Et tu, Mr. Destructo?

The intensifyingly crushing realization that it’s not an ad campaign but rather My Choices that have led the algorithms to start trying to serve me this Shrek-ass music.

There is apparently a fertile and amazing world of Starship Troopers band art.

Hotties of Lapland

listening to the 53rd minute of a toddler being put to bed

DEFENDANT WHO’S OBVIOUSLY MEANT TO BE MANUEL NORIEGA: (tear rolls down cheek) Rey-Rey said nobody was supposed to get hurt.

when you’re a justly incarnated indigestion but not, like, oh my goodness is your supper repeating on you—although it is that, of course—but also a fundamental expression of an unexpurgated poison about to dissolve the soul into a cluster of sweating lesions until, at the last minute, 210 pounds of pure polska kielbasa coiled within the torso and limbs erupts from the mouth with a pure hnnyyeeuuuuuggghhh-like horking noise that blends seamlessly with the surging chorus of sheena easton’s “9 to 5″ that plays on a continuous loop until the 350 feet of sausaged sin-bolus have left the body

THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE HAS ISSUED TORNADO WATCH 33 IN EFFECT UNTIL 3 AM EST FRIDAY FOR THE FOLLOWING AREAS IN FLORIDA THIS WATCH INCLUDES 13 COUNTIES IN CENTRAL FLORIDA HARDEE POLK SUMTER IN SOUTH CENTRAL FLORIDA DESOTO HIGHLANDS IN SOUTHWEST FLORIDA CHARLOTTE LEE IN WEST CENTRAL FLORIDA HERNANDO HILLSBOROUGH MANATEE PASCO PINELLAS SARASOTA THIS INCLUDES THE CITIES OF ARCADIA, AVON PARK, BAYSHORE GARDENS, BONITA SPRINGS, BOWLING GREEN, BRADENTON, BRANDON, BROOKSVILLE, BUSHNELL, CAPE CORAL, CLEARWATER, DADE CITY, ENGLEWOOD, FORT MYERS, HOLIDAY, HUDSON, JASMINE ESTATES, LAKE PANASOFFKEE, LAKELAND, LAND O LAKES, LARGO, LEHIGH ACRES, NEW PORT RICHEY, NORTH FORT MYERS, NORTH PORT, PALMETTO, PLACID LAKES, PORT CHARLOTTE, PUNTA GORDA, SARASOTA, SEBRING, SOUTH VENICE, SPRING HILL, ST. PETERSBURG, TAMPA, THE VILLAGES, VENICE, WAUCHULA, WILDWOOD, WINTER HAVEN, ZEPHYRHILLS, AND ZOLFO SPRINGS.

Beat Cop: (briefing BRISCOE as he appears on scene) Car floater.

— me trying to get a preschool class to set fire to the building