Allison Outis @mothematised - Tumblr Blog

It feels like I’ve talked about this before, but to me the funniest version of Portal is if Chell is deaf.

Like, most of the major story beats, at least the ones that directly affect her, have a prominent visual component so she’s following along with the basics. But she has no idea who cave johnson is, or what wheatley was trying to explain to her, and she certainly wasn’t hurt by any of glados’ insults.

but the best part of this headcanon is imagining glados checking chell’s personnel file years down the line, noticing the word “deaf” for the first time, and just going “WHAT???”

emptyjunior

Glados learning sign language so Chell can hear at least one of her excellent monologues and Chell just closes her eyes

junebug-jamboree

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420bigsis

prokopetz

Cross-breeding mechsplo with Power Rangers style combiners and giving each team member a specific use/degradation kink based on which particular part of the combined robot's body their mech becomes.

ifyouarefictionaliwillpunchyou

Ok ha ha yeah legs/feet ha ha head ha ha torso WHO IS GETTING SEXUAL ABOUT SPECIFICALLY ONLY THEIR LEFT ARM??

prokopetz

There are a couple of perspectives we can come at this question from:

It's not necessarily getting kinky about being an arm. Use kink is, broadly speaking, a subgenre of objectification kink which explores the intersection of function and form. What is the "purpose" of an arm? What would it mean to be used in the manner of one?

The lesbian hand fetishists would like a word.

probabilitydirigible

The left arm holds the shield, traditionally. This has very clean mapping onto self destructive and submissive kinks- the shield serves and earns honor by being hit.

marendex

ahem

that is all

rabbitkinglune777

trans women make this place better

rabbitkinglune777

not just the website but da world!

userfish

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dreamycastaway

The original pride flag and the sewing machine it was sewn on

iwriterobots

thereadingmoon

hold the phone, i have to go through unspeakable horrors to get to my lover: aka, the trials of being a lesbian

bunniebun-juice

transfem butches 🥰🩷💋 butches who tuck🥰🩷💋butches on E 🥰🩷💋 butches with estrogenized clits 🥰🩷💋 butches with budding tits 🥰🩷💋 butches who have/want huge tits 🥰🩷💋 butches with facial hair 🥰🩷💋nonbinary butches 🥰🩷💋 pre-HRT & no-HRT butches 🥰🩷💋 butch neopussy 🥰🩷💋butch cock 🥰🩷💋 butch strap 🥰🩷💋 butches who wear makeup 🥰🩷💋 butches who only use she/her pronouns 🥰🩷💋 butches who use any pronouns 🥰🩷💋 gnc butches 🥰🩷💋 fat butches who cant lift 🥰🩷💋 butches with double chins 🥰🩷💋 butches whos womanhood is integral to their butchness 🥰🩷💋 butches 🥰🩷💞❣️💗💝❤️‍🔥😘💋

bunniebun-juice

YES! WONDERFUL ADDITION FROM THE TAGS!!

bunniebun-juice

TRANSFEM BUTCHES I LOVE U 4EVER AND EVER < 33

magicpiano

People who haven't seen Madoka Magica might not know this, but both the characters Mami and Homura are magical girls who use guns as weapons. But while Mami's gun are magical, Homura's are literally just normal guns she stole from the government.

open-sketchbook

i really really love the magical muskets for a really specific reason, which is that blackpowder guns are way older than people think and should 100% be treated with similar mythological weight to swords and spears and stuff at this point, and they should have equal prominence in generic fantasy fiction stuff.

lemme put it this way; european longswords and european cannons are siblings. they emerged at basically the same time in the early 1300s, and when the longsword was at its peak use in the mid-1400s, the musket was beginning to proliferate.

likewise, the 'modern' style of katana only started being made in the century leading up to the introduction of muskets to Japan; in fact, the reason the katana became The Samurai Sword was because it was a small practical blade you could wear while you carried a gun.

if you can picture your setting having a sword you can use with two hands, then you should have hand cannons. if your knights have full plate, then there should be matchlocks. if you have a magical girl with a sabre, then you should have magical girls with flintlocks.

ouroborosorder

this fucking sucks. I got soul-bonded to a living weapon who takes the form of a beautiful girl. But she has no fucking joie de vivre about it. I keep trying to do combined dramatic attack cries but she’s all like. “No that’s embarrassing” and “just kill him, don’t waste time.” she won’t even let me name her finishing move. I think she only has a finishing move because it’s just a reliable path of least resistance. This fucking sucks

