When you are feeling stuck - use this method to interrupt the thought loop and come back to the present moment with your pre-frontal cortex.

And remember, using your prefrontal cortex is energetically costly - so invest wisely and set yourself up to match your environment, not rely on willpower alone.

How to process thoughts and make sense of them:

What decisions do I make repeatedly?

Which of these decisions produce predictable answers?

Which answers could become rules?

Which rules could become systems?

Which systems could become habits?

That’s how automation is built.

⸻

The Phronesis Version

Most people think wisdom is:

Making the right decision.

Practical wisdom eventually becomes:

Designing your life so the right decision happens automatically.

⸻

The Highest-Leverage Things To Automate

For most adults:

1. Sleep schedule

2. Morning routine

3. Workout schedule

4. Grocery list

5. Meal structure

6. Savings

7. Investing

8. Weekly planning

9. Home reset routine

10. Relationship maintenance

These are the areas that generate the largest return on capacity.

⸻

The Ultimate Question

Whenever something feels mentally expensive, ask:

“How many more times do I want to make this decision?”

If the answer is:

“Not again.”

Then don’t improve the decision.

Improve the system.

That’s the shift from effort to leverage.

That’s how you free up:

* Energy

* Cognitive bandwidth

* Executive functioning

* Money

* Attention

* Emotional capacity

And ultimately create more freedom for the things that actually require wisdom.

My Estimate

For someone who currently feels like they have to consciously think through everything each morning, strong automation could easily free up the equivalent of:

* 20–40% more cognitive bandwidth

* significantly less decision fatigue

* noticeably better emotional regulation

* substantially more consistency

The exact percentage isn’t measurable, but the subjective experience is often:

“I didn’t realize how much energy I was spending just managing myself.”

That’s why high-functioning people often appear calm.

They’re not necessarily carrying less.

They’re carrying fewer decisions.

The Phronesis Question Framework

Questions That Move You From Reactivity to Wisdom

1. What keeps happening?

This question helps identify patterns instead of isolated events.

Follow-up questions:

* How many times has this happened before?

* What do these situations have in common?

* What circumstances tend to precede this outcome?

* What triggers this pattern?

* What would an outside observer notice?

* What am I repeatedly surprised by that I shouldn’t be?

* If I plotted this on a graph, what trend would I see?

* What am I calling a coincidence that may actually be a pattern?

* What am I consistently tolerating?

* What keeps returning until I learn from it?

⸻

2. What loop am I participating in?

This question shifts attention from blame to systems.

Follow-up questions:

* What happens immediately before this?

* What happens immediately after this?

* How do I contribute to this cycle?

* What role am I playing?

* What behavior from me reinforces this pattern?

* What behavior from others reinforces this pattern?

* What keeps this cycle alive?

* What would happen if I stopped playing my role?

* What reward is this loop providing?

* What cost is this loop creating?

⸻

3. What is this signal trying to tell me?

This question develops signal literacy.

Follow-up questions:

* What is my body communicating?

* What is my nervous system noticing?

* What need might this signal represent?

* What is this emotion trying to accomplish?

* What problem is this signal trying to solve?

* What might happen if I ignore this signal?

* What might happen if I overreact to this signal?

* Is this a call to action or a call to awareness?

* Is this a warning, a need, or simply information?

* What system is generating this signal?

⸻

4. What story am I adding?

This question separates reality from interpretation.

Follow-up questions:

* What are the facts?

* What assumptions am I making?

* What evidence do I actually have?

* What else could be true?

* What would a neutral observer conclude?

* What am I predicting rather than observing?

* What belief is shaping this interpretation?

* Am I confusing possibility with probability?

* What am I making this mean about me?

* What information am I missing?

⸻

5. What am I trying to protect?

This question uncovers the function beneath the behavior.

Follow-up questions:

* What feels threatened?

* What am I afraid might happen?

* What am I trying to avoid feeling?

* What vulnerability is underneath this reaction?

* What identity am I protecting?

* What relationship am I protecting?

* What need am I defending?

* What fear is driving this response?

* If I weren’t afraid, how would I see this differently?

* What am I unwilling to risk?

⸻

6. Do I currently have the capacity to respond wisely?

This question evaluates the state of the system.

Follow-up questions:

* How much energy do I actually have right now?

* Am I tired, hungry, stressed, or overwhelmed?

* Am I regulated enough to think clearly?

* Is this the best time to make a decision?

* What resources are missing?

* What would increase my capacity?

* What am I carrying that is reducing my bandwidth?

* Am I trying to solve a capacity problem with willpower?

* Do I need action, rest, support, or perspective?

* What would help me show up as my best self?

⸻

7. What need is underneath this reaction?

This question moves beneath surface behavior.

Follow-up questions:

* What am I longing for?

* What am I missing?

* What need is unmet?

* Is this about safety, connection, autonomy, competence, or meaning?

* What would make this reaction unnecessary?

* What am I hoping someone else will provide?

* Can I meet part of this need myself?

* What healthy strategy could meet this need?

* What is the deeper desire underneath the emotion?

* What would fulfillment look like?

⸻

8. What response improves the whole system?

This is a systems-thinking question.

Follow-up questions:

* What are the downstream consequences of each option?

* What creates the most stability?

* What creates the most growth?

* What improves trust?

* What protects capacity?

* What strengthens the system rather than relieving discomfort?

* What solves the root cause?

* What creates positive feedback loops?

* What reduces future problems?

* What intervention has the highest leverage?

