinct lines still ran strong, with heightened senses and more abled bodies. it was no surprise that he’d be in favor of genetically modifying a weaker race to keep up with him.

“oh, fuck off,” you counter with a scowl in his direction. the professor’s gaze shifts towards you in a silent warning at your language before he intervenes.

“as much as this is stimulating debate,” he says with a glance at the clock, “consider this a precursor to your midterm assignment. i’ll upload the instructions to our class portal and you can reach out to me with any questions.”

everyone files out, more than ready to end their day while you pack away your things into your tote bag. your blood was still boiling at yudai’s need to one-up you and only continued to when he leaned over your desk with a palm pressed against the wood.

“did i upset you?” he asks. if it weren’t for knowing his personality, any passer-by would have assumed he was being sincere. you glare up at him, met with wide brown eyes that are narrowed back at you in amusement.

“just peachy,” you scoff, slinging your bag over your shoulder and pushing past him to head into the hall. the sound of his footsteps trailing just behind you follows you out onto the cobblestone path that winds throughout campus. the late afternoon sun beats down on you, making your skin warm and your vision blurred when you glance over your shoulder at him. “can i help you?”

“are you coming tonight?” you know he’s referring to the frat pregame. nicholas had already texted you earlier begging you to put aside your grudges against yudai for a night of good drinks and dancing with him. it became increasingly hard to say no to him over the years—not that you were about to let this man know that.

“why’s it matter?” you ask, something akin to a smile gracing your features. “you haven’t had enough of me yet?”

“oh, never,” he teases, rocking on his heels with his hands stuffed in his pockets. “seriously, though. you should come out.”

“i’ll think about it.”

“you didn’t tell me to fuck off again, so i’ll consider it progress.” he flashes another grin at you, one that you’re sure would have had you swooning if you were any other girl on campus. he waves you off and heads towards greek row, pulled into passing conversation by another group of girls asking him about the very same party.

“that’s not cute.”

“i’m sorry, are you planning to buy me something new on such short notice?” you yell towards your phone propped up on your bedside table as you sift through your dorm’s closet.

“i would if i wasn’t responsible for setting up the house tonight,” nicholas retorts, frowning at you through the screen while he sets out red solo cups and bottles of liquor on the kitchen counter. “show me what you were thinking of earlier.”

“what, this?” you fish through the growing pile on the closet floor until you produce a worn leather jacket paired with a black miniskirt. nicholas peers back up, his eyes alight with approval. he brushes strands of faded pink hair from his line of sight as he nods once and returns to his task.

“that works. much better than the old shirt-and-oversized-cargos combo.”

“i’m sorry,” you mumble as you put away the rejected clothes, “i could have been the most comfortable one at the pregame.”

“well, you’re not going for comfy,” he laughs, finally picking up his phone to look at you properly. “are you not the same one saying that you’re trying to get your shit rocked?”

“i would never say such a thing,” you reply with mock offense at his vulgarity. he rolls his eyes, his smile not leaving his face.

“hey, if all else fails,” he teases, “you know where to find me.”

“funny.”

by the time you make it to the adt house, the moon hangs full and heavy in the sky and the air is chillier than earlier. the smell of overpowering cologne mingled with smoke trails through the front door when you enter, music blasting against the living room walls and the floors already sticky with spilled drinks. some of the guests call out to you in greeting and you wave them off as you drift into the kitchen for a much-needed drink.

“there’s my girl,” nicholas calls out, his words already slurred as he beckons you over from against the counter. a girl you don’t quite recognize stands against his hip between him and euijoo, but you grin at all of them before reaching for a solo cup.

“god, i need this,” you groan before tilting your head back and downing a long, slow sip of your tequila and lemonade concoction. the familiar burn hits the back of your throat and you hum contentedly before turning to the others. “it’s been a long fucking week.”

“what happened?” the girl asks, her head tilted. there’s not a thought behind her eyes and you’re sure she’s already half-gone, but you indulge her anyways.

“and then,” you continue, your drink nearly empty, “fucking yudai tried to go back and forth with me in class earlier. like, i’m ready for the weekend by this point. the last thing i want is to hear that annoying fucking voice of his—”

“—talking about me, baby girl?”

you whip your head around to find yudai towering over you, his brow arched in amusement as he reaches around you for the bottle of whiskey. nicholas stifles a drunken giggle beside you and you silence him with a smack against his stomach. euijoo and the girl slink away onto the patio, followed closely by nicholas until you’re left alone with yudai.

“yes, actually,” you answer coolly, refilling your own drink. “about how insufferable you are.”

“oh, you don’t mean that,” he chides, pouring brown liquor into his own cup. “not when everyone loves me.”

“humble.” you stop yourself from a dramatic eye roll at his words in exchange for returning to the living room where the party was in full swing when you nearly collide with a girl barreling into the kitchen.

“yudai!” she calls through a hiccup. “are you coming to play with us? i need a partner.”

you glance back at yudai, the grin on his face charming as ever as he approaches the girl with an arm looped around her waist. he doesn’t meet her eyes, his gaze fixated on you when he answers. “of course, doll.”

“whatever,” you grumble, drink in hand as you join the rest of the boys to watch the next game of pong. you don’t notice that yudai’s eyes linger on you just a fraction of a second longer than usual.

