wife in waiting

he’d briefly considered skipping this event.

he’s had quite enough of the ostentatiously extravagant displays of wealth the pureblood elite called parties. he’s been dragged to enough of them by lucius over the years — often kicking and screaming and rarely ever with his dignity still intact — and this particular celebration’s true purpose is hardly a puzzle worth solving. nott estate. really. the political motivation is so thinly veiled he’d wondered how elizabeth thought she’d fool anyone — then again, considering the number of people in attendance, the transparency of their purpose may not have been a concern either way.

in the end, it was the silent auction that lured him out from the depths of his deep and dark dungeons. whatever nott’s motives were, this money would go to st. mungos. ( well, some of it. he wouldn’t be surprised if the notts kept a portion of the proceeds as interest. ) and he is rather curious what items they’d brought out for this.

he was steadily making his way through the crowds and towards the auction hall when she bumped into him.

the thing is, if he’d given it a moment of thought, he’d have expected — perhaps even hoped — she’d be in attendance. the last he’s heard of her years ago she was on her way to becoming a Healer. of course she’d be a Mungos Healer by now. of course she’d been invited. and of course they’d bump into one another in a ballroom as immoderately large as the nott estates’.

he isn’t sure if the knowledge of her attendance would’ve made him want to come more, or if it  would’ve nailed him to the stone floor of his private study until october 18th got on with it.

his face remains impassive. stony visage gazes down upon her as pink champagne drips down his cheeks and the dark fabric of his robes. in his mind, occlumency shields weave tighter together, lest a stray thought or emotion slip through the cracks and undo his composure.

‘ Lily, ’ he starts. head cants to the side. thoughtful. considering. he wants to say a million things, ask a million questions. but everything suddenly seems too forward and presumptuous, too intimate to ask someone who was no longer really a friend. they’re not as close as they once were. walls must be put up and adhered to. in the end, he says, ‘ this is a surprise. ’ but that sounds too clipped, so he adds, ‘ though perhaps not, all things considered. ’ that, too, is clipped — distant. but that’s perhaps for the best, so he refrains from saying anything more. 

champagne drips down his hair and to the floor. occlumency shields tighten together. he doesn’t blink.

•

Lily feels a wave of shock roll over her as she recognizes the person she bumped into. Sev. Snape. Professor? What even should she call him anymore? How did one refer to someone who had once been their closest friend, like family, and now was nothing more than a stranger?

She isn’t sure what to say, how to react. Of all the people she had considered bumping into at this lavish event (hosted at Elizabeth Nott’s home, no less, what a ironic twist of fate that was), Severus hadn’t even made the list. Lily isn’t sure the last time she’d laid eyes on him –– surely not since the end of the war, and if she did before that, it was because he was under a mask and she wouldn’t have recognized him anyway.

Lily pushed the thought away. She still wondered, of course, whether he had followed in the footsteps of all of his Slytherin friends at Hogwarts in joining the Dark Lord, but it’s not as if she has any right to that information any more. And as fervently as Sirius swears he did, Lily can’t help but hope that her boys are all wrong about Sev. After all, they had all been wrong about Peter. Who’s to say they were right about her former best friend?

Tilting her head to the side, Lily wonders briefly why he’s here. When she knew him, this would be the last place he’d want to find himself, and she can’t help but be suspicious that a dislike for parties and large crowds hadn’t changed in the last however many years. If it had, he might just have changed to the point of being unrecognizable.

Lily can’t help but give way to a traitorous train of thought –– or what once would have been traitorous. Is he only here because he’s old friends with the hostess? Of course, no one’s ever been able to prove that Elizabeth Nott was a Death Eater like her husband, and the public sure seemed to buy the whole innocent pregnant wife routine she played up after Voldemort’s fall, but Lily knows better. She recognizes the haughty voice from a battle that still haunts her nightmares.

As Severus speaks, Lily bites her lip. His tone is cold, his face impassive. He treats her the same way she watched him treat so many others when they were yet children, only there’s more confidence and self-assurance in the way he carries himself now. He’s no longer the bullied little boy wearing shabby clothes. He’s a man now, and by the way he carries himself, one who’s come into his own.

