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@mostlyprocrastination
ugh the yawning void where my soul should be kinda itches
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like I know why having to take care of myself sends me into a fucking breakdown but like could it not? could I just be normal for five goddamn minutes
gritting my teeth and re-imagining myself as a village cryptid in training so I don’t ruin my fucking life over the fact that I will never live 🙃
I don’t think there’s a single person on this planet who can make me feel human, what do I do with that? How do I live with that?
today I woke up at 7:30 am
last night I went to sleep at 2am
I was tempted to wait until the people living in the rest of the house woke up to do my laundry and yard work but…fuck ‘em!
Life’s too short, like that one girl said “we die at the end, fuck ‘em!”
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i actually don’t have to try pushing people away, I can just be myself and they leave all on their own 😏
it’s nice that I’m delusional enough that I can think “well, at least the weather loves me”
does having people care about you enough to do things for you feel good? serious answers only
yeah idk why I try to actually improve my life, it requires support but support doesn’t exist, never has lol
taking time out of my work day to read my sister’s suicide note (she survived) with my bestie is just the norm now
im excited to do the dishes for the rest of my life, it’s fun to do the dishes for the rest of your life
it’s impossible to be motivated to clean my apartment when im the only one that ever cares about my well being
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im excited to do the dishes for the rest of my life, it’s fun to do the dishes for the rest of your life
…had a dream that pissed me off so much I woke up at 4am and now I’m angry at someone I can’t yell at
not my therapist wanting me to get more socialized but my and interpersonal relationships are not on good terms, best I can do is new acquaintances at this point
genuinely so happy for the people who’ve overcome mental health struggles to live a good life but if y’all could just shut the fuck up sometimes.
it’s like every fucking time I’m feeling mildly at peace with myself the universe just has to remind me that I am in fact a worthless piece of shit
glad I was able to at least provide my mother with free labor and childcare while in my youth
can’t even say it ruined me because like…I was never an actual person and was never going to be one
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really hate how life is just empty lol
I do love listening to people talk about how much better they’ve gotten mentally like yeah, you have a reason to, I don’t, shut the fuck up