The Murasakian

Where have all the humans gone and where are all the ’mons? Where are the professors with their loyal Espeons? Shall there be a Pokémon who’ll come and take the lead? Late at night my vines tangle up as I dream of what I need.

I need a Ditto! I’m holding out for a Ditto till the end of the night. They need to be smart And they need to have heart And they need to be a Normal-type.

I need a Ditto! I’m holding out for a Ditto till the light of the morn. They need to be tough, Amorphous and stuff, And need to be good with transform. Good with transform.

Late at night I speak of hope but the words seem balderdash. What good future has a world of bleak volcanic ash? “Catch ’em all!” they used to say, but now there’s none to find. I miss every one of them, well, except for Mr. Mime.

Oooh! I need a Ditto! I’m holding out for a Ditto that can water this grass. It’s gotten quite dry With no rain in the sky As the years they continue to pass.

I need a Ditto! I’m holding out for a Ditto that can gather these rocks. They’re strewn all around And cover the ground In a manner quite unorthodox.

I need a Ditto! I’m holding out for a Ditto who can break all these blocks.

Up where the mountains brim with bright copper ore, Out on the strangely vacant sea, I wonder if my humans are remembering me. By the wind and the waves and the sky, By the sun and the moon, I imagine that something will surely change soon.

Oooh! Oooh! I need a Ditto! I’m holding out for a Ditto who can salvage this world. To rebuild this place I’d gladly embrace More quickly than a diamond or pearl.

I need a Ditto! I’m holding out for a Ditto who can make me a home. My family is gone, I’m an old Pokémon, And I’m tired of being alone!

Rachel: Oh! Let's go to the Mean Bean!

Tom: You just like that place because of the time the barista "accidentally" tripped and punched me in the face.

Rachel: Yeah, so?!

Maddie: Come on, Tom, you don't really think he did that on purpose, do you?

Tom: I swear it's the only time I've seen him smile!

Viewed through that lens, it becomes a bit less remarkable that Robotnik was so blind to the love and care that's so obvious to us, and more remarkable that he was able to form the bond he did with Stone at all. For the first time in his life, he has someone who he actually likes to be around, someone who he trusts enough to share his evil plans and his bank account with, someone who he's afraid of losing, someone who's frequently on his mind. The fact that Robotnik doesn't recognize that as love and friendship doesn't change the fact that it's still a far more intimate relationship than he perhaps thought was ever possible based on the first fifty-odd years of his life.

Stone: Uh...sir? I don't think those are good examples of basic knowledge. In fact, I'm pretty sure they're both just old wives' tales.

Robotik: Really? Huh. Well, true or not, they still have a nice nostalgia to them. I guess you could say...I miss my wives' tales.

Stone: ......

Stone, wide-eyed and stunned, stammers out, "Sir, I...I..."

Robotnik panics, punches Stone in the gut, and walks away swiftly, shouting, "Good talk!"