My God, You Monsters Not the Cat

The final song wrapping up all the loose ends from Braindead Season 1

Some things got much better while some other things got worse.

Lets tie up some loose ends while the space bugs all disperse.

All the head explosions notwithstanding, mostly everything turned out alright!

Laurel’s leaving politics, she’s tired of D.C.

Some day she might finish her dream documentary.

She and Gareth got a place together, they kiss and canoodle every night!

[How many kids do you want?

Zero, why, how- how many kids do you want?

The normal amount, like five or six?]

Red made some mistakes but never really paid the price, 

Stayed on as a senator, got re-elected twice.

Easily distracted, not intelligent as such,

Turns out having half a brain just doesn’t matter all that much...

[Well, I’m not a scientist...(am I?)

(No sir)

So... I can’t tell you a hundred percent whether global warming is real, but, a... doggy woggy. There is doggy woggy. Why can’t I have a doggy woggy...? What I mean is that there are those who believe that global warming is a conspiracy put forward by the Chinese... You tell me.]

Same for all the senators, who needs a perfect brain?

Powerful and stupid but at least they’re not insane.

Somehow everything still holds together, even when it’s running off the rails.

Dean lost something precious and it really took a toll.

He’d gladly trade his Parkinsons for partial mind-control,

So the ending isn’t perfect, but at least there’s love and kindness when it fails.

[*groans “help”*]

You can vote your conscience, you can vote to make a point, 

Or cut and dry your principles and smoke them like a joint.

Though we rarely rise to be the best that we can be, 

Just stand up and be a citizen, it’s called democracy.

Luke is forced to leave but got a better offer right away,

Wall Street firm has slightly fewer principles, and higher pay.

Laurel came to help him right before another market crash,

When everyone was long on risk and dumbly sadly short on cash.

But that’s another story that they’ll write someday I bet.

The song from the beginning of Braindead 1.13

Once the end was coming, now at last the end is here.

Ella’s dead but at least there’s not a space bug in her ear.

Looks like Red is finally feeling better,

Luke’s all fired up and lean and mean.

Gareth’s glad that Laurel said she’ll stay and see it through.

She tells Rochelle and Gustav that she knows just what to do.

The song from the beginning of Braindead 1.12

Gareth sees Red do something weird he’s never seen before.

Hey, here’s a life hack: got a secret? Maybe close the door.

He spills it all to Laurel, who feels better knowing he feels crazy too!

After they draw out the Queen, hit her with a magazine, she’s bleeding and she’s injured but not dead.

Luke meets with the CIA.

“We know about the bugs” they say.

Except for whoops, they’re in cahoots with Red!

Gareth’s freaking out so Laurel hugs him in her bedroom clothes.

Dean is proudly filled with bugs, and Laurel knows he knows she knows.

Red really wants a piece of what that tupperware contains.

The song from the beginning of Braindead 1.11

Wow, so much happened to these characters on the show

Maybe some space bugs, maybe kissing? Truth is, I don’t know...

It’s getting way to stressful so I took a break and watched another show!

Previously on Gunsmoke!

Handsome US Marshall Matt

Perfect posture, kick-ass hat,

Struggles when a gunman comes to town.

Amarillo’s sheriff Jim bravely tries to take him in, the bad guy draws too fast and shoots him down.

Matt gets beaten too and then he has to spend a week in bed.

The doctor thinks he’s better but he takes his pulse and shakes his head.

His friends say “Matt you’re crazy, don’t be prideful, walk away!”

The song from the beginning of Braindead 1.10

There’s hardly anyone who’s acting normal anymore,

Red wants to stir things up with Syria and start a war.

Ella’s drawing pictures of the doe-eyed baby seals that make her sad!

[This is what a baby seal looks like]

Laurel can’t understand why Luke’s such a philanderer,

His wife is pregnant, he should be a better man to her.

Their father is infected too, and proud of it and Laurel’s ripping mad!

No one will talk about it, even Gareth’s frozen out of Red’s war room SRB-54.

When you’re a conservative its not easy to forgive the time she hanky-panked with Michael Moore!

(yeeaahhh..... baby I want to turn your swing state aalllllll blue! oohhh yeeaahhhh! Treat me like Flint Michigan!)

Just because you love him doesn’t mean you have to marry him!

You can still have sexy times in an empty planetarium!

Bits of the special prosecutor’s brains are everywhere.

The song from the beginning of Braindead 1.09

(Previously in my life!)

I woke up late and had a smoothie like I always do

I watched an episode and wrote a recap song for you

Some space bugs crawled inside my ears and made my head explode and now I’m dead!

Kevin comes to get Rochelle,

She fights back, gives him hell with a turkey leg that’s in her freezer door!

They tie him up and make him talk, let him go and watch him walk to secret room SRB-54.

Everybody!!

Part of the committee looking into all the head exploding gets a briefing that it isn’t Syrians at all!

The witnesses are fake and Luke is thinking he should leak it, tells his sister and his dad so they can help him make the call.

Complicated love and hate between the King and Queen,

The song from the beginning of Braindead 1.08

Somebody told you that this head exploding thing exists,

And now you’re worried that it comes from bioterrorists,

You argue about politics with coworkers with whom you disagree.