⸻

9. What serves long-term flourishing?

This question introduces time horizons.

Follow-up questions:

* How will I feel about this in a year?

* What choice would future me thank me for?

* Does this support health, connection, growth, and purpose?

* What creates sustainable success?

* What builds rather than depletes?

* What supports the person I want to become?

* What strengthens my character?

* What creates resilience?

* What expands future opportunities?

* What contributes to a meaningful life?

⸻

10. What would my wisest future self do next?

This is the integration question.

Follow-up questions:

* What would the most mature version of me see?

* What would a deeply regulated version of me choose?

* What would someone who loves themselves do?

* What would someone who understands systems do?

* What advice would I give a close friend?

* What choice aligns with my values?

* What action reflects my highest self?

* What would wisdom choose over fear?

* What would courage choose over comfort?

* What is the next right step?

⸻

The Meta-Question

If you ever get stuck, ask:

“What question am I not asking that reality is trying to teach me?”

In simpler terms: “What am I overlooking?” or “What lesson might this situation be trying to show me that I haven’t considered yet?” The idea is that when you feel stuck, confused, or keep encountering the same problem, there may be an important perspective, assumption, or question you haven’t explored.

CONSCIOUSNESS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS ~

Many relationship struggles are actually automation problems, capacity problems, and signal interpretation problems.

People often assume:

“We have a communication problem.”

But when you zoom out, the issue is frequently that the relationship lacks healthy automated systems.

⸻

Healthy Relationships Run on Automation Too

Think about brushing your teeth.

You don’t wake up every day and decide whether your teeth are worth caring for.

The behavior is automated.

Strong relationships develop similar automatic patterns.

Examples:

Secure Relationship Automation

Partner is stressed.

↓

Other partner checks in.

↓

Connection increases.

↓

Stress decreases.

↓

Trust grows.

Nobody consciously thinks:

“Should I be supportive today?”

The behavior becomes procedural.

⸻

Unhealthy Relationships Often Stay in Manual Mode

Some couples re-evaluate everything every day.

Examples:

* Should I text first?

* Should I tell them how I feel?

* Should I bring this up?

* Should I trust them?

* Do they still care?

Every interaction requires conscious analysis.

The relationship becomes mentally expensive.

⸻

Attachment Systems Are Relationship Automation

This is one reason secure attachment feels so calming.

The nervous system develops a procedural expectation:

“My person is generally available.”

Now the brain doesn’t have to constantly monitor.

It automates safety.

⸻

Secure Loop

Connection

↓

Trust

↓

Predictability

↓

Safety

↓

Less Monitoring

↓

More Connection

⸻

Anxious Loop

Uncertainty

↓

Monitoring

↓

Overthinking

↓

Reassurance Seeking

↓

Temporary Relief

↓

More Monitoring

The system never automates safety.

It stays in manual mode.

⸻

Why Capacity Matters So Much

Remember the concept of capacity?

Relationships consume capacity.

But healthy relationships also generate capacity.

⸻

High-Capacity Relationship

You feel:

* understood

* supported

* emotionally safe

Your nervous system spends less energy monitoring threats.

More energy becomes available for:

* work

* creativity

* health

* growth

⸻

Low-Capacity Relationship

You feel:

* uncertain

* confused

* hypervigilant

Now energy gets diverted into:

* analyzing texts

* reading signals

* seeking reassurance

* emotional recovery

The relationship becomes expensive.

⸻

The Relationship Version of Procedural Memory

Healthy couples eventually automate things like:

Repair

After conflict:

↓

Reconnect

↓

Clarify

↓

Move forward

⸻

Appreciation

Notice effort

↓

Express gratitude

↓

Partner feels valued

↓

Positive feedback loop strengthens

⸻

Connection

Check in

↓

Share experiences

↓

Increase closeness

↓

Repeat

⸻

These behaviors stop requiring constant conscious effort.

The system carries them.

⸻

The Systems Thinking Lens

Many people focus on events:

* the argument

* the text

* the misunderstanding

Systems thinking focuses on patterns.

Questions become:

What loop are we reinforcing?

What behaviors are becoming automated?

Is this system creating more trust or more vigilance?

⸻

The Phronesis Lens

Phronesis asks:

What is the wisest response that improves the relationship system?

Not:

How do I win?

Not:

How do I stop feeling uncomfortable?

But:

What response strengthens trust, connection, and long-term flourishing?

⸻

Why This Connects To Your Life

A lot of what you’ve been exploring recently—systems thinking, capacity, feedback loops, attractors, signal interpretation—shows up most clearly in relationships.

Because relationships are essentially:

Two nervous systems exchanging signals and creating shared feedback loops.

The healthiest relationships gradually automate:

* trust

* repair

* honesty

* affection

* support

The least healthy relationships automate:

* suspicion

* avoidance

* criticism

* defensiveness

* hypervigilance

Both are systems.

Both compound over time.

The difference is which loops get reinforced.

That’s why one of the most powerful relationship questions isn’t:

“Do we love each other?”

It’s:

“What are we repeatedly practicing together?”

They brush their teeth, get dressed, make coffee, go to work, exercise, and complete routine tasks without spending much mental energy deciding what to do next.

Others have a very different experience.

They wake up feeling as though every action requires conscious thought:

* What should I do first?

* Should I shower now or later?

* What should I eat?

* Should I work out today?

* Which task is most important?

* Where do I even begin?

By the time the day has started, significant mental energy has already been spent.