He says her name, and that’s a good sign, right? He didn’t call her Mrs. Potter. Lily winces slightly, imagining those words leaving her former best friend’s lips. She hasn’t felt guilty for her marriage in years, but standing here now in front of the boy who had once meant everything to her, Lily feels a wave of shame knowing that she married his worst enemy.

Still, he’s talking to her, and that’s a good sign, right? It’s about time she opens her mouth to actually say something, she realizes. She’s been standing here like a gaping idiot for far too long. “I’d say it’s a surprise,” she responds, her tone far more open than his, though it doesn’t contain the laughter that it would have if things hadn’t changed so irreparably between them. “I don’t remember you being all that enthusiastic about events like this.” Was it too presumptuous of her, to act like she knew him? Could she really even say that anymore?

Sirius noticed the frown on Lily’s lips, but he didn’t comment, turning his head slightly away from her to let the smoke billow upwards away from her. He wasn’t cruel - but she also couldn’t tell him what to do outside her house, either. Whenever they were home, he went outside! Wasn’t that enough?

Lily opened up the conversation like it was some big revel - he’d assumed an argument, based on her expression when she’d told him to take the break. But then just said Harry was staying over at the Weasleys. Okay… so? Sirius put the cigarette between his lips against and scratched the back of his neck. “Yeah, okay? And…?” he said around the cigarette before taking a drag.

He gave her a look. “You didn’t come here to tell me that - you would’ve left me a note. So what’s the real problem?” They’d been one another’s support for so long that it felt like he almost knew her better than himself. A weird sentiment, since Lily was James’ girl. 

Lily bit her lip, knowing from the look on Sirius’ face that he had noticed her disapproval and resented it. She sighed, wishing that they could figure out a way to communicate that didn’t result in one or the other of them feeling hurt in some way. When Sirius had first moved in with her and Harry, things had been easy. They had leaned on each other, perhaps too much. 

And now they couldn’t stop bickering, no matter how often Lily resolved not to pick fights with him. But there was always some reason that she got frustrated –– his job was sketchy or he made a decision about Harry without consulting her or he picked a fight with Remus or he smoked. They were worse than the bickering siblings she and Petunia had been all those years ago when resentment was building between them with each year Lily spent at Hogwarts. 

Lily sighed, and smiled slightly at how quickly Sirius had been able to see through her excuses to the reality that something was bothering her. He could read her like a book, and it comforted her and infuriated her in equal measure. “I just––I just saw Remus,” she said, a little nervously, not wanting to pick a fight but worried that it was inevitable between them at this point. “He mentioned that he hasn’t seen Harry in months. I––I think we should arrange a time for Harry to go stay with him.” Why did it sound like she was asking Sirius’ permission? Harry was her son. Yet at the same time, she knew this would be a point of contention, and she didn’t want to just go behind Sirius’ back and do it. 

“Oh, I—” He didn’t know what to say. That he hadn’t been enjoying the celebrations anyway seemed like a petty response and truthfully he did want to spend some time with Lily. He missed her. It was all just so awkward, though, with everything shattered and Remus— well, Remus didn’t feel much like he deserved friends any more. If Hogwarts was playing at being human then the friendships he had made there had been an illusion to build up his hope only to have it shattered when it turned out his childhood fears and his dad’s predictions turned out to be right all along. At the end of the day, it didn’t matter what anybody said because him being a werewolf was always going to be an issue. “I don’t— Not if—” Words were catching in his throat as he struggled to find the right response. He couldn’t deal with an argument about pulling away from her today, though, even if it was an attempt to protect himself. “Maybe if you didn’t have plans with anyone else.” With Sirius.

Lily tried to hide her frown as Remus stumbled over his words, clearly hesitant to accept her invitation to keep her company during the festivities. She bit her lip, and though her mouth didn’t show the sadness she felt, her eyes did. When had things gotten so messed up between all of them that Remus didn’t even feel comfortable spending an afternoon with her? It seemed that no matter how hard she tried to convince him that she was there for him and she didn’t want him to pull away, he couldn’t stop himself from doing just that. And deep down, Lily knew that it was her fault. She and James and Sirius had all convinced themselves that Remus was the spy, had been convinced by Peter’s subtle hints that the war was all too much for their friend. It was the worst betrayal they could have made, and now James was lying in a hospital bed comatose because of it, and yet still Remus found a way to blame himself. “No, I don’t have plans with anyone else,” she said softly, trying not to get her hopes up. “I’d love to spend it with you if you’re up for it.” 