“dude, i need to get laid.” nicholas’ voice chirps from beside you later into the night, joining you on the couch while you watched the group grinding on one another at the center of the living room floor. his pink hair falls over his eyes as he leans his head against the cushions, his full lips contorted into a pout that you can’t help but laugh at.

“what, the one girl wasn’t interested?” you ask, the scrunch in his nose a sign that it hadn’t.

“she was definitely more into euijoo.” he runs a palm over his face in frustration and you pat his bicep affectionately, the buzz of liquor thrumming along your veins in a dangerous way. nicholas lowers his hand onto your thigh, opening one eye to peer over at you and the wicked smile that spreads across your face.

“hey, we can still have a little fun,” you offer, leaning into him. part of you was joking, while the other was equally as desperate as nicholas was for some kind of release after pent-up tension all week. he stares at you for a moment, a silent attempt to assess whether or not you were messing with him before his gaze lowers to your lips. you feel your heart hammer against your chest in time to the bass blaring against the walls when he sits up to pull you towards him with a hand pressed to the nape of your neck.

his lips collide with yours hungrily as he groans into your mouth and your eyes flutter shut. you were no stranger to making out with nicholas before. it was a complicated friendship. on one hand, you’d never see yourself dating him. on the other, you were never going to deny that you found him otherworldly attractive, as did he when it came to you. it was a fickle arrangement, an opportunity at the end of the night to let out your frustrations when you both struck out.

only this time, you had a spectator.

you don’t notice yudai standing in the corner of the living room, away from the crowd of girls that were prying for him to join them at the center of the dance floor. he takes the chance to catch his own breath, long fingers gripping the plastic of his solo cup as he fails to tear his eyes away from you. he doesn’t even pay attention to nicholas, only you. the way your lips part with pleasure when nicholas dips his head into the crook of your neck, your manicured fingernails raking through his pink waves and along the fabric between his shoulder blades.

he doesn’t know why he doesn’t look away. he should. he shouldn’t be paying attention to the way nicholas’ hand drifts further up your inner thigh, or the way you pull away with your forehead pressed to his with a knowing glint in your eyes. something stirs deep within him that he doesn’t quite recognize when he makes his way to the center of the living room, the crowd welcoming him with a loud cheer that cuts through the tension between you and nicholas.

“bro, c’mon,” he calls out to nicholas, the younger male looking up with him through hazy eyes before he looks at you with a shrug and lifts himself off of the couch. the scowl that grows on your face, evident with sexual frustration is a sight for his sore eyes when he beams at you and circles an arm around the nearest girl to grind against her.

that night, yudai’s head is spinning from the lingering buzz of liquor and the high of entertaining. he’s not entirely sure all who he danced with or the girl that was last in his lap, but he doesn’t care when his head hits the pillow and a blissful sigh leaves his lips. the house is quiet for the most part, save for whichever of the adt brothers had hookups in their rooms for the night and the lingering guests playing a card game mindlessly downstairs on the dining table.

his mind wanders to you, to that little skirt you wore that rode up your thighs and the way you looked up at him through your lashes. not once in the years that he’s known you has he paid such close attention to you at one of their parties, to the way that your body moved and the way your voice sounded when you snapped back at him. ever since he’s met you, it was like oil and water.

so, why the fuck was his cock so hard at the thought of you?

“what’s wrong, baby?”

your voice cuts through his inner turmoil and his eyes shoot open, met with yours as you look at him from the doorframe. his face contorts with confusion, arousal thrumming in his chest as you approach him and fall into his lap with his head propped up against the headboard. you drag a nail over his chest and he gasps from the friction, shifting his hips beneath you so that his growing erection was wedged against your soaked panties. he watches as you grind against him involuntarily, your back arched and your lips parted.

never once in his fucking life had he expected you to be in his lap. yet, here you were, in his room drunk off of liquor and pure need.

“fuck,” he mutters, his eyes fixated on the way your hips grind against his.

“ngh,” you groan in agreement, cupping your breasts through your bra with your head thrown back. “i need you to fuck me, yudai.”

suddenly, his mind goes blank and a gasp slips past his lips as he shoots up beneath the sheets. sunlight pours through the curtains, the frat house otherwise silent beyond the sound of his attempt to steady his breathing. yudai finally realizes what happened and drags a hand over his face with a groan. his hips are tight, blood rushing between his legs until his cock was painfully rigid.

he doesn’t have the time nor the capacity to process that he’d just had a dream about you. you, the same person whose buttons he loved to push and whose irritation filled him with glee. all he can think about is the fact that he needs to satisfy himself, and he needs to do it soon.

with his eyes falling shut again, yudai lowers a hand beneath the sheets and snakes it between his legs. a whimper slips past his lips and he grimaces at the pathetic sound, his fingers prodding past the hem of his boxers so that he can wrap a fist around his length. as much as he didn’t want to consider what could have led him to dreaming of you, he doesn’t care. all he can focus on is how tight his chest feels and how desperately he needed to think of his cock buried in you while you moaned his name.

