i must become a lion-hearted girl // she/her, been here since 2010, this is a themed blog and the theme is "things I like", you can lead me to an ot3 and I'll probably ship it ❤️, Muir_Wolf on AO3
(just making a clean masterlist post to pin to my blog, don't mind me, my planning one is still here, and yes, my fic has once been again been locked, and will likely stay that way, but if you need an ao3 invite lmk (we can be strangers))
(if you're looking for my bad things happen bingo card, that's here)
(if you're looking for my mcspirk month mYEAR fic list it's here)
(if you're here because you liked one of my tos tag spirals or rambles, they're all collected under my tos writing ref tag (it's a lot of nonsense i'm ngl, but they're all mcspirk, spones, mckirk, or gen))
(lastly, my mcspirk nonutkinkvember post is here - will keep it linked here until it's completed)
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recovery - come inside (can i get you to stay) | ~6.5k | T | no warnings apply | hurt/comfort (but the hurt is all pre-story) | after a disastrous mission, spock demands convinces mccoy to allow him to help via a vulcan ritual (it's a massage); heavy on the spones but kirk is definitely still part of it [link to tumblr post]
strip poker -
golden hour -
vulnerability
sandwich - we won't last long (give it our best shot) | ~9k | M | some consent issues (specifics at bottom of fic) | Kirk, Spock, and McCoy are stuck in a tiny closet for an hour. McCoy's trying to focus on anything besides the small quarters and the lack of air. Kirk and Spock are much more focused on how well McCoy's body fits between theirs. [link to tumblr post]
why does janice keep taking 3 meals to kirk's room
a fourth wheel
cave(s)
mccoy makes breakfast
late night walk
chained to the bed - can't get close enough to be close to you | ~7k | T | no warnings apply | 5 times mccoy is tricked, coerced, manhandled or otherwise duped into getting stuck in the middle of the bed, +1 time...nope, he's still mad about it. [link to tumblr post]
scotty doesn't know
free space
bdsm
flexibility
create or destroy
war
justice
rager
time loop - it ends or it doesn't | ~28k | T | no warnings apply | McCoy dies, and Kirk breaks his hand on a wall. Kirk dies to save McCoy, and McCoy breaks his hand on Spock's face for not stopping him. Spock dies, and he doesn't have to see what happens next, because the day resets. The day keeps resetting. McCoy keeps dying. [link to tumblr post]
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and you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack and you may find yourself in another part of the world and you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile and you may find yourself in a beautiful house with a beautiful wife and you may ask yourself well...how did i get here? letting the days go by let the water hold me down letting the days go by water flowing underground into the blue again after the money's gone once in a lifetime water flowing underground and you may ask yourself how do i work this? and you may ask yourself where is that large automobile? and you may tell yourself this is not my beautiful house! and you may tell yourself this is not my beautiful wife! letting the days go by let the water hold me down letting the days go by water flowing underground into the blue again after the money's gone once in a lifetime water flowing underground same as it ever was same as it ever was same as it ever was same as it ever was same as it ever was same as it ever was same as it ever was same as it ever was water dissolving and water removing there is water at the bottom of the ocean under the water carry the water remove the water at the bottom of the ocean water dissolving and water removing letting the days go by let the water hold me down letting the days go by water flowing underground into the blue again into the silent water under the rocks and stones there is water underground letting the days go by let the water hold me down letting the days go by water blowing underground into the blue again after the money's gone once in a lifetime water flowing underground you may ask yourself what is that beautiful house? you may ask yourself where does that highway go to? and you may ask yourself am i right? am i wrong? and you may say to yourself my god! what have i done? letting the days go by let the water hold me down letting the days go by water flowing underground into the blue again into the silent water under the rocks and stones there is water underground letting the days go by let the water hold me down letting the days go by water flowing underground into the blue again after the money's gone once in a lifetime water flowing underground same as it ever was same as it ever was same as it ever was and look where my hand was time isn't holding up time isn't after us same as it ever was same as it ever was same as it ever was same as it ever was same as it ever was same as it ever was letting the days go by same as it ever was and here a twister comes here comes the twister same as it ever was (letting the days go by) same as it ever was same as it ever was (letting the days go by) same as it ever was once in a lifetime let the water hold me down letting the days go by water flowing underground into the blue again