Alice liked spending time with Lily. She had a lot of friends, but none really felt the same as her relationship with Lily did. Since had had quit work Alice had a lot more time on her hands. It meant she had a lot more time for friends, and whilst she adored seeing them all, spending time with Lily was truly special for her. The red head had been the only person, other than Frank, that truly understood her experiences in the war. She appreciated the friendship they shared. Alice would also always be there for Lily, knowing the trauma the young woman had gone from. Raising a child was hard enough in a couple, but having that child’s father incapacitated had to be hard. For that reason alone Alice would always be around.

“It’s almost like the are brothers….” She murmured with a smile. She was glad that her little boy got to have those sibling like relationships. Alice would love to have another baby. She longed for a little girl. She just didn’t know how Frank felt, nor if it was the right time for another baby. If the rumours were true, and there was to be another war, she really didnt’t want to bring another baby into that. “Things are good… “ Or as good as they could be. “They are…. I swear Frank is constantly at work” It made her glad she had quit herself. She wouldn’t want to leave Neville with a nanny so much. “Have…. you heard the rumours that the death eaters are moving again?” Her voice was low, so to not alert the kids. She didn’t know how true the rumours were, but they worried her.

Lily’s face curved into a smile at Alice’s comment, and she nodded, silently agreeing. Neville and Ron were the closest thing Harry had to brothers, and they were good substitutes for the siblings Lily and James hadn’t been able to give Harry, not after James’ injury. It was good to see her little boy so happy with his friends, and helpful to always have people who were willing to take Harry for a night or two if both Sirius and Lily were busy with work. She wasn’t entirely sure that all of her friends (especially Molly) understood her obsession with finding a way to bring James back, but she was pretty sure that Alice did. If anyone could understand wanting to bring back someone they loved, it would be Alice. Lily knew she would probably feel the same way abut Augusta if there was any way to change what had happened.

At Alice’s mention of Frank’s busy schedule, Lily turned her attention back to her friend, a slight frown crossing her lips. Poor Frank. It should seem that life as an Auror would be slower now that the war had been over for five years, but it didn’t seem like that was the case. Then Alice asked a question that made Lily feel as if her heart had stopped beating for a moment. “Rumors? What rumors?” Death Eaters on the move? It was as if suddenly the last five years had completely evaporated, and once more Lily was full of a heartsick fear that only a mother whose child had been hunted could know.

Looking around the lavish event she found herself at, Lily had to admit that she felt a little out of place. She wasn’t sure she had been to something this fancy since Petunia’s wedding –– even her own wedding to James had been much more low key than this fundraiser was. But as a Healer employed at St. Mungo’s, she was expected to be there, even if she would rather be at home in her pajamas with Harry. She had lost Sirius and Remus somewhere in the crowd, and didn’t have high hopes of finding either of them quickly. Remus was probably hiding, and Sirius was probably –– well, merlin knew what Sirius was doing.

Biting her lip, Lily searched the crowd for someone she knew, moving slowly through the open spaces between various conversing groups. James would have loved something like this –– not because he actually enjoyed this type of posh event, but because he would have seen it as the perfect opportunity to mock those who did and maybe even make a little mischief with his fellow Marauders. The thought made Lily smile, then sigh sadly. What she wouldn’t give to have him by her side.

Lily was a few years younger than Alice, but she really was one of her closest friends. Something about fighting alongside each other, and having shared being hunted, drew people together. There were some things about what had happened that only Lily understood. Sure, her other friends tried to understand, but none of them truly understood what it was like to be hunted like that by Voldermort. Sure, he’d hunted others, but not with the intention of wiping them out completely because of the ability their children might hold. Lily understood, and Alice would always be grateful for her. What had happened to James, only made Alice want to love the other woman more. She was determined to be a good friend.