This experience is often misunderstood as laziness, lack of motivation, or poor discipline. In reality, several cognitive and neurological processes may contribute to it.

Executive Function vs. Procedural Memory

One explanation involves the difference between executive function and procedural memory.

Executive Function

Executive functions are the brain’s management processes. They help us:

* Plan

* Prioritize

* Evaluate options

* Make decisions

* Organize behavior

* Shift attention

Executive functioning is effortful and energy-intensive.

Procedural Memory

Procedural memory stores habits, routines, and automatic behaviors.

Examples include:

* Brushing your teeth

* Driving a familiar route

* Following a morning routine

* Preparing meals you make regularly

Procedural memory allows behavior to occur with minimal conscious thought.

When routines become proceduralized, they require far less cognitive effort.

Why Some People Rely More Heavily on Conscious Decision-Making

Several factors may increase reliance on executive function throughout the day.

1. Highly Analytical Thinking Styles

Some individuals naturally operate through analysis rather than automation.

Rather than defaulting to established routines, they continuously evaluate options and alternatives.

This can be advantageous for problem-solving and creativity but costly from an energy perspective.

2. Anxiety and Hypervigilance

Anxiety often shifts the brain into a state of increased monitoring.

Instead of relying on habits, the nervous system remains alert for potential threats, mistakes, or uncertainties.

This can create a tendency to repeatedly ask:

“What is the right thing to do?”

Even when routine actions would normally be automated.

3. Decision Fatigue

Decision-making consumes mental resources.

The more decisions a person makes, the more difficult subsequent decisions become.

Research in cognitive psychology has repeatedly demonstrated that repeated decision-making can impair judgment, increase avoidance, and reduce self-control.

4. Lack of Established Systems

Many behaviors become automatic because they have been repeated consistently in stable environments.

Without stable routines, the brain must reconstruct behavior repeatedly rather than executing a stored pattern.

5. Reduced Capacity

Capacity refers to the resources available to support functioning, including:

* Sleep

* Energy

* Attention

* Emotional regulation

* Stress tolerance

When capacity decreases, routine tasks often require more conscious effort.

Many people interpret this as a motivation problem when it may actually be an energy problem.

The Cost of Living in “Manual Mode”

When behavior depends heavily on conscious decision-making, several challenges emerge:

* Increased mental fatigue

* Task initiation difficulties

* Analysis paralysis

* Reduced productivity

* Overwhelm

* Difficulty maintaining habits

In systems terms, the individual is operating in a high-friction environment where every action requires activation energy.

Why Automation Matters

Human beings possess limited cognitive resources.

One reason habits are so powerful is that they reduce the need for repeated decision-making.

Automation conserves mental energy for tasks that genuinely require thought and creativity.

Examples include:

* Following the same morning routine

* Scheduling workouts in advance

* Preparing recurring meals

* Creating standard workflows

* Establishing consistent bedtime routines

The goal is not to eliminate thinking.

The goal is to reserve thinking for situations where it provides the greatest value.

A Systems Thinking Perspective

From a systems perspective, this issue is not primarily about motivation.

It is often about system design.

Consider two people:

Person A

Wake up

→ Follow established routine

→ Begin day

Person B

Wake up

→ Decide what to do

→ Decide when to do it

→ Decide how to do it

→ Decide what matters most

Both individuals may be equally capable.

However, Person B is spending substantially more energy before accomplishing the same objective.

Practical Solutions

Research on habit formation, behavioral design, and executive functioning suggests several strategies:

Reduce Daily Decisions

Pre-decide recurring behaviors whenever possible.

Create Environmental Cues

Make desired actions obvious and easy to initiate.

Use Checklists

Externalize decisions rather than recreating them mentally.

Build Routines Gradually

Automate one area at a time.

Protect Capacity

Prioritize sleep, recovery, nutrition, movement, and stress management.

Conclusion

Waking up feeling as though every action requires thought is not necessarily a sign of laziness or lack of discipline.

In many cases, it reflects a greater reliance on executive functioning than procedural automation.

Understanding the difference can be useful because it shifts the focus from trying to become more motivated to designing better systems.

Over time, the most effective individuals are often not those who think harder about every decision.

They are those who intentionally automate the decisions that matter least so they can devote their energy to the decisions that matter most.

The interesting thing is that these are often not six separate problems.

They’re usually six interacting systems.

A lot of people think:

“I have anxiety.”

When the reality is:

Poor Sleep

↓

Reduced Capacity

↓

More Sensitive Nervous System

↓

More Attachment Activation

↓

More Anxiety

↓

More Stimulants

↓

Worse Sleep

↓

More Anxiety

They’re trapped in a loop.

The goal is not to solve everything at once.

The goal is to identify:

What is generating the biggest amount of suffering relative to the energy required to address it?

⸻

If It’s A Chemistry Problem

Examples:

* medication effects

* withdrawal

* caffeine overload

* alcohol rebound

* blood sugar swings

* nutritional deficiencies

Question:

Is my body creating anxiety before my mind creates a story?

Signs:

* anxiety appears suddenly

* no clear trigger

* feels intensely physical

First steps:

✓ Reduce stimulants

✓ Stabilize blood sugar

✓ Hydrate

✓ Review medications with your doctor

✓ Address deficiencies

✓ Rule out medical causes

⸻

If It’s A Sleep Problem

This is often the highest leverage intervention.

