The Mouthy Primate

It was a day of fatigue. 

All of us were tired. Blaze was a wonky mess from the time we left the theatre until… well, pretty much his whole life… but certainly he was wired for sound after the show last night and was up quite late, getting him further and further away from a good routine. Getting up with him a few times in the wee hours until finally pulling him into bed with me didn’t help my energy levels today either. I fell asleep in the chair holding Zena twice. Jeannette wasn’t feeling well when she got up this morning either, no doubt a direct result of how stressed out she was on my behalf both leading up to last night, and then the show itself. She hasn’t gotten worse but I did try to let her sleep as much as possible today. 

That’s the process man, I don’t know what else to say. That show had to happen, and it had to happen as it did. 

Trial by fire, it’s the only way to really know where you stand with something. It had been nearly three years since I’d been on stage pitting myself against an anticipating audience, more than that since I really had fun up there, so I thoroughly apologize to Jeannette for any stress I may have caused her but all I can do at this point is look back at the carnage that was, study the pieces, and figure out a more efficient way of moving forward in the future. 

I first need to alter my day to day process in order to facilitate my two aspirations equally, both writing and performing; I need to take a cue from the opening of my show and use the one to help the other. I have a very serious side, as you know, and a rather ridiculous side that Jeannette could tell you about, if you weren’t able to see me on stage or acting. The second thing that occured to me today is that moving forward I will need to make some alterations to how the live shows go. 

An hour and twenty minutes is too long for what I have in mind. 

I’d much rather start having young comics opening for me in order to get them started, get them some stage time, and perhaps mentor them on the way. It’s also helpful for me, because I don’t have my feet cramping up while I’m out there. Did I mention that yesterday? Terrible! Double foot cramp during the second show. Dehydrated from all the sweat I lost during the sauna that was the first! At least that’s my excuse. The other possibility is that I’m getting old…

And finally, sorry Squarespace but the Stripe system you have set up for commerce on the blog is balls. I had so many complaints and people having issues with it that there's just no way I can try it again. The people got back to me quickly when I had questions, but in the end they weren't able to get the problem sorted out. 

I see it as a test, the whole experience, a test to see if I could navigate this new thing that’s trying to come out of me, this explosion of writing that’s just waiting for me to get ready for it and allow it to come flooding out, while at the same time maintaining a performance edge that I enjoyed while I was out banging around every night in the comedy clubs. 

I love making people laugh. I love writing material. And though I was perhaps a little rusty during the first show I feel I proved that I still had full control over my comedic faculties more than adequately for myself… and the audience, if all the feedback is to be believed. I had a solid ending in the second show summing up my intentions now that I’m back home and also dug into some very non-comedic topics that had to be discussed in order for the overall message to get out. It wasn’t perfect, Jeannette thought some of my pacing made me look nervous, but all in all I was happy with it.  

Trial by fire. 

Now I have a very good understanding of what I have to tweak and work on. 

Jeannette asked me last night if it was ‘fun’ while we were driving home last night and I didn’t really know what to say. I suppose it was fun, in a way, but it wasn’t until much later -today actually- that I realized that wasn’t really the purpose of the show at all anyway. I had fun while I was onstage, for sure, after I got over the inital shock of being out there and feeling wobbly. It’s always fun to have material you’re excited about and then get to go out and perform it in a theatre. 

But fun isn’t the point anymore which I guess is why I hestitated when she asked me. It hadn’t even occured to me to think it fun.

I guess that’s the difference right there. We don’t have time for fun! I’ve got two kids and live in a world where people are blowing people away in orchestrated bouts of murder in random places all over the world. This is the reality we now have to face every day so no, fun is not the most pressing concern on my mind I suppose. Instead, I’m much more focused on figuring out a way to move forward with a system that surges back against all the spiraling negativity around me -whenever the TV is on anyway- in the best way I know how. And to do that I’ll need to summon all the skills I have at my disposal. 

Last night was a first dipping of the toe, just to make sure the goods were all still there. 

As a result of that experience I quite confidentally feel that I’ve figured out a way to get this ball rolling. You see, it’s not enough that you just have a good joke, or show, or that you’re an actor of this or that calabre. Pursuing this or that project or position and thinking that’s going to make you happy is the entirely wrong approach. I know this from experience. It took me a long time to realize that we are the story. Each one of us. Every life is an expression of the hero’s journey and the amount you learn is precisely equivalent to the amount you put yourself out there and take risks. Each one of us is, after all, the main character in our own life story -I should hope- and if that’s the case then you have to pull back for a second and take a look at your life. 

Then ask yourself a very important question. 

Am I answering my call to adventure? 

Last night was definitely a test for me. It’s a test I passed. But aside from those concerns the experience showed me a very interesting and enjoyable way to pursue both of my passions on the blog from now on. Feel free to follow whichever one you prefer the most, but keep in mind that each one feeds the other. 

It’s the only way I can see a way forward without a constant internal struggle about whom to feed; the writer or the performer. 

And in the end, all it took was a simple split. 

I literally just got halfway done the entry from tonight and safari quit on me again. This is too grim to even complain about. It’s 1:12am and I have a tired babysitter waiting for me to get this done and get the hell out of the basement so that she can come down and sleep. I just put Jeannette and Zena to bed, Blazer is already there as well, all of us getting back from the shows tonight only about ten minutes ago. We’re all zonked. It was an exceedingly long day. 

The shows tonight went well. There was a good turn out, more for the early show as expected, but the second crowd was much looser and probably so was I. The first show was a bit of a rough start as when I got out there and started getting into it I suddenly realized that I felt just about ready to pass out. No joke. Maybe seven minutes in. I was so focused on the material and the audience and all the details you should never be thinking of when starting a show… and completely didn’t realize just how hot it got in there. Some people actually had to walk out and get some air. I didn’t notice it literally until I started to feel myself get wobbly. I had that little panicked voice inside my head go… YOU’VE GOT TWO SHOWS TO GO!! Couldn’t afford to pass out so I just sat on the stool and kept plowing forward. Afterwards no one was the wiser, but it was touch and go there for a second. 

I never sweat on stage but I certainly did tonight. 

I didn’t have an ending when I walked out on stage for the first show. No joke. Jeannette and I were trying to figure something out on the way over, and had come to something or other, but by the time the show rolled around I couldn’t remember what it was so I just figured it would come to me. That’s never a good idea for me to do. I ended up getting something out but it certainly wasn’t smooth and not something I’ll likely ever close on again, but by the time the second show came around the ending was much better and inspired a bit of an applause break that I was actually able to close on. So that worked out quite well. In fact the entire second show was a lot smoother, though I blame only myself and the rust that had accumulated on me over the past couple of years. Still, it was good to get out and perform again. I had none of the same baggage from the early days. 

That was the big difference I noticed in myself, was just the comfort on stage. I also had no nerves before the show, despite everything going on. By the sounds of it Jeannette and my mother were far worse than I was. My mom always tenses up at the idea of hecklers. For Jeannette it was more the fear that I didn’t have an ending. As for me, I just did a bit of light breathing before the show, a bit of sitting meditation maybe ten minutes before getting up and that was it. I went over my time the first show as my watch did something stupid and I didn’t keep track of the time. So I did an hour and twenty minutes. I did about the same for the second show. It was a much different style than I’ve ever done, for sure, and so there was a bit of a learning curve with that, but overall I’m pretty happy with how well I was able to remember everything, and perform it, given all the surrounding challenges… which admittedly, I put on myself for seemingly no reason. I think I just had to get out there and get something out. That was the trick and so for that I was successful. 

Another success was the tech guy working my show wanted to talk to me immediately after the first show and echoed a lot of the things I was talking about regarding wanting to set up a production community around here. Just go fully rogue. Him and I will meet up in the next couple of weeks to discuss it more and he booked me to headline his December show on the 5th. That’s the beauty of having all this new material, I now have an ample amount of material to get up on stage with, should that be the route I take. 

I’m a zombie right now. 

