tony the fish from 2006

so it's 1 am and i downloaded the app for this stupid website because i'm too tired to write in a journal. i met a person. on tinder. our first date lasted 12 hours; we went hiking. we kissed while sitting on a rock that overlooked a waterfall and listening to never tear us apart by inxs. i found myself wanting to hold his hand and not cringing at the fact that we kissed outside of a marshalls. i joked that he was domesticating me as we walked holding hands. my parents went away for a week. i invited him to stay the night. it was the first time i'd ever slept in the same bed as someone i had feelings for. it was the 4th of july and we both accidentally wore red white and blue. i always wanted to be close to him, to be touching him, to be looking at him. i moved to the other side of the room sometimes just in case i was taking up too much of his space. he got along great with my sisters and my dog. my lil pup spent more time with me than he has in months just to spend time with him. my friends started commenting on how happy i'd been. i joked that boys might actually be good for something. i was sick and he still came over. we went out to eat and i noticed that a lot of my usual anxieties at restaurants weren't as bothersome. his presence calmed me down and made me more confident. we went back to my house, cuddled, listened to music, he napped. we cuddled some more, watched a movie, and he kissed my forehead a lot. i walked him to his car at midnight and raved about how much i love stars. we haven't been able to see each other since; it's been about a month. we've talked every day. he was the first to say he missed me. we were watching a movie and we had our webcams on and he looked at where my face was on his screen and typed out "i miss you." i think i covered my face because i smiled so much i looked dumb. we've reached a point where we have a good flow. nothing feels forced. he likes to call me babe while i'm partial to calling him lover. i've always hated pet names. he knows that. he knows that i've never wanted a relationship but now i do. he knows a whole new me that i didn't know before i met him. he's helped me grow and see everything in a more positive light. my therapist told me not to come to the next session because i don't need her right now. tonight i was home alone, paranoid, and anxious. he asked me if i wanted to skype so he could keep me company and help take my mind off my thoughts. i talked about premonitions, he talked about dnd. i rambled about the guitars i played at the store earlier and he told me about the entities he saw in another country. we made plans to skype again on the day we thought we would be able to see each other but have found out we can't. he makes me feel calm and complete. he's already given me so much. i don't think about the future when it comes to romance but i wouldn't mind if he ended up changing that. i really like him and i don't know how i got to this point but i'm glad i did. no matter what happens, he makes me happy, he has made me happy, and i feel like i'm better equipped to take on the world whether i'm with him or not.