Poor sleep affects:

* emotional regulation

* hormones

* appetite

* attachment security

* anxiety sensitivity

* impulse control

Question:

Am I trying to solve an exhaustion problem with thinking?

Many people are.

Priority:

✓ Sleep consistency

✓ Morning sunlight

✓ Reduce evening stimulation

✓ Recovery before productivity

⸻

If It’s A Stimulant Problem

This is incredibly common.

Especially among high performers.

The pattern:

Exhausted

↓

Caffeine

↓

Anxiety

↓

Poor Sleep

↓

More Exhausted

↓

More Caffeine

Question:

Am I under-recovered and over-stimulated?

⸻

If It’s A Hormone Problem

Examples:

* menstrual cycle fluctuations

* perimenopause

* thyroid issues

* hormonal medications

Question:

Does my anxiety change predictably across time?

Clues:

* specific cycle phases

* sudden shifts

* mood changes that feel disproportionate

The solution is often:

Understanding the pattern.

Not judging yourself for it.

⸻

If It’s An Attachment Problem

This is where your body interprets uncertainty as danger.

Examples:

* delayed texts

* inconsistency

* mixed signals

* emotional distance

Question:

Is there actual danger or perceived relational threat?

Important distinction:

Attachment activation isn’t weakness.

It’s your connection system trying to protect a bond.

⸻

If It’s A Capacity Problem

This is my favorite systems-thinking lens.

Capacity includes:

* energy

* attention

* emotional bandwidth

* resilience

* recovery

Question:

Is my life asking more from me than my system can currently provide?

Many people think they need:

* motivation

* discipline

* confidence

When they actually need:

* rest

* boundaries

* simplification

⸻

What If It’s ALL OF THEM?

Honestly?

For many people, it is.

The goal becomes:

Stop treating anxiety as the primary problem.

Instead ask:

What is driving the anxiety?

Imagine anxiety as a dashboard light.

You don’t fix the dashboard light.

You investigate what turned it on.

⸻

The Phronesis Approach

If I were using practical wisdom, I would prioritize like this:

Level 1: Biology First

* Sleep

* Nutrition

* Hydration

* Movement

* Stimulants

* Hormones

Because a dysregulated body creates distorted signals.

⸻

Level 2: Capacity

* Reduce overload

* Create recovery

* Protect energy

Because exhausted people interpret reality differently.

⸻

Level 3: Attachment

* Increase security

* Strengthen relationships

* Build self-trust

Because connection regulates humans.

⸻

Level 4: Thinking

Only now do we focus heavily on thoughts.

Because sometimes the mind isn’t the source.

It’s the narrator.

⸻

The Simplest Framework

When anxiety shows up, ask:

Could this be biological?

Could this be capacity-related?

Could this be attachment-related?

Could this be a story my brain is creating?

Then ask:

What is the smallest action that would improve the whole system?

That’s phronesis.

Not solving everything.

Not perfect certainty.

Just finding the wisest next move that helps the entire system function better.

Because the problem for a highly sensitive or anxious person is often not that they receive too many signals.

It’s that they struggle to determine: Which signals deserve action and which signals deserve observation.

Think of it like an overly sensitive smoke alarm.

A normal smoke alarm goes off when there’s a fire.

A hyper-sensitive smoke alarm goes off when:

* You make toast.

* You boil water.

* Someone lights a candle.

* The oven gets warm.

The alarm isn’t broken.

It’s just calibrated toward caution.

Many anxious people have nervous systems that operate similarly.

⸻

The Mistake Most Anxious People Make

They assume:

Signal = Truth

For example:

Signal

Anxiety.

Interpretation

Something must be wrong.

Response

Fix it.

Control it.

Figure it out.

Get certainty.

Seek reassurance.

Unfortunately, this teaches the nervous system:

“Every alarm is an emergency.”

The system becomes even more sensitive over time.

⸻

The Wise Alternative

Phronesis teaches:

Signal ≠ Emergency

A signal is simply:

“Something is getting my attention.”

That’s all.

The next step is investigation.

⸻

A New Question

Instead of asking:

“How do I make this feeling stop?”

Ask:

“How much confidence do I have that this signal reflects reality?”

This changes everything.

⸻

The Traffic Light System

🔴 Red Light

Strong evidence.

Immediate action needed.

Examples:

* Dangerous situation

* Serious health symptoms

* Clear relationship violation

Take action.

⸻

🟡 Yellow Light

Uncertain signal.

More information needed.

Examples:

* Anxiety before a date

* Worry about what someone thinks

* Fear of failure

Observe.

Gather data.

Don’t immediately react.

⸻

🟢 Green Light

Normal nervous system activity.

Examples:

* First-date nerves

* Public speaking jitters

* Excitement mixed with fear

Allow the feeling.

Proceed anyway.

⸻

What Hyper-Sensitive People Need To Learn

Not:

“How do I stop feeling?”

But:

“How do I become better at interpreting signals?”

Those are different skills.

⸻

The Rule of Two Questions

Whenever anxiety shows up, ask:

Question 1

What is the signal?

Example:

“I’m anxious.”

Good.

That’s the signal.

⸻

Question 2

What objective evidence supports the story I’m telling myself?

This is where many anxious interpretations collapse.

Example:

Signal:

“He hasn’t texted back.”

Story:

“He’s losing interest.”

Evidence:

None yet.

Now you’re back in reality.

⸻

The Capacity Piece

This is huge.

Anxiety often increases when capacity decreases.