Overall I’m happy with the show and can’t believe how helpful my family was. The kids did great in the green room, though Zena wasn’t a big fan and cried a lot. Otherwise the theatre itself was great and I would definitely do more shows there. A lot of people came out that I knew though I wasn’t really able to talk to them. I really didn’t see anyone, which probably isn’t surprising considering I literally had about fifteen minutes between sets. So then 2 hours and 40 minutes of performing with a 15 minute intermission. What the hell was I thinking???

Go big or go home guys. That’s the motto over here on the north mountain. 

But now, I will go to bed. 

Zombie.

Not today. No, no, no, not today. This of all days, this of all days!! Blog entry... lost, due to Safari crash. 

I’m horrified guys, truly. At a loss for words. I have nothing left in the tank. I’d literally written my signiture to finish it off and now here we are again, starting over, with neither the time nor the desire to try to duplicate what I wrote. Oh! Oh!! The agony!! It was a decent little entry as well, given how utterly flumoxed I am at this point in time, having gotten up at the ripe old hour of 5:30 and done a very fun hour of radio, and then came home and worked and worked and worked, stopped, took a breath, and then kept working and working and working... 

Until now, about five minutes prior to the writing of these words, when I thought I’d finished it all up and was about to go to blessed bed. 

No longer. 

Nope. I’m now forced to re-write this. Or try to write something, before I am freed from this desk and allowed to collapse. I might not get to bed anymore. Not after this. I had timed it just about perfect, expecting to coast into bed on just about empty, just as my legs fully gave out from under me and the synapses all just lost the energy to fire from inside the brain meat at all.

Dead weight, collapsing down into a soft bed, only to rejuvinate once again and get up ready for battle again tomorrow. Not so. Now I’ll be lucky if I don’t fall asleep in the middle of the basement steps heading up. Oh sure Jeannette will bring a pillow for me, maybe some ice for when I come to and the bruises from the stairs start to swell, but it’ll be hellishly awkward for our babysitter Megan, who has to sleep in the basement and will have to literally step over me to get to sleep herself. 

I suppose I can simply thank K-rock for supporting me and the show this week.

That’s a good place to try to recapture. The am host Darrin is a great dude and one of the better radio hosts I’ve dealt with. He actually lets you talk and is capable of some good conversation in between on-air bits as well. We were like a couple of old ladies over a game of bridge for most of the morning. I stuck around for another half hour or so just to chat. I’m sure I’ll head in there a lot more in the coming months, as these shows of mine start to roll out. Super supportive group over there.

I’m sure if I had done any other promotion myself, was there time for that, the ticket sales on line might have been a little better. It’s still looking good for tomorrow mind you, as I’m told foot traffic should be pretty decent as well and there are a fair amount of reservations. As it stands the shows will be fine, the benefit of doing it in a relatively small theatre. 

I really don’t care how many people show up. I’m so focused on trying to write this stuff out and lock it in the head that I don’t have the luxury of worrying about those details. There could be no one but my parents and Jeannette in the crowd and as long as I got through the whole thing remembering all the things I wanted to say I'll consider it a success. ..well, maybe a few more people.

Jeannette has been a big help managing the tickets with my sister and keeping it all straight. As I said, I’m very lucky to have her both working the door and around to handle kids and whatever else may happen while I’m on stage or getting ready to go. She’s good at the stuff, she is. Resourceful. 

I can’t believe this of all entries got erased! I should have known as well as Safari was doing that to me all night!! Foolishness!

I’m not going to lie to you, I’m at about 600 plus words and I’m considering shutting it down already. This is grim. My eyes are rotting out of my head. I was able to run a good portion of the show tonight but at one point today I had a moment where I thought, “Am I going to have to break this into two separate shows?? Like a Quentin Tarrantino movie?? Just stop halfway through the story and say, “come back next week for the conclusion of Confessions of a Rogue Monkey.” And then the bottles and tomatoes would come. 

I don’t think anyone brings tomatos anymore but they should. Can you imagine? 

Anyway, I calmed down, looked at the list from a different angle and got it mostly sorted out. Again, I haven’t actually run the show yet, from start to finish, as there still really isn’t a finish… but as I said, for some reason I have no nerves about this show whatsoever. Even if I have to stand on stage for a few moments trying to remember something to say, whatever comes to mind is going to be fun to do. Fun or challenging. Either way is good for me. 

Okay, that’s my time. You’ve been a great crowd. …oh dear god, my brain is already confusing this entry for being on stage. Reality is starting to meld together.. the stairs are calling. Sorry Megan. 

I'm able to get this thing tapped out relatively early today, which is good, because I have a lot more work to do today and by the time it's done I likely won't much feel like yapping about it to you guys later! So how am I able to get at the blog already, just past noon today, with two kids, and so much to do? Well, family is the simple answer I suppose; a solid support system. My parents came by this morning so my mom could watch Blaze while Jeannette takes Zena and goes out to pick up some things for the show.

Cash box. Stamps. You know, the usual things you need. 

Also, my dad came with her and is now putting my wood shed door up and cutting up my pallets so's I can fit them inside and finally start heaving wood in there. He said he didn't need any help and they all just told me to come down and get to work. Amazing!

I'm going to have to spend a couple solid days showering Jeannette with pampering and love once these shows come and goes, as she's been shouldering a lot of the day to day burden while I've been delving deep into the recesses of my own brain trying to pull out things to say to the people. She needs a massage, priority one, as we think this is what's causing her headaches and general nausea. She sleeps with Zena on her, in a propped up position, and the body is starting to rebel. She also needs a break. I'll think of something. 

I got to run some of the material I'm doing with my parents this morning as we were drinking coffee. Once again I've had my confidence bolstered by their reactions. You can't fake belly laughs people, which is all I'm looking for. It's not enough for me to get polite smiles from my material, or a couple titters here and there. If you still have control over your body while I'm sending stream after stream of material at you, then it certainly needs to be tweaked. I set a high bar for myself, what can I say. But how else do you achieve great heights if you're not constantly aiming ridiculously high.

Which is why whenever I have a bow and arrow in my hand I always shoot straight for the sun. I won't win any accuracy challenges, but should I succeed in sticking a quiver in the middle of that gigantic ball of fire in the sky... well, it's something to work toward anyway. 

Blazer had a pretty decent night last night as well but I did pull him into bed with me at some point along the way. I don't know, I think I do it in a half sleep state and if I don't check the time I have no idea when it happens as I'm in an utter vortex when I roll out of bed. He ended up crashing with me till about 9am, then flopped drunkenly around until about 9:30 when it was time we got up and got busy. He'll be happy now that he gets to spend the day on his home turf playing with his grammy. It should also tire him out which is what we're all after. 

It's a beautiful day up here on the mountain as well, which likely helps with my rather cheerful disposition, despite all the work I have ahead of me. I have a set list up on the board that I'm quite happy with, and also familiar enough with that I was able to do a pretty good rendition of some of the bits for my parents this morning. The bit about our furnace came flooding out of me last night and should be about five minutes long. It meant I had to cut a few things out but I think this works much better anyway and though the other bits were funny, I felt like I was making the same point in a slightly different way anyway. 

So today should be relatively painless as I work out what I want to say in the end. The last part. I have what I believe to be a solid enough set list leading up to that point that should get the audience to come right along with me by the end. So now... what to say? This is the point of the whole show after all, to try to get some form of my intentions in this area out to the people in attendance at the end. I don't know, more and more I'm thinking it'll just come out on stage but I will try my damnedest to get something solid down either today or tomorrow. I already know what it is I want to say, I just haven't framed it yet. 

I'll also be going into the radio station to do a bit of time on air for K-rock. They emailed me this morning and asked if I could come in tomorrow and be on air to help promote the show and I jumped at it. Anything to help get people out on the day. The website sales are decent but I think it's going to be a matter of getting the word out these last few days to get people to show up and buy tickets there. Thankfully, I have Jeannette to sort all that out. She's worked at bars her whole life and is a dynamo with a cash box. She's also a great first face to see at the show, beauty that she is, and has the personality to go with it. Better than having a host or MC if you ask me. 

