Cosmic Tea 🍵

Sun Sextile Pluto Natal

Moon in Sagittarius in the 4th House opposite Midheaven in Taurus.

Having a loaded 4th House has made letting go of my difficult childhood and home life very difficult. It permeates every aspect of my life, like a slow growing disease. That’s slowly coming to an end and I will soon be liberated from the feelings of not being good enough, not being smart enough, the feelings of constantly being set up for failure. These emotions have tied me down for years, leaving me feeling so unfulfilled with life. I want to be something so much more than what everyone thinks I am, its getting past the break pedal of Saturn that stops me, that says to me in my head “no stop, you are a failure, you fail at life that’s what you are good at, you’re a loser”. This has caused me to cling to people I love, for fear of losing them, b/c security is important to me. If I am not getting the attention that I need, my mind starts to create things in my head and I start to become jealous, which leads to feeling not good enough and insecure, it’s a viscous and tiring cycle. It’s like I am constantly trying to solve my childhood issues all the time, and shit gets exhausting, but I have a loaded 4th House, how do you separate yourself from that stigma? 

Putting myself out there is almost painful for me. Unless it’s online where nobody knows me and I don’t have to physically talk to someone face to face, then it is easy for me. but putting myself out there face to face is scary for me. It’s not b/c I am shy but more so b/c I am insecure, unsure and afraid of the word “no”, or being socially awkward, or failure. I have been so dependent on others when it comes to my own self worth, which IS setting yourself up for failure without really realizing it. You CANNOT give someone that much power, nobody is perfect and people ARE going to let you down, but that doesn’t mean you are not good enough.