Galaxies are yurinating...
don't say it like that
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@mortalmab
Galaxies are yurinating...
don't say it like that

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"going out to get milk" is a common turn of phrase used to describe a man abandoning his family.
the "milkman" is a common figure in stories depicting a woman's infidelity and adulterous affair.
this implies that the ability to provide milk would both decrease the likelihood of a man abandoning his wife and children, as it would eliminate the need for leaving to get milk AND would secure that man's marriage, as his wife would have no need to seek milk from an extraneous source.
therefore, all men should produce milk, through various means such as:
- being a cow
- being an almond
- being a woman
- being a coconut
- being in the omegaverse
- being an oat
(list is exemplary and not finite)
in this essay, i will redefine the nuclear family and explain the seductive and inflammatory nature of the 1993 "Got Milk?" commercials.
you shut your mouth.
i will never be over the fact that during first contact a human offered their hand to a vulcan and the vulcan was just like âwow humans are fucking wildâ and took it
Humanityâs first contact with Vulcans was some guy going âIâm down to fuck.â
Vulcansâ first contact with Humans was an emphatic âSure.â
@sineala
#iiiiiiiiiiiiii mean vulcans had been watching humans for a long time#they knew the significance of a handshake but still#they had to find some fast and loose ambassador#willing to fuckin make out with a human for the sake of not offending them on first contact#lmao#star trek give me the story of this fast and loose vulcan
âsirâŠtheseâŠthese humansâŠthey greet each other byâŠâ *glances around before furtively whispering* âby clasping handsâŠâ
*prolonged silence* âoh myâŠâ
âsirâŠsir how will we make first contact with them? surely weâŠwe cannot refuse this handclasping ritual, they will take it as an insult, but what vulcan would agree to such a distasteful and uncomfortable ritual??â
*several pensive moments later*Â âcontact the vulcan high command and tell them to send us kuvak. i once saw that crazy son of a bitch arm wrestle a klingon, heâll put his hands on anythingâ
Elsewhere, w/ kuvak: ââŠ.my day has come.â
The vulcan who made first contact with humans is named Solkar guys. Yâall just be makinâ up names for characters that already have names.
Bonus: hereâs a screencap of Solkar doing the âmy body is readyâ pose right before he shakes Zefram Cochraneâs hand:
I swear Vulcans only come in two types and they are âdistant xenophobesâ or âhorny on main for humanityâ. Also apparently this guy is Spockâs great-grandfather and frankly that explains everything.
Hey so I looked into this at one point and that handshake literally created a lifelong telepathic bond between the two of them, and basically all of Solkarâs descendants were later obsessed with humans, including freaking SPOCK, so Iâm not saying that handshake was so gay and good that it created an intergenerational telepathic bond between Solkarâs descendants and humans, but Iâm also notâŠ.notâŠ.saying that.
actual footage of first contact makeouts
The slow deliberation with which Solkar takes CockraneâsâIâm sorry, Cochraneâsâhand⊠The sheer sensuality witch which Solkar infuses an otherwise borderline impersonal social ritual⊠It clearly shows a very conscious knowledge, on Solkarâs part, of what the significance of the handshake is in Vulcan terms and of how affected he is by it.
Thatâs why heâs so slow in doing it, and so sensual. A part of Solkar canât believe this is happening, despite it being a perfectly logical thing to expect from a human, and the rest of him canât believe how good it is.
I bet that if the camera zoomed in any further we would see the dilation of Solkarâs pupils and a quickly-repressed shiver of delight. Cochraneâs firm, businesslike clasp is probably (in sexual terms) being perceived as a deliciously carnal display of dominance.
No wonder Solkar is all like, âTAKE ME, YOU WILD-MANNERED BARBARIAN WITH ENTICINGLY ROUGH CALLUSES.â
And so we find out that yes, there is such a thing as bottoming in Pon-farr.
Every time this post comes round my dash, it just gets better.
#somehow the idea of vulcans being Horny On Main always gives me the giggles#like literally all they had to do#was be like actually#hand contact is very intimate for our species#and im p sure humanity as a whole would not find that insurmountably weird#there are human cultures that dont shake hands#vulcans are logical enough to think that through on their own#so clearly that vulcan was just down to fuck#down to fuck in a public#professional diplomatic situation no less#and he did not fucking care who knew it (via kittykatthetacodemon)
Some Vulcan: we could probably just explain that handshakes are intimate in our culture
Solkar, rubbing lip gloss on his hand: donât tell me how to do my jobÂ
This is my favourite Star Trek post, complete with headcanons, corrections, the truth coming out of her well to shame Spock even. Seriously perfect fandom work.
They could have explained none of it and responded to the offered hand with a polite bow. First contact was gonna be with the guy who proved they were technologically ready for it but any human aware of Japan and China would recognise that
Iâm working on an audio transcript using voice recognition technology, and this gentleman has a very nice accent, but when he says âgotâ the word is often noted down as âGodâ.
We donât know what God tested and what God registered as true or untrue.Â
We donât know what God entered into the code since the last time we tested.Â
We donât know what God ticketed as an issue and what just God ignored.
Now we know what God changed, but we donât have a record of what God approved.Â
âWe donât know what God ticketed as an issue and what just God ignored.â
voice recognition theology
How old does he have to be before we can call him Ryan Goose?

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This is relevant to the convo
Everything I read about recovering from burnout is like âit takes months or even years to fully recoverâ and itâs like okayâŠ. I have a weekend before I gotta clock in on Monday
Just gonna leave this here
I was debating pre- and post- smartphone existentialism with an older gentleman today and he stopped part way through and said âWhy are you a security guard? Why arenât you teaching this at some college somewhere?â And I didnât know what to say so I went with âWell I used to make art but nobody pays an artistâ
I want to invoke thought and wonder and introspection and encourage the passions of every soul I meet forever and ever and dig until I find the glorious potential for creation and experience and joy in every single one but unfortunately I must pay rent and so I stand, a meat shield, an NPC with unlockable dialogue
#capitalism brain tells you that anyone interesting must fight to the top of their interest#and precludes the possibility of everyone everyone everyone already being interesting
oh! the space needle is a cute mascot base for seattleâs MLB team! i wonder how they managed to communicate that in a big foam costume?
oh
oh

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me and the mutuals talking about motifs and symbolism
remember that time that spock said âthis is about sexâ but he couldnât say sex so instead he said âbiologyâ and kirk clearly knew what he meant but was awkwardly like âwhat kind of biologyâ and spock got this look on his face like âoh lordy iâm not dealing with this todayâ and said âvulcan biologyâ and kirk canât say the word sex either so he goes âu mean the biology of vulcansâ and then they stood there in silence for ten seconds like a pair of fucking idiots
Coyotes trying their damndest to get domesticated
I vibe with those coyotes. If I saw my cousins were living in a fairyland where the creatures whose command of the world is beyond my ken were taking care of them and they never had to hunt for their food and always had soft beds to lie in in safe places and were receiving all kinds of affection and praise, I too would try to get kidnapped by the fey.
I was fully prepared to like that post until I read it

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@morgwenmicrofic prompt: mythology âjanuaryhoney, Medea // Nikita Gill, Hera // Jennifer Saint, Ariadne // Trista Mateer, Aphrodite Made Me Do It // Salma Deera, Medea's Reasons // Nikita Gill, Great Goddesses: Life Lessons from Myths and Monsters
Big!!! Steppy!!!
Taking her job very seriously