I'll also give a massive shout out to my sister Tracy who has been plugging the show like a fiend on Facebook and has started a list of people who want to go but don't want to pay online. More rogues, like me. Hopefully it'll pack the place up! If not, I really don't care. It WILL be packed, eventually, once the power of word of mouth gets fully up and running. That's more how this little movement of mine will get going. People to people. But this radio relationship also has me very excited. I've loved the idea of radio and ever since I first saw the movie Pump Up The Volume -which I've mentioned before. There's something about reaching people's brains through just your  voice and airwaves. No facial distraction. 

So that's it. I just heard back from the radio station and they said their peak time would be between 7-8 but I can come in later if it's easier. I'll wait and talk to Jeannette, who just left and see if I can make the peak hours. That would be the best idea, despite how painfully early it is. Actually, that's just a reflex comment from how my old life was. I'm certainly no stranger to 7am these days... 

Anyway, lots of things to think about but for now the only thing I need to focus on are the words that will be coming out of my mouth on Saturday night. Nice to be able to stay focused. Finally. 

I'll be called up to put Blaze to bed in about T-minus two minutes, just so you know, but I wanted to dig into this blog anyway now that I've reached a milestone in my night. I just achieved what looks to be a pretty decent set list for the show on Saturday night complete with one word markers for each separate bit, and further decided that this was as good a time as any to take a controlled break -rather than being pulled away by life as per usual- and check in with you guys. 

Here we go. As promised. She literally just called me up! 

One moment...

Okay we're back. Blaze is a trooper man. I literally sat him down in the rocking chair, gave him a bit of milk, he pushed it away, then gestured to his crib and leaned forward. Fully awake mind you. Just finished with the day apparently. So I put him in, grabbed the bottle, and out I went. I did make a pit stop before rushing down here to write this infernal thing, so's I could devour some more food. My chilli in a bag from M&M meat shop, though surprisingly delicious, if difficult to eat, didn't fill me up. So what was left in the fridge you ask? 

Pancakes. 

Don't eat left over pancakes. There's no way to make that appetizing. No matter how much maple syrup you use. Note: As you can see I'm beginning my pre-show diet of high energy foods to make sure I don't gas out before the second show is done. I just considered that tonight actually. I've never done a 75 minute show in my life, let alone two back to back, with all the potential act outs I have in mind to do. I've done very few 'act-outs' in my life. It's not like I've been keeping up with the old work out routine if you know what I'm saying. Haven't done me a push up or even gotten the old heart rate up past 55 in quite a while. 

Though to be fair I have a ridiculous ability to calm it down even during high stress or extortive situations. Savvy? 

But now I'm back, full of cold pancake, and ready to finish up before driving Megan home. She came for the evening to watch Blaze so I could work. It's a Wednesday thing. Also, Jeannette has been feeling under the weather all day so she was a great help for her as well. We got up early and she had very little sleep last night. Then we drove to the airport and back, which is over three hours. She'd already had a headache before we left and then on the way back had to sit in the backseat with Blaze to try to calm him down.

Perpetual motion machines don't like to be strapped to anything for too long. 

Anyway, as we were coming back up the mountain she turned a pretty good shade of green and had to breathe it out in the car for a while after we got back. She then went upstairs and laid down while I was left in the pit with the gremlins. We somehow managed to keep everyone going and reasonably well fed, changed and happy, until Jeannette's headache meds kicked in and the nausea started to pass.

Trooper that she is nothing holds her down for long if she can just get some sleep. 

She hates being sick that one. Hates it. Gets very upset when it looks like she has to vomit. Very upset. Did it only once over the course of both pregnancies and it wasn't our finest hour. She laid down on the couch and turned her back to the room and was crying a little, miserable and tired, and I kid you not Blazer actually walked over, took a tissue from the box and took it over to her. I wish I was making this up but I'm not, true speak!

It could have well been a coincidence as I don't think he's seen too many people use tissues while crying. Honestly, it doesn't happen that much in this house!! But still, a pretty adorable and wickedly smart looking little gesture. 

So we have now passed the mid-way point in the week and how are things looking for the coming performance?

Well, ticket sales are still rather bleak online, but I'm told that few people around here trust buying things online anymore. A disappointing commentary on the state of security these days but I get it. I don't give out any information on the phone anymore, I don't care who's calling. I'll find their number and call them back. There's just too many scams. Anyway, I'm told that a fair amount of people will be coming out on the night and paying at the door. This is just the fact of the matter as it stands, it literally doesn't affect me either way. 

This will be the first of many. I literally won't shut up until this ball starts to roll of its own volition.

The writing of it is good, I'm quite excited about the material I've prepared, and looking forward to writing the last 1/4th of the show. Yes, that's about how much I haven't yet written, literally the entire ending, but then that's all the stuff that's happened most recently so it should be quite fresh in my mind. Also, given how quickly I wrote about the furnace in this infernal house, I don't think I'll have any problems locking it all in with just a few days remaining. All in all, I'm quite looking forward to it even though the actual plans of how we're going to get it all done with Jeannette selling tickets, the kids being in the green room, and my family splitting time between shows haven't been locked in or figured out yet. 

We'll get there. 

I'll be called up to put Blaze to bed in about T-minus two minutes, just so you know, but I wanted to dig into this blog anyway now that I've reached a milestone in my night. I just achieved what looks to be a pretty decent set list for the show on Saturday night complete with one word markers for each separate bit, and further decided that this was as good a time as any to take a controlled break -rather than being pulled away by life as per usual- and check in with you guys. 

Here we go. As promised. She literally just called me up! 

One moment...

Okay we're back. Blaze is a trooper man. I literally sat him down in the rocking chair, gave him a bit of milk, he pushed it away, then gestured to his crib and leaned forward. Fully awake mind you. Just finished with the day apparently. So I put him in, grabbed the bottle, and out I went. I did make a pit stop before rushing down here to write this infernal thing, so's I could devour some more food. My chilli in a bag from M&M meat shop, though surprisingly delicious, if difficult to eat, didn't fill me up. So what was left in the fridge you ask? 

Pancakes. 

Don't eat left over pancakes. There's no way to make that appetizing. No matter how much maple syrup you use. Note: As you can see I'm beginning my pre-show diet of high energy foods to make sure I don't gas out before the second show is done. I just considered that tonight actually. I've never done a 75 minute show in my life, let alone two back to back, with all the potential act outs I have in mind to do. I've done very few 'act-outs' in my life. It's not like I've been keeping up with the old work out routine if you know what I'm saying. Haven't done me a push up or even gotten the old heart rate up past 55 in quite a while. 

Though to be fair I have a ridiculous ability to calm it down even during high stress or extortive situations. Savvy? 

But now I'm back, full of cold pancake, and ready to finish up before driving Megan home. She came for the evening to watch Blaze so I could work. It's a Wednesday thing. Also, Jeannette has been feeling under the weather all day so she was a great help for her as well. We got up early and she had very little sleep last night. Then we drove to the airport and back, which is over three hours. She'd already had a headache before we left and then on the way back had to sit in the backseat with Blaze to try to calm him down.

Perpetual motion machines don't like to be strapped to anything for too long. 

Anyway, as we were coming back up the mountain she turned a pretty good shade of green and had to breathe it out in the car for a while after we got back. She then went upstairs and laid down while I was left in the pit with the gremlins. We somehow managed to keep everyone going and reasonably well fed, changed and happy, until Jeannette's headache meds kicked in and the nausea started to pass.

Trooper that she is nothing holds her down for long if she can just get some sleep. 

She hates being sick that one. Hates it. Gets very upset when it looks like she has to vomit. Very upset. Did it only once over the course of both pregnancies and it wasn't our finest hour. She laid down on the couch and turned her back to the room and was crying a little, miserable and tired, and I kid you not Blazer actually walked over, took a tissue from the box and took it over to her. I wish I was making this up but I'm not, true speak!

It could have well been a coincidence as I don't think he's seen too many people use tissues while crying. Honestly, it doesn't happen that much in this house!! But still, a pretty adorable and wickedly smart looking little gesture. 

