i 💖 abortion

every time you post “let women be feminine💖” we give a t-shot to a disney princess

Sorry boss i cant come into work tomorrow the old jolly king just slapped his belly and leaned back in his chair with a big leg of lamb in his hand and loudly declared that the festivities shall last all through the night

The Clarifier would like to make just one more comment

count dracula? uhhh ok. one

🧛 nathing vrong vith me

guy who doesnt realize hes commanding a small army and thinks a lot of people are just going along with his bit

interesting how leadership can sometimes be unintentional yet influential.

save it for linkedin brother

fish sauce is kind of amazing if you think about it. what do you have there? extract of an animal entire

somebody put this in a time capsule because it is so important that future generations see this

if you have to rely on specific scripts or turns of phrase to socialise that's totally fine, but you must NOT reveal them to your friends while slightly drunk. it's like showing how the magic trick works, you can't do it in front of them afterwards

i like dogs a lot but i can never remember the differences between breeds (apart from the few types i've actually owned/interacted with). but i know people looove their dogs and love talking about their dogs, so whenever im talking to a dog owner i'll ask what breed it is, and no matter what breed they say i'll say "oh! i've heard they have a really nice nature :D" and they always go YESSS THEY'RE GREAT and start gushing about their dog and we have a nice conversation and i build social credit with this person. anyway i told my friends about this script a few weeks ago when slightly drunk and now every time we're in public together and a dog goes past they turn to me and ask "does that one have a nice nature?" im in a hell of my own making

reblog if prev deserves to get facefucked in the back of the bar by a woman who bought her drinks until i couldn't walk.

until she couldn't walk

being really angry at someone who isn't around is so crazy it's like i have an extra the sims style needs bar called "yell at kyle" and it's red but i need to continue doing my job and shit

picturing a man alone in his silent, dark apartment bobbing for apples. it’s soaking his hair and the carpet