The Immortal Librarian

(Yes, I am still alive and around, and I’ve been lurking around here quite frequently. Am I actually back to try and make this blog active? Unfortunately no.

Though here is a long update of what has been going on for a while. And honestly I’m still not sure if or when I’ll ever be able to bring this blog back active again, a lot of my creativity has been...well...really all over the place.

First thing first, a lot of the prior drama that has been going on, well..you could say it has in a sense been resolved with me finally just ending communications on the person unless they try to communicate to me. While it was for the better due to things, it has still made it hard for me to feel the passion with doing RPs in general outside of like one or two people due to just how much a lot of those stuff with her meant to me. So it still has been hard to mentally move on from that despite everything that I have tried.

As a result of all of that which happened, I may end up reworking many aspects of Conrad’s backstory, which could result in a minor overhaul, but even trying to do that has been a huge mental struggle for me. Because while it may be best to remove even the most minor instances of her character just to help with the process. Despite that reworking, I will NEVER reset interactions or relationships to zero. Especially since I want to try to make it so that despite the change in backstory details it will at least result in things progressing to be the same now basically. I just...wish I knew how to even start with doing that anymore no matter what I tried to do or find for resources to keep notes on the rare time inspiration strikes me.

Despite this negative, there is a bit of positive news which also will explain aspects of my absence and busyness as well. Just this month I started a new job as a Staff Accountant, and after all of the stress I dealt with in my prior jobs this is actually feeling like...well...really damm nice. Though once tax season starts I know that I’m going to have my butt kicked in regards to just being busy as all heck. It is right now just doing a lot of learning on the job though and I’m managing through it quite well. Also I’ve been studying like hard to get my CPA as well, which also requires basically devoting an obscene number of hours in order to actually feel confident enough to take each of the 4 sections. I managed to pass my first section of it, though, and am trying to work on studying to take my second one as soon as I feel ready.

Also one last note, and I’m still on the fence with this, all of my busyness as well had also dried up a LOT of my art ability for a time being, I’m trying to get back into it slowly too but I don’t know how long that might take, but also note that there is a possibility that IF I do decide to revive this blog and possibly other blogs too, that I might go to trying to draw icons instead of using faceclaims, but that I have not decided upon yet.

(Short Version: I'm still alive, just been busy with work and whatnot. Also waiting for the final result of my last exam which I won't know until basically June. Even then, I don't know what will be the fate of this blog, but I am still open to communication over discord and such. (I know I am also still being slow at responding on there too, so I will apologize on that) Though rest assured that I won't be deleteing this anytime soon

Long Version: AHHHHHHHHHHH! FINALLY AFTER 700+ hours over the course of almost 9 years now!

We have FINALLY done it. Though it took bloody forever to take endbringer down...twice. Also, curse the blood lobster quest as well.

But yeah. With the death of the Wii-U servers coming up close, I had to sit down and just superbinge the game when I wasn't studying or working as well. XD Also god I swear I need to do something with Conrad in that verse someday since that is who I had as my character as well back when I first started the game.

Though yeah, I went through it up until the end of the servers, so it was a good way to at least send off the online play for the time being until the slight possibility they even somehow manage to get the pretendo servers working for this game as well. Also, just a few more last images as well because god I still say the scenery in this is gorgeous.

So yeah, apologies for the picspam and the long OOC post as well, but I just really felt like getting some of this out. Who knows...maybe someday I might actually refine my XCX verse as well and update it to include things with endgame/postgame and then some as well. Esp since it is one verse I would love to try to do more with even though it is hard to do so.

But yeah, and just one more pic to cap this off.)

(When you’re not sure what you even want to do anymore now. I still don’t feel ready to really commit to this blog but like..I keep getting this twitch to actually not just write something, but to really figure and plot something out with someone’s help with me and thus for it to actually happen and get written out even if in private instead of just...forever limbo too.

But like...that is a hole I doubt will end up being able to be fully filled in general. Because even when I was fairly active here...that ex-partner did feel like the only person that I actually was able to do that with and not have threads that felt like they were constantly forgotten or dropped. That it was possible to actually get a constant storyline going.

(This is a break from your regularly scheduled Hiatus for an important announcement....)

Indefinite Hiatus - Ask for Discord (SIDEBLOG UPDATE!)

(I honestly just can’t seem to anymore. I haven’t lost the muse, but Tumblr just hasn’t been well…able to give me much satasifaction at all anymore. I know some of you were likely looking forward to wanting to get to some points of the stuff we had going on, and it may be hard for that. I know how it feels…I know how it feels to be led up to possibly being able to do some kind of plot or had always thought you would be able to get the chance to do something in a planned verse and just…it never happening or just getting left behind in the dust while others carried on things without you. And it is not fair for me to do that to you guys.