When you’re:

* sleep deprived

* stressed

* overwhelmed

* lonely

* burned out

the nervous system becomes more reactive.

The same event that feels manageable on a good day feels terrifying on a depleted day.

So sometimes the solution isn’t:

Better thinking.

It’s:

Better capacity.

Sleep.

Recovery.

Movement.

Connection.

Food.

Rest.

⸻

The Ultimate Phronesis Question for Anxiety

Instead of asking:

“Is my anxiety right?”

Ask:

“What would a wise, regulated version of me do while waiting for more information?”

That question is powerful because it doesn’t require certainty.

It requires wisdom.

And that’s often the missing piece.

⸻

The goal for a highly sensitive person is not to become less sensitive.

Sensitivity can be a gift.

The goal is to become a better interpreter.

To learn the difference between:

* Signal and story

* Feeling and fact

* Possibility and probability

* Alarm and emergency

That’s where anxiety starts transforming into wisdom.

AND HOW DO WE ACTUALLY WORK THROUGH IT?

When people say:

“Sit with the feeling.”

Many anxious people think:

“Okay… but what does that actually look like?”

Because in real time, anxiety feels incredibly physical.

What Anxiety Often Feels Like In The Body

Everyone experiences it differently, but common sensations include:

Chest

* Tightness

* Pressure

* Feeling like you can’t get a full breath

Stomach

* Nausea

* Butterflies

* Dropping sensation

* Knots

Heart

* Racing

* Pounding

* Skipping sensations

Muscles

* Jaw clenching

* Shoulder tension

* Tight neck

* Fidgeting

Nervous System

* Restlessness

* Urge to move

* Feeling “keyed up”

* Adrenaline

Mind

* Urge to figure it out

* Need for certainty

* Catastrophizing

* Replaying conversations

⸻

What Is Actually Happening?

Your nervous system is saying:

“Something might require attention.”

The problem is that anxiety often confuses:

Possibility

with

Probability

For example:

Possibility:

He could be losing interest.

Probability:

He might just be busy.

Your body reacts to the possibility.

Phronesis helps you respond based on probability.

⸻

What Tolerance Actually Looks Like

Tolerance is NOT:

“I enjoy this feeling.”

Tolerance is:

“I can survive this feeling without immediately trying to make it disappear.”

That’s it.

⸻

Real-Time Example

You send a text.

No response.

You feel:

* chest tightness

* stomach drop

* urge to check phone

Instead of:

Checking.

Checking again.

Seeking reassurance.

Spiraling.

You practice:

Notice

“My chest feels tight.”

Name

“This is anxiety.”

Normalize

“My nervous system is trying to protect me.”

Stay

You allow the sensation. Non-resistance.

Not forever.

Just 30 seconds.

Then 1 minute.

Then 5 minutes.

⸻

What Desensitization Actually Is

Many people think desensitization means:

Stop feeling anxious.

It doesn’t.

It means:

Teach your brain that the feeling itself is safe.

Huge difference.

⸻

Before

Anxiety

↓

Panic

↓

Escape

↓

Temporary relief

↓

Brain learns:

Anxiety is dangerous.

⸻

After

Anxiety

↓

Observe

↓

Stay

↓

Nothing terrible happens

↓

Brain learns:

Anxiety is uncomfortable but survivable.

That’s desensitization.

⸻

What People Often Notice

At first:

“This feels unbearable.”

Then:

“This feels awful.”

Then:

“This feels uncomfortable.”

Then:

“This is annoying.”

Then:

“Oh. There it is again.”

Same sensation.

Different relationship.

⸻

Capacity Expansion

Think of capacity like a cup.

Small cup:

Anxiety

████████

OVERFLOW

Large cup:

Anxiety

████

Room Left

██████████

The goal isn’t removing anxiety.

The goal is becoming larger than the anxiety.

⸻

The Phronesis Move

When anxiety appears:

Most people ask:

“How do I make this stop?”

Phronesis asks:

“What is the wisest response to this signal?”

Sometimes the answer is:

* Gather more information.

* Rest.

* Set a boundary.

* Take action.

And sometimes the answer is:

Do absolutely nothing right now.

Wait.

Observe.

Let reality provide more data.

⸻

The Practice

When you feel anxiety:

1. Find it in the body.

Not the story.

The sensation.

Where is it?

Chest?

Stomach?

Throat?

Jaw?

⸻

2. Describe it.

Like a scientist.

Not:

I’m freaking out.

Instead:

Warm.

Tight.

Buzzing.

Pressure.

⸻

3. Stay curious.

Ask:

Can I let this sensation exist for the next 60 seconds?

Not forever.

Just 60 seconds.

⸻

4. Breathe normally.

Not perfectly.

Not forcefully.

Just allow breathing.

HOW TO DISCERN WHAT THE ANXIETY IS SIGNALING

The frameworks we’ve been discussing—signals, feedback loops, phronesis, regulation—still apply.

But not all anxiety originates from the same place.

The signal may look similar.

The source may be completely different.

And the wisest response depends on the source.

⸻

Think Like a Doctor, Not a Judge

When anxiety appears, don’t immediately ask:

“How do I make this stop?”

Ask:

“What type of signal is this?”

Because anxiety can be generated by:

1. Biological/Chemical Factors

2. Attachment Factors

3. Environmental Stress

4. Cognitive Interpretation

5. Trauma Responses

Sometimes multiple sources are active simultaneously.

⸻

Substance-Induced or Chemical Anxiety

This is often the easiest to misunderstand.