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prokopetz

Cross-breeding mechsplo with Power Rangers style combiners and giving each team member a specific use/degradation kink based on which particular part of the combined robot's body their mech becomes.

ifyouarefictionaliwillpunchyou

Ok ha ha yeah legs/feet ha ha head ha ha torso WHO IS GETTING SEXUAL ABOUT SPECIFICALLY ONLY THEIR LEFT ARM??

prokopetz

There are a couple of perspectives we can come at this question from:

The lesbian hand fetishists would like a word.

probabilitydirigible

The left arm holds the shield, traditionally. This has very clean mapping onto self destructive and submissive kinks- the shield serves and earns honor by being hit.

drbigsadbabymd-blog

I think the part of the 40k fandom who really earnestly want to prove Astartes do/can in fact fuck are kinda missing the point.

Like Astartes are at their core deeply tragic creatures. They're people who've been turned into tools to serve the interests of fascist imperialism and, in the process, have had their humanity stripped away because they're purely utilitarian by design.

The scope of their entire existence has been narrowed down to a single point. They're more advanced than baseline humans in a physiological sense--stronger, faster, larger, better reflexes, etc--but beyond that, they're actually more limited.

There's a point in one of the Night Lord books where Octavia observes that, for all of the Astartes' advanced capabilities, they're really quite developmentally stunted. Like, huge powerhouses with unnaturally long lifespans, but the hyper-simplistic emotional depth and worldview of a 12 year old.

Which adds up. The Astartes love to sneeringly dismiss things like sexuality, intimacy and romantic love as nothing but the base, inferior drives of mortals, but once you strip back the superiority complex, it just sounds like a tween boy who can't wrap their head around why anyone would want to kiss a girl.

And, again, it's all by design; the Imperium doesn't want them developing attachments outside of a basic sense of brotherhood and filial love for their Primarch because that distracts them from their sole intended purpose. You don't want your hammer vanishing on a fuck fueled vacation to Bali with your handsaw when you're trying to build a shed. It's all a means of control.

And I get finding one of them hot and having horny headcanon, go fuckin nuts.

But whenever I see a reddit post that's like "B-BUT THE SPACE WOLVES FUCK! HORNY ASTARTES ARE CANON--!", it's like...I dunno, isn't it more compelling if they can't? That they've been robbed of simple human joys in order to better serve the interests of an uncaring theocratic fascist state? And they can't even grasp what's been taken from them?

Maybe that's just me.

vulcandroid

i will never be over the fact that during first contact a human offered their hand to a vulcan and the vulcan was just like “wow humans are fucking wild” and took it

roachpatrol

Humanity’s first contact with Vulcans was some guy going “I’m down to fuck.”

Vulcans’ first contact with Humans was an emphatic “Sure.”

lilian-cho

@sineala

star-lord

#iiiiiiiiiiiiii mean vulcans had been watching humans for a long time#they knew the significance of a handshake but still#they had to find some fast and loose ambassador#willing to fuckin make out with a human for the sake of not offending them on first contact#lmao#star trek give me the story of this fast and loose vulcan

moonsofavalon

“sir…these…these humans…they greet each other by…” *glances around before furtively whispering* “by clasping hands…”

*prolonged silence* “oh my…”

“sir…sir how will we make first contact with them? surely we…we cannot refuse this handclasping ritual, they will take it as an insult, but what vulcan would agree to such a distasteful and uncomfortable ritual??”

*several pensive moments later* “contact the vulcan high command and tell them to send us kuvak. i once saw that crazy son of a bitch arm wrestle a klingon, he’ll put his hands on anything”

evilminji

Elsewhere, w/ kuvak: “….my day has come.”

lierdumoa

The vulcan who made first contact with humans is named Solkar guys. Y’all just be makin’ up names for characters that already have names.

Bonus: here’s a screencap of Solkar doing the “my body is ready” pose right before he shakes Zefram Cochrane’s hand:

adreadfulidea-deactivated202402

I swear Vulcans only come in two types and they are “distant xenophobes” or “horny on main for humanity”. Also apparently this guy is Spock’s great-grandfather and frankly that explains everything.

kaijuerotica

Hey so I looked into this at one point and that handshake literally created a lifelong telepathic bond between the two of them, and basically all of Solkar’s descendants were later obsessed with humans, including freaking SPOCK, so I’m not saying that handshake was so gay and good that it created an intergenerational telepathic bond between Solkar’s descendants and humans, but I’m also not….not….saying that.

tanukiham

actual footage of first contact makeouts

saucefactory-deactivated2019103

The slow deliberation with which Solkar takes Cockrane’s–I’m sorry, Cochrane’s–hand… The sheer sensuality witch which Solkar infuses an otherwise borderline impersonal social ritual… It clearly shows a very conscious knowledge, on Solkar’s part, of what the significance of the handshake is in Vulcan terms and of how affected he is by it.