The fact that their children were as close as the woman were, just made Alice even happier. From the outside, Neville didn’t look like he really fitted in. He was on the chubbier side, and hadn’t really shown any magical abilities yet. But the Wealsey children and Harry loved, and included him regardless. It made Alice so happy to know that they loved Neville as much as she did. She looked up, away from the boys and over at Lily, and she smiled, nodding in agreement. “They do…. they are just so content to play with each other all day long….. It’s so lovely to watch”

There were times when Lily found it difficult to find reasons to smile. The injury that James had suffered and the way he was stuck at St. Mungo’s, in limbo between life and death, there but not there, had taken its’ toll on Lily. Where she had once been so positive and upbeat, she now felt more defeated. With every new trial or treatment that they tried on James, she felt like she lost more and more of herself. But there were some people that brought Lily back to herself, and Alice was one of them. Sitting here now, watching their sons play, Lily didn’t have to fake her smile –– it was genuine and refreshing.

“It’s how I would imagine Harry playing with siblings. I’m glad they can be that for each other, in some ways.” Lily knew Alice’s feelings about having a second child –– it was something both women longed for, but the circumstances made it difficult for both of them, as well. For Lily, the reason was obvious, but Alice’s was just as understandable. Neville had to remain her first priority, and despite the fact that the war had ended five years ago, a mother didn’t just get over the feeling of panic that came with her child being hunted. “How have things been lately? I heard a rumor that the Aurors were a little busier lately. What’s that about?” 

When Lily thought about her life before the war, she sometimes wondered if it had all just been a dream. Her life at Hogwarts, the friends she made there, the priorities and worries that plagued her daily life as a student –– they all seemed so far away, now. Of course, she still worried about boys and friendship dramas and getting her work done, but all of those things were so different. Her worries about boys revolved around her comatose husband and stubborn son, the friendship dramas were more about big rifts that only war could make, and her work was all about healing people and finding a way to bring James back. A lot less simple than it had once been.

But Lily took comfort that there were still simple things to be found in this new life. And she was grateful that one of those simple things was her relationship with Alice. Fighting alongside one another had bonded them, but nothing could have brought them together so fully as both having a son that was being hunted by the Dark Lord. Alice knew the same fear that had once dogged Lily so heavily she could have drowned in it. Alice knew the same relief that came from knowing that the man who hunted the most precious treasure in her life was finally defeated. Alice understood Lily, in a way that no one else could.

So Lily always looked forward to the days when they would bring Neville and Harry together. The two boys were close friends, and Alice was always willing to take Harry whenever Lily and Sirius both had to work. Lily loved watching her son develop a friendship as strong as the one she had with Alice, and there was nothing so precious as watching these two once-hunted boys play carefree in this world. That was the case now, when Lily and Alice sat at a patio table in the backyard while Neville and Harry played some game of imagination in the grace. Lily laughed and turned to her friend. “Those two think of the most creative things, don’t they?” 

“Right. That makes sense.” He felt a little hollow, not sure what to say. It was like this sometimes, despite there having been a time when the conversation would never run dry with Lily. What had he expected, though? Of course she wouldn’t have plans because they were all so broken these days that they only seemed capable of plans that revolved around work or children. A part of Remus wished Lily would put herself out there and try to find a romantic partner to spend her life with but he knew he would be a hypocrite to suggest it and not just because his romantic life was non-existent. Remus might be further than Lily in accepting James wasn’t coming back but he didn’t want to attempt to fill that hole either.

“Uh, no, just… Just a normal night, nothing special.” He would wander around a bit, maybe disappear into muggle London while the festival was winding down and return to Knockturn Alley after all the bars and shops would have closed up for the night.

Lily was grateful that Remus didn’t try to scold her or bully her into moving on from James in the way that Sirius so often did. Of course, she suspected that he didn’t entirely approve of how much of her life she had devoted to bringing James back, but at least he didn’t feel the need to verbalize that disapproval at every opportunity. Although, she supposed, maybe that was a sign that things were worse off between them than she liked to think. Once upon a time, Remus wouldn’t have been afraid to share his opinion, even if he would have done it in a much more respectful way than a certain other Marauder. 