The body can create anxiety even when there is no psychological threat.

Examples:

* Too much caffeine

* Stimulants

* Sleep deprivation

* Hormonal fluctuations

* Blood sugar swings

* Certain medications

* Withdrawal states

* Alcohol rebound effects

In these situations:

Signal

Anxiety.

Story

Something must be wrong.

Reality

The chemistry changed first.

The thoughts came second.

⸻

For example:

Many people drink:

* 3 coffees

* Pre-workout

* Energy drinks

Then suddenly:

* racing heart

* chest tightness

* impending doom

The nervous system receives:

Heart rate elevated.

And begins searching for a reason.

The brain often creates a story after the fact.

⸻

Phronesis Here

The wise question becomes:

Is this a psychological problem or a physiological state?

Sometimes the answer is:

My nervous system is overstimulated.

Not:

My life is falling apart.

Huge difference.

⸻

Attachment-Induced Anxiety

This feels very different.

The signal isn’t primarily chemical.

The signal is relational.

⸻

Examples:

* Delayed text response

* Emotional distance

* Ambiguity

* Inconsistent affection

* Uncertainty about the relationship

The attachment system activates.

⸻

Your nervous system interprets:

Connection may be threatened.

The body responds:

* racing heart

* stomach drop

* obsessive thinking

* reassurance seeking

* hypervigilance

⸻

From an evolutionary perspective this makes sense.

For most of human history:

Losing connection to important people could literally threaten survival.

The attachment system evolved to notice disconnection.

⸻

Phronesis Here

The question becomes:

Is there actual danger or attachment activation?

Sometimes:

The relationship truly needs attention.

Sometimes:

An old attachment wound has been activated.

Those are different situations.

⸻

How To Tell The Difference

Chemical Anxiety Often Looks Like:

* Appears suddenly

* Feels physically intense

* May have no obvious trigger

* Often correlates with:

* caffeine

* medication changes

* hormones

* sleep deprivation

* substance use

The car has a dashboard full of warning lights and gauges:

* Gas gauge

* Engine temperature

* Oil light

* Tire pressure

* Check engine light

Those gauges are not the problem.

They’re signals.

They’re information about what’s happening inside the system.

Your body works the same way.

⸻

Example

You feel anxious.

Most people do this:

Signal:

“I’m anxious.”

Response:

“Oh no. Something is wrong.”

Then they:

* panic

* overthink

* avoid

* spiral

But that’s like seeing the gas light come on and smashing the dashboard.

The signal wasn’t the problem.

The signal was trying to help.

⸻

What Phronesis Does

Phronesis is basically:

“The ability to understand what the signal means and choose the smartest response.”

Instead of:

Signal:

“I’m anxious.”

You ask:

“What is my body trying to tell me?”

Maybe:

* I need more information.

* I am stressed.

* I haven’t slept enough.

* I care about this.

* I feel uncertain.

Now you can respond wisely.

⸻

Why This Helps Your Nervous System

Your nervous system is constantly asking:

“Am I safe?”

When you misunderstand signals, your brain thinks everything is an emergency.

Then:

* Heart rate goes up.

* Stress hormones increase.

* Thinking gets worse.

* Emotions get bigger.

You become reactive.

⸻

Phronesis Creates a Pause

Instead of:

Signal

→ React

You do:

Signal

→ Pause

→ Understand

→ Respond

That tiny pause changes everything.

⸻

Real-Life Example

You send a text.

Eight hours go by.

No response.

Most people:

Signal:

No text back.

Story:

“They hate me.”

Physiology:

Anxiety.

Behavior:

Double text.

Overthink.

Spiral.

⸻

A person using phronesis does this:

Signal:

No text back.

Pause.

“What do I actually know?”

Answer:

Only that they haven’t replied.

That’s it.

Now the nervous system stays calmer because you’re responding to reality instead of a story.

⸻

The Super Simple Version

Your body is constantly sending messages.

Phronesis is the skill of asking:

“What is this signal trying to tell me?”

before deciding what to do.

⸻

The Formula

Signal

↓

What is happening?

Meaning

↓

What might this be telling me?

Wisdom

↓

What response helps me the most long-term?

Action

↓

Do that.

⸻

In high-school language:

Phronesis is basically learning how to read your body’s notifications without immediately freaking out and then choosing the response that helps Future You the most.

For most of my life, I thought clarity came from thinking harder.

If I could just analyze the situation enough, gather enough information, ask enough questions, and consider enough possibilities, eventually I would figure it out.

What I’ve learned is that more information doesn’t always create more clarity.

Sometimes it creates more noise.

Because the problem isn’t a lack of information.

The problem is often a lack of structure.

Why Life Feels So Overwhelming

Think about everything your brain is trying to process at any given moment:

* Work

* Relationships

* Health

* Money

* Goals

* Family

* Emotions

* Responsibilities

* Future plans

* Uncertainty

That’s thousands of variables.

If you try to solve each problem individually, your brain becomes overloaded.

Everything feels disconnected.

You end up bouncing between questions like:

* Should I take the job?

* Should I buy the thing?

* Should I go to the gym?

* Should I rest?

* Should I push harder?

The result is often mental static.

Not because you’re incapable of figuring it out.

Because you’re trying to process too many isolated pieces at once.

Why Systems Thinking Feels Different

Systems thinking changed everything for me because it acts like a compression algorithm for reality.

Everyday situations start to feel less chaotic and more connected. Instead of seeing dozens of separate problems, you begin seeing patterns.