Get the space bugs in your head! (space bugs in your head!)

Get the space bugs in your head! (space bugs in your head!)

{Some people with space bugs in their heads experience stumbling loss of balance or loss of hearing in one ear. This is normal since part of your brain needs to come out somewhere. Some people with space bugs report an aversion to sex and also alcohol, plus an interest in vegetables, vegetable juices and the curative properties of juices in general.}

Get the space bugs in your head! (space bugs in your head!)

The song from the beginning of Braindead 1.07

I don’t know why you were so worried, everything is fine!

Rochelle and Gustav found the right solution just in time;

Some drinking and some dancing and some awkward sex and now the bugs are gone!

Remember Gustav heard the hearing aid that squawked and how he theorized high frequencies are how the space bugs talked? Well now he’s modified an iPhone and can find them when he walks around D.C.

{By combining long-tone LC capacitors with crystal resonators, Gustav found he could maintain good frequency stability by cross cancelling mutually destructive sine waves}

I really wanted to write a fic about what Rochelle and Gustav did during the salami sex scene and I also ship them (petition for Gustelle to be their ship name), so this happened. Fair warning, they probably come across as a little ooc

“Well, they’re gonna be… gettin’ bizzay” Gustav waggled his eyebrows suggestively at Rochelle.

“Well yes, Gustav, that’s sort of why I invited Gareth in here… Besides, he’s saving Laurel’s life! Not that he knows that yet…” She trailed off, not knowing what else to say. She was still almost sick with worry for Laurel, and the, quite frankly, absurd events of the past few minutes were still in the process of being… Well, processed. “Gustav, did we actually all hit on that poor man to try and get him to… you know, ‘help’ Laurel?” She asked in disbelief.

Gustav laughed. It was a pleasant sound, she noted, one she’d have to try and hear more often. “I believe we might have done exactly that, my dear. What a way to first meet a guy!”

Rochelle snorted and threw her hands up exasperatedly. “I guess we’re going to have to accept that nothing is ever going to be normal in our lives ever again. We can’t even meet people in a standard, civilised manner anymore!”

“It may not have been standard, or particularly civilised, I agree, but it was so much more fun! I wonder how long they’ll be… in there?” Gustav waggled his eyebrows at her again.

“No clue, they don’t exactly teach you how long it takes to force bugs out of someone’s ear by copulating with them in med school” she replied dryly.

The song from the Braindead youtube channel meant for watch before Braindead 1.06 

Well it happened!

It finally happened!

Laurel’s got bugs in her brain...

Guess I didn’t see this coming... 

Isn’t supposed to happen to the main character.

I hope her head does not explode like other heads exploded thrice before.

Abby’s dead, Stacie’s infected, Gareth’s jealous and rejected, mean old Anthony got face-punched out the door...

There’s no one left to dry her tears.

The song from the beginning of Braindead 1.05

That meteor’s filled with bugs... (filled with bugs) ...

And now they’re in D.C. ... (in D.C.) ...

Deep inside your brain... (brain, is where they long) ...

Is where they long to be... (to be) ...

Gustav continues to investigate the best he can,

Rochelle’s surprised to find a space bug in the cat CAT scan.

Symptoms include balance problems, mind control and major hearing loss.

Anthony’s with the F.B.I. 

Handsome fellow! It’s maybe why Gareth digs up dirt that he recalls (he recalls)

After Abby’s suicide, Anthony’s by Laurel’s side, you can count on him when booty calls!

Luke shuts down the shutdown and it really really angers Red,

Gareth also has a special friend (special sexy friend)

Anthony seems great, but wait, why can’t he hear what Laurel said [what did you say?]

Exploding heads, blood pressure meds, a brand new screwworm, bro!

The song from the beginning of Braindead 1.04 

Gareth and Laurel, sitting in a tree...

Oh right that meteor that came here from beyond the stars!

D.C. is filled with bugs that eat your brains and dig The Cars,

They crawl in through your ear holes, control your thoughts, unless your head explodes.

Infected people keep infecting people who are not.

Gustav is maybe not a doctor [no, but I read a lot]

A bug was in the CAT scan, their sense of common confidence erodes!

Ella’s infected too, apparently the bugs want her to embroil Luke in a battle for control.

Abby’s views got so extreme, since she joined the space bug team, so Laurel knows these bugs are on a roll!

A tender moment there when Laurel thinks that Gareth’s dead,

Gustav plays The Cars and tapes red solo cups to his head.

I’ve never seen two grown men share a candy bar like that!

The song from the beginning of Braindead 1.03

Remember how there was a meteor from outer space?

Brain eating space bugs roam around as if they own the place.

Red Wheatus is controlled by them but Gareth, Luke and Laurel aren’t yet.

Does Laurel like him? Kinda, sorta, maybe, yes she does.

They rock the Tax Prom, it’s the lamest prom that ever was.

They scheme against each other, and they end up with some feelings they regret.

Laurel sees two old friends, for a while she pretends, but Abby isn’t who she used to be.

Something really isn’t right, she went crazy over night, and now she’s having Stacie back for tea!

Ella calls for Luke’s replacement, Scarlett thinks that sex is gross,

Gustav starts investigating when a second head explodes,