“Well, would you like some company for a bit while you enjoy the celebrations?” Lily asked hesitantly, suddenly feeling the awkwardness that always seemed to hang between them lately and cursing herself for not doing more to try and bridge the gaps. Remus was family, and James would have been appalled at the way that she and Sirius were letting him hide away from them all. “It feels like I haven’t had a proper chance to catch up with you in ages.” 

Mary felt awkward – and she hated herself for feeling that way. Lily stood in front of her, a kind smile warming her features, and Mary could almost trick herself into believing that nothing had changed between them – that the woman who stood before her was the same one who had once been her closest friend, her best confidant, the person she trusted more than anyone else in the world. Almost. 

It was undeniable that things had changed, though. Perhaps Lily was ready to extend an olive branch, to make amends, but it didn’t change what had happened between them. It didn’t stop the way that Mary felt on edge around her former best friend, as though she might say the wrong thing. She felt as though she were walking on eggshells, desperate not to upset Lily and send them tumbling backwards. 

Her lip quirks at the mention of Harry. It seemed like a cruel joke, really, that she and Lily would have children so close in age – and yet they barely knew each other. She wasn’t even sure if her daughters had met Harry properly. She would have liked them to. “Free time,” Mary repeats with a half-hearted chuckle, “What’s that?”

“I’ve been… well.” She settles on, though it’s close enough to the truth. “Reggie took the girls off to the kids’ area, so I though I’d do some shopping while they were off having fun.” She shrugs, searching Lily’s face as she speaks for… something. The flicker of bitterness she’d come to expect from so many of her former friends when she spoke about her family, who likely wouldn’t exist had she not chosen the path she did during the war. 

“Ice cream?” She repeats, a genuine smile flitting across her face, “I don’t think I’ve been to Florean’s since we were in school,” She laughs, though she’d taken the girls there a couple of times, it had been years since Mary herself had indulged. “Sure, let’s go.” She says without really thinking about it, long-buried instinct taking over.

Lily laughed, nodding in agreement. “Free time does seem to be a rarity when you’re a mother. And I only have one! I don’t know how you do it!” It was amazing, really, that Lily could say that without feeling any bitterness towards her old best friend. Lily had always wanted more than one child, but that hope had gotten taken from her when James was attacked and robbed of his––self. Once upon a time, Lily might have been (or, more accurately, was) bitter at the fact that Mary was able to live a carefree life and build a real family, but it seemed that time had healed that particular wound. 

Harry was perfect. If she could only have one child, she would be glad that it was him. As Mary answered her question, Lily could sense the awkwardness, but she was determined to push past it. It had been too long, too many years of holding onto resentment and bitterness and all of the negative feelings that came with losing a spouse in the war. Lily didn’t want to be that person anymore. She wanted to draw her family close to her again, and Mary had once been family. Couldn’t she be again?

Lily’s face broke into a wide smile as Mary accepted her invitation, and it was only then that she realized she had been half thinking Mary wouldn’t. Maybe this was the first step towards the reconciliation that Lily had thought about for years but had no idea how to bring about. “Great!” She said enthusiastically, falling into step beside Mary as they made their way through the crowds to the ice cream shop. As they stood in line, Lily brushed her hair out of her face and looked at Mary again, searching her friend’s face for a sign of the familiar Mary MacDonald.

“So how is Reginald?” She asked, not a trace of bitterness or irony in her tone. Lily really wanted to know –– maybe it had taken seeing Mary today, but she realized that she missed having her old friend in her life. Lily had gotten close to others (especially Alice), but no one knew her the way that Mary did. “What is he doing nowadays? And are you at home with the girls, or do you work too?” 

Sirius didn’t look up as the door opened to the pub - the biggest thing about the place was that it was safe because people kept their gazes off whatever transaction was occurring. But then he heard the sniff and froze. He knew that sound - it was Lily, disapproving of him. How many times had he heard that over the years? Hell, how many times had he heard it this month?

He looked up, his brows raised slightly. “You don’t have to pretend that’s a question,” he said with a small, knowing smirk. She may have asked him out of politeness, but really it was a demand. He’d heard you will take your break instead. Straightening up, he threw the rag on the counter and got the attention of the one other employee in the place, jerking his head towards the door so she knew he’d be leaving for a bit.