the image spurs him on with long, languid strokes that cause his chest to rise and fall in staggered breaths. he shoves the sheets aside, suddenly stifled by how warm and restrictive they feel as he falls into a steady rhythm pumping along his length. his hair falls over his eyes and he squeezes them shut with a string of frustrated grunts through bared teeth. no matter the pace nor the pressure, it just wasn’t satisfying enough. it wasn’t you riding him, grinding against his hips and begging for him to fuck you harder.

and even then, why the fuck was he even thinking of that?

he allows himself to succumb to the fantasy—if only for a moment. he thinks about what you’d sound like with your lips over his cock, the way you’d look up at him through your lashes and your brows would be furrowed from him hitting the back of your throat until you nearly gag.

a heavy pant builds up in his throat as he pumps his hand faster, his fist tightening as he feels pressure build in his stomach. he bites down on his free hand in an attempt to stifle the moan that threatens to escape, a few more strokes leading him to cum in thick, white streaks into the palm of his hand.

yudai finally comes to as he cleans himself up, dissolving into mental turmoil as he shakes his head.

“no fucking way.”

just your luck, you see yudai at the house later that day when you choose to join nicholas in his room so that you could work on your respective assignments together. saturday afternoons were typically quiet at the adt house, with half of the brothers dead asleep and hungover and the others out studying before going out for round two the next night. typically, yudai was one of the latter. you were surprised when he peers through nicholas’ doorframe, looking straight at you.

“what are you doing here?” he asks blankly, his expression unreadable.

“what does it look like?” you ask, gesturing to your laptop on nicholas’ sheets before you. the younger man scoffs and shakes his head as he continues flipping through his textbook. “i’m working.”

“mm,” he answers in a hum, a smug smile forming on his lips. “good luck. guess you’ll need it.”

“go away,” you grumble, averting his gaze and refocusing your attention on the articles you’d pulled up. he doesn’t protest, just slinks down the hall back to his own room. nicholas glances up at you with an amused look plastered across his face and you glare at him next. “what?”

“y’know, i’ve never really gotten why you have beef with him,” he says.

“he’s just so—ugh,” you groan, as if the emphasis would answer his question. you throw your hands above your head in exasperation. “there’s just something so cocky about him i can’t stand. he always gets his way. and he’s always trying to get under my skin. not to mention the fucking werewolf shit.” you look over at nicholas. “you’re also a descendant. you don’t act like a total dick.”

“fair,” nicholas concedes. “it also shows up differently in different bloodlines, i think. yudai’s very … intense. competitive. that’s just how he is.”

“so, what’s the catch with you?” you ask, arching a brow with him.

“irresistibly sexy?” he suggests before you throw a pillow at his face. “i’m not kidding! being charming is a big thing in certain bloodlines.”

“well, consider me charmed,” you retort as you laugh under your breath and return to your assignment. you’re barely another paragraph into your paper when he cuts through your thoughts.

“i’m bored. let’s take a break.”

“bro, we literally just sat down not even an hour ago.”

“and we have a pregame to pregame.” nicholas doesn’t wait for you to say another word, instead hurrying back downstairs into the kitchen and returning with a bottle of tequila and a pair of plastic shot glasses. you glance at the time on your phone in disbelief.

“it’s not even six.”

“and?” he pours you a shot that you down quickly before he immediately refills your cup. he shrugs when you gawk at him and says, “look, you’re super tense and it’s no fun. you’re having a good time tonight. i promise we’ll lock ourselves in the library tomorrow.”

“… fine.”

the pair of you dissolve into a fit of laughter, your laptops stowed away and the tequila bottle halfway empty. you lay with your head on nicholas’ chest, scrolling through your social media and commenting when something catches your interest. you don’t know how long you were laying there for before you hear someone clear their throat.

“nicholas.” yudai taps the doorframe. “we need to talk about our next fundraiser.”

you feel him shift beneath you with an apologetic glance in your direction, leaving you to your devices as he follows the older man back to his room. you assume he isn’t returning anytime soon and collect your things so you can get ready in your own dorm and pick out another outfit for the rest of the night.

by the time you return, the pregame is in full swing. the adt boys had set up games across their backyard, coupled with several coolers of jungle juice and at least a dozen different liquor bottles on the kitchen counters. last night was nothing but a precursor to how hard it seemed they were trying to go tonight. there’s more faces you don’t recognize and a thicker crowd to sift through to make it back into the kitchen.

you don’t find nicholas and join some of the younger brothers sat at the dining table with their drinks in hand. they welcome your company with broad smiles, clinking the rim of their glasses against yours and pulling you into conversation. the circle widens gradually with some other guests you vaguely recognize from other frats. one of them in particular, with feline eyes keeps his gaze fixated on you and you can’t help but notice.

“you come here often?” he asks, finally approaching you from his corner of the kitchen. you shrug, a playful smile resting on your features as you take another sip of your drink.

“often enough that i know i haven’t seen you around here before,” you reply as he chuckles at your comeback. he was undeniably attractive and there was something about him that lured you in. with nicholas nowhere in sight, you assumed he was having the same bout of luck as you and let yourself have a bit of fun for the night.

the two of you find yourselves seated on the couch, indulging in conversation as the party rages on around you. it’s not until you hear one of the adt boys climb onto a folding table and the music’s volume do you look up.