friend sent me an Instagram reel yesterday with 1000s of likes that was basically like "pride and prejudice is timeless actually because it's about an autism4autism romance 🥰" and then the creator proceeded to cite moments in the book and film where Lizzie and Darcy are "socially awkward" and....listen. I'm far from an Austen scholar, but I have taught Austen novels as an educator and this kind of psycho-pop analysis that views characters as individuals with autonomy over their actions, rather than tools in a story written at a particular time to say something about that time, pisses me off more than I can say without sounding like an asshole. I'm sorry but Darcy isn't rude and awkward and even cruel to Lizzie because he has autism, he says and does those things because he's a wealthy upper class land owning man raised to see a middle class woman from a large family with no male heirs like Elizabeth as inherently beneath him which he expresses to her multiple times because it is socially acceptable for him to do so in a society where someone like him is privileged above almost all others. He is "socially awkward" around her because of misogyny and classism (PREJUDICE) and she is "socially awkward" around him because a woman of her standing at that time simply wouldn't have had much to do with the gentry but to actually push back against the shit that Darcy says would be social suicide for her whole family so she protests the only way she can which is refusing his advances (PRIDE). not to be the "context collapse is the death of media literacy" guy. But this is the problem with the kind of head empty, let people enjoy things, if I can't relate to it what's the point type crowd. Youse think you're being so quirky justifying incoherent and anachronistic interpretations with your rampant individualism, ensuring that other people never confront anything that challenges them in these stories like patriarchal misogyny and classism. Pride and Prejudice becomes an "autism4autism romance", completely undermining the historical context of its status as one of the great social satires about the class and gender politics that Austen so expertly observed around her. This attitude is why we have nonsensical historical dramas that actively hate history like fucking edgy bdsm "Wuthering Heights", Bridgerton, The Buccaneers, and even a 2025 Frankenstein movie where the monster is just misunderstood and does no wrong uwu etc. because individual relatability and catharsis is king over anything actually saying anything about anything now. Everything is relatable and nothing is meaningful.
having a Q-type entity interested in mccoy would be sooooo funny because kirk and spock would lose their fucking minds. mccoy would be ANNOYED, don't get me wrong, but he's fully capable of handling it, most likely by acting like they're yet another med student with an uncomfortable crush that he has to shut down while still mentoring them (something he has way too much experience with tbh), meanwhile spock and kirk are capital-L Losing it??? kirk would be going off about the dangers of having this unknown entity on the ship (very fair, but also very obviously not actually why kirk's Mad), and spock would be disparaging about the entity's choice of target (kind of a self-own since he picked the exact same target, but spock's being mean enough mccoy knows better than to really set him off when mccoy's already besieged on all sides), and they'd both be hissing like angry cats every time mccoy so much as turned around, so basically mccoy is dealing with three headaches, thanks so much, he's having such a good time of it <3333
like we got lots of super powerful aliens in tos, and tbf a chunk of them were very interested in our doctor (same), but the specificity of someone like Q would've been so interesting to see in tos tbh. bc it's not about romantic interest (tho that can be there too), it's just such a factor of, like, god's favorite little guy [threat] [but not really a threat] [but it could be] [but it's not], and that's why i think it'd be so much fun?? bc spock and kirk could do nothing against someone like Q. but they also wouldn't need to! because the entity wouldn't actually be a threat. but they could be. (but they aren't.)
and having this omnipotent vaguely all powerful entity that just, like, wants to hang around their doctor for a while and set up little scenarios to see how he reacts and occasionally gets verbally brought to heel by said doctor, and they can only watch? and when they try to butt in mccoy gets even More annoyed bc he's already Dealing With This Mess, and now he's gotta deal with the pair of them as well, and keep the peace, bc even tho the entity isn't a threat, it sure could be?? like ohhh i think the dynamics of that would drive all of them right up the wall. and that's why i think it'd be so fun!!
