searching for a feeling that's much like home.

anybody paying attention saw the rise in conservatism among the youth over the last few years. the return of the r slur, modesty/ tradwife content, rampant fatphobia, misogynistic twitch streamers...the writing was on the wall

Sui ideation is strange. It's like "what a beautiful day today is, such a great day for leaving this world".

Rewatching cowboy bebop really hits different. I watched Jupiter jazz again and my god the themes are right there. If only Spike could be less stuck in the past, he'd see Faye right in front of him. She isn't Julia, but they could be happy together. But instead he is fated to die like Gren, flying towards a memory. The lost soul of a mighty warrior, finally able to face the past but unable to move forward.

lost really said that your past doesn’t define you and that you are not irredeemable. you are still a good person even if you’re not perfect. there is a place where you belong and where you are loved, a place where you can be free. you are not alone and you never were. there are people in this world who will love and accept you no matter what and that connection is more important than anything. and then just expected me to be okay ????

god and how FUCKED is it that the succession ultimately hinged on shiv’s choice, but it was actually no choice at all. your brother (empty husk groomed for power his whole life) or your husband (empty husk who craved power his whole life). for five minutes she had the most power in the room, but it was actually nothing.

the way shiv literally became her mother, the person she has always resented most. she's trapped in a loveless marriage to maintain any power she can salvage, with a baby she doesn't want, to a man who would rather be with his assistant.

me about to do some dumb shit in front of my friends

I’m going to k*ll m*self in three months before I turn 28 bc at least getting to be in the 27 club will add some kind of ~something~ to my miserable little life and whatever ‘legacy’ I leave behind

So this is still the plan. 38 days. I want to talk to my mom about it but I have no idea how to start that conversation.

The reoccurring theme of being unwanted in your childhood and seeing yourself as some kind of monster and how you feel like you have to move mountains to get people to like you

i can’t get over fictional characters who are doomed by the narrative simply bc they wanted love and approval. it’s like the most tragic of greek tragedies to me because their fatal flaw wasn’t a flaw at all but rather a human instinct, a need. and despite this they were punished, stoned to death. is life so cruel to punish the most human of all needs? love?