“alright, order your ubers and let’s get the fuck out of here!” yuma hollers before jumping back onto the ground. various groups break apart and head out onto the front lawn in an attempt to make their way to the bars for the rest of the night.

“i can call an uber if you want to head downtown,” the guy beside you offers—was his name yeonjun?—before reaching for his phone before he leans in to speak just loudly enough for you to hear. “unless you want to just head back to our house instead.”

you knew it was never a good idea to act on a whim when you were under the influence. the ache between your legs was becoming harder to ignore and the way that yeonjun was looking at you had you near weak in the knees. still, there was something gnawing at you that it wasn’t the best idea to go back to his place with him, especially when you’d only just started talking.

across the room, yudai is about ready to throw every single bottle lined up on the kitchen counter against the wall. he feels as though every nerve ending on his body is on fire, tuned into the conversation between you and yeonjun on the couch. he grits his teeth, fighting through equal parts irritation and confusion at the fact that he was even so focused on what you were doing. over the years, he’d seen you come and go, flirting and giggling along with plenty of guys he could care less about.

but, something about this was different.

there was a rage building in his chest that was quickly spiraling out of control. the way that he suddenly felt drawn towards you was inexplicable, especially with how angry he was becoming with yeonjun’s body so close to yours. the scent of your perfume was overpowering, notes of jasmine and rose engulfing his senses. every last bit of logic was well out of the window by the time nearly everyone was en route to the bars and he was left to listen to yeonjun’s poor attempts at getting you back in his bed.

“i really wanna go downtown,” you say, but there’s an edge to your voice yudai picks up on immediately. without thinking, he saunters over to you with a slow sip of his own drink when he locks eyes with yeonjun.

“what’s up?” he asks, not bothering to look in your direction.

“nothing,” yeonjun shrugs, draping his arm lazily around your waist. “just tryna figure out where to next.”

“she’s riding with us, actually.” yudai glances at you in a silent plea for you to play along. “fuma already called the last uber. you can head out.”

yeonjun picks up on the way that the older man’s body tenses at the sight of his arm around you and pulls you closer with a devilish glint in his eyes. “i’m cool with calling a separate one for just the two of us. y’all can go ahead.”

“i said, she’s riding with us.”

you can’t help but squint at yudai in confusion before you clear your throat and slip out of yeonjun’s grip. the two men don’t even look in your direction as you take a step away and towards the staircase. “i, uh—i’m going to head up to the bathroom and find nicholas.”

their conversation grows muffled between the walls as you stare at your reflection in the mirror, your cheeks flushed as you try to pull yourself together. if you hadn’t known any better, you’d have assumed they were going at it over you. with a sigh, you reapply lip gloss and prepare to find nicholas downstairs when you hear a screaming match coming from the living room.

you barely step one foot into the hallway when you’re met with euijoo and fuma dragging yudai back towards his room. in the split second that you meet his gaze, you swear you see bright specks of gold in his dilated pupils before they’re able to corral him and shut his door behind them. nicholas comes running up the stairs in a huff, panic written across his face before he sees you and swallows nervously.

“you good?” he asks.

“me?” you gesture towards the room where the other three adt boys continued screaming at one another. “what did i miss?”

“don’t worry about it,” nicholas replies, his shoulders sinking with a deep sigh. “you want me to call us an uber? yeonjun already headed out.”

“actually, i’m down to just head back to my place, honestly.” you grimace at him before donning a remorseful smile. “i’m pretty tired.”

“boo,” nicholas jeers before he outstretches his arm to you. “alright. i’ll walk you back, though.”

at the end of the hall, fuma and euijoo tower over yudai seated at the edge of his bed. his shoulders heave with every breath, his eyes still glowing and piercing his reflection in the mirror.   the pair of them exchange concerned glances before euijoo speaks.

“dude, we can’t start shit with the other frats,” he lectures, “panhellenic council will be on us if we—”

“i fucking know, euijoo,” yudai snaps through gritted teeth. the vice president’s face falls as he sits beside the older man, resting a hand on his shoulder tentatively. “i don’t give a fuck. yeonjun can kiss my ass.”

“what even happened?” fuma asks, crossing broad arms over his torso.

“he was just—i don’t know. he was fucking with some of the girls.”

fuma scoffs, knowing yudai well enough that he was lying through his teeth. “some of the girls, or a girl?” he doesn’t answer.

“it’s definitely something related to your bloodline,” euijoo says, gently inspecting yudai. “your eyes are practically on fire right now. something’s triggering your instincts more than usual.”

they remain silent, deep in thought as yudai wills himself to calm down. he finally gets his hands to stop trembling, his breath to stop racing when fuma clears his throat to capture their attention. the other two look at him expectantly, unnerved by the expression on his face.

“who was yeonjun talking to?” yudai doesn’t answer, leaving euijoo to reply with your name on his behalf. “i—i have a theory. you’re probably not gonna like it, though.” fuma sighs before continuing. “she could be your—”

“no, no, no,” yudai quickly interjects as he lifts himself off of the bed to pace the floor. he brushes a hand through his hair in frustration, praying that the radiance in his eyes would soon wear off. “don’t hit me with any of that mate shit. there’s no way.”