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liking a ship but disliking the distinct set of stock fanon that they have been assigned is like one of those punishments dante came up with when he wrote the worldbuilding for hell in inferno
having a Q-type entity interested in mccoy would be sooooo funny because kirk and spock would lose their fucking minds. mccoy would be ANNOYED, don't get me wrong, but he's fully capable of handling it, most likely by acting like they're yet another med student with an uncomfortable crush that he has to shut down while still mentoring them (something he has way too much experience with tbh), meanwhile spock and kirk are capital-L Losing it??? kirk would be going off about the dangers of having this unknown entity on the ship (very fair, but also very obviously not actually why kirk's Mad), and spock would be disparaging about the entity's choice of target (kind of a self-own since he picked the exact same target, but spock's being mean enough mccoy knows better than to really set him off when mccoy's already besieged on all sides), and they'd both be hissing like angry cats every time mccoy so much as turned around, so basically mccoy is dealing with three headaches, thanks so much, he's having such a good time of it <3333
one of the really vile things about generative ai which i feel like we don’t talk about enough is that for like 90% of the cases where it’s used to generate text, image, video etc. THE EXPLICIT INTENT is to deceive the viewer/reader into thinking it’s NOT ai. what this does is to create an extra level of ambient distrust when viewing any kind of media not created by yourself and when you do notice that something is ai-generated, there is the implicit understanding that whoever “made” the ai-generated thing was trying to deceive you or take advantage of you. thus a kind of ambient paranoia is spread across society where everyone feels like everyone else is out to get them and that nothing is real.
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spock getting hit with a rapid-onset terminal illness from some planet or other, and it's incurable to the local population, and on top of that it's mutated inside his system what with his human-vulcan physiology, so even the progress their scientists have made is pretty useless to the current situation, and it's specifically going after his control and his reasoning skills, and the set-up is basically to pit spock and mccoy's two greatest nightmares against each other:
spock, facing dying in a way that strips away everything he's fought for his entire life, his control and his intellect and who he is.
mccoy, looking in the face of another person that he loves and being asked, yet again, to let them go, because he isn't good enough to save them.
and in the middle of it, james t "i don't believe in no-win scenarios" kirk, adamantly determined that there must be a way, that mccoy has to find a way, because that's what he can always count on, isn't it, mccoy pulling through and finding him a miracle.
(this is why, mccoy thinks, 3am with a raging headache leaning over more tests that are getting him nowhere. this is why he's never told kirk about his dad. because what would kirk say about that, what would he say about mccoy giving up, how would he understand mccoy trying to do the right thing, trying to do the only thing he could do: listen to his patient, listen to his father - jim would never understand, and mccoy has never been able to bear seeing the look in his eyes if he told him.)
the first time spock asks him, he asks him, too, to keep it from kirk.
mccoy does.
spock deteriorates rapidly: in the course of seven days he's forgetting things he should remember - he's forgetting things he's known his entire life.
spock asks again, asks him to swear to it, that when all hope is gone, mccoy will respect spock enough to let him choose his own end.
later that day, kirk shoves mccoy back into a wall, his hands fisted in mccoy's shirt, and snarls there's always hope, bones!
david mccoy passed away quietly, and easily, and bloodlessly.
so why, mccoy thinks, after kirk storms out of sickbay, after mccoy stumbles into the bathroom and his body uselessly tries to throw up the meals he's been skipping more often than not, why does mccoy still sometimes see his father's blood on his hands?
there's not always hope. there are no-win scenarios. mccoy is a doctor, and these are facts that have been beaten into him by med school, by residency, by every patient he's lost on the table, by every patient lost before he could even get to them.
spock is suffering, and he won't say it, but spock's also terrified.
(with enough time, with his reasoning and intellect and memory all heading into the shredder, maybe spock will say it. maybe that would be enough to convince kirk. but how can mccoy let it get to that point, when spock so specifically asked him not to?)
he's left with two impossible choices, with a riddle of a disease he has no idea how to solve, with too little time and too much on his shoulders and two people he loves too well to let down. but he will, he thinks. he can't make both of them happy.
