morg

2018 was a year of so many ups and downs. As I try to look at all the positives that happened the past year it’s crazy to think of the negative moments that took over. 2019 will be a completely different year for myself. In 2018 I got out of a toxic relationship with someone I genuinely care for but know there is no room for getting treated how I was in my life. I ruined a few friendships due to stupid actions/mistakes that I can’t take back and am paying for. I realize who matters and who had taken advantage of me over the past year. Had probably the worst New Years Eve of my life and I can’t let 2019 start off like that. I’m not going to be that person for anyone moving forward. I’m going to be a better person for myself and no one else. All in all the past year was absolute trash for myself. As many good things that happened, the negative definitely took over. Moving forward with twenty nineteen - express your feelings more with people who will help and who genuinely care. Those who won’t hold it against you, those who will understand when you’re not in a good place and need time expressing yourself. Continue on with things you love. Pole dancing has helped me so much over the past couple years and I’ve stopped due to relationships/time that I’m not dedicating to it. Not this year. Writing. I’ve given up because of how I think people will react if they read my thoughts and how I feel about certain things. It’s my favourite coping mechanism for shitty days and also the crazy good days. So documenting my life and keeping track of what makes me happy, so I can always read back on the positive vibes rather than going back and feeling shittier about shitty situations because I keep the negative over powering the positive and tend to make that the focus. Staying in my element. Spending more time with myself and doing things for myself - therapy, reading, drinking tea, going to the gym, going to movies - doing more things by myself, for myself. Get back to who you want to be, and who you know you can be. I’m done with the negative and feeling like I’m a trash person because of a few things I’ve done. I know where my heart is and I know where I need to push myself to be. I know my worth and because I’ve done shitty things and probably will continue to make mistakes, I can’t keep beating myself up over negative situations and bad decisions I’ve made. The past month ive brought myself to rock bottom and I need to start moving up. So this is my rant to myself for moving forward. You got this bitch.

I suppose I deserved everything that’s happened to me the past couple weeks. I just need to focus on myself and better myself every day. New year - legit new me. We’ll see. I’m so over everything.