sometimes you dont know what youre signing yourself up for
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if i look back, i am lost
we're not kids anymore.
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@motleysaint
sometimes you dont know what youre signing yourself up for

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(guy who is wearing all yellow voice) Boy i sure hope no one looks at me in a noticeable way
like can we be serious for a moment please. Use our brain
How's Curious George doing btw
hey. That was devastating
Thats the context for this meme???
I feel like I've been robbed the whole time. This is magical.
I'm dying

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current state of the internet is a FUCKING EMBARASSMENT. was chatting with my grandma bout the history of crochet and knitting (and the comparative ages of those respective technologies) and i was like "oh YEAH and also that ancient greek fiber art we partly figured out from chemically testing the scoured bleached pigments of stolen statuary (tumblr knows what im talking about)—gimme 30 seconds to look up the name."
5 minutes and 3 search-engines later i am crying tears of blood screaming spitting blubbering in despair as my grandma attempts to digitally pat me consolingly on the back. the library of alexandria didn't burn it was "restructured" to "increase shareholder profits"
and i STILL CANNOT FIND THE TERM.
i am scouring the internet like the victorians scoured and destroyed all trace of joy and color from stolen relics for the LOST NAME OF THE ANCIENT PROCESS of textile-creation akin to knitting/crocheting/nålebinding that at least one academic/crafter used to recreate the leggings on this Glorious Motherfucker:
the google execs erased it. they bleached my bestie AGAIN from history...
is this of any use
SO IT IS!!!
Archer statue from the Temple of Aphaia (ca. 480 BC) next to a reconstruction of its original paint job:
The leggings and sleeves would have created using a method called SPRANG which predates knitting and is over 3,000 years old. What's even sexier is modern artisans managed to recreate the entire outfit using the original method!
Mmm-HMM, love me a shapely thigh in harlequin hosiery. Put👏men👏in👏clingy-ass👏clothing👏again👏👏👏
Unfortunately english sources are hard to find, partly because Google's a shithole, but also because this textile project comes from a German museum, in Germany, where people tend to speak (and publish) in German. That said, the original link is to a short-but-sweet article I would have had no problem finding in 30 seconds a mere few years ago. fortunately i have clever beautiful insane people following me, but alas not everyone has such luxury. thanks to everyone in the notes who shoved themselves down this rabbithole with me!
in conclusion let us take a moment to sincerely wish Google a very burn in hell🙏
i had the best human interaction of all time last night. i was sitting at a bar eating an appetizer and this guy comes up to order a drink and stares at my food and comments how good it looks. when i am drunk i use the word bitch like it is a comma, i plug it into any space in a sentence possible. so naturally the first thing i say to this stranger is, “go ahead and take one, bitch.”
he looks SO shocked and taken aback and goes “what did you just say? how do you know my name?” so i sit there for a moment trying to figure out what the fuck he is talking about, and then go, “…. bitch?” and he looks so relieved and tells me his name is mitch.
i cannot stop thinking about this. oh my god. imagine going into a bar and someone you know for a fact youve never met approaches you and says “go ahead and take one, mitch.” im cracking the fuck up. he looked like he thought this was the fucking truman show
I’m at the point where my meds don’t fit confortably in my pill organizer, and I’m this close to buying a bunch of plastic capsules and a gumball machine and calling it a day.
Gotta get one of those three in ones
... I should have known better than to post this to tumblr. Y’all just pilot my lack of impulse control like a mech at this point.

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Feel like it was very much like, you’re going through the worst summer of your life and I have a mustache, we all have stuff rn, maybe let’s kiss?
YOU’RE GOING THROUGH THE WORST SUMMER OF YOUR LIFE AND I HAVE A MUSTACHE
about to try physical therapy and my poor PT has no idea what he is about to get into
complimented a womans clear raincoat this morning and she said Well i feel like a sandwich
wait now i’m curious what’s everyone’s go-to pair of shoes

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I have a sleeve of thin mints in my freezer “for emergencies” but sometimes my emergency is that I have a sleeve of thin mints in my freezer
They should make hollow, fragile sugar candies exactly the size and shape of a lightbulb to safely satisfy the body’s natural need to eat lightbulbs whole