So we have now passed the mid-way point in the week and how are things looking for the coming performance?

Well, ticket sales are still rather bleak online, but I'm told that few people around here trust buying things online anymore. A disappointing commentary on the state of security these days but I get it. I don't give out any information on the phone anymore, I don't care who's calling. I'll find their number and call them back. There's just too many scams. Anyway, I'm told that a fair amount of people will be coming out on the night and paying at the door. This is just the fact of the matter as it stands, it literally doesn't affect me either way. 

This will be the first of many. I literally won't shut up until this ball starts to roll of its own volition.

The writing of it is good, I'm quite excited about the material I've prepared, and looking forward to writing the last 1/4th of the show. Yes, that's about how much I haven't yet written, literally the entire ending, but then that's all the stuff that's happened most recently so it should be quite fresh in my mind. Also, given how quickly I wrote about the furnace in this infernal house, I don't think I'll have any problems locking it all in with just a few days remaining. All in all, I'm quite looking forward to it even though the actual plans of how we're going to get it all done with Jeannette selling tickets, the kids being in the green room, and my family splitting time between shows haven't been locked in or figured out yet. 

We'll get there. 

My house has become a sleep deprivation chamber.

Last night was a debacle! Both monsters were in full force in the wee hours last night which made any sleep very difficult. There's just only so much you can do in the night! Only so many places to go before you just resign yourself to screaming and no sleep and do your best to just keep everyone from running out into the forrest clawing at their eyes. 

This is what happens whenever there's a disruption in the routine. Christina, Jeannette's sister, was in the guest room last night and thus at the pre-determined time of 5:30am when Blaze woke up and demanded to be freed from his crib... there was no where to take him, but into bed with Jeannette and I, where the slumbering Zena was too much distraction for him to consider more sleep. 

How dare someone else sleep with his mommy! Was the general feeling I got from him, while trying to keep sleeping and keep him from clawing his way across the king sized bed to act out whatever assault to the whole sordid cuddle scene he had planned. Try and keep a perpetual motion machine from moving. Try it. See what happens. 

So we were up ridiculously early and I didn't sleep much even before it all happened. I tossed and turned last night, for no apparent reason, then had a headache around 3am or so. As I said, debacle from the outset. Jeannette gets even less sleep than I do but still manages to blow through the day as if she slept a solid 8 hours. I don't know how she does it. Perhaps its a female thing. The kids come from them so perhaps they're just naturally given more energy than males. 

Or perhaps I'm a baby. 

The truth, as always, is likely somewhere in the middle. 

After we all got up and got fed and dressed it was 11:30 or so and Jeannette and Chris took the kids out and about for the afternoon. Instead of heading into the basement to even attempt anything creative or constructive I went back to bed and slept for a good long time. It probably was better for me than had I stubbornly tried to work on the show.. is what I kept telling myself as I crawled in bed to sleep.

By the time I did get up and get working it came quite quickly. I've now moved quite naturally into putting gigantic sections of the set together and timing them out. The flow is coming. This is a good place to be, I think, even with the show this weekend. 

Tomorrow I'll be at the theatre again -Zena is getting a shot tomorrow around the same area- and then at 2pm I'm meeting with the tech guy and my intrepid camera man Pete. I'm considering another rather dramatic change in the usual way I do things by perhaps changing from a hand held microphone to a hands free device, if they offer it at the theatre. I don't know, it's a tough call to make given how used to the microphone I've gotten. Still, in order to properly get into these bits of material I'm doing I find having two free hands is much better. 

Who can say? 

So we had my parents come up for dinner tonight, Chris requested Taco night -gOd bless us everyone- so I only got a little work done before the house was full and meat and shells were flying. I chased Blaze around the kitchen while everyone else drank coffee and talked at the table afterwards, and then they went home. My father brought my wood shed door up and was hoping to come by tomorrow to slap it on. I may now be in Wolfville most of the day so that might have to wait until the weekend. I mentioned perhaps Wednesday he said he'd heard we were getting some cold weather coming. 

This is grim news. 

It looks like once again I may be right down to the wire when it comes to the wood and getting it inside. Terrible! Still, I'm at least reasonably pleased with the fact that I now have a place to actually put the wood, which means all that's left is to really just lug it in, which, if it's just me, shouldn't take more than a couple of days. Maybe three if I'm able to dedicate a lot of time to it; which I'll be able to do, as soon as I'm done writing this show. Again, the fact I have two sets coming up this weekend is merely designed to get me to write the set. Once it's written, I can start taking it around and doing sets at other shows. 

Once it's written, I can move on and work on other things. Like the wood. And the two pilots I have spiralling around my head. And a book. And whatever else is up in there that will start flying out soon. 

As the day approaches I find myself getting more and more excited. That, in addition to the microphone... is another new feature I'm not at all used to feeling. 

Okay, today was another long and productive day of work. We're in good shape!

I'm starting to think that I might actually pull this off; which is to say have the show written out prior to doing it!! It's seems like that would be a fairly obvious situation to be in, given the fact I'm the one who booked the theatre, but at this point such a favourable position going into the show was almost unthinkable given that I was writing it all from scratch... in under a month...

Now, not so much! 

The question is, will it be polished?? Ohhhh. Well first of all, that's likely something only I would notice or worry about, as the general audience likely has no idea what to expect from this performance. And as for that, the jury is still most certainly out. But even if it isn't a polished 80 minutes, I certainly have more than enough to rant about at this point to make it an entertaining set; were I forced to get up and do it right now. Which, thankfully, I'm not. 

I'm still quite certain that even with everything I've written and mapped out, the show might end up being very different from what I currently have planned. With still a week left and a couple of parts I'm not overly happy with, it's anyone's call. Flip a coin. Still, the meat is there, marinating around in my brain matter, so I still feel surprisingly and perhaps foolishly optimistic!

As to ticket sales however, well... let's just say they're not flying out the door. But that's okay too, as I still have all week and a radio station now behind me. This should certainly help. Also, as mentioned, it seems to be more like a last minute ticket buying demographic in this area so I'm hoping for good business at the door. Or, you know, it'll be a nice quiet, intimate setting for my first time back on stage. Either way it'll be great. Also I'm taping it, so if even just that goes well I should have some good clips to put up on the website. 

Jeannette's sister asked if I was dreading the show and just wanting it to be over. I admitted that in the past that was how I typically viewed shows of this sort, or almost any show really, given the stress I was always under to do well... from no one but you guessed it, myself! This time around is much different. I'm quite excited to get up and let loose again. In fact, perhaps for the first time. I really haven't done much standup comedy since my days on Package Deal and I feel like that experience really turned me into a performer. Not just the joke monkey I once was. In fact, I'm treating it a bit like Package Deal, which means I'll likely rehearse it till I get it locked down, which then gives the freedom to fully just perform. 

It's also been fun running material by my dad which I've begun doing again recently. I called him again and read him a large chunk today I literally just wrote. About ten minutes or so. Most of it is based on things that have happened since the kids were born of course, so the spine of that material is pre-existant, but still, my little added flairs came out quite easily and had my dad laughing pretty hard for pretty much all of it. Now all I have to do is run it through a good solid editing, time it, and then put it all together with the rest of it. From there I'll know what works, what doesn't and what I just won't have time for. 

After this show I'll likely start tinkering with the set and making it as perfect as I can, and then start taking it around town this winter, and start hitting up different areas around to try to drum up support for my idea. That's the other side of the coin that I have to hammer out, which is exactly what I want to say on stage about what I'm up to now and the plans I have for what's coming up. I do want to say something so that people can know where to get involved, if that's something they want to do. But I think I'll get the rest of the set ironed out first and go from there. Likely that will be the last thing I hammer out. 

My eyes are rotting out of my head from staring at this computer. 