Though I’m not going to give up RPing for good. I would love to transpose anything that I had going on in here into private RPs at the least upon any of your requests, I tend to keep up on those at least better than here. And being able to chat OOC with you in the meantime might help me to get actually..emotionally invested in it too and more driven. (Also having a thing going on on the side will more than likely push me into keeping in contact better too)

If you don’t have me on your discord, then please ask and I’ll shoot it to you and let me know if you are interested in moving it to a private matter, whether it be a private server or Google Docs or something.

Also, I’m also wanting to try and sit down and do more drabble writing, my confidence in my ability to write has still been low because of the things that all happened before as well. With that being, if I did try to make a sort of sideblog for those writings, would people be willing to follow and read them? Maybe even be able to send feedback VIA Google Forms or something as to not make a lot of clutter?)

UPDATE!

I went ahead and made that sideblog for the sake of just posting my solo writings and drabbles. It is still a WiP and I have yet to actually add any substance, but if you want to follow it, please follow this link.

(I honestly just can’t seem to anymore. I haven’t lost the muse, but Tumblr just hasn’t been well...able to give me much satasifaction at all anymore. I know some of you were likely looking forward to wanting to get to some points of the stuff we had going on, and it may be hard for that. I know how it feels...I know how it feels to be led up to possibly being able to do some kind of plot or had always thought you would be able to get the chance to do something in a planned verse and just...it never happening or just getting left behind in the dust while others carried on things without you. And it is not fair for me to do that to you guys.

Though I’m not going to give up RPing for good. I would love to transpose anything that I had going on in here into private RPs at the least upon any of your requests, I tend to keep up on those at least better than here. And being able to chat OOC with you in the meantime might help me to get actually..emotionally invested in it too and more driven. (Also having a thing going on on the side will more than likely push me into keeping in contact better too)

If you don’t have me on your discord, then please ask and I’ll shoot it to you and let me know if you are interested in moving it to a private matter, whether it be a private server or Google Docs or something.

I know my activity has been spotty still, and I feel like all I will say here will still sound like an excuse. Either way, let’s start off at the top.

First off, obviously I’m in college still with this being my last semester and having a full load, so keeping up on my studies is taking a lot of my time. Also amidst this I am also doing an internship at an accounting firm right now just for the tax season, though I will say that working there despite the hours being more in the middle of the day, feels like paradise compared to the depths of McHell that I worked at before. So I actually have been feeling a lot less stressed regarding work ever since this.

Honestly, sure my schedule has been making it hard for me to sit down and have time for myself, but it still doesn’t explain much of what is also going on. But in general I’ve been struggling to find myself the desire to keep up on my RPs on tumblr, I don’t know 100% why, but I think some of it could be just…lack of feeling connected?

I really feel like the stuff has potential for sure, but I’m thinking the loss and drama involving an RP partner over the entire past year (yeah, that whole thing I had ranted about before hit an..’end’ you could say) had likely been a huge blow to me RP wise. Since a lot of the things involving them were too close to my heart at the time. (Even getting the ok to just write whole drabbles involving their characters never helped, because the lure of RP is being able to see what consequences will happen from what actions you write, IE you don’t have complete control over the story and it is always more of a delight to read someone else’s input over your own.)

Either way, the loss of that and also drama prior to involving a group. It has made me afraid to try to continue things, since the group also had a RP that I got emotionally invested in and it felt like it just got…well…needless to say shit happened and I’m not explaining further. And it feeling like it consistently happens in almost anywhere, and RP starts that I get super invested in and looking forward to, even if it is planned to be a short-shot one, and well…it just gets dropped and never addressed again when it always gets to the one reply that I’m looking forward to the most/when it comes to the point where I am getting invested in it, it then just…stops. It has been making me wonder if I even should try in most areas?

That is part of it, it could also be just feeling more like a chore for the stuff here because I feel like I could get invested into it emotionally, but it never hit that point yet. But I want to find that potential as well.

I don’t know, this is just theory as to part of it. Tho I am bad now at reaching out to people because I get tired of being the one to always reach out first, you get drained of doing that when it feels like you’re the only one putting in any effort to even keep contact with that one partner.

I want to come back, I want to find the unrealized potential, but like..I don’t know how. I have seen that RPs via Discord has been easier for me to keep up and get really into, likely because of the constant communication with the mun too? But that is a solution that I know I won’t be able to keep up for every partner either.

Either way, I’m not sure what to do, giving myself a break has not helped and I know it never will at this point. But I would like to at least know of what to do to best help with this sort of situation and predicament now. Especially since there are so many stories that I have yet to tell (and also wanting to try to drabble backstory stuff but I’m still feeling like lack of the RP drive has been draining that from me too)