dannie

Met some of my favorite people. Breaks my heart.

I love that tired feeling at 2am when you’re safe on the couch with someone you love and your voices get heavy and the world gets slow. It’s an honor to fight sleep next to you, thermodynamic equilibrium at its best. The night is cold and you are warm and I am cold but I feel safe. 

Run your hands over my callouses, understand why they’re there. See my anxious hands and accept the hair tie digging into my finger.

Safe.

Hanging on for dear life, two people sharing a parachute that can barely support one.

If you let go, so do I.

Fuck you. You don’t get to guess at my emotions; you don’t get to write yourself off for me; you don’t get to stop me from caring. Fuck you.

IN THE EVENT OF AN EMERGENCY, PLEASE SECURE YOUR OWN OXYGEN MASK BEFORE HELPING OTHERS.

I miss when the world was heavy and slow and warm and safe. But I can’t let it be like that forever.

I wonder if I’m actually gay or just a nervous bitch. For a fleeting moment, I can feel straightness — can picture my future with a man, can feel normalcy, can feel

I wonder if I’m stuck in the past. Stuck in memories…? Stuck in a fantasy…?

For you, my dear? The world.

two years ago I was self-destructive.

i cried myself to sleep and felt trapped in an academic area that I had zero passion for.

i was numb all the time and didn't even know how to ask for help.

got into an awesome university and didn't even have the mental energy to submit a student ID picture.

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it's two years later.

i've changed my major twice.

i went to therapy, did the time, took the meds.

right now i'm happy crying because i got my first A in two years and i was genuinely enjoying everything i wrote.

i'm gonna be an RA where i can help new students do better than i ever did.

i have three dogs who i love to pieces and i wake up every morning to a puppy trying to play with my (now-blue) hair.

my ID photo still sucks ass.

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i'm not at 100% but i think i'm a lot closer to "happy" than i was two years ago.