It was a nice break a moment ago, going upstairs to give Blazer a bath. There's so much material just with that kid alone. Take his bath for instance, I'm not sure if I've mentioned this already but he has this thing he does with these little plastic donuts he plays with. A little while ago he tried to keep them underwater attached to his little doodle, like a circus ring toss, and would then let go, hoping that it would stay stuck to his dingy. The big purple one just popped up each time but the little green one managed to stay under. He was quite pleased with himself.

I suppose that's because the concept of 'size' has yet to enter his consciousness. Not long now. 

I remember being a little lad myself and peeing one time with my dad shaving right next to me. I looked up with genuine concern on my face and asked him a very serious question that had plagued me ever since I started going to his hockey games and hanging out in the dressing room with all the drunk, sweaty, french hockey players. "Will it ever get bigger dad?" I asked. "Yes son," he said. "Yes it will." 

And thankfully it did. Though I doubt I'd be able to keep that big purple donut under water. e're more built for speed us MacDonald's.

Today we got right down to business up here on the mountain.

No more joking around. Well... after I went back to bed and tried to retrieve some of the sleep that Blaze with held from me last night. So in reality then, I was up from about 5am onward, with a displeased young master Blaze and then tried to catch up on some sleep when Megan got up at around 8am. I did manage to get a bit more Z time until I was abruptly woken up by Jeannette who likely both needed me, and was annoyed that I was the one that got to take advantage of babysitter time and sleep. 

Combo of the two I would say. 

But yes, once I got up and we got breakfast sorted out it was straight down here to the basement to keep working on this infernal show. Actually, I shouldn't be negative at all, as I've had both a positive day working and a pretty great little session last night after I finished with you cats. Instead of going straight to bed as threatened I noted the relatively early time and tried to wring a few more nuggets out of this grey brain matter of mine. As it turns out, it was a very good decision indeed. 

I managed to pound out a pretty fruitful set list that used the idea I had last night, exploring that a little further, and from that I managed to have a bit of a eureka moment; at least in terms of the structure of the thing. As to the meaty details... we're still running at about 40%. No matter! Those 40% are good, if my previous experience with such things is any help to me at all, which of course it is as it is bonafied direct experience from adventures had and completed in this world. And no knowledge comes with any more certainty than that. 

I'm loving this mind mapping application.

I sprung for the advanced one, the paid app, though immediately I noticed not much more available from the free one! Blast! Then I saw that you could add pictures and voice notes and all that good stuff and calmed down a little. I think it will also be of huge help, this mind map technique, when I finally get the PAO list I've created and memorized down into some kind of visual system I can actually review. I don't think it's a bad thing, creating it in my head first, but to give it that much more effectiveness, it's best to have some actual visuals of the people you're talking about to cling to

Jeannette left with Zena to go pick up her sister at the airport at around 3pm so it's just been me and Megan and the Blaze since then. They took my mother with them, who then got migraine vision when they got to the airport. Stupid migraines man! They're back at my parents now; Jeannette wanting to give Christina some quality cuddle time with the new niece she had yet to see. Then they'll pick up a pizza, and return. Mmmmmm, pizza. 

It doesn't look like I'll be getting that video update done today after all. I don't think it's a huge deal as unless you're featuring two cats cuddling you're not going to get the bit number views anyway. I will have to trust that word of mouth will get a few people in the door, that the numbers of purchased tickets at the door will be good, and that the radio plugs will help sales along. Of course I don't have too much control over any of that at this point and am just focusing on having the best material I can possibly have. No doubt by the time I start taking this show around Nova Scotia it'll be sharpened to a deadly point. That's usually how this works. 

I do wonder if I'll be done writing the show... in advance of the actual show...

It sure would be nice, so I could then worry about other things. Maybe get some wood in my wood shed!! It's still all just sitting out there piled around it. Terrible! I know it'll likely have to wait till the day after the show, but man oh man, it's going to drive me nuts until then. Bonkers. I know it. But what can you do? Daddy's running himself ragged already! 

Tomorrow will likely be more of the same, thankfully, as Jeannette and Chris will likely go out and about with the kiddies. Hopefully I can hammer out the set list tonight, then actually start focusing on the filling out of all the random notes and ideas I have for each piece of material. That usually involves going through hours of recordings that are in no particular order whatsoever and I'm never a fan of hearing my own voice -it's bad enough when I'm talking- so that's always a bit of a struggle. I tend to procrastinate doing that, despite the fact I usually find one or two gems that make it all worth while. 

Okay, enough of the blog already, I want pizza! 

Time to go up and sit by the door.

Just tap my foot and look at my watch till Jeannette gets home.  As per usual. 

Two long days in a row!

I'm exhausted, and writing this out, on my phone, with my stylus, so likely this will be a short entry tonight. Bed is calling me and no matter how hard I try to focus the brain on work it just ain't coming. So rather than force it, I'll just give in and pass out soon. Blaze is already in bed. This is the last official thing I have to do. Then I'm off the clock. 

The day started out in sheer amazement as Blaze slept the entire night through, till 8am... in his crib!... he did wakeup crying again at around 5:30am but I was a little slow to respond and it was only a half-hearted cry session anyway, so he just went back to sleep. He probably thought, 'ah, what's the use, he's just gonna throw me in bed again anyway... might as well stay here.' This followed up a 3 hour nap at my mom's place yesterday. 3 hours! On his own.

Unheard of.  

Anyway, the day went downhill swiftly from there. 

More ticketing nonsense. I got some printed off at Staples and believe it or not the results were less than satisfactory. "Really, you mean the hastily designed tickets done at the last second fueled by frustration and desperation weren't all you hoped they'd be and more??!..."

Nay. They were not. 

So the new plan, to drop off tickets at the book store in Wolfville that we called this morning and set up, died a horrible death on the way from Staples to drop them off in dramatic U-turn fashion. As a result of both this poorly concocted turn of events, along with yesterday's frustration, a good sized monkey wrench made its way quite thwartingly into my plans for world domination by way of two 'mostly' comedy shows next weekend.

This was also less than pleasant for Jeannette as I also tend to be a difficult person to talk out of these moods. She did her best anyway, baby Jesus love her, and tried diligently to penetrate my dark cloud with her lightning bolts of reason. She's a gem that one. Indispensable. Utterly.  

And she was right of course, as was my cousin who made the same comment on Facebook; I do tend to put mountains of pressure on myself. But that's only because no one else does, or can -as I've never responded to, nor needed any form of outside encouragement- and if not me, then who? If not now... when? If not this... what??

I can't believe I took that so far.

Also, there's nothing wrong with pressure. It's through the application of pressure that we discover the true nature of our own mettle. I was again quite happy to note that even during the worst of it I didn't experience any true anxiety, of the type I used to feel in my chest. Thankfully the spiralling thoughts are no longer enough to excite the nerves of the greater organism. The company, it seems, has stopped worrying altogether what the occasionally bonkers CEO has to say about how things are going. It just moves forward, as ever. 

My point was this: the tickets are the first impression of the show. Suspect tickets is the first unravelling of the carefully spun ball of yarn I'm trying to weave into a very warm and beautiful scarf!! That visual got away from me a little there but you get the idea. I tried to articulate it as well with Jeannette but I think I did an even worse job. I don't know. Perfection is an ideal. Something to always strive for even knowing you can never fully get there.

It's the driving force of humanity and all of nature.  

So I abandoned the tickets idea and will just keep rocking the website, hoping it works most of the time, and will then do the remaining tickets at the door on the day. That's how we be rolling up here on the North Mountain y'all. Straight up. 

I'll make another video explaining the debacle and post it tomorrow if I'm able. I'll know for the next show however, and will figure out a better way to do... all of this! Hell, I might even go ahead and write the next show first! Just to prove I'm capable of learning the occasional lesson.

Patience then, is the order for the day, for both you and me, dear priminion. It will be necessary in this little relationship of ours. I am often throwing myself into uncharted waters and thus tend to incur a lot of mistakes in the beginning. But that's how you learn. One must simply have an indomitable will, persistent nature, and an unalterable course forward to follow. The rest takes care of itself: which explains me driving into the radio station about an hour after the ticketing debacle wondering aloud to Jeannette what the hell I was even doing there with no tickets to give them and no plan of action at all!