“Come on,” he said to Lily, leading her out the back alley, where he leaned against the wall and pulled a Muggle cigarette from his pack. “Where’s Harry?” He put the cigarette in his mouth to lit it, blowing the smoke out through his lips. 

Lily resisted the urge to roll her eyes, because Sirius was right. It wasn’t really a question, and she would have put up a fight if he had denied her request. She didn’t want to have to wait up for him tonight, not when she finally had the chance to go to bed early for once, and she had a few choice words for him about Remus that would be better served spoken in a public place rather than the privacy of their own home. 

She followed him outside, glad for a chance to get out of the dark, smoky bar, frowning as he lit up a cigarette. He should know how she felt about those, but she supposed that she couldn’t exactly scold him for choosing to endanger himself, so long as it wasn’t around her son or in her (their) home. 

“Maybe one day they’ll invent a potion or something,” Remus suggested, but it was clear he didn’t really believe in the possibility of that. Addictions were part of what made a person and if it wasn’t one thing it would only be another. “At least magic can do Healing muggles can’t.” Not that he ever went to the hospital for himself. He went to visit James or he sought Healing from Poppy after Full Moons and otherwise he avoided hospitals like the plague.

He almost hadn’t realised how much time had passed since he last saw Harry until Lily was asking him how the boy was old enough to be having sleepovers. “He’s growing up so fast.” Except he wasn’t. He was growing up the exact same rate that every child grew up just that when Remus had held him as a newborn he had still thought he would be a constant presence in his life ⁠— there multiple times a week. Instead it was patchy and this wouldn’t be the first time he finally saw Harry to find him a couple of months older than he had been the last time. “If anyone can handle a boys’ sleepover, it’s Molly,” Remus told her and a rare smile grew on his face. If there was one thing that could make him happy, it was Harry, and that he was getting to grow up surrounded by friends. “So you have a night without him? Any plans?”

“Maybe,” Lily said noncommittally, shrugging. It seemed unlikely, because in her opinion, addictions were more a personality inclination or a coping mechanism than anything else. Unless they found a way to change people’s personalities or stop tragedy from happening in peoples’ lives, addictions were a thing they’d always have to contend with. 

Lily nodded in assent at the comment about Harry. He was growing up so fast, and so much of her feared that she was missing it all. She was so focused on James that it seemed that she had blinked and suddenly her baby was standing in front of her, a strong-minded six year old. Lily knew the feeling must be similar for Remus, who was so often kept out of Harry’s life by Sirius’ stubbornness and Lily’s ignorance. “Oh, no, of course not. The beauty of not having to work or be a mom is that I can have absolutely no plan for the first time in ages.” She gave a relieved sigh. “What about you?” 

It wasn’t that Mary hated festivals like this – she didn’t, she swears – but to say that she enjoyed them would be quite a stretch. In all honesty, she was only here for her family. Her girls had been buzzing with excitement about the festival all week, and Reggie had been equally as excited ( though he had tried a little harder to hide his enthusiasm, insisting that he only wanted to go if Mary was comfortable with it – she wasn’t, but she figured she could suck it up for a few hours and let him have some fun, it was the least she could do, after all the sacrifices her husband had made for her ). 

The three of them had run off to buy some ice cream and then have a look at the attractions that had been set up for children, leaving Mary to wander through some of the shops and pick up a few things that she needed – as well as anything else that happened to catch her eye. It was strange, really, to see people out and celebrating the end of the war. Thinking about it too much dredged up poorly buried guilt which simmered just beneath Mary’s surface, and so she didn’t like to think about it too much.

She had been on her way back to meet up with Reggie and the girls when she passed by Flourish and Blotts – an involuntary smile tugging at her lips at the sight of the bookstore. She’d always loved it in there, and had even done a stint working there for a little while after graduating Hogwarts. The smell of old books was one that could always be sure to calm her, and in a crowd like this, she decided that was exactly what she needed. She’d been wandering through the aisles for a few minutes when she spotted a familiar head of red hair – she toyed with the idea of turning tail and heading back out the door, but quickly decided against it. Lily was still her friend, after all, even if it was… awkward.

