Itâs been too long. Iâve stopped looking inward. For now, I can keep the darkness at bay. I can keep the nightmares away. I can forget about all of you. But how do we grow when we do not face what has hurt us? How do we heal if we arenât willing to stand in the dark with our arms spread and our eyes wide open, ready to accept all that we may find? I donât think we can. I feel like the shell of a young woman who had her insides torn out. My thoughts all contradict one another. My feelings are backwards. Some days I crave it all- sex, love, pain, anger. I want to get drunk. I want to get high. Young. Crazy. Wild. Free. The whole damn cliche. But most days I am perfectly content in my own little comfortable bubble of purity. Until Iâm reminded how unlike I am. Until someone tries to touch me and I jerk my arm away. Until he makes a move and I am child like and afraid. Then the thoughts come. I look in the mirror and think, how fucked up am I, really? Iâm doing alright now playing pretend, but what would they say if they knew? Could I even get the words out? Am I too far gone? Have I missed out? Will I ever catch up? Iâm running and Iâm heading inward.