But going, nonetheless. 

And I'm very glad I did. 

I met with the Program Director, a woman I had met years ago when I tried to promote another show... nice to see I've learned a total of zero lessons since then... blarg... anyway, I went in not having any clue what I was going to say to her, but guessing it would be something along the lines of..  "Hey can you do something to help me?? I have a show with no tickets coming up in a week that I haven't written...."

"Security!"

Instead we talked for an hour and twenty minutes. I laid out my plan for the production community for her like a man in a bow tie telling someone his whole life story on a bus stop bench. Unloaded. Here's what I think and why. Here's what I want to do and why. Here's what I've done and why. It was a lot like the time I marched into the newspaper back in Fredericton when I was 20 with a portfolio of political cartoons in a garbage bag -it was raining- and nothing else prepared. I asked to see the editor and threw them on his desk. 

I got published about seven drawings later. 

This felt like that. Just pure passion and enthusiasm and not a prepared statement in the entire bag of goods. She had questions, lots of them, I answered. By the time I'd left she said they'd totally promote the show and would love for me to come by and meet with the whole team for some brainstorming sessions. Her and I totally clicked when it came to a lot of the ideas and as it turns out her team operates in much the same way and meet up once a week to spitball ideas. Moving forward I have no idea what this means, but I have a feeling I'll have a very good partner with those guys.

I've always loved radio stations! WKRP was my favourite sitcom for a long time. News Radio. 

Anyway, I felt reinvigorated coming out of there. I think it was the reminder of the big picture that I'm working toward which is something that can get lost in the day to day concerns and issues. It's easy to get lost in the details of things here and there, and to think they're not good enough, but people don't remember the details much anyway to be honest. It's the overall picture they get, that's what moves them. It's the take away.

I'm still working on that one with the show but even though it was a frustrating day and I didn't get much done on it, I'm still completely calm whenever I think about getting up there. Maybe it was Package Deal, maybe it was the Awakening. Whatever it was, I'm not worried about performing in the same way I used to. I suppose that's just trial by fire. Perhaps it's the same reason I don't worry about stepping out on the ice and playing hockey. 

At this point its second nature. And there's really nothing like that first blast of cold wind in your face as you accelerate forward. 

Nite munks.  |mp

What an obscenely long day. How does that happen? How is it that some days just seem so much longer than others when in reality you spend the same amount of actual time every single day. 24 hours, despite a few off ticks from time to time. And yet some days... today was one of those days. I think I slept pretty well, if I cam remember that far back. Blazer came in with me of course, at his usual time of about 6am. But this time, though he flopped a fair amount, he managed to stay unconscious until 8:30 or so.

That's a win in anyone's books these days. In this house anyway. 

So we all got up and got the kids sorted out and then Jeannette took them all out for the day. Blaze was off to his grandparents house while Zena, my little gremlin, was off to a doctor's appointment. I was left home alone to work, by 10am, and that's literally what I did until they all got back at 5pm. Perhaps that has something to do with how long a day it felt. Banging my head against the wall for seven straight hours trying to wring every last dollop of creativity from a brain not willing or wanting to give me any at all. 

Those are the worst days... when you have the time, sit down, and it doesn't want to come. 

To add insult to injury I received an email from my site regarding someone having an issue buying tickets. I emailed her back about five seconds after I got it, with a photoshopped picture I thought would solve the problem, but the email I got back from her only complexified the entire affair. So I just called her. She'd given me her number. She answered and then explained the issue. A separate issue from the one my cousin-in-law experienced the other night, but just as frustrating. 

So I explained what I would do but she gave me her credit card info anyway and wanted 3 tickets. 

I have no way of processing that card number but will get Jeannette to call her in the am with the news. She'll also then explain to her the NEW system. I just photoshopped up some tickets and will be printing them tomorrow. We're then going to call the actual store that Mary, at the theatre, first told me about. They sell tickets to events and thus it's a well beaten path no one should have problems with. It's also a path that can't suddenly disappear due to a crappy connection. The people behind the counter won't simply vanish just as you hand them your credit card. 

They will be real people. 

All these web services sound really great in their videos and concepts but I tell ya... in practice... suspect!! I'm not even going to bother to contact squarespace about the issue. They weren't much help the last time, though I will admit they are quite pleasant and answered my cue in a very timely fashion... still... when you end up not getting any helpful information.. the shortness of wait time doesn't really matter.

I wouldn't mind waiting an hour or so if the person I spoke to could actually fix the issue. 

So tickets then. And then selling them at the door. Everyone who's already purchased them online won't have any problems. It's all still very neat and tidy and orderly. I'll even have tickets made up for them should they want them. But their email confirmation numbers will be fine. 

No matter, it's all a learning curve, as everything is. Once I get a system sorted out and people know what to look for and how this works it'll be gravy. It's just frustrating now and it didn't help that I was having a less than productive day writing wise. 

Like I said, I have a lot of stories that are very funny that I've pretty much got all worked out. But from there I've been a bit stumped. I have things I think I need to say, and can't get it all in. I'm also having an issue with the flow of the whole show and have questions that no one else can answer ringing around in my head. As a result it was a very start-stop kind of a day. This would have been the first time in a while that Jeannette came home and I was in a less than good mood. I wasn't feeling stressed at all. Those familiar clamps around the heart and chest that I used to get during those episodes haven't been around for a while. 

But I was certainly pre-occupied. Certainly having difficulties pulling myself back from my work and into the moment with her and Zena. I'm not easily brought back from that quiet, frustrated place either, despite all of Jeannette's best attempts. Charming as she is, once I'm in there thinking through problems, I remained annoyed. 

My parents brought Blazer over at around 6:30 and I came up from the basement to chat with them. I told them about the tickets and we discussed that for a bit, options and ideas, it was all helpful. Then I was talking to dad about the show and the issues I was having until finally I just asked him to come down to the basement to hear some of it. 

I'm not used to this part of the process either you see, not running material by people. I always did that before trying it on stage in the past but this time I just haven't. Until tonight. I ended up running the first 15 minutes past him and outlined the stuff I have still to work out and he didn't see any of the issues I was having. He was really into it and laughed hard a lot. He understood the points I was making, but still thought that it flowed very well and that it seemed in good shape.

Perhaps at the end of the day I was lost in my own head about it. When we went back upstairs I was in a much better mood. 

It was funny because he reminded me of a part that I'd left out in one of my bits. It was about the first time I got up on stage and I called him at 3am afterwards, breathless and amped. "I finally did it," I said. He remembers thinking "uh oh, what police station am I going to have to drive to tonight." "Did what?" he asked. "Figured out what I'm gonna do with my life. I'm quitting school and moving to Toronto to do standup comedy." "Okay," he said. "Cool." 

From then on I would call my father at all hours of the day and night, pretty much whenever I had a new idea for a piece of material I could try onstage, and would run it by him. His instincts for what's funny aren't often wrong. So it helped put me back on track when I got to run some of the new stuff by him tonight. A fortuitous thing to have happen after a long, frustrating day. 

And now I'm going to bed. My brain is fried and I have a long day tomorrow as well. I'm going in to meet with one of the radio stations to see what they think about helping promote the show. Also, disgusting Hubble is getting his ass groomed. And a good time for it too, considering he brought home a dead bird tonight.

As a result he'll be sleeping in the mud room and likely barking all night. Should be fun. 

We had a bit of a lazy day over on the mountain today. I mean, it's never the same lazy as we were capable of spending in years gone past, without having two little ones squawking constantly and running around. Now our lazy days are still busy, in all the things you have to do when you have kids, like getting up around 7am, but we managed to stay in our pyjamas pretty much all day so I feel cool with using lazy.

We also managed to get a nap in, which was much needed after a rocky night with Blaze. He and I crashed for a good two and a half hours, a record for him: I've done better. Jeannette was going to take them out in the afternoon but we had one of our sitters coming over after school so by the time we got up from the mass nap there was really no point.

We spent the morning watching a Ken Burns series on the Prohibition on Netflix.