For example:

Instead of:

* Why am I tired?

* Why am I stressed?

* Why am I procrastinating?

* Why am I eating poorly?

* Why am I anxious?

You begin seeing:

Poor sleep

→ Low energy

→ Worse food choices

→ Less movement

→ More stress

→ Worse sleep

Suddenly what looked like five separate problems becomes one system.

And the brain loves this.

Because complexity collapses into structure.

Why You Feel More Intelligent

One of the biggest surprises for me was realizing that clarity isn’t always about intelligence.

It’s often about coherence.

Intelligence asks:

“How much information can I process?”

Coherence asks:

“How well does everything fit together?”

When reality starts making sense, your brain becomes more efficient.

You stop carrying thousands of disconnected facts and start carrying a few organizing principles.

The cognitive load drops dramatically.

Why Phronesis Matters

Systems thinking helps you see the map.

Phronesis helps you know where to go.

Without practical wisdom, systems thinking can actually become overwhelming.

You can see:

* Endless variables

* Endless possibilities

* Endless leverage points

Phronesis introduces hierarchy.

It asks:

“What matters most right now?”

“What is the wisest next step?”

“What serves long-term flourishing?”

The map becomes useful because you now have direction.

The Core Self Shift

This may be the most important part.

At some point, these ideas stopped feeling like concepts and started feeling like identity.

Instead of:

“I’m trying to figure life out.”

The operating system became:

“I am someone who seeks reality, understands systems, and chooses wisely.”

That single shift changes everything.

Because now every decision has a reference point.

Your brain no longer has to reinvent itself every day.

How To Use This In Real Life

Whenever you feel overwhelmed, stop thinking about the event.

Start thinking about the principle.

Step 1: Name the Situation

For example:

“I don’t know whether I should take this opportunity.”

Step 2: Ask What System This Belongs To

Is this primarily about:

* Health?

* Relationships?

* Finances?

* Energy?

* Purpose?

* Growth?

Now you’re looking at the system instead of the event.

Step 3: Look For The Root Regulator

Ask:

“What variable is driving the most outcomes?”

Examples:

* Sleep

* Stress

* Energy

* Environment

* Identity

* Relationships

* Meaning

Find the root.

Step 4: Apply Phronesis

Ask:

“What choice improves the system while supporting long-term flourishing?”

Not:

“What do I feel like doing?”

Not:

“What creates immediate relief?”

But:

“What creates the best long-term outcome?”

How To Know When To Use This Framework

Use it anytime you notice:

* Mental overwhelm

* Decision fatigue

* Confusion

* Rumination

* Feeling stuck

* Too many competing priorities

* Repeating patterns

Those are often signs that you’re trapped at the event level.

When that happens, zoom out.

Move from:

“What should I do?”

to:

“What system am I operating within?”

Then move to:

“What principle applies here?”

Then move to:

“What is the wisest next step?”

The Bottom Line

The goal isn’t to escape complexity.

Life will always be complex.

The goal is to find the underlying structure beneath the complexity.

That’s what systems thinking does.

And that’s what practical wisdom—phronesis—helps you act on.

When you stop chasing isolated answers and start organizing reality around principles, something interesting happens:

The noise begins to disappear.

The patterns become visible.

The Human System Is Constantly Receiving Signals

Your body is receiving signals every second.

Examples:

Physical Signals

* Hunger

* Fatigue

* Pain

* Tension

* Energy

Emotional Signals

* Anxiety

* Sadness

* Excitement

* Jealousy

* Anger

Relational Signals

* Connection

* Disconnection

* Trust

* Safety

* Conflict

Environmental Signals

* Opportunity

* Threat

* Scarcity

* Abundance

The question is:

What do you do with the signal?

⸻

The Signal Is Not The Problem

The signal is information.

The response determines what happens next.

For example:

Signal

Fatigue

Possible Response A

Coffee.

Ignore.

Push harder.

Possible Response B

Sleep.

Recover.

Adjust workload.

Same signal.

Different outcome.

This Is Regulation

Every regulator follows the same pattern:

Signal

↓

Interpretation

↓

Response

↓

Outcome

↓

New Signal

The system is constantly updating.

⸻

Where Wisdom Appears

Phronesis lives between:

Interpretation

and

Response

The wise person asks:

What is this signal actually telling me?

And then:

What response best serves long-term flourishing?

⸻

Energy Is What Makes The Entire Process Possible

Imagine your energy as fuel.

Every response costs energy.

Some responses:

Generate Future Energy

* Sleep

* Exercise

* Boundaries

* Connection

* Learning

* Meaningful work

Others:

Consume Future Energy

* Rumination

* People pleasing

* Doomscrolling

* Chronic stress

* Reactivity

* Avoidance

This means every response affects tomorrow’s energy budget.

⸻

The Goal Is Not To Eliminate Signals

This is where many people get stuck.

They think:

“I don’t want anxiety.”

“I don’t want cravings.”

“I don’t want stress.”

But biological systems need signals.

Without pain, you’d injure yourself.

Without fatigue, you’d never rest.

Without anxiety, you’d never notice risk.

Without loneliness, you’d never reconnect.

Signals aren’t failures.

They’re communication.

⸻

Wisdom Is Signal Literacy

Think about it this way:

A doctor reads symptoms.

A pilot reads instruments.

An investor reads markets.

A wise person learns to read themselves.

They learn:

* What the signal means

* What created it

* What response is appropriate

This is signal literacy.