Things had been tense between her and Lily for a while now. She knew that Lily tried her best to understand where Mary was coming from when she decided not to participate in the fighting, but it was hard for Mary to see how much the war had affected Lily’s life ( taking James from her, most significantly ), while she had just stood back and watched it happen. Objectively, she knows there’s little she could have done about James’ state, but that didn’t stop the guilt… and it didn’t stop her former friends for resenting her for it. “Lily,” She says, approaching the redhead, smiling as Lily turns to greet her. “Hi,” She says in return, shifting her weight from foot to foot, “How are you?”

Lily’s smile became more genuine as Mary approached her. It had been five years since the end of the war, for merlin’s sake –– shouldn’t that be more than enough time for the awkwardness of that last awful fight they had before Mary disappeared during the war to fade? Mary had once been the person that Lily was closest to in the entire world. Would she really let something that happened in the past ruin all of that? It wasn’t like Mary had done what Severus had –– she had just felt differently about fighting than the rest of them.

“Oh, I’m doing well,” she said, pushing away those thoughts and resolving that this conversation would be the start to mending old friendships. “Harry is off with the Weasleys for a sleepover and I have the day off from St. Mungo’s, so I have all this free time on my hands,” she said with a laugh. Free time wasn’t something Lily had often, and she was sure that Mary could relate. She was a mum too, after all. 

“How are you?” Lily tilted her head, feeling curious about what was going on in her old friend’s life. Once upon a time Lily would have known the answer to that already, just by looking at Mary, but the ability to read her former best friend had faded over time. Or maybe they had just both changed to the point of being unrecognizable. 

Lily looked around to see if Reginald or the girls were hovering nearby, and upon not seeing them, an idea struck her. “Any desire to go grab an ice cream come? I have to say that it’s been ages since the last time I popped into Florean’s.” 

Lily hated the bar where Sirius worked, but she tried not to gripe at him about it -- partially because of how much he did for her and Harry, and partially because whenever she did, he just turned the tables back around to her job. The fact that Sirius and Remus both disapproved of the career path Lily had chosen to follow after James’ injury (as well as the fact that they both seemed to think they had a right to comment on her life choices) was a source of constant annoyance in Lily’s life, so she tried not to say or do things to provoke the topic anymore.

Still, Lily tried not to go into the bar if she could help it -- it was shady, and she knew that some less than legal transactions went down in this bar, right under Sirius’ watchful eyes. She didn’t want him caught up in those things, especially when he was basically helping her to raise her son. But fighting with him about it had gotten them nowhere, and she needed to talk to him, so she was forced to make her way into the dark environment.

Approaching the bar, Lily tried not to meet anyone’s gaze, keeping her eyes fixed firmly on Sirius, who was currently wiping it down. When she reached him, she tried to bite back her disapproving sniff, but wasn’t sure she was entirely successful. “Sirius, can you take your break now?” 

It was odd for Lily to have so much free time to just wander in and out of the shops of Diagon Alley, and especially so to not have Harry hanging on her arm while she did it. Of course, the shops were all massively crowded, but Lily had never minded large crowds of witches and wizards. There was still a little awed muggleborn within her that loved to just watch the eccentricities of the wizarding world. She smiled to herself, remembering the first time she had set foot in Diagon Alley with her parents in tow. As familiar as this world had become, there would always be a bit of nostalgia wrapped up in this place.

Knowing that she wouldn’t last through the whole festival, Lily decided to pop into Flourish and Blotts. Since she had the day off and Harry would be at the Weasleys for the evening, she had time to read for pleasure for the first time in longer than Lily could remember. Thinking of the glass of wine and bar of chocolate that would be waiting for her at home, she picked up her pace, weaving through the crowd and entering the bookshop. 

It was crowded in here as well, but not as badly as some of the other shops, and Lily was able to maneuver through the shelves easily to find the fiction section. Humming to herself, she traced the spines of books with her finger, looking for a title that interested her. People always said not to judge a book by its’ cover, but in Lily’s opinion, a cover could say a lot about what kind of book she was about to get herself into. She had just pulled one that interested her off the shelf when she heard her name sounding from behind her. Turning around, Lily recognized Mary. “Oh, Mary, hi!” 