Blaze is currently very into playing with the bowls in the kitchen and so was quite preoccupied with taking things out and putting things back in the bowls, and cupboard drawers, which allowed me to drink some coffee and watch some Netflix. It's really quite a shocking series if you haven't seen it. I recommend it. It boggles the mind that at one time the entire country of America tried to ban liquor. And then how long it took them to pull the plug on the entire affair despite how bad things got. 

Most of all what struck me was the level of hypocrisy that had become common place among the population with regard to almost every aspect of organized life. Everyone lied. All the cops and politicians were on the take. The whole thing fell apart. 

I wouldn't think that it's even a stretch to say that it indirectly led to the stock market crash and Great Depression that followed years after it was enacted, in the sense that the disrespect people had for each other, and the "well everyone's doing it and getting away with it so why not" attitude that became so pervasive during the time of prohibition would have blazed an easy trail to people taking liberties with stocks and bonds and houses and all other manner of things. 

Once there's a massive pile of poo in the middle of the room, and it stays there for a long time, ignored, it doesn't really matter how nice you make the rest of the room, people are going to lose a certain amount of respect for the house, and will take much less pride, I should think, in it's upkeep. 

It wasn't hard to see the parallels between the mistakes made in that time and the ones being made now. The rampant hypocrisy that's so common place is the most obvious comparison The Snowden files and all the covert operations and hacking and on and on and on. It's hard for anyone to maintain faith in any system whatsoever, let alone the one they're currently living under. When all your options for positions of representation and power have track records for flip flopping and 'playing politics', it makes it very hard indeed to believe in, and work for, any common ideal. 

Of course, it's no one's fault. That's the other side of it. People blame people, that seems to be human nature, but in reality that's not true. The Depression wasn't simply the President's fault, though everyone blamed him. They blamed him I suppose because it happened while he was in office. But things of that nature have a way of percolating and growing for a long time before any crash actually takes place.

Even now it's not like there's some vast network of shit heads hell bent on gathering everyone's information so they can extort them later or anything like that. It's good people thinking they're doing good things, unconsciously carrying out the underlying design of nature: which is to simply evolve. To transcend any obstacles. They have their perceived reasons, and make mistakes sure, but in the end it all comes out in the wash because it's not about any one of us, but what we're all unconsciously doing, together. 

They can listen to our conversations and swallow up all our data, so they will. They can go to space, so they will. They can build a nuke, so they will. But the reasons they do things are less important than the results and the results often take time to get any real perspective on. No matter what any one of us does, the species evolves; and Its doing it faster, and faster and faster. I suppose we are able to adapt to things so quickly now, the process itself gets lost in all the chaos, but if you step back for a second and compare what's happening on the planet now, compared to what happened even in our grandparents time, let alone caveman days, or Egyptian times, the difference is stark. 

Exponential technological growth. 

Anyway, that's a talk for another time. I'm all talked out. I worked a lot today but still feel very far from having this show ready to go. I know it'll be good mind you! I know it WILL be ready to go, but right now, at this moment in time, I'm at about 40% ready. I've got tons of material to choose from, but it takes time to sort through it all. And to lock in what I do have and want to keep.

I think giving it a title before I wrote it was a good idea though; it gives it a feel right off the bat and focuses it automatically. Confessions of a rogue monkey. So explain who the rogue monkey is, and why confessions are important. Then tell the story. It's actually pretty simple. It's like I said to Jeannette last night, the beauty of this show is that the whole set it Kay Bennito, the bit I did about the internet debacle. It's a set that gets into the meat of my own life, pours it out on stage, and then makes it funny.  

Okay, I'm getting this done a little earlier today, which is a good thing as I will no doubt not be feeling like doing it later. That seems to be my MO; early blogs, lots of enthusiasm.. late blog, would rather stick my face in the oven and broil. Not always guys, trust me, entertaining you with the foibles and mishaps and joy I experience in my life is oh so rewarding, most times. But at night.. well I feel a lot less entertaining in general. Which is funny, what with me being a comic and all. Not a lot of day shows. 

I also know given the amount of shut eye I accumulated last night, that tonight will likely be particularly bad for me creatively, which makes this a very wise move indeed. Blazer had another rough one last night and then was up bright eyed and bushy tailed this morning at around 7am. Kill me now!! 

It's actually okay because today was his day with my mother and father so I only had to get him up and going until Jeannette got up with the other rascal and fed them both. Then I packed up Blaze and took him over on my way back in to the theatre where I was meeting with my friend and cameraman Peter. He's agreed to film my set next weekend and just wanted to get a lay of the land so he can figure out how best to do it. We weren't able to talk to any of the tech people who will be working the show but we did get an email. Hoping to meet up with him next week to iron out the details. 

I didn't get much writing done on the show but Pete and I had a great chat about it. We also talked about a lot of the ideas I have moving forward and really, what this show is all about. Which is garner some support and enthusiasm from the local community.. none of whom know I exist. No matter!! They will come next week. Or at least, 320 (or dramatically less) will know! I'm really not too concerned how many people I get, though obviously the more people in there the more energy, which as a performer is what you're looking to feed off of. Thankfully, I have heaps of my own already packed tight inside and waiting to explode outward (note: two babies) so I shouldn't have a problem getting fired up and delivering a good performance regardless. 

That's the thinking anyway. How it really plays out... well, who can say. 

This is just a dry run of what we'll be looking to do in the future like a well oiled machine. Which is to say, the show next week is a rehearsal of how we'll want to tape it moving forward. I plan on doing it in a bunch of different venues around the province over the next year -if not this exact show, then certainly others that I have yet to write- and if we can get into the groove of shooting them all, and figure out a style and look as we go, then really, half the battle is accomplished. 

In other news, I've started a fire in the furnace, which is another reason I'm writing this blog right now, as I want to be close on hand to monitor how that's going. This friggin' thing gives me the heebeejeebees. And not in a good way. It seems to be quite tempermental. A bit of a loose cannon in my humble estimation, having known it for a couple of years as I have now. I'm hoping I'm just being paranoid but it's not like I don't have history with the stupid thing to back up my fears!! Still, in the end a fire dragon can't be too worried about handling fire. It's in my blood after all, according to the Chinese anyway. 

That doesn't mean that at the first opportunity I won't rip it out and put something much safer and easier to operate in. That's the game plan once we get up and running over here on the mountain. I won't destroy the rest of the house, as has been my intention for a while, as my buddy Darcy patiently explained to me that this wouldn't really be in the interests of becoming self sustaining. You must use what you have and waste as little as possible. Since there are plenty of other aspects of this house that function correctly and safely, I suppose dropping a hydrogen bomb on the place from a safe distance above wouldn't be the most prudent thing to do. 

What can I say, sometimes rage and frustration cloud one's vision. Thanks Darcy, for the clarity. Having said that, should nature take its course and some strong gale force wind were to blow it to the ground while we weren't home... well now that would hardly be my doing would it! 

Short one tonight kittens. It's 12:30am and I'm very tired. Between the kids and the work I did at the theatre today, and the very little sleep, and did I mention the kids???... my consciousness is not long for this world. Bed is a callin' and I'm losing the ability to resist. As such this entry will likely be littered with spelling errors and grammatical mistakes, a fact that simply can't be helped, as I attempt to plow through and create something worthwhile for you, my daily readers, before it all shuts down and my face bounces off this desk in front of me. 

So today. We got up under the usual circumstances; for Jeannette, a poo filled diaper change and screaming, hungry baby, and for me, a flopping one year old banging and crashing his head off all but the soft surfaces after finishing off his night in the guest bed with me, until finally he springs up, points at a glass of water on the nightstand, then the door, and down we go for the day.

This is the routine we're in. And you know what, it works for us. So Dr. Oz can go suck it. 

I apologize immediately to Dr. Oz, if he is in fact a real doctor, I pulled his name out of a fatigue addled brain at the very last second and have no particular reason for having done so other than he seems like the type of primate that shouts a lot of parental do's and don'ts, such as don't get your kids used to sleeping with you at night. And blah, blah, blah...