⸻

The Ultimate Goal Of Regulation

Not happiness.

Not comfort.

Not perfection.

The goal of regulation is:

Maintaining the capacity to function, adapt, and flourish across changing conditions.

That’s what biological systems are trying to do.

The Energy Allocation Perspective

This is where your recent thinking gets really interesting.

Every signal is effectively asking:

Where should energy go next?

Examples:

Hunger

Allocate energy toward obtaining nutrients.

Fatigue

Allocate energy toward recovery.

Relationship conflict

Allocate energy toward repair or boundary setting.

Opportunity

Allocate energy toward growth.

Stress

Allocate energy toward adaptation.

Why Wise People Look Different

Many people react to signals.

Wise people regulate from signals.

Signal

↓

Understanding

↓

Evaluation

↓

Energy Allocation

↓

Action

They don’t ignore the signal.

They don’t obey it automatically.

They interpret it.

⸻

The Deepest Connection

From a systems perspective, you could define wisdom as:

The ability to accurately interpret feedback signals and allocate energy toward responses that improve the long-term functioning of the system.

Or even simpler:

Wisdom is knowing where energy should go next.

Every moment of life is essentially a regulatory decision.

Your body produces a signal.

Reality produces feedback.

And phronesis is the capacity to respond in a way that helps the whole system become healthier, stronger, more adaptive, and more capable of flourishing over time.

That’s why these concepts feel so connected for you.

They’re all describing the same fundamental process:

Receive signals.

Interpret reality accurately.

Allocate energy wisely.

Improve the system.

*We need to make sure we’re accurately perceiving the signal in order to respond wisely and effectively.

RESPOND: (the process of discernment of resource allocation - decisions that manifest coherently into moods, thoughts, and actions)

(And what does wisely and effectively mean anyway?)

This brings us back to a concept I've been studying a lot for years: phronesis, or practical wisdom.

Phronesis is often defined as knowing what to do, when to do it, and how to do it in a way that leads to the best outcome.

But from a systems perspective, I think wisdom is even more specific than that.

Wisdom is the ability to allocate finite energy toward actions that create long-term flourishing while protecting the system's ability to regenerate itself.

In other words:

An effective person gets things done. A wise person gets things done without destroying the resources that make future success possible. That's a different game entirely.

energy is involved in everything.

Your health, your relationships, your business, your goals, your emotional regulation, your ability to be patient, kind, focused, creative, and resilient—all of it depends on energy.

And here's the thing:

Energy is renewable. But it isn't unlimited.

Every day we are given a certain amount of physical, emotional, cognitive, relational, and spiritual energy.

Then we make choices about where that energy goes.

Most people don't realize that every decision is actually an energy allocation decision.

Every commitment.

Every relationship.

Every habit.

Every argument.

Every goal.

Every no.

The question isn't simply:

"Can I do this?"

The deeper question is:

"What will this cost the system?"

Because getting what you want and building a life that flourishes are not always the same thing.

You can work eighty hours a week and make more money.

You can lose weight through extreme restriction.

You can win every argument.

You can force yourself to push through exhaustion.

Those things may be effective.

But are they wise?

Wisdom isn't just about producing an outcome.

Wisdom is about producing an outcome while preserving the system that created it.

That's a completely different standard.

When I look at life through a systems lens, I see that every area of life operates on the same principle:

No system can consume more energy than it replenishes forever.

Not ecosystems.

Not businesses.

Not relationships.

Not human beings.

When regulation breaks down, what’s going on? [examining the space & process in between]

Eventually the system begins to break down.

That's why so many people feel stuck.

They're trying to solve a productivity problem when they actually have an energy problem.

They're trying to solve a motivation problem when they actually have a recovery problem.

They're trying to solve a discipline problem when they actually have a regulation problem.

The healthiest people I know don't just manage time.

They manage energy.

The strongest relationships I know don't just create connection.

They create restoration.

The most successful people I know don't simply produce results.

They protect the sources of energy that make future results possible.

Sleep.

Movement.

Meaning.

Connection.

Boundaries.

Purpose.

Recovery.

These aren't luxuries.

They're the infrastructure of a functioning human system.

What distorts the signals we’re receiving and sending back and forth? (Why do we make unwise decisions that dysregulate us instead of regulate us?

The ability to interpret signals clearly is probably one of the most valuable life skills a person can develop.

Because most mistakes don’t happen at the action stage. They happen at the interpretation stage.

The Simplest Formula

When something happens:

Signal

What happened?

↓

Meaning

What might it mean?

↓

Context

What else is happening?

↓

Pattern

Is this recurring?

↓

Response

What is the wisest action?

⸻

The Ultimate Goal

The goal is not perfect interpretation.

Humans will always have blind spots.

The goal is to become increasingly:

* curious instead of reactive

* accurate instead of certain

* reflective instead of impulsive

Because wisdom isn’t the ability to eliminate uncertainty.

It’s the ability to receive signals, understand them as accurately as possible, and respond in a way that helps the entire system flourish.

(This also helps defuse resistance- it’s about the bigger picture)

A Daily Reminder

Before reacting to any signal, ask:

What happened?

What story am I adding?

What else could be true?

What response would a wise future version of me choose?

That single sequence will dramatically improve the quality of your interpretations—and therefore the quality of your life.

It's created by becoming more honest.

The people with the clearest perception are usually the people most willing to see:

* reality as it is,

* themselves as they are,

* and feedback as information rather than judgment.