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if i look back, i am lost
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@mouthwingss

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In a motel room, with the Bible out Combing scriptures for answers about What's happening now 'Cause I can't believe my eyes And I just don't trust my ears But I've heard a man can always come find Some solace here And Lord, I know that we don't talk Often at all anymore But desperate folks do desperate things So I'm stapling this note to your door Please, turn the ship around And lock the course in place And keep the train tracks nailed to the ground Or pull the emergency break 'Cause I've lost my faith in man Just like I once lost faith in you And I've been covering all kinds of ground Thinking hard 'bout what else I could lose And I know how I look To come crawling back Acting like you owe me proof But this is bigger than me I think it's bigger than you too So if this gets to you Yeah if you ever come home Just know I won't be awaiting the postman I will not be glued to my phone I'll know a change has come I'll know that you exist When all our bombs stop exploding And when all of those landmines are stripped And we stop blowin' up strangers' houses And making orphans of innocent kids And people stop thinking the world's theirs for the taking 'Cause your world once told them it is 'Til then, I'm gonna shake my head I'm gonna bite my tongue When people tell me, 'Have faith and be patient, We're waiting for God to show up.' Yeah 'til then, it's one more skeptical song And I'll be glad as hell If you come and prove me wrong
How do you seek a long-term consistent life of vulnerability in a world or communities that are largely lacking it? In a world like this, how do you prevent yourself from built up bursts of feelings of self-deprecation and self-hatred?Â
One of many thoughts I have on this is that someone would need a safe community to practice this under (i.e. a very involved intentional community) that supports this. I hope one aspect of a life full of acts of vulnerability would include the desire to create healing for others through those acts, rather than retreat to a community that mirrors the same life. As healing as vulnerability can be, I’m thinking it can also be very harmful if the vulnerability isn’t mirrored with consistent uplifting, affirming love to counteract the harshness it can entail.Â
Partnered Life: * Am I checking in with my partner to see if they had a rough day? * If so, am I stepping up to make their life easier in other ways (cooking, cleaning, etc.)? * Am I open and clear about my wants, and not forcing my partner to guess/drag it out of me? * Am I contributing constructively to planning of meals, events, trips, etc? * Am I actively trying to make my presence feel safe for my partner? * Do I try to do nice things for my partner without being asked (flowers, treats, etc.)? * Do I take care of my own administrative life (paperwork, bills) without needing to be repeatedly reminded? * Am I supportive of my partner’s decisions, big and small? * Am I respectful and validating of my partner’s emotions? * Am I vocally grateful when my partner goes out of their way to do something nice for me? * Am I nice to my partner’s family [if that’s a thing they want]?
Emotional Labor: What It Is and How To Do It (via littletimechange)
As a Sagittarius and all around sometimes self absorbed human I need to pay more attention to this
(via rraymerr)
I needed to see this right now
(via beautifulsilversoul)
But we urge you, dear friends, that you increase more and more; that you also aspire to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you, that you may walk properly toward those who are outside, and that you may lack nothing.
1 Thessalonians 4:10b-12 (via stephanieberbec)

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Ich wünschte, ich jemand werden könnte Ich mag
Missed my alarm again this morning which sparked a little internal digging:
I’m someone who assumes that people hate me, rather than like me. I tend to think if people don’t text or message me back, they don’t like me. If they don’t ask me to hangout, they don’t like me. That people are constantly talking behind my back or scheming against me.Â
So when I mess up, this feeling triples. Then it’s like “I KNOW” people hate me without a doubt.Â
It’s really bizarre and makes me feel really guilty, and depressed sometimes. Trying to work on it.Â
#STOP AMERICANISING JESUS
He was a Jew. He was Palestinian. He was Brown. He was anti-colonialism. He was anti-cultural appropriation. He taught socialism and sharing. He loved sinners, including prostitutes, tax collectors (thieves of the day), divorcées (sluts of the day) and murderers. Some of the people he respected and loves the most were women. He was for racial equality.
He was NOT apple pie, white, blond, capitalist, meninist, anti-immigrant, shaming, antisemitic, racist, gay-bashing, or a fan of basically anything Donald Trump.
Love is patient, love is kind. It doesn’t envy, it doesn’t boast. It isn’t proud. It doesn’t dishonor others. It isn’t self-seeking, it isn’t easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love doesn’t delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
That’s Christ’s love. That’s an off the charts, extraordinary, immaculate kind of love. That’s the love worth losing your life for. That’s the love worth denying yourself for. That’s the love that’s worth it all. That’s true love. True, pure and perfect love.
Kyle listening to a Good Charlotte #pineapplevodka

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"...I know every word we speak can make hurricanes in people's weather veins or shine their shiny shine. So maybe sometime you could sit beside me on the bus and I could say, "guess what, it is a fact that manatees have vocal chords but do not have ears and Beethoven made music even when he could no longer hear. I know every belt that has hit someone's back is still a belt that was built to hold something up. And it is a fact that Egyptians slept on pillows made of stone but it's not hard for me to dream that maybe one day you'll write me back like the day I wrote the lightening bug to say, I smashed my mason jar and I threw away the lid. I didn't want to take a chance that I'd grow up to be a war." - Andrea Gibson, A Letter To The Playground Bully, From Andrea Age 8 1/2
Turned in my Master’s application and essay today. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers!
I had no idea you would be jumping straight to a masters/that you could do that. Good for you! I'm excited to see the outcome
This week my practice was to be more intentional and I did fairly well! A few things: - reached out to friends and asked how they were - followed up on more texts from people (rather than forgetting about them) -did more dishes that weren't mine/took out the trash more - submitted to others even when it was hard - called a friend to tell them how much they've meant to me - made plans to hangout with people this coming week
I've been feeling really lonely. Gained a lot of perspective about my fear of friendships and feeling accepted/rejected in relation to seeing myself more as an introvert lately. Still very lonely.
I ask not for a light burden, but for broader shoulders. I ask not for an easier path, but for stronger feet. I ask not for weaker enemies, but stronger self.
(via theonus)

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Majical Cloudz.
Her eyes were bigger than most eyes I had seen, and green like dyed velvet. Her lips were bubbled and red, but not colored, instead swollen and bitten dark by my teeth and her own. Her face reminded me of watermelon, and I’d pierce her air with my own, suck in her exhales, and ditch all loss with each pheromone.
(via mouthwingss)