Tell you what, if I'm still pulling Blaze into the guest bed when he's 24 then we can chat. Otherwise, let it be man! Let it be!

I don't remember much from the morning to be honest, other than getting ready and jumping in the car to head into Wolfville. Jeannette wanted to take the kids for a walk and go to a meat market -I pray she didn't mean strip club- in addition to meeting up with one of my cousins, with her two little ones, while I jumped into the theatre for some rehearsal time. And by rehearsal time I of course still mean... writing time... as that's the part I'm still working on... the writing aspect of the show.

We're not even close to being ready for any rehearsal time! Hahahahah, not that I've ever rehearsed a standup show in my life. Other than running the jokes over and over in the bathroom with a bottle of shaving cream in my hand subbing in for a mic. LAME! 

But then, this isn't simply a standup show is it? Not in my mind. We'll see what the audience thinks. There is certainly a lot of funny stuff in there so far, in my humble opinion of course.  

I find it beyond helpful to get to work in the space I'll be performing in. I've never gotten to do that before, other than with acting gigs of course. It's just cool to be in there and have access to it pretty much whenever I want.. as long as the intrepid manager of the place, Mary, is also in attendance. Though I think she wouldn't mind even if she wasn't around. I'm pretty low maintenance. I ended up staying there for a good few hours before Jeannette let me know she was all finished. 

Hubble was retching up some nonsense earlier this morning so we took him to my parents place before continuing on into Wolfville, just so they could keep an eye on him. He seems fine now though, and was when we stopped back in to pick him up later in the afternoon. 

Uh, oh, my brain is already starting to shut it down... either that or that last paragraph almost bored me to sleep. It's hard to say at this point, as I'm in no mental state to have to write this thing and analyze myself as I go. That's some high level software operations that I'm just not up to at this juncture in the day. 

I will admit to not being overly happy with my progress on the show up until about 9pm tonight when about 30 minutes just came spilling out of me. I recorded it upstairs while Jeannette was down here with watching Dancing with the Stars with our little Arab queen. I've been outlining it for a good long while of course, and ended up just trying to freestyle some material while following the basic flow I'd figured out. The strategy worked well and I'm excited to sit down with what I recorded and write some of it out. 

It always helps to put it on the page just to be able to read it from that detached perspective. Even better if you can print it out and read it off actual, tactile, paper. 

Have I written enough?? I wonder... I literally can't think straight and now my left eye is starting to shut on its own. That can't be good can it? It feels like it's just dry but wow, it's really trying to close up shop for the night. I can barely keep it open. Now I'm squinting. The sheer pull of the left eye is now bringing my right one into a similar state of downward motion. This is grim people. I'm in the basement right now. How the hell am I going to successfully navigate my way up into whichever bedroom I stumble into with two eyes fused shut by fatigue? How I say? 

I also appear to be somewhat delirious now. Perhaps this is as good a time as any to wrap it up. I'm sure I forgot to mention all kinds of things. Woody Allen documentary.. alas.. too late. No matter. There's always tomorrow.  Until there's not. 

Today my sister threw another baby shower for Jeannette.

I didn't go to this event, unlike the one for Blaze, as I decided instead to hang back and keep working on the show. I did some other writing as well and then hammered out a pretty decent opening that is starting to hone into something halfway decent. This wasn't until later in the afternoon of course, as we spent the morning hanging out at the house chasing around the two hob goblins. 

I wasn't feeling a hundred percent today. Blaze didn't sleep great last night so I was up and down a good few times with him. Then because of stupid day light savings we ended up getting up a whole hour earlier than usual, so by 7:30 I had him downstairs wandering around the living room full of piss and vinegar and ready for the day. Him, not me. Just so we're clear. 

I've never been full of piss and/or vinegar at that hour. I barely have half a tank of either liquids that early in the morning despite always wishing I was the type of person who got up early and liked it. The problem was, try as I might, I could never find a consistent reason to get up that early and so the entirety of my life I've gotten up at odd and late hours, without finding a way to break to cycle. This is what happens when you don't have a day job people. 

If there's anyone else out there who has that problem- comics, I'm looking at you- go have a couple kids. You'll have that little issue fixed up real quick like. They're the best alarm clocks because you can't shut them off. There aren't any snooze buttons either. Once they're up and going off there's really nothing you can do to stop them but get up yourself and get the day started. Relentless they are. 

So I was up early and feeling a little wonky from the get go. We didn't do much in the am hours besides play and drink coffee. Well, the coffee was for me, obviously. Dear god, giving Blazer coffee would be like putting 100 pounds of TNT inside the casing for an nuclear bomb. There's really no need to add the extra explosiveness.

As soon as he showed signs of fading I put him upstairs for a nap. He managed to stay down for a  good little while but rather than get any work done at that point, while Jeannette handled Zena and everything she requires on a moment to moment basis, I instead decided to head back to bed myself. We both slept until it was time for them all to get packed up and head off to the baby shower for 1:30pm. 

It was at that point that I finally got around to getting some work done.

I did some random writing, kind of an idea I had on the spot that fit into a few other ideas I had, and then slapped myself around a bit to get my head around what really needs to get done right now, which is work on the show. Which I did, for the majority of the afternoon.

It's coming, as I said, but though I'm hoping to have all the i's dotted and t's crossed well in advance of the actual show itself, I doubt that'll happen. More than likely I'll be getting up there with an outline and a general idea of where most of the material will go, but will take a hefty bit of improvisation into the show with me. 

No matter. 

Then tonight the worst thing ever happened thanks to a horrible miscommunication.

My head was pounding on account of not drinking enough water, which I almost never do, and just feeling miserable all day, so I asked Jeannette to get me some Advil. She was feeding Blaze some grapes at the time, as I was holding Zena and giving her a bottle. So you know, a bit of happy confusion going on, which is my first attempt at a defence for what was no doubt my own fault. Anyway, as I'm dealing verbally with a misbehaving one year old, while feeding the seven week old, Jeannette comes in and puts my water down next to me and shoves a couple things in my mouth. 

Now, yes, I should have remembered what those objects were considering I'd asked for them just a few minutes prior, but what can I say, I was distracted by the boy! Anyway, she pops what I assumed were grapes into my mouth -as I'm looking at the bowl of grapes she's holding in her other hand- and then proceed to bite down on them.

That was my first thought, grapes, but as I bit down I immediately noticed they were smaller and harder than grapes, these objects she fed me. No matter, I thought, she often buys those chocolate pomegranate seeds so my next assumption was that they were those. It was when the vile, disgusting contents of what were, in reality, Advil gel caps burst into my mouth covering my tongue with what tasted remarkably like rat poison, that I realized what I'd done and panicked. 

I swallowed the whole disgusting concoction as I yelled to Jeannette what had happened. She was absolutely no help whatsoever as she fell to the floor and rolled around laughing like a crazy person while calling me all sorts of names that revolve around the concept of 'idiot' as I gulped down a glass of water and started eating left over Halloween chocolates. 

Quick note on that: whenever you have something truly revolting in your mouth, it's best to slow play the taste buds back to form. Your first instinct will be to shove something great tasting in your mouth but this would be horribly wrong. You'll only ruin the taste of those foods for yourself, likely forever. So don't start with left over Halloween chocolate.

Do what I eventually did and suck on a Halls lozenge for a while first.  

The strong medicinal taste is a little more on par with the contents of those slow working gell caps, only a tad more bearable. Only when you're tongue is numb from the initial burst of horrific medicine, and the cherry of the Halls has calmed the stinging taste of factory chemical, will you start to feel some semblance of yourself again. 

Gross!

Anyway, I'm much better now and my headache is gone, thanks for asking. I suppose that's not a surprise given the fact the medicine didn't have to work it's way up from my stomach.  

I'm now in the basement writing this as Jeannette tries to calm Zena. She's wailing right now, screeching the very refrain I felt like unleashing about two hours ago when first that blast of rancid medicine exploded in my mouth. 

The taste is gone. But the memory will remain forever.