[this is too similar in emotions to the operation annihilate one i'm eventually going to write so i doubt i'll ever write this, but it could go one of a few different ways:
mccoy does find a cure, and he also has a breakdown, and in the ruins of it he finally tells spock and kirk what happened with his dad, and spock, lowkey furious with kirk, makes kirk swear to respect spock's wishes if anything like that happens again.
there is no cure, and mccoy agrees to help spock die on his terms, and kirk, so angry at his helplessness, refuses to be a part of it. spock puts his katra in mccoy, and eventually they find a way to bring him back. kirk is determined to learn nothing from this, because they did eventually find a way. it remains a sore spot between them, but they get through it.
there is no cure, and mccoy has a breakdown and tells kirk what happened with his father, and kirk, confronted with mccoy falling apart, runs headlong into the realization of what he's doing to spock and mccoy, and he makes peace with both of them before spock dies. spock still puts his katra in mccoy. dealer's choice on if he comes back.
there is no cure, and mccoy tries to honor spock's choices, but kirk finds out and bans him from sickbay, and overrides spock's wishes. spock's illness continues, until he is a stranger. kirk haunts sickbay like a wraith. mccoy resigns his commission in protest. spock, fully out of his mind, puts his katra in kirk in a way that is damaging to both of them. five months later kirk shows up at mccoy's door, suffering from the effects. mccoy helps him, and they probably find a way to bring spock back, but it is a very, very long road to recovery for all three of them re: trust.
there is no cure. they put spock's body in cryo instead of letting it die, and spock jumps into mccoy's mind, and they keep working until they eventually do find a cure like a year later. mccoy tries to initially keep this from kirk because lmao starfleet regs, but it does not work. kirk is initially furious that he was kept in the dark, but also so insistent that he always knew they'd find a way. and they do find a way.
same as 5 except while they do find a way to eventually save spock, the longterm implications of mccoy being a katra carrier without proper preparation causes unexpected repercussions. they bring spock back, but mccoy is dying. kirk stays in sickbay most nights, tracing designs on the back of mccoy's hands. spock tries to abscond with mccoy to vulcan, hoping that the healers there will have a solution. mccoy, who has always known that death is a part of life, refuses.
same as 6, except kirk and spock override mccoy's wishes, and bring him to vulcan. the healers do figure out a way to save him, but all three of them are kicked out of starfleet for going awol. (they probably eventually get pulled back in as starfleet's big damn heroes, but right now they face repercussions.) mccoy is furious with them for not respecting his wishes, and walks away.
same as 7, except mccoy thinks of his dad. thinks of his dad begging him. thinks of the way mccoy had let his father suffer for so many nights after he asked, because he couldn't let him go. thinks of when he finally, finally bowed to his father's wishes, there ended up being a cure. thinks about loving someone, and about what we owe to ourselves, and what we owe to each other. thinks about spock's wishes, and thinks about kirk's fears. he can't condone it, but he can understand it. or maybe he can condone it. maybe there's not a simple yes or no answer. maybe this is where they'll always end up, at this crossroads, trying to decide between letting the one you love go, or fighting even longer against their wishes.
same as 8, except mccoy comes back. same as it ever was. same as it ever was. ]
actually y'know what would be interesting and what would actually make it worthwhile to write even though the emotional core of it is still very similar to the operation annihilate one....multiverse it. use all of the above. actually loop them around each other, thread them together into a rope ladder or a noose. that would actually make it worth it, and shift the emotional dimension until something that's less overdone. hmm. HMMM. i am never ever ever going to have the time to write all the things i want to write lmaooo, i don't know why i act like i will.
(btw i was thinking about this, and the reason why mccoy refuses to go to vulcan in #6 is he specifically wants to go back to earth instead, wants the chance to see joanna and say goodbye to her, and that's why he's so furious with spock and kirk not respecting his wishes in 7 and 8, because if there hadn't been a miracle, he would've died without getting a chance to see joanna again)
if scotty got turned into a woman i feel like he'd be sooo blasé about it, like fine, whatever, just get outta my way i gotta fix the ship, i'll deal with this later,
and then once things calm down, while mccoy's pulling eighteen hour days trying to figure out how the hell to turn him back, it'd be soooo easy for uhura and chapel to cajole scotty into playing dress-up???
you want him to hang out with you and have a drink together and do his makeup and see how he looks in the uniform dress?? sure, why not. if it makes the pair of 'em happy, have at it.
and then, crucially, after he gets turned back into a guy, when uhura and chapel are hanging out with him and they're sighing mournfully that they miss getting to dress him up???
well, if they want him to play dress-up now and again even tho he's back to a man, what's the harm in that?
anyway do they have a standing date where they get to dress him up and he gets to complain about the idiots he works with who are endangering his engines and they all have a few drinks and sometimes they go down to the rec room and sometimes they just stay in and see what happens?