“Lily.” A welcome face as well as one he half-hoped to avoid. When happy memories had been tainted with bitterness and his hope in the world had been destroyed, the people he still loved above all else had become difficult to face. Guilt ate him alive. His face contorted, almost a flinch but not quite, because he knew perfectly well that cigarettes could kill. Remus had watched their deteriorating effect on his mam between the ages of sixteen and twenty-one until eventually they did just that. He had already picked up the habit before he knew that was what was killing her but still had made no efforts to quit. The opposite, almost. Maybe that was his aim all along, yet another vice which could kill him. “Hard to shake, though,” he said. There was no point in pretending it wasn’t an addiction when he had been smoking for over ten years.

“What—” He couldn’t ask what she was doing by Knockturn Alley. The question would only get turned back on him and he hated lying to Lily. “Where’s Harry?” he asked instead, although he regretted the question almost immediately as his mind darted to Sirius.

Lily’s face softened, and she wanted to kick herself for reprimanding him. Of course he knew what cigarettes could do -- how could he not, after the way he had lost his mother? Bloody hell she was failing at all fronts on being a good friend to Remus lately. Not for the first time that day, Lily fervently wished that James were there with them. He would know how to pull Remus out of this funk that had settled over him for the last five years. He always knew exactly what to say to Remus. Lily felt at a loss -- it seemed like no matter what she said, he could never quite believe her. “Yeah, I suppose that’s true. You’d think having magic would mean wizards could find an easy way to get past addictions.” 

As the subject turned to Harry, Lily felt a twinge of guilt. It had been a while since Remus had seen Harry, Lily knew that. Harry had mentioned the fact just this morning, and Lily knew that she needed to do a better job of setting things up between Remus and Harry, because Sirius surely wouldn’t. “Oh, he’s off with the Weasleys,” she explained. “A sleepover with Ron. How did he get old enough for that sort of thing?” 

When: 5th October 1986 Where: Where Diagon Alley and Knockturn Alley meet Who: Remus & open

It wasn’t a cause for celebration. Not for Remus. It hadn’t been five years ago, when he had been fleeing for his life from Greyback’s pack (once news finally reached them of Voldemort’s demise), only to find the one constant in his life, his best friends, the only people he had ever learned to trust, were torn into pieces. He still couldn’t find the joy in it now. After all, a dark part of his mind reminded him that life had been much better before the war ended. Perhaps not those last couple of years, but even then at least he had a purpose. Now, he just… was. Surviving, but only just.

He was there just because Knockturn Alley had long been the easiest place to retreat to when he couldn’t bear to keep up the pretence of being okay and the bustle of crowds had drawn him up to Diagon, watching with a feeling of emptiness. Somebody stepped a little too close to him and he responded with an automatic “Sorry,” and then his hands fumbled in his pockets for a cigarette to justify his standing there. He came up short, run out earlier that day and not even a joint to tide him over and now he was gasping for it and the noise of the crowd was overwhelming and they were all celebrating the worst five years of Remus’ life (and he had a lot of awful years). “Do you have a smoke?” he asked, voice a little more desperate than he would have liked.

Lily was enjoying the celebrations, watching Harry crane his head this way and that to catch a glimpse of Ron despite his mother’s reassurances that Mrs. Weasley had promised they would be there and Harry could tag along with them for a while. If anything, Harry seemed impatient with Lily’s continual affirmations, and seemed to be trying to tune his mother out. Lily let out an amused sigh, imagining how much worse his teenage years would be. He didn’t seem to spare a thought for her at all, in fact, until they found the Weasleys in the crowd and he was bidding her goodbye for the evening. He would be staying over tonight, and Lily shook her head at the thought that her son was old enough for sleepovers.

After depositing Harry into the safe care of Molly Weasley, Lily ambled through the crowds, wondering to herself if she should do a bit of shopping before she tried to find a friendly face. As she considered the possibility, a familiar face caught her eye, though he seemed not to see her, and she watched as Remus slunk out of sight, turning the corner that would lead to Knockturn Alley. Lily frowned and followed without thinking about it, wondering what would take Remus there. As she rounded the corner, she saw him leaning against the wall, and approached him, smiling as he addressed her without looking up. “Ah,” she replied, leaning next to him on the hard surface and putting her hands in the pockets of her jeans. “No, sorry. Those things will kill you, after all.”