“it’s definitely rare, but it’s not totally impossible—”

“isn’t it also just more of a superstition?” euijoo asks, looking between them nervously. “i mean, i can’t tell you the last time i heard about someone having an actual mate.”

“every bloodline is different,” fuma shrugs. “yudai might be more reactive to his connection to his mate than the rest of us.”

“i’m sorry, there’s no fucking way she of all people is my mate,” yudai laughs, the sound dry and humorless. “she literally can’t stand me. we’ve known each other for years. i feel like that window is beyond closed.”

“you can’t exactly control when your body chooses to react,” fuma replies plainly. “have you been acting differently around her recently?” yudai’s stomach tightens at the thought of his dream about you and it ending with his hand wrapped around his cock panting your name. he swallows, shaking the thought from his mind and brushing a strand of hair from his face.

“no.” he shakes his head again. “literally nothing.”

“mm.” fuma hums, obviously not believing him as he heaves another sigh of his own. “well, get it together. the last thing we need is our president throwing hands with someone.”

you spend most of your time holed up in the library with nicholas, away from the adt house or the dorms in a feeble attempt to stop yourselves from losing motivation to finish working for midterms. you don’t ask him about the night you saw yudai being dragged back to his room. if anything, it would probably just encourage nicholas to insinuate that you cared about him.

you only ever see yudai in passing or during exams. his entire demeanor has shifted ever since that night. there’s no more snide comments, no witty remarks as he flashes you that stupid grin of his. he doesn’t draw attention to himself in his usual fashion, instead remaining bundled in his hoodie and sweats and keeping his head low. you’re almost worried about him.

almost.

after your final shared exam for the week, you make an attempt to joke with yudai on your way out of the classroom. he doesn’t so much as look at you, let alone reply. he just blinks at you, expressionless before he turns on his heel and heads back towards the adt house. you stare after him without another word.

even after spring break and the return to a normal semester schedule, yudai continues acting strange. he doesn’t bother you anymore. doesn’t even seem to care when other people flirt with him or try to get in his good graces.

during class, he doesn’t bother with banter anymore. just jumps the gun entirely and is an absolute dick when you’re answering and he doesn’t agree with you. all he does is sneer with a haughty laugh you don’t recognize from him.

“are you good?” you finally ask him when you have the chance to catch him alone on the way out of class.

“yeah,” he answers, his own face contorted with irritation when you try to stop him. “i’m good.”

“well, you’re acting weird,” you point out. “you have been since before midterms.”

“why do you care?” yudai mutters, an eye roll following before he walks away from you and leaves you with your lips parted and eyes narrowed in confusion.

you’re at the next adt party when you’re sat beside euijoo and nicholas yet again, drink in hand. the three of you stare out from the kitchen archway towards the hall that wraps through the bedrooms, watching as yudai leads another girl into a guest room and locks the door behind him.

“that’s what, the third girl in the last twenty-four hours?” nicholas scoffs with his brow arched in the direction the pair left.

“fourth,” euijoo corrects him, following his gaze. you don’t say anything, let alone mention the fact that yudai had been acting strangely even around you for the last several weeks.

yudai has no idea about your conversation with his brothers in the kitchen, his hips grinding into the girl’s beneath him as she claws across the skin between his shoulder blades. he hisses at the sting and bears his weight down even more, biting down on her collarbone with a groan. he leans back just enough to have her settle into his lap, her high-pitched squeals like nails on a chalkboard. she reaches between her own legs to massage against her clit, rocking her weight against him to coax a moan out of him.

and he says your fucking name.

the girl stills in his lap, as if she was just doused with ice water. she gasps and crawls off of him immediately, hurling a round of expletives at him before storming out of the bedroom. yudai squeezes his eyes shut, pressure building beneath his ribcage. he’d been stifling the idea of you being his mate ever since fuma floated the possibility and it was as if his own body was fighting against him. he threw himself into anything that kept him away from you. extra commitments to greek life, longer hours studying, less time lingering after class. hell, he thought he’d be able to fuck away the idea by hooking up with anyone willing.

clearly, he was wrong.

“trouble in paradise?” you ask in a fit of laughter when yudai walks back out of the room, irritation evident on his face. the two men flanking you don’t say a word, exchanging uneasy glances that you don’t notice. yudai glares down the hall at you, storming into the kitchen to snatch a bottle of vodka.

“fuck off,” he snaps at you, “seriously.”

you stare after him with wide eyes. he’d been sassy with you in the past, but never outright rude. “what’s your fucking problem?” nicholas says your name in warning as you rise to your feet and and ignore him so that you could follow after yudai. you manage to stop him before he scales the staircase and yank his arm to turn him to face you.

“seriously,” you parrot, “what’s your problem?”

“why do you care?” yudai lets a laugh slip past his lips and you feel your blood boil when he turns his back to you and heads upstairs, anyway. with a frustrated groan, you shake your head and head back into the kitchen in defeat.

“i’m going home,” you grumble, ignoring the way nicholas and euijoo make an attempt to calm you down. “i’m not sticking around here if he wants to act like that.”

you slam the front door behind you and can still hear a muffled round of questions as to what was wrong. the cool night air kisses your skin and you wrap your arms around yourself as you walk back towards the dorms. you glance up at the night sky, as if the full moon held the answers you were looking for.

