nonbinary tiefling can't and won't shut up

be awesome forever! And

I mean forever.

Guy you are dead and across 5 different locations at the same time YOU need a disguise

Bolaire picks up little habits from his previous hosts, things like crackling his knuckles or constantly brushing his hair out of his face (mask? Idk)

Hi StuffAndThings!

Yes! And I think it started long before Thjazi came in the picture.

Specifically I have a hypothesis that how he treats hosts/bodies now is very different than when he first gained consciousness, that there was a time when he was more... joyriding? Communal living situations? At the very least the way we've seen him treat bodies now is NOT efficient and is actively harmful to him being able to keep his secret. And is very different from how he treated his first body, with respect and assumption of longevity. So... something changed somewhere.

So I suspect he started out reluctantly taking a body because he felt he had no choice, and then keeping it going for as long as possible, years if he could. That's far and away the safest thing to do for him personally. And then potentially experimented with something more symbiotic than parasitic.

It was only later when Thjazi saw it him as a combination interrogator/hitman/body disposal unit that he started to form this separation from the bodies he wore, partly to isolate himself from the terrible things he was doing, and partly because he was forced onto terrible people that he did not enjoy sharing mind-space with.

So from those early years, when he was more hitchhiking than anything....

Paul

A kind old man, by the name of Paul, gave Bolaire the world darling. He hadn't learned to hate yet, but he knew how much of the world was fearful of him and his siblings. Paul was was old enough that his husband had passed on to the afterlife before the shapers fell, and his heart was broken that they might be apart for all eternity.

He helped Bolaire learn to navigate the world of humans, and shared how to seek out the best in everyone. Toward the end he wondered if perhaps the Druids were right, that souls could come back to this earth instead of passing on to the next. He took to calling each person he met darling, the name he called his deceased husband, to remind him to treat all with kindness, because you never know who they are.

Remna

Remna was a younger halfing woman, and wearing her was like coming home, in a way. She was a little mad to begin with, and seemed to enjoy having company in her head. She taught him how to duck and weave among the shadows, to pick things up that people surely didn't need when they weren't watching.

He doesn't laugh as much, these days, but when he does, the little 'ha-ha' he does to himself reminds him of her joy in life. She also gave him his hair, showing him how something so distinctive, yet so easily hidden, could help sooth over perceptions.

Vark'nash

An oddly slight orc, and the first body Bolaire wore who was neither male nor female. Vark didn't wear Bolaire long, just helped transport him from farm to city, to find a young man who was a more long term prospect. But they shared deeply of Runjani culture with him, and of the struggles of their people. It was the first time Bolaire had given much thought to his own gender, something given to him at creation, but not a command.

Because when trans women dare to speak up for themselves, Tumblr nukes their blogs.

We need to be fucking loud about this, daily, because Tumblr staff is specifically targeting and deleting trans women who are not breaking ToS and who often have fundraisers up FOR THEIR SURVIVAL.

By deleting these blogs repeatedly, Tumblr staff is saying loud and clear what they hope happens to these girls.

Are y'all okay with that? Because if not we need to be posting about it more because we have seen by now it's incredibly fucking unlikely this sites moderation will delete our blogs for it because we are not trans women

If you are getting gender affirming surgery, especially if it’s your first major surgery, PLEASE be aware that you can become SEVERELY depressed afterwards ESPECIALLY if you have a history of depression or suicidal ideation.

Post op depression is a natural reaction to the crazy mix of hormones your body goes through after major surgery as well as the stress and anxiety of recovery. Think of it like an adrenaline crash, but dragged out longer.

For me it kicked in about 6 weeks after top surgery and the worst of it lasted until about 10 weeks post op. EVERYTHING felt IMPOSSIBLE. None of the skills I’d been practicing worked. I thought everything was going to be bad forever. I didn’t attempt, but I was in the hospital. If it wasn’t for my support system I probably would have attempted.

This is not regret, but it can feel like it. I remain happy about my results to this day (going on six years later).

This is not you failing to maintain your mental health, but it can make you feel like a failure.

Things are not hopeless, but through the haze of this depression they can feel hopeless.

It can be terrifyingly sudden or it can sneak up on you. I didn’t even realize what was going on until after the depression finally passed and my mental health went back to normal.

I am writing this post because nobody told me about this before my top surgery. I was caught completely off guard. For my subsequent surgeries being aware has made all the difference. Being able to treat those symptoms as an expected and normal part of the healing journey has made them far easier to deal with. Because even when my emotions go to dark places I *know* they will pass. I have been able to tell the bad thoughts to take a bad seat and focus on healing.