Eats and peats

it bothered me too. 🫂💔 people say that all the time and it’s extremely harmful and offensive, especially to those of us who actually have struggled with real eating disorders. I guess they must be equating stuffing & fullness play to binge eating disorder? which demonstrates a lack of understanding of both BED and kink. stuffing does not meet the criteria for BED. it’s disordered when the following is present:

a. the sense of lack of control over eating during the episode (e.g., a feeling that one cannot stop eating or control what or how much one is eating)

b. feeling disgusted with oneself, depressed, or very guilty after overeating

c. eating alone because of being embarrassed by how much one is eating

d. marked distress regarding binge eating is present.

as opposed to a stuffing being planned, the feedee is completely in control, they are safe and calm, enjoying the sensations of taste and touch, feeling sexy, proud, aroused, comforted, validated, etc., often with the love and aftercare from their scene partner.

and guess what! a lot of feedists don’t like stuffings at all. shocker.

of course there are feedists who have a complicated relationship with their kink because of their eating disorder. I’ve also heard from countless feedists that practicing kink is actually a way of healing from their eating disorder. I know feedists who have never had problems with food or body image at all because of the positive feelings brought to them by their kink.

This is not a common take on BED. The fact that people with BED restrict (or have experienced chronic food insecurity) is overlooked by most medical professionals and the folks who have the disorder themselves. But if you take the time to look at folks in this situation (like i was), we try to restrict our eating and then react to that restriction with bingeing. The bingeing itself is not the disordered part. That's our bodies reacting to restriction by increasing our hunger and cravings, because our bodies are trying to protect us from calorie deprivation.

Every community has abusers hiding in it, and I think we would be naive to say that kink communities (not just feedism) make excellent hunting grounds because people are often already playing with power dynamics/imbalances, and it's easy to manipulate that into abuse. We also cannot ignore the fatphobia aspect, and you have abusers telling their victims, no one but me will love you cause you are fat and disgusting and then society is like, “lol true”.

People outside the community constantly accuse us of not addressing that, and it’s like, hey so we talk about that constantly actually and are also the ones most likely to be the victims of those abusers. So when you send death threats to a queer, fat, RACK compliant feedist over a jokey post you didn’t like, I’m not actually sure you are the good guy you think you are.

People just completely ignore anything that we have to say, ignore any fat lib/activism work we do, and make documentary after documentary being like: “Look how icky and gross this thing I don’t understand is!” Without ever addressing the actual issues they are supposedly so concerned about.