“bro, you need to get it together,” nicholas snaps at yudai when he corners him back in his room upstairs.

“i’m fine,” he slurs, bottle of vodka in hand as he falls back onto his bed with a huff.

“no, you’re not,” the younger man tears the bottle away from him and slams it onto his dresser. “you’re acting like a fucking freshman.”

“so what?” yudai asks, sober as ever as he sits up with a glare. “i’m showing up for the boys. i’m not out here getting into fights or some shit. i have it under control.”

“oh, i’m sorry,” nicholas scoffs, “is rejecting your mate bond until you drive yourself fucking insane also a part of that? especially when it’s a full moon and you’re losing it?” he doesn’t answer. “if you can’t figure it out, stop blaming her. she doesn’t even know and it’s not fair.”

you make it back to your dorm when you feel your phone vibrate against your hip.

[from: yudai] can we talk?

a strange anxiety rises beneath your skin, one you don’t quite recognize considering yudai’s never tried to speak to you in this way before. your blink at your phone screen, as if clearing your vision enough would make sense of the message. with a sigh, you thumb a quick reply and throw your phone onto your bed.

[to: yudai] you can come over

you don’t find it in yourself whatsoever to relax before yudai replies that he’s at your dorm entrance. you let him in wordlessly, leading him up to your room and staring at him expectantly. his eyes dart around the room, from your bed to the window where the moonlight filtered in. his hands clench and unclench into fists at his sides, something clearly eating away at him.

“talk,” you urge him.

yudai still doesn’t say anything. he just looks at you, that familiar ember glint in his eyes as his brows furrow in thought. his lips part every time he’s about to say something until he purses them shut. he remains silent for long enough that you exhale and move towards your door.

“if you’re not gonna say anything, then just go—”

“give me a fucking second,” he snaps, frustration evident in his voice. his body trembles at the mere proximity to you after weeks of trying his best to push you away. “i don’t even know how to tell you this.”

“well, i’m all ears,” you say, deadpan.

“you’re—” he stops himself. “look, you know that i’m a descendant.”

“uh huh.”

“and you know that there’s a lot that goes on for us genetically that we can’t control.”

“dude, if you came up here to discuss bioethics with me at almost fucking midnight, i—”

“you’re my mate,” yudai spits out in a single breath and the room becomes deadly silent. you stare at him, wide-eyed as you try to wrap your mind around his confession. you were aware of the superstitions surrounding werewolves over time and the way that their bodies succumb to their mate.

still, you chose not to believe him. “yeah, okay.”

“i’m serious,” he assures you, nothing in his face leading you to believe otherwise. you don’t manage to get a word in before he frowns and shakes his head, muttering to himself. “don’t even worry about it. i’ll just figure it out.”

“you’re not lying.” yudai turns back to you and watches as realization dawns on your face.

“why the fuck would i come here in the middle of the night if i was lying?” he counters.

“then, let’s say i believe you.” you fold your arms over your torso and stare at him. “what am i supposed to do in this situation?”

“i—nothing,” yudai answers, obviously frustrated. “i figured just ignoring you would be enough.”

“yeah?” you arch a brow at him. for the first time since you’ve known him, he looks unlike himself. there’s no confidence in his demeanor, no twinkle in those big, brown eyes of his. he just looks defeated, desperate for something you don’t quite recognize. “and how’s that working out for you?”

he doesn’t answer and you study him carefully for a moment. his body is rigid, tense enough that you can notice even in the dim lighting. you take a tentative step towards him, one that causes him to back away from you instinctively.

“don’t,” he warns, averting your gaze.

“indulge me,” you ask, remaining in place. “what happens when you’re mated to someone?”

yudai swallows, his eyes fixated on your bed and his fingers twitching. “it’s torture.”

“torture?”

“i knew a little about mate bonds from some of my relatives, but this is so much worse than i expected,” he rasps. “i can’t—i can’t think straight. the moment you’re around me, it feels like i can’t breathe. it’s like all i can focus on is you. the way you smell, the way you sound. it makes me feel insane and i can’t stand it.”

“because of the way it makes you feel, or because of the fact that it’s me?” you ask pointedly.

“i don’t know,” he answers, “at this point, i just wish it would stop.”

you don’t know what compels you, but you take another step towards him and he flinches away from you for the second time.

“don’t,” he warns again, more sternly this time.

“why?” the way he looks away from you and color flushes his cheeks catches your attention until you feel a wicked smile cross your face. “oh, you want to fuck me.”

“no, i don’t,” he mumbles. the air becomes thick with tension, the heat radiating from your bodies suddenly becoming all too noticeable. “just don’t touch me.”

“does it feel good?”

“h-huh?” yudai’s eyes widen at your question when he finally looks at you. like before, you see the flicker of embers across his pupils that are blown wide.

“mm,” you hum, as if he’d answered you already. “you can’t even handle if i lay a finger on you.”

“that’s not true.”

“isn’t it?” as much as your mind was reeling from a myriad of emotions towards yudai’s confession, you chose to ignore it in exchange for the rare opportunity to get under his skin as much as he did to you in the past. you arch a brow, reaching for his wrist to brush your thumb against his skin. he tenses beneath your touch, a shaky breath slipping past his lips.

yudai’s anxiety shifts to a familiar irritation you hadn’t seen from him in some time as he holds your gaze. “don’t fuck with me.”