That’s why he’s so slow in doing it, and so sensual. A part of Solkar can’t believe this is happening, despite it being a perfectly logical thing to expect from a human, and the rest of him can’t believe how good it is.

I bet that if the camera zoomed in any further we would see the dilation of Solkar’s pupils and a quickly-repressed shiver of delight. Cochrane’s firm, businesslike clasp is probably (in sexual terms) being perceived as a deliciously carnal display of dominance.

No wonder Solkar is all like, “TAKE ME, YOU WILD-MANNERED BARBARIAN WITH ENTICINGLY ROUGH CALLUSES.”

explorerrowan

And so we find out that yes, there is such a thing as bottoming in Pon-farr.

zinglebert-bembledack

Every time this post comes round my dash, it just gets better.

gallifreyanwriter

#somehow the idea of vulcans being Horny On Main always gives me the giggles#like literally all they had to do#was be like actually#hand contact is very intimate for our species#and im p sure humanity as a whole would not find that insurmountably weird#there are human cultures that dont shake hands#vulcans are logical enough to think that through on their own#so clearly that vulcan was just down to fuck#down to fuck in a public#professional diplomatic situation no less#and he did not fucking care who knew it (via kittykatthetacodemon)

hazeldomain

Some Vulcan: we could probably just explain that handshakes are intimate in our culture

Solkar, rubbing lip gloss on his hand: don’t tell me how to do my job

dirhwangdaseul-archived

This is my favourite Star Trek post, complete with headcanons, corrections, the truth coming out of her well to shame Spock even. Seriously perfect fandom work.

infiniteskeletonxylophones

Shower thought: Sourdough starter is basically a pet shoggoth you keep in your fridge.

You follow an arcane formula you pulled out of an ancient tome (or the collected essence of all human knowledge, with the aid of a scrying device) to perform a ritual that creates a squirming, amorphous mass of life. You feed it, you give it a little water, and it bubbles and burbles and grows and shrinks and changes shapes. Occasionally it tries to escape, or outgrows its container, and you have to brutally cut its tentacles off.

But then you mix the tentacles with your other ingredients, bake them and eat the results.

And that's also how it reproduces. So you're creating, cooking and eating a baby shoggoth.

infiniteskeletonxylophones

It gets worse: We've done this for thousands of years, and it's knowledge passed down from mother to daughter. By feel. By smell. Most men in modern times don't know anything about it. It is an ancient pagan ritual of life, death and rebirth. A sacrificial homunculus created to give birth, and die, and be consumed, and be revived over generations.

It is older than any current religion, older than iron, older than the written word. It is as old as agriculture, which means it is arguably as old as civilization. It is an ancient and inexplicable thing that most people have forgotten about, but it kept mankind alive through all the ages leading to now.

It's exactly the kind of horrible secret one of Lovecraft's protagonists would discover in some ancient family crypt, scrawled in some frenzied notebook taken to the grave by his grandfather, only to go mad from realizing that his family has been - bakers - for generations, stretching back to the neolithic era, and this unspeakable, ancient thing is still alive in his ancestral home, breathing, growing, hungry - and he can smell it in the air. It smells like the fresh bread his own mother baked for him as a child. It's inside him. It was always a part of him. And he is the last of his line. He must contain it. He must bake it. He must eat of its young.

dragongirlsweetie

the problem with fantasyposting on here is the amount of people who try to "um actually" you on the basis that your post doesn't comply with the rules/mechanics/worldbuilding of dungeons and dragons

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punkitt-is-here

quirky fourth wall breaking character but theyre just fucking. wrong about the medium theyre in. they keep making references to cinematic techniques and directorial styles and the other fourth wall breaking character is like "dumbass we're in a fucking comic book" and they are in a video game.

totally-cis-offical

Well currently they’re in a tumblr post but I see your point

septemberequinox

casual survey: reblog if you want to kiss a girl right now

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