🐺 Barely Even Human 🐶

Once you get past the realization that you’ve just murdered a sixteen-year-old boy in cold blood and that his blood has yet to settle under your nails, you now have to explain to the Sully kids how Spider died.

But first, you have to get rid of the body.

Burn it, maybe? So many Spider haters have said that Jake should have killed Spider and burned the body. The kids can’t find out if there’s nothing left to find, right? Of course, before that, you’d have to convince an utterly horrified Neytiri, who just arrived too late to STOP you from committing murder, that this is somehow “for the best.” And after that little trifle is over, you’d then have to convince a newly traumatized Neytiri to help you lie to the children about how Spider died.

Real Neytiri fans know she is not a liar. She hates lies. Neytiri herself was a victim of deception and manipulation in the first movie, and she nearly lost her entire family because of it. But none of that matters to you because you hate Spider, and therefore, Neytiri apparently has no choice but to help cover up the literal murder of her children’s best friend.

Except the reality of what Jake has done would likely leave her stunned into silence. And you automatically assume that silence means agreement, completely unaware that Neytiri has emotionally shut down so deeply that “Jake Sully” can no longer reach her at all.

“HURR DURR! I DON’T CARE! THE KIDS WILL BELIEVE MY LIES, AND IF THEY DON’T, I’LL JUST TELL THEM THE TRUTH! THEY’RE SPOILED, AND I DID IT TO PROTECT THEM!”

Okay. And how exactly are you going to tell them?

Because, again, Neytiri is not a liar, and even if she’s still reeling from watching her husband murder the boy who literally saved his life, I highly doubt she’d maintain that lie for very long. So what’s the plan? Do you calmly sit the kids down and explain it? Or do you snap at them and demand they accept it?

After all, Spider having a kuru supposedly would have doomed Pandora, right? Never mind the fact that the RDA was already devastating Pandora long before Eywa blessed Spider. Humans have always found ways to destroy things. That’s what they’ve been doing for years without kurus and a new set of lungs.

So you lie to the kids.

Immediately, they’re devastated. But then the questions start.

And Kiri? Kiri is not letting it go.

You lose your temper. You call her spoiled for caring so much about some “Tarzan wannabe.” You tell her she should be grateful. You've always hated how Kiri was so focused on Spider, and now is your chance to put the little brat in her place for once!

Problem solved?

Nope.

An angry, grieving Kiri goes to the Spirit World and immediately finds Spider there.

And just like that, the entire lie collapses.

Now you’ve got a traumatized wife who arrived too late to stop you from murdering a child, and equally traumatized children who now know the truth about what you did to their best friend.

All those smug little headcanons about what you “would have done” as Jake Sully crumble like a house of cards.