“or what?” you ask. you’re close enough now that you can feel his breath against your own. you trail your hand along his forearm until you’re able to trace your nails across his collarbone. he whimpers beneath the contact, the sound filling your chest with pride as your smile grows wider. “you want to tell me that doesn’t make you feel good?”

“it doesn’t,” he lies as he tries to turn his body away from you. a scoff escapes your lips as you rake your nails down his chest, low enough until you’re able to graze along the waistband of his boxers. he nearly buckles over, his hand jutting out to steady himself with the edge of your desk. his knuckles are white from how hard he grips the wooden surface.

“tell me to stop, then,” you mutter between breaths. you’re not entirely sure what’s left of your logic at this point. the rational part of you warned you to stop, to not indulge him in what he wanted—or, needed, it seemed—while there was a sudden ache between your legs you were struggling to ignore with every passing second.

yudai looks at you in a way he never has before, his eyes hooded with lust and his brows knitted in frustration. “i—you should—i can’t—”

“tell me what you really want, yudai,” you press, his body twitching at the way his name rolls of of your tongue. a surprised gasp slips out of you when he juts his hand out to capture your throat between his fingers as he holds your gaze.

“you sure?” he asks huskily, the last thread of his resolve snapping when you respond with a  nod. “i don’t—i can’t promise that it’ll be gentle.”

“i don’t care.” that does it.

yudai groans before he brings his lips to yours in a feral kiss filled with desperation. you feel his body finally relax under your touch, his hand still at your throat as he snakes his tongue into your mouth. you nearly collapse from the pleasure that surges through you. of everyone you’d ever hooked up with, yudai was the last person you’d expected to make you feel this way. years of pent-up tension between you came crashing down in waves, satisfied noises muffled against his lips as you claw at his shoulders.

he trails his lips along your jaw, along the crook of your neck until he drags the tip of his tongue along your pulse point with a hum. you cry out when he sinks his teeth into your earlobe and arch against him enough so that he could hoist you up by your thighs and wrap your legs around his waist. he carries you to the bed, your back hitting the sheets with his lips still latched onto your neck.

you watch as he pulls away for a split second to swallow down air. like before, his eyes reflect that bright gold you’d seen earlier. only this time, there was something pained in his expression that you couldn’t understand. the way his hands tremble as he slides them up your thighs to hold your waist confirm your suspicions that he was becoming overstimulated from finally touching you.

“fuck,” he mumbles with a shake of his head, as if it would clear his thoughts.

“you alright?” you tease, pressing a heel into the small of his back so that you could close the distance again.

the pressure building in his chest was becoming unbearable and he wasn’t sure how much longer he could pace himself. his hand moves to between your legs so that he can press a large palm against your clothed entrance. he shivers when he feels how soaked you are beneath your skirt already and you gasp when you hear the fabric tear and a cool rush of air brushes against your skin.

“already so wet for me, baby girl,” he praises against the shell of your ear with long fingers gliding along your folds. you don’t reply right away and a half-grin forms on his face when he shoves two fingers into you without warning and you gasp.

there’s still a small part of you that refuses to admit that you were equally as needy for him in that moment. it was a futile attempt, considering yudai was able to quite literally smell the way your body craved his touch. the scent nearly drives him mad as he slips his fingers back out of you and brings them to his lips. you watch as his eyes nearly roll back from the taste of you and hook a finger through his chain to draw him back in.

“where’d that little attitude of yours go?” you tease. you fight to regain control, raking your fingernails more rigidly against his skin this time. pain mixes with pleasure and he hisses until your hand settles at his waistband again. before you can dip any lower, he grabs your wrists to pin them above your head and sinks his weight fully onto you so that you could feel every inch of him against your now-exposed entrance.

“i need to fuck you,” yudai chides, as if he hadn’t heard a word from you just now. it was as if he was possessed, his only relief the chance he had to fuck you until you were as senseless as he was.

“work for it, then,” you order, trying to keep your voice steady despite the way the feeling of him grinding against you was making your head spin.

“seriously?” he glares down at you, his grip still firm on your wrists against the sheets. you nod once, watching as inner conflict registers across his face before he shuts his eyes with a sigh and lowers his lips back to your ear. his voice rumbles low against your skin but there’s a strain to it that causes you to arch your back.

“you’re driving me fucking crazy,” he laments. “i need to see what you look like when every inch of my cock is stretching you out. what you sound like when—ngh—when i fuck that pretty little mouth of yours.” not once since you’ve known him had you heard yudai talk like this.

then again, you weren’t mad about it.

yudai reclaims your lips in another messy kiss before he lowers his free hand to unfasten his jeans and shove them onto the floor. you allow him to flip you over so that you were face-down onto the sheets and peer over your shoulder as he drops to his knees and positions himself at your entrance. he flattens his tongue against your clit before sucking on it harshly enough that you ball the sheets into tight fists.

you let out a string of expletives as he devours you with hungry, animalistic groans against your core. the vibrations from his voice against your skin send a shiver up your spine. his name finally falls from your lips and he smacks your ass approvingly, earning another moan in reply.

