mood ring

If you keep excusing their behaviour there will come a point where you feel like you’re nothing without them, that you’re nothing outside of the relationship, no one else could ever want you. And you trick yourself into thinking they’re a good person and they love you because even though they made you feel the lowest you’ve been in your life, occasionally, very rarely, they’ll do one minor thing that makes you feel special and makes you feel that maybe they do care. You feel two different extremes and emotions, the highest of highs and rock bottom. And since this person is the common denominator of your best and worst emotions, you feel an extreme intimate bond to them. But it’s all a lie. Don’t fall for it. Because no one worthy of your heart would ever bring you that high just to let you down that hard.

You can’t imagine your life without them, that’s fine. But imagine all those wonderful moments and feelings, without the heartbreak. Without the betrayal. Without the mental abuse, infidelity, anxiety, degrading names, feelings of inadequacy and everything they put you through. Imagine having someone that loved you as you were, never wanted you to change for them, loved you for your flaws, not in spite of them. Someone that built you up instead of berating you every time you made a mistake. Someone that made you come out of your shell and want to give them the best in life. You wouldn’t have to walk on eggshells because you know even if you say the wrong thing, they won’t judge you for it. And because they love you that much and make you feel so comfortable and safe with them, the past wouldn’t matter anymore, suddenly you’d become yourself again and free to live life the way you always wanted. That could all be a reality, that could be your new life, if you just leave.

& you liked me cause I was blue

but you touched me

and suddenly I was a lilac sky