“you taste so fucking good,” he whines, a sound that you reciprocate as your body buckles onto the sheets.

you feel your stomach tighten from an impending rush of pleasure, your orgasm quickly approaching when he reinserts a pair of fingers into you to match the pace of his mouth. he curls them against your walls, somehow instinctively knowing just where you needed to feel him. he lets out a satisfied exhale when you clench around his fingers to draw him in deeper.

“yudai—!” you nearly scream as he drags you to your climax. he doesn’t let up, instead picking up the pace to have you ride out your high. you tremble beneath him, the tightness in your core slowly releasing as you swallow down deep breaths while he stands upright.

there’s not a moment for you to steady yourself when you feel the tip of his cock brush against your entrance. the friction coaxes another needy whimper from him and he buries himself inside of you in one swift thrust. you cry out from the sudden fullness as he loops an arm around your torso and hoists you up so that he was able to press another string of kisses along your neck. he bites down on your shoulder hard enough that you’re sure he’d leave a mark and you yelp from the sting.

“mm, i love the way you scream my name,” he hums, soothing the bite on your shoulder with another lap of his tongue. “such a fucking good girl.”

you can barely register his words as he begins to rock his hips into you, the length of his cock brushing against your walls. you aren’t quite sure how you’d managed to lose control over yudai, but he picks up on it instantly and threads a hand through your hair to yank your head back against his chest.

“tell me how it feels, baby,” yudai lilts, his tone mirroring yours from teasing him earlier.

“really—ah—really fucking good,” you manage through broken gasps. your body tenses against his, a firm grip still on your hair while he pounds into you relentlessly. you groan through gritted teeth at his size. you assumed he was big, but he was well past your expectations. you sink your nails into the flesh of his thigh and he bites down on his lip with another groan.

he presses his palm against the small of your back to lower you back onto the sheets, slowing his pace only for a moment to say, “hold onto the headboard.” you obey, fingers wrapped tightly around wooden slats when he slams back into you fully. his pace is more relentless than before and you can feel the shift in how he holds you when he succumbs to the unabashed need that was spurring him on.

the bed rocks beneath you hard enough that you’re sure the legs will snap. the sound of skin on skin fills the room, coupled with the way you bite down on one of your pillows to stifle a scream until yudai’s hand connects with the back of your thigh.

“let me hear how good it makes you feel,” he commands breathlessly. you defy him and bite down harder on the sheets, your screams growing increasingly muffled. he lets out an exasperated grunt and yanks you upright again, only this time with his hand back around your throat. “i said—” he pauses, long enough to press his fingers into your jaw so that your mouth falls open with a pathetic whimper, “—let me fucking hear it, baby girl.”

“i—” you pant in an effort to steady your breathing. “i’m gonna—i’m—” yudai understands immediately and snakes his hand down your torso so that he could massage circles against your already sensitive clit. your body contorts against him, your mind hazy with lust from a second orgasm threatening to spill over.

in seconds, you come undone on his cock and the wetness that engulfs him only spurs him on further. he feels himself drowning in pleasure from finally, finally allowing himself to lean into the need that had been gnawing at him for weeks. he doesn’t pay heed to the way your moans become broken and desperate for him to stop, overstimulation grinding against every nerve ending in your body as he remains focused on the way his cock feels buried deep inside of you.

“y-yudai,” you gasp, reaching blindly for his bicep to slow his pace.

“you can take more,” he assures you, keeping up his rhythm as he stretches you out even further. he was too far gone at this point, drunk off of his high as he felt his own release on the horizon. he relishes in the sound of him still being able to get under your skin, your body trembling from too much as he buries his face in your neck with a strained, drawn-out whimper.

he thrusts into you once, twice more before he shudders, his cock twitching inside of you until you’re filled to the brim with his cum. thick, white streaks drip down the back of your legs as he pulls out, his chest heaving in an attempt to steady his breathing. you back up onto the floor to stand upright and whimper at the way your thighs trembled from the residual tension.

the room falls silent, with yudai running into your bathroom to collect washcloths while you stare out the window absentmindedly. you slowly come to, becoming painfully aware of the fact that he’d walked into your dorm not more than an hour ago to tell you that you were his mate. the man you swore up and down was the bane of your existence was just responsible for fucking you into your mattress to the point that you were seeing stars.

“so, what now?” you ask, glancing at yudai as he recollects himself. he meets your eyes again, the gold flecks gone and returned to his usual deep brown. he purses his lips, caught between answering and remaining wrapped up in his thoughts until he lets out a low exhale.

“i don’t know,” he answers honestly. you frown at the dissatisfaction of his answer, a heavy feeling beginning to settle in your stomach as you wonder if it was a good idea to give into your own desperate need for release with how complex this was about to become.

still, you approach him with a teasing smile, one he’s seen over the years that brings him a strange sense of comfort amidst the stress of navigating your newfound bond. he arches a brow, watching as you tap a finger against your bottom lip and shrug.

“maybe we don’t have to know right this second,” you say, “but, if we need to do that again, i won’t say no.”

“really?” yudai asks, mirroring your grin.

“really.” you nod